Entries for September, 2016
since i was on leave yesterday, today is officially my first day of work for the month... And guess what? i was 1 hour and 4 mins late. thank you very much.
i completed the first 4 days of the week with only about 2 hours sleep daily. though that was still better than my insomnia nights, at least, when you dont sleep because of insomnia, you were lying in bed trying to sleep instead of elsewhere wanting to sleep but cant because you havent reached your house yet.
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we had a trip to quiapo yesterday. i took a leave to prepare for the contest but mom woke me up and told me to come with her and dad and go to quiapo. i told her i need to prepare for the contest but she bribed me with the promise of buying me a new pair of eyeglasses. eyeglasses are pricey so how can i refuse?
it took us forever to travel to the far off island of quiapo but it was worth it because you can buy glasses of better quality for less than half the price of the poor quality ones you can buy at some shops. even the ones available in major malls will be put to shame by the quality and price of the glasses in quiapo. so guys, i you can and if you need eyeglasses, try buying in quiapo. (nang aadvertise??! lol!)
in our favorite eyeglass shop, it only takes about 30 mins to have eyeglasses done. while waiting we had some food trip, shopping and of course, we passed by Quiapo Church too.
i found out that in quiapo, the exact same fancy pearl earrings ive been buying in palengke for 20 pesos per pair only cost 35 pesos... FOR 12 PAIRS!! somehow i felt cheated. i bought a dozen of medium ones (35 pesos/dozen) and a dozen of small ones (25 pesos/dozen) and a tabletful of fancy silver ones (36 pairs for 70 pesos arranged in an easy to display tablet rack --- about 2 pesos per pair). so i have new 60 pairs of earings when i only need 2.5 pairs (i have 5 ear pierce) for both ears. not very practical. and im fully aware that im actually allergic to fancy jewelries. As to what im going to do with these 60 pairs of earrings? i have no idea. lol.
we also bought the imfamous excellente ham. we are yet to eat it. i told mom that we should just eat it on sun so that kuya can taste it to. i wont be home on sunday, but maybe we can have it by dinner coz, id probably be home by then.
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a few days back (wedneday), i club hopped in ma**life to practice for the contest. i remember jay saying something like "when club hopping no longer means tugs tugs..." in our world, club hopping means going to other tm club, to observe, deliver speech or whatever. for me, it sounds more fun than the tugs tugs type of club hopping. i wonder if that sounds workaholic.
g and mentor brought nerriah with them. she's the representative of their other club for the evaluation contest. she won for area 5(if im not mistaken) and she will be competing with me. ive always been the type who will join anything with an aim to win. but i never really see myself as someone competitive and one of the reasons for that is that i never really focus on the people im gonna compete with. i think that helps in making a more friendly environment in a competition.
nerriah was this sweet and mild mannered girl. it wasnt the first time ive met her. she club hopped in our club back when we had our club contest. i met her next at the area contest where i congratulated her when she won in her area. so this was the 3rd time. i think she's nice. im glad that g and mentor brought her along because for one, i had someone whom i can go to the cr with. lol. but she's such a darling. maybe we have been good friends in our past life because i really like her.
tomorrow's the contest. right now i feel neutral about this. maybe because im feeling the effect of coke zero in my stomach (oh, damn you, GERD, damn you!) and since i cant multitask, i cant really feel both sick and nervous at the same time. right now, the need to throw up overpowers the nervous feeling.
another thing is that g mentioned that if a contestant wins, whether his/her airfare to davao and entrance fee for midcon will be shouldered by the district or not depends on the director. if i win and found out that i have to shoulder any of the expenses, i might not be able to go (yes, i am that poor right now, T_T). that could complicate the situation. and i hate complicated things.. so i guess im ok with not winning if that's the case... although this too could be the coke zero effect. i dont know.
whatever happens, i think ill be taking g and mentor's advice this time. "enjoy lang"...
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screening for Ricky Lee's script writing workshop on Sun. I dont have any idea on how the screening would go. it would have been more fun if yang can come too, but she cant. the day before that would be a long day with the contest and tita remy's birthday and all. mejo tinatamad ako.. but i guess im coming..
10:56 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
By the end of the party, there were dancing.
We told u we were leaving.
