guess im starting to get a hold of myself. slowly picking up each fragments of shattered hope (what?!)

ok. tama na.

i happen to find my first blog ever by browsing thru my old emails. badtrip lang hindi ko na matandaan ang password. first entry dated 2004..been blogging na pala for 9 years. wow. loyalty award. read thru it again..jeez, i dont sound like myself. young. unorganized. crazy. innocent. parang hindi ako. i did change. nkakatuwa. at least now i no longer have some of those self-defeating behaviors. another blog, which i found a few months back, sounds like another self. naisip ko lang, hindi rin naman pala ko naging stagnant. ang dami nang nangyari.. yung iba paulet ulet.. kahet hindi mo sinasadya nagagawa mo paring ulitin yung mga dati mong mali.

sa isang korean novela before, queen seon dok ata ang title, i dont know if i spelled that right, pero basta, may part dun sa palabas na in a dream, the future dok man met  the young dok man. her future self hugged her current self because she knows that she's gonna have a though life ahead. wala lang. parang ganun din ang gusto kong gawin sa old self ko. tapos iniisip ko pa kung anong klaseng future self kaya ang meron ako. or kung meron pa ba ko non. i mean, walang nakakaalam.

choice nga kaya ng tao kung magiging ano sya ?may kakayahan nga kaya sya na ishape ang buhay nya sa kung anong gusto nya?

im not as young as i use to be any more. its not like i have a whole life time ahead of me. if i fail, i know i may not have the time to recover from failure. i know its not gonna be as easy...

pero alam mo, i want to make it...to get there to a life that i want for myself. i want to get there and look back and realize that i tried and made it there..basta ganun.

siguro nga may nakatakda. hindi ko rin alam. ayako nang magwonder. basta. im gonna do it. im gonna shape my life into whatever fits my taste. basta.

at least meron na akong goal. parang blueprint ng buhay na gusto ko na ang kailangan ko lang gawin ay to have it built..

kaya ko to. kakayanin ko to..wish me luck..

05:45 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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