Entries for February, 2018


Thursday, February 1, 2018

悲しみ

Waiting for the "kalaban" who hasn't come yet. I cant watch K/Jdramas in peace. I just finished "Yamada-kun to shichinin no majo" yesterday and I'm looking for a new one to watch.

Was judging based on genre and comments. I was particularly struck when a comment thread was discussing about how Jdramas are better compared to Kdramas when it comes to the 'slice of life' kind of series. I totally agree. A commenter said though that he's watching to escape reality, and if he wants to learn something about life, he wouldve watched his own life or his family's instead. I was thinking the same thing.

Maybe that's why Hwayugi.

Maybe that's why Goblin.

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Red days suck. Making me unnecessarily emo.

Scared about a few things too. I know.

But I guess, what will come will come. We just have to face it when it does... and then let it pass from there.

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Super blue blood moon last night. Mom announced, so i was able to watch. The moon is a star too, right? Sabi nila, when you wish upon a star daw, it will always come true. Lalo na nga't special ang moon last night. I still want the same thing. I just want to go away...

Escape reality, huh?

I cant wait to watch the next ep of Hwayugi.

{ mood } sad


Written by cinderellaareus at 01:56 PM.

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Saturday, February 3, 2018

Sankaku

Beside me is the guy I like. His height about 5 inches higher than mine, just exactly how i wish my man would be.

I like his hair brushed up. Makes him look neat and gwapo.

Though I also like it when he wears white, I guess he can never go wrong with black.

He's tough, but can be soft too on rare occasions. When he's angry, his eyes will look like burning. I once saw them reflect tenderness though. It was like watching a storm calming down. I loved the sight of it.

Then on my other side was another. A swift glance of him makes me say to myself, "woah, gwapo naman nito..."

With eyeglasses or not, in suits or not, he's often like that. Gwapo.

But he's not only gwapo. He's also kind, gentle. He takes care of the people around him. He keeps you on the safe side of the road when you two are walking. Sensitive to the needs of everyone. Nice.

He can be masungit sometimes. Mapang-asar too. I also like that side of him though.

If only my life is a Korean drama, it would've made a perfect love triangle

Where two amazing men like the heroine of the story (me)...

And not each other.


Written by cinderellaareus at 12:07 PM.

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Saturday, February 3, 2018

Osoraku

I feel sorry.

But maybe feeling sorry is a form of love in itself.

If caring comes, maybe loving is just a few steps behind.

Maybe time and efforts can make things change...

...

But until then, I guess we don't really have to hurt each other unnecessarily.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:35 PM.

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Thursday, February 8, 2018

Tsumaranai hou ga ii

It's taking so much of me to prevent myself from going to NBS' book binge bazaar starting tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I'd go bankrupt if I do. Oh Gawd... T_T

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Kaitlyn's sick for 2 days now. I feel sick myself too. I wonder if caught Kaitlyn's fever. Or maybe I'm just feeling lazy. It's really hard to tell the difference, you know.

Sabi sa nabasa ko, kung employer ka looking for someone to hire, pick someone who has integrity, talent/intelligence and high ambition daw. Pero kung wala kang choice and you really need to pick someone without integrity, just make sure that he's stupid and really really lazy. Bottom line is, mejo suicide para sa company mo yung someone na smart and highly ambitious tas walang integrity. I think, this makes sense.

I no longer question my integrity at this point in my life. Matalino at talented din naman ako... Sabi ng nanay ko. But then I also know how I tend to very very lazy at times, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to humanity.

I realize too that I'm at my happiest when I work...

So... Ano na?

Shucks... Nakakatamad.

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Lately, araw araw akong nagpapasalamat sa Langit for how boring my life is. Ibig sabihin kasi, my family is okay, no one is very very sick and we don't have any earth shattering problems.

I thank God, my life is boring.


Written by cinderellaareus at 08:36 AM.

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Sunday, February 11, 2018

Tables

You used to intentionally flirt with other girls only to ask me afterwards, "nasasaktan ka ba?" which I found rather childish. But now that you're actually hiding it from me is making me all suspicious.

Then there's this other woman too. Hearts, those reactions, her choice of words... There's no way I wouldn't notice. I'm a woman too. I know what innocent gestures look like. Jeez, nakakapikon.

Pak this. Ayoko na nga.

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Area contest yesterday. 2 of our contestants placed 1st runner up. It saddened me a bit kasi we won't be having representatives for the division contest. But on the brighter side, at least I will be able to spend my precious Saturday morning, sleeping.

I can't believe 2 years had passed since I joined our club. Sometimes it feels like I've changed a lot. Sometimes it feels like I didn't change at all.

Whenever I meet people, I always assume that that person will forget about me kung one time lang naman kami magkikita. So I don't really make pansin these people since I'm assuming they don't remember me.

I arrived at the contest venue with a girl smiling, waving at me. I tentatively waved back. It was only when she started having a little talk that I realized ako talaga yung kausap nya. Can you imagine how painful it was for me to ask her, "ano ngang pangalan mo?" Well the pain will make me remember her name for all eternity after that though.

.....

At the room where the contest was held, I was sitting at the back, wiping my sweat from climbing up the stairs, when a boy waved at me. I tentatively waved back thinking, "ako ba kinakawayan neto?" When he asked, "hindi ka sasali sa contest?" i had to point to myself to confirm if he's talking to me. He nodded and stood up from his seat and sat beside me. Then another dude from their club joined him and the 3 of us had a little chat.

What didn't change is that I still find talking to strangers stressful.

What changed is that, at least now, I'm talking.

A lot more talks and waving followed after that. I wasn't at all bad though.

.....

I remember the man, but I was too lazy to wave or anything. He instead came up to me, stretching his hand for a handshake.

"I remember you from last year's contest. I really enjoyed your presentation," he said.

If my speech was really that good, edi sana nanalo na ko. Pero kahit hindi naman talaga ako naniniwala, nakakataba parin ng puso na isang taon na ang lumipas pero may nakakaalala parin sakin at sa speech ko. Promise, muntik ko na sya i-hug after that.

Two years had passed. Totoong hindi bawat araw ay sunshines and rainbows, pero natutuwa parin ako na I found Toastmasters.

Maybe I changed. Maybe I didn't. Kung tutusin, gusto ko naman ang sarili ko before, and gusto ko parin ang sarili ko ngayon. Nagbabago lang ng konti, pero in my core, ako parin naman ako.

More than myself, yung situation ko lang naman talaga ang gusto kong baguhin.

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Will be out of the cage for the next three days. I will be back by Thursday. I was actually looking forward to this until I started not feeling well. 

Handa naman akong gumapang if I have to, pero sana naman, wala akong lagnat bukas.


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:14 PM.

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Friday, February 16, 2018

Ms. Chill

Been out of the cage since the week started. To say that I'm exhausted is an understatement.

Just got back to cage last Thurs. When Partner saw me, he immediately reported, "za*i*a no koto ga suki no hito ga iru"—or something that goes to that line. Today, someone actually announced it using a more understandable language. They're probably just joking. I still feel sorry for the guy. He can't seem to look at me since then.

Naalala ko lang bigla si Mr. Chill. Maybe what made me like him then was because we're somewhat alike. Chill. I wonder how it would be like if I'd actually end up with the first person that I've ever asked the Heavens for.


Written by cinderellaareus at 09:55 PM.

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