You said, "mamaya na"
Then you said, "ui, criss, isayaw mo si mel, isasayaw ko si zah... "
So with your hands in mine, we sort-of danced (sort-of because I don't know if u can call what I did, dancing).
...
Contest over. Hindi ako nanalo. Nalulungkot din ako about it. Lalo na ngat Alam ko n mas magiging masaya si g if mananalo rin ako.
Pero mahirap kasing maging completely n malungkot kung kasama kita...
...
Harot mo te. Lol.
...
But then, now it's sinking in. Sh*t, I lost.
09:24 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I woke up reading Sir Dean's fb post and shedded a few drops of tears. Good tears. Wala lang. Naalala ko kasi yung pangarap ko. Yung maging katulad ako ni Dean.
I called the office last night. Told them I can't go to work. It's been three days since the back of my head has been feeling heavy like it's about to explode. I'm planning to see the doctor today.
The last weekend had been full of activities. Yesterday, after battling against laziness, I went to Ricky Lee's screening for this free script writing workshop he is about to conduct this Nov. Met up with Yang. Good thing, she was able to go. I saw Celine too (hello, Celine!!) !! I'm glad I went there. I enjoyed the screening. They made us write a story using the 6 elements provided. Natuwa lang ako sa naisulat Kong story.
It was a letter. It started with "dear gabby" and the letter tells the whole story. It was a love story. Love triangle actually. I dont want to get to the details as I intend to write it again. I don't always love the things I write but I really love the outcome of this one. Nakaainis lang, dapat pala pinicturean ko muna bago ko pinasa. Now I don't have a copy.
After writing the story, nagkaron ng interview which I enjoyed a lot. Said there were 4000 people who initially joined. 2000 were left after the first screening.. From that 2000 and thousands more of walk in participants only 30 to 40 peopxle will be chosen. Sabi nga ng faci namin, pag Hindi ka napili, Hindi ibig sabihin wala kang kakayahan magsulat. Sadyang marami lang talagang sumali. I don't know if I'd be chosen but I'm really glad I went. I realized that I really love writing. I just hope I can have a copy of the story that I wrote there. Ugh! Bat kasi Hindi ko pinicturan. Huhu.
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Mom and dad will be leaving to go to surigao tonight to fix mom's birth certificate. They might be staying there for a couple of weeks or so. Mom hired a helper so that someone will wash my clothes and pick me up from work. I miss my mom already. I know, that doesn't sound so adult, right?
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I've been distracted for the past weeks and months. But now I remember. Why I do the things I do or how I painfully cut off things in my life to pursue my dreams. I now remember and I feel both happy and scared at the same time. Thank you, sir Dean for reminding me. Now, I'm ready to get up and pursue it again (but I think I have to see the doctor first).
09:40 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
today is my second day to go to work for the month of september. i was 41 minutes late. grabe consistent ako. ugh!
mom and dad left for the airport last night. mom called me at around 5am to say that they reached Butuan. i didnt know that things could be this hard in the house without them around.
for one, dad's dog, mongee (she's the only offspring of my late dog, thangs) cannot sleep and will not shut up about it unless she's in my parents room. before parents left, they left the dog in my room and from then she kept whining wanting to get out. for world peace, we (the dog and i) tranferred to parents' room. good thing the dog was able to shut up and sleep, but the bad thing was that i wasnt. parents bed was too big and too springy.. i dont know how long can i last sleeping there just to make the dog shut up. gawd! said it will take mom and dad about a couple of weeks before getting back to our house.. oh, wish me luck.
my head pulsates. the doc yesterday said it was migraine. he prescribed pain reliever. i was never a fan of pain relievers but im glad a bought a couple. it was pricey so i make sure i only drink it only once i reached my pain threshold. just reached it about 10 mins ago. takteng migraine to, ikakamamatay ko na ba to?
i liked my doctor yesterday. unlike most of my previous doctors he didnt bombard me with dozens of meds to drink. he only gave me one. nakakatawa lang, everytime nalang na nagpapa doctor ako parang hindi nawawala sa recommendation ang pag-aasawa.. sheeesh.. grabe kayo... siguro dapat na pe pressure na ko by now no?
