Thursday. December 7, 2017

Nakanaide

4 na oras kong tiniis ang wiwi ko para matapos ko yung ginagawa kong online shop. Naalala ko nung una akong nagtayo ng online shop. Akala ko non, mabebenta na parang hotcakes ang paninda ko. 4 failed online businesses later, now i know better. Nakakatakot. Pero at least alam ko sa sarili ko na sinusubukan ko parin.

Maganda ring diversion pag busy. This is the only thing that's keeping me from crying. Pero siguro ang luha na gustong lumabas, dapat pinapalabas. Parang jebs? 2-3 hours ang byahe ko pauwi. Ang hirap maging busy pag nasa loob ka ng bus so mahirap pigilang mag-isip. Ang hirap hindi umiyak. Ang nakakainis sa luha e yung pag may pumatak n na isa, magsusunuran na yung iba. Tas kahit magmakaawa ka na, "tama na please. Awat na," tutulo parin sila. Naiinggit ako sa mga taong pag umiyak e pagkapunas ng luha, parang wala nang nangyari. Hindi kasi ganun saken. Pag umiyak ako, 30 minutes na lumipas, mukha parin akong bagong iyak. Worst part e the following day, mamaga yung mata ko at magmumukha akong frog. Timing, may yearend party kami bukas.

Halfway na ko ng byahe ayaw parin paawat ng mata ko. Unli? Bakit ba ko umiiyak?

I sent my message and was met with silence. It wasn't the first time and I'm not the type who would demand reaction to anyone. I guess what's painful was that I knew that this won't be the last and that maybe this will always be like this from now on. I remembered the louder days. I guess that was what's making me cry. See, I'm crying again. Putek.

I've been in situations way tougher, pero ayoko ng ganito. Tumitiklop talaga ko sa ganito. The last time I felt like this, I left. Hindi ko kasi talaga kaya yung ganito. But i can't leave now. I can't leave prematurely because that would cause suspicions, it might make things worst. I have to stay put for the next three months and it's killing me already.

I already told the Heavens. I've already done everything in my power to fix things. Now, He have to do the rest I guess.

I wish that He will also make me stop crying. I hate how I have so very little control of my tear ducts.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:02 PM.

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