Beta
Friday: July 20, 2018



It's Friday. It's raining and I'd love to have champorado. I wonder why I ended with a frappuchino.

A day has gone. I'm moving on.

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TM meeting later. I won't be attending and I'm not happy about it. Parents will be having a lab checkup tomorrow. I can't make them wait for me until midnight since lack of sleep might cause discrepancies to their results. I'm willing to just book a hotel and sleep somewhere near Timog just to be able to attend the meeting if only I'm not too broke.

Brother's birthday tomorrow too. Not attending tonight is probably the best decision talaga. I intentionally announced my absence just to make sure I won't change my mind last minute and do something stupid like booking a hotel when I don't have the money or something. I just miss TM. I miss speaking. I miss my friends. 

I did see Gabby, Ivan and Jay yesterday. I joined them club hopping in a TM club near Cubao, just 2 stations away from work. All good. Though I got my least favorite role, I enjoyed it a lot. Something bothered me though...

I was the grammarian. In our club, we call it "language evaluator". I know this role is not really my forte so I gave them a heads up. I told them that my course in college was engineering where we were focused on Math and that during my English classes, I was just sleeping. 

After my stint, the GE said, I don't look like an engineer daw. It was the first time someone said that to me so I was taken aback. I've been in TM for 2 years. I know people there will never insult anyone right on the meeting. I was thinking maybe the GE meant it as a compliment. Hindi ko lang maisip kung paano so I had to ask, "is that a good thing?" 

I was yet to receive an answer when someone else seconded, oo nga daw, I don't look like an engineer. At that time I was so confused I can almost see question marks hovering on top of my head.

"Why?"

Clearly, they were speaking English but I felt like it was a whole different language. If you tell someone from my college friends that they don't look like an engineer, I'm pretty sure they will take it as an insult. I wonder what "you don't look like an engineer" means in their language. It didn't help that someone even asked, "were you just forced to take that course?"

I pressed on because I wanted to get an answer, "is that a good thing?" Sadly, the answer never came.

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When I looked back in what I've been through in my life, na realize ko na majority ng problema ko sa buhay, I created myself. But come to think of it, because of that, I have a lot of good stories to tell.

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I was browsing Sis Mayi's timeline when a came across Doc Didoy's (her husband) message for her last Mother's day. I was so moved a tear escaped. Take note, hindi ako iyakin.

Aside from household chores, I'm pretty much self reliant. I know I'm good on my own and I used to be scared of being binded by someone else's rules and approval out of being in a relationship.

But I think it's really nice to have someone else's back. To be the foundation behind someone's success. You see, all my life I'm mostly the Alpha in anywhere I go. I want to have someone I'd be willing to be a Beta for.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:32 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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