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ang tahimik ng mundo ko bigla (not literally).. nakaka feeling lost pala yung after ng kaguluhan, bigla nalang tatahimik. ano nga yung gagawin ko from here? hindi ko maalala. naalala kong nagsusulat ako ng libro.. at naalala ko rin na yung notebook na pinagsusulatan ko ng draft ko e mag dadalawang linggo nang nawawala. pero ok lang rin naman. i can start over again. sa tingin ko gusto ko rin naman simulan nalang ulet sa umpisa.. gusto ko nga gumawa nalang ng ibang topic. kaso kung puro nalang ako simula, ano pang matatapos ko?
ang tahi tahimik.. nakakabingi. nakakamiss pala yung magulo.
two weeks pa bago ang tm meeting. namimiss ko na yung mga taong gumulo ng buhay ko. dapat siguro sumusulat na ko ng bsp5. wala akong gana. i was done asking what i did wrong and i already know the answer. ok narin naman talaga saken lahat.. namimiss ko lang sila. ayun lang naman. ang weird ng ganitong feeling.
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isang buwan pa daw bago mag dedecide si sir ricky at ang team nia sa kung sinong mapipili. gusto ko na malaman ang result para makapag move on na.. ang tagal ng 1 month.
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ang bilis ng panahon. we're down to the last quarter of the year... ano na, z? ano na?
10:32 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
my heart wont stop racing.
..
i think i found it is that i love
unfortunately, it's not a person..
....
i cant wait to be with my kind.
though, really, im not that convinced that i am actually one of them.
but my heart screams for this so much so that i cant think of anything else anymore.
....
so many reasons to rejoice.
so many reasons to jump out of the bed in the morning.
so many dreams left to pursue.
well, i am scared too.
of not making it,
of emerging as a big failure.
but then i know i cant just stop here, right?
...
at sa dinami dami ng mga bagay na gusto kong marating at maabot...
hindi ko maisip kung paano ko ba maisisingit dito ang pag aasawa. haha!
10:36 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
was reading GMA news' fb post about "train to busan" having a sequel. was browsing the comments thread when i came accross a comment that says how the movie was overrated blah blah blah. syempre maraming nagalit dun sa comment. it made me lol when one of the responses to that comment said, "GUYS DRUG LORD YAN". LOL!
ibang level talaga ang humor ng pinoy.
but behind the joke though... jeez, i wonder if we're starting to see deaths of addicts and pushers normal already. i found it quite bothering. im also bothered by how people now seem to think that it's acceptable to shame other people when their views differ from theirs. it seems like our new definition of patriotism is now attacking people who support the other camp. red vs yellow. yellow vs red. i thought the election ended 4 months ago. im not so sure if the aquinos are as bad as they are being portrayed these days. But if there's one thing id like to give them credit for, it is that at least they were able to unite the Filipino people in EDSA. Unlike ngayon...
hmmmm...gawa kaya ko ng speech out of this???
kaso nakakatamad.
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masyado kasing random yung invitation, i thought what he would ask next would be "open minded ka ba?"... so i joked about it and.... yeah.. heard the hurt in his tone...
wait, did i just sabotage my love social life right there????!!leche flan. ugh!
01:47 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
hello friday!
ive spent the day binge watching sarah kay in youtube... ang galing nia. ive been particularly interested with the way she do her gestures and facial expressions since ill be needing that in my next speech project (which is due 2 weeks from now). but other than that, she's an absolute genius. grabe, ang galing nia...
will i ever become like that?? aside from being really good at what she does i saw in her website that she's doing a lot of other projects too. some are humanitarian in nature, serving the world and making a difference using her talents. nice right? will i ever be like that??
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TM friday tonight. im not coming. since mom and dad left for surigao, it has been pretty stressful at the house. brother is out in cavite doing work and i cannot go home late since sis-in-law and kaitlyn will be left in the house on their own with only our helper, who's a bit deaf, at their aid. plus some of our dogs are refusing to eat unless it's i who feeds them. i just cant let them starve until about past 11, right? it saddens me that im not coming. the last time i went to our meeting was 4 weeks ago and the next meeting is still 2 weeks away. feeling ko nakalimutan ko na kung paano mag speech..i wish mom and dad will go home already.
