eating a lot and sleeping a lot are the symptoms of the lonely.

i just finished a book i was reading. i feel like ive wasted yet another weekend. im suppose to review for the exams. i dont know why i seem to stop caring.

im not entirely alone. i dont know why i do not feel like i belong anywhere lately. last weekend has been busy. maybe i should always be like that just so i wouldnt have  the time to think. diversion cant cure, but at least it can relieve.

--

mom was cleaning an old desk ive used back in college. old papers and notebooks were disposed of. she got me checking some of the contents to make sure she wont be throwing away important ones. upon checking, i got hold of an old journal dated 2003. 

10 years back.. i sound the same. seemingly feels the same. i feel like ive wasted my life taking myself TOO seriously. taking every blow in life TOO personally. taking  it all in..barely releasing anything out..

i wonder if tabulas will still be here after 10 years. because i want to check if id still be the same 10 years hence.

this is the present. maybe i do have a choice to turn myself, or my life, into whatever i wanted to be..

it can be sometimes exhausting to think of a way to make things better. sometimes its easier to think that he universe,--or fate will, do all the fixing on our behalf. but ,maybe, the world, the reality, do not really work that way..

but still, who am i to know?

i am but another human being, occupying some space. borrowing some time from the universe who provided it all..

see, i just want to make it count. i mean, this life. i want to make it better. for me, for every one else. but sometimes im just so caught up within my own loneliness to be beneficial to the world.

---

{ 本} every day
{ 気分} lonely

09:16 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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