funny how human minds process excuses.. or on how procrastination works or whatever.

i woke up wanting to read the ebook that im currently reading. its 3:26pm now and so far ive done everything other than reading the book. weird.

2 days and im back to real world. nakakaumay, kailangan ko ng tubig. sighs.

nakakamiss maging bata. yung ang problema mo lang e kung gaano ka ka-bored. namimiss ko lang yung simplicity. yung peace. as i grow older, narealize ko na, if you aim for freedom, you have to give up peace. i gave up peace a long time ago. 

where should i go from here?

the idea that i can choose whatever i want exhilirates me. but the fact that i dont know what the hell that is and how the hell im gonna do it frustrates me so.

i love having choices. but i hate how making a choice makes me feel like i have no choice at all.

humans are lonely creatures. we prefer having company. it made me wonder how it would be like if i only live for myself. if i know that my choices will not affect any other people. i wonder how id live my life. i can imagine myself soaring high. free. not caring one bit.

indifference had always been a trait that stood out on me even when i was young. i remember my tita warning a newly hired helper advicing her to be careful with my brother since he's a bit short -tempered, and then said that she has nothing to worry about me since id probably just be always in my room and usually dont care.

indifference.

i think i became warmer over the years, but i can feel indifference still creeping in my veins. or was/is it really indifference or something else? i dont know.

i sought greatness when i was young. sometimes i feel like i was meant for it. years gone by and im still yet to see any trace of that greatness. now im wondering if i just imagined that all.

04:06 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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