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tita bebeng 60th birthday tomorrow. she will be having a debut like party and we are invited. since brother will not be home until late sat night, i dont think we can make it. but one of tita bebeng's daughters, kathy wants me to come at least.
sabi nila, ang salary mo daw e average ng salary ng 5 people na madalas mong kasama. i wonder if same goes for the looks. tita bebeng's daughters are very beautiful people. it might not hurt to hang out with them a bit. pwede naman siguro akong pumunta... kaso..
ewan ko. im all hermit mode on since the week started. not exactly on my best mood and right now, all i really want to do is to stay home.
but on the second thought, i remember tita bebeng once told me she'll introduce me to this single dude she knows from their church back when i joked about her introducing me to single guys she knows as a charity work for my love life. again, i swear, i was just joking. but yeah, she took it seriously... and judging from how kathy was so keen in making me come, maybe their plotting something in there. just a hunch though. i dont know. well, ok lang naman. bahala kayo. im actually cool about anything.
sa ngayon tinatamad lang ako. pagod at walang kagana gana sa buhay. a clear sign of PMS, really. just give me a few days and ill be fine. so maybe i have to pass on this party party thingy. pero, sayang rin yung mga pwede kong ma meet dun di ba?? haha! jeez.
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know what...
i still like the sound of your name (even just inside my head)...
..
takte, im being poetic.. kasalanan to ni sarah kay...
03:57 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
she bought kilos of papaya with the thought of him. he loves atchara. so she spent the day grating papaya with her hands. she carefully peeled and cutted and grated all the other ingredients there is. she added the seasoning with care and an additional handful of love. it was all a work of love and labor...
i listened as he shouted at her. she doesnt deserve that. i heard her shouting back. he heard anger and rebellion. i heard hurt and sadness and pain and....
she doesnt deserve that.
....
i never saw my parents fight. they made it their mission never to involve us, their children, in their fight so i dont really know what to do at times like this.
i hugged my kaitlyn tight wondering if i will ever see her grow up... how long will i last not hearing her calling me tita...
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it's a tuesday. one week more before parents will come back home from the province. my whole body hurts. i bathed the dogs last sat i didnt know bathing dogs can be that hard. promise, para kang nag gym.
im dead sleepy and im feeling a bit sad today. im suppose to write my bsp5 but i dont know where can i get the motivation to do so. nalulungkot ako.
i just came from a long weekend. i thought i can somehow have some rest but what happened was far different.
the helper that mom hired to help me out is even adding to my escalating stress level. im ok that she's deaf. im ok if she cant do much since she's old and since she cant really get near our dog(which are like wild animals, tiger levels, when dealing with strangers). ang ayoko lang e yung mga banat nya. mild lang naman. pero sa dami nag aaccumulate at nakaka irita na.
like one time she told me, "magpakain ka na ng aso, gabi na."--- wow! really sometimes i forgot who's paying who. tas pag sinabihan ko syang maghanda ng pagkain ng aso, she would go like, "mamaya na maaga pa."---nakakahiya talaga sayo, ate.
and then, one time i heard her asking brother, "bakit si (insert my name here), hindi naglalaba."--- fyi, that's what you're here for.
and then another, she said, "samen yung mga aso hindi pinapapasok sa bahay pag umuulan kasi mabaho."--- translation, "dapat hindi nio pinapapasok sa loob ang aso nio dahil ang baho."--- my response was, "pamilya po kasi tingin namin sa aso." when what i really wanted to say was, "pamilya po kasi namin yung aso, ikaw hindi. gusto mo ikaw nalang sa labas?"---sa totoo lang pag naiinvolve ang aso ko, umiinit lalo ang ulo ko.
hindi pa kasama dian yung sangkaterba niang reklamo at sa kung gaano kailangan daw ng anak nia ng tulong. pati nga si kaitlyn kino-compare nia pa sa apo nia. alam ko namang maldita talaga ang pamangkin ko, pero really, pati bata?? at least maganda si kaitlyn... sa apo mo, hindi ako sure... whatevs.
sighs.. i wish parents will come back sooner. gahibla nalang ang natitira sa sanity at patience ko...
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it wasnt a good week. but, hey, here's another week. let's hope for the best.
crossing fingers and toes...
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PS: i feel sorry Senator Leila de Lima. Now that they kicked her out as the cjhr chair, i wonder who else will stand up for all the killings. well, im all for the war against drugs too.. but do we have to kill them? besides, this is a flawed system. as someone who lives in SJDM where majority of the drug-related killings happened, nakakatakot kaya. i mean, it's easy to be mistaken as a drug addict or pusher or drug lord. it could be you. it could be me. or our loved ones... and once you're dead, you're dead.
the last time may dinukot sa lugar namin na isang babae at isang lalaki ng white van na walang plate number. they were both found dead. mom saw the news and she kept reminding us to watch out for that white van. i feel scared for my family. for myself. we can all become victim and we dont even know how drugs look like.
hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ang dali dali lang para sa napakaraming tao para tanggapin ito bilang tama. siguro kasi sawa narin sila sa kaguluhan. naiintindihan ko naman e. matagal nga naman na gamutin ang sugat ng lipunan. so instead of healing the sickness of our society, let's kill them instead. why bother to cure if we can eliminate them? easier. short cut. no hassle. so pag kunyari isa ka lang harmless na nunal ng lipunan tas napagkamalan kang tumor at napatay ka, e di sorry. this is all for the greater good naman e. thank you very much. erm, ganun ba yun? ewan ko. sana naiintindihan ko nalang din ang pinanggagalingan nio para pati ako, masaya rin sa mga nangyayari. ewan.
i guess our new chair will be busy not in defending human rights of the involved but in covering up the issue of extra judicial killings. dapat siguro yung buong committee nalang ang inabolish. kasi para saan pa? parang lokohan nalang rin naman e.
sighs...
and oh... that "international media destabilizing pdut's administration" sh*ts--- hindi ko gets. are they even serious?
11:12 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
j-holiday no work yesterday.
as i grew older i realized that my patience and tolerance for any form of drama is getting thinner to nonexistence.
the helper, all of a sudden, went crying yesterday and when asked why, she refused to talk to anyone. that angered sister-in-law while i, on the other hand, proceeded to mind my own business and pretended that she (the helper) doesnt exist. promise, mabait pa ko neto.
just a few days to endure and she can go back to wherever she belongs. i cant and wont spare even a tiniest portion of my sympathy or empathy or patience or whatever for someone with that kind of attitude.
or siguro sadyang wala lang talaga akong panahon at pasensya sa kahet anong klase ng drama, period.
12:20 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
10:38 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
speech on fri. in the hope of expressing my frustration about the govt and politics-related stuff in a very subtle way, i ended up writing something about Lee, the prince... it's been a long time since i lived that fairytale life.. nakakamiss parin pala.
i included dialogs in my speech and no matter how i tried i cant seem to remember lee's voice anymore. i even watched some of our videos taken eons ago pero hindi ko parin macatch yung accent nia. i tried youtube all to no avail.ginamit ko kasi yung malaysian expression na "lah" sa speech ko at hindi ko talaga maalala kung pano ba yun sinasabi ni lee before... kung tutuusin, ok lang naman, na o-awkwardan lang akong sabihin yun kung alam kong mali yung pagkakabigkas ko. i was about to give up until i had a brilliant idea.
bff is in malaysia, right? bat di ko ba naisip to kagad? i asked her to have some dude in her office to record the exact dialog with that dude's voice using his local accent. i just recieved the file. ang galing! i hope mabigyan ko ng hustisya ang effort ni bff at nung dude at effort ko narin para hanapin ang tamang accent.
naaliw lang ako. i use to toy about the idea of working in malaysia too because bff's there and things could be 10x more fun when we're together. what prevented me from going before was because of my dog thangs who had the habit of getting sick whenever i fail to go home for more than a week... now that there's no more thangs.. maybe i can go right??
sa kakapanood ko ng malaysian related vids sa youtube, bigla akong naaliw sa malaysians... so.. why not?
..
sh*t bigla ko na naman namiss si thangs. i guess one can never really recover from a loss, noh? siguro natututunan lang naten to live with it.
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one week more and it's october. i plan to start a project ill be calling project31. 31 kasi may 31 days ang october and i plan to write 1 poem per day for 31 days. wala lang. to exercise my creative juju. ganern. tsaka nainspire din ako kay sarah kay. if i like what i wrote maybe ill post it here. im actually looking forward to this. : )
11:06 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
my hair reached an awkward length.
..
now i am a very awkward girl with a very awkward hair.
thank you very much.
10:48 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I hate this poem.
wahuhu! tissue please..
I miss you thangs... :' (
image source: http://www.unconditionallovefoundation.org
09:22 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
