Entries for November, 2020



Modotta
日曜日: November 1, 2020



I had been off work for 4 days, until I got back yesterday. Iba na pala ang process ng MIM. Basta may mga nagbago sa trabaho.

Sabi sa librong nabasa ko, hindi daw healthy para sa tao ang hindi nagta trabaho. Sa tingin ko, totoo yun.

Antamad ko no?

Ewan ko. Siguro iba yung tamad sa tinatamad.

Hindi ako tamad. Tinatamad lang. At kahit tinatamad ako, lagi ko pating ginagawa yung best ko.

Tapos? Ewan ko ulet.

Alam mo ba, I spend most of my waking hours inside my head. I do one thing, but my head is elsewhere. With this, I feel like I'm not fully living. Kaya lately, I've been trying to get out of my head and actually live the moment. Ang hirap. Takte, ang hirap. Laging lumilipad yung isip ko instead of paying attention to what's actually happening. May ADD ba ko?

Nung college, meron kaming kaibigan na laging hyper. Para syang may ADHD. One time, another friend instructed her to hold a leaf, and her only task is to focus on that leaf for about a few minutes. Grabe, wala pang 5 seconds sumuko na sya.

Sa tingin ko kaya ko naman mag focus sa dahon ng mga isa o dalawang minuto.

I just want to calm my mind down. I do have ulterior motive.

See, yung mind daw kasi, parang tubig. Pag calm ang water, even if you just lightly touch it, the effect will create ripples. 

Pero sa turbulent water, kahit maghagis ka ng refrigerator sa tubig, it wouldn't make so much difference.

Feeling ko pag kalmado ang isip ko, I can manifest all the things that I want out of life effortlessly. 

And it wouldn't be dangerous because I am a good person and I can be trusted.

And even if I turn out to be a bad person, I don't think I'd create so much damage, because as you know, I'm very lazy.

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Our bathroom is done. This ends our house's renovation. Hindi ko na kailangang ubusin ang leave ko dahil lang sa nahihiya akong sumagot ng calls habang nag babarena or nag we welding ang mga workers sa bahay namin. 

I liked how the bathroom turned out. Ako ang namili ng color ng tiles. It could've looked even better kung available yung style na gusto ko initially.

Magpapagawa ako ng sarili kong bahay soon. Hahanap ng muna ako ng lupa. Ok lang kahit maliit at hindi kagandahan ang ipapagawa kong bahay, basta maganda at malaki ang banyo. Pangarap ko kasi talaga yung bahay na maganda ang banyo.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:49 PM.

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Dull
土曜日: November 7, 2020



Today is my nephew's christening. Brother's in-laws are here. I am upstairs in my room, working.

By "working", I meant staring at my pc, clicking the "ctrl" key from time to time to prevent my PC from locking up. I have finished all my tickets less than 5 minutes after my shift started. I only had 3.

Yesterday,  I asked my mom to cut my hair. This is the shortest that my hair has gotten in a while. My head feels lighter now, and it doesn't look bad at all.

I've been meaning to complain about life, you know. But if you're blessed with so much and you still feel like complaining, what does that make you?

I don't know where this dissatisfaction is coming from.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:51 AM.

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Saikidou
月曜日: November 9, 2020



6 hours into today's shift,  and I already restarted my PC about 8 times. Kalahati ng shift ko was spent having system issue. Tokwa, sira na ata to. Huhu.

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Napanaginipan ko yung dati kong TL last night. In the dream, he's already dead na daw. He even left a letter. I've read the letter in the dream but I can't remember the contents. Basta ang alam ko, hindi tapos yung letter. Pag gising ko, antagal ko munang nag isip to figure out na buhay na buhay pa sya.

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Paker, ang tagal marestart ng pc ko. T_T



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:45 PM.

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Mata yume
火曜日: November 10, 2020



Another wierd dream spent looking for Nini. I woke up without being able to find her in the dream. Her husband, Tope, was there too.

Tapos merong hayop dun with a head of a cute white dog, pero yung body nya, log. As in kahoy from puno, ganern. The creature was a weird kind of cute. Hinabol pa ko nung half dog/half log.

Lol.

Ang wirdo na naman ng panaginip ko.

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Watching Record of Youth. 5 eps palang and, tokwa, nakakakilig. Ang effortless magpakilig ng dalawang to. Ang cutie pie ni Park Bo Gum. Hottie rin ng guy na 2nd lead. Kung mangyayari siguro to in real life, kawawa yung girl. I mean, realistically, can you say 'no' to either of these men? Srsyly?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:27 AM.

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Shitsumon ga aru
火曜日: November 10, 2020



So, I'll be bringing my PC to the office tomorrow to have it fixed onsite. With this, I have 3 questions: 

1. May pamasahe ba ko?

2. Kasya pa ba pants ko?

3. Saan nga office namin?

Boy, I'm not looking forward to this.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:27 PM.

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Uly
木曜日: November 12, 2020



Brown out mula kaninang madaling araw. Kaninang umaga, nawalan na rin ng tubig. Syempre walang WIFI. May data naman ako, but I need to conserve my phone's battery. 56% left.

May mga lumipad na yero. Pinasok din ng tubig ulan yung kwarto ko at kwarto nila mama. Basa pa rin ang sahig.

My niece is playing with her dad sa sala. I just want a dry and quiet place to sit. Wala akong matambayan. Ang ingay. Ang init. Nakakairita.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:19 PM.

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Brown
金曜日: November 13, 2020



47 hours ng brown out. Nung kabataan ko, pag brown out, minsan lumalabas kami ng bahay para mag kwentuhan ng nakakatakot.

Pumunta kami ng esem kanina. Balak kong na charge ng cellphone sa coffee shop. Nagdala na rin ako ng extension. Yung maliit, para di naman garapal, pero kasya tatlong socket.

Pag dating ko, yun cbtl na di nmn npupuno dati e punong puno today. Tas kada poste ng esem n may power source, may tumpok ng tao na nakiki charge. Naisip din nilang magdala ng extension, but most of them didn't bother to be descreet. May nagcha charge pa nga ng electric fan. Lol.

Ok lang. Can't bring myself to judge. Crisis e. Nakikicharge din nmn kami. Had a few talks with people there. Naaliw din naman ako. Natuwa nga ko sa extension nung nakasama naming mag charge, may usb port. Tumatanda na nga ata ako. Ngayon ko lang nalam na meron na palang usb port ang mga extension ngayon.

Kung nangyari to 5 to 10 years ago, hindi siguro ganito ang reaction ng mga tao. Siguro 2 days of brownout wouldn't be so much of a big deal kung hindi natin natutunan to rely so much on gadgets at internet.

Alam mo ba, ngayon nalang ako ulet nagbasa ng libro. I would've spent this day binge watching on Netflix kung di lang brownout.

It's not really so bad. Mejo nakakapagtaka lang na may ilaw na sa kanto. That's just about 10 blocks away from us.

As of the moment, 49% nalang ang battery ng cp ko. I wasn't able to have it fully charged, kasi by 4pm, pinapaalis na kami ng guard. If this brown out will continue tomorrow, hindi ako makakapasok sa trabaho. I hope I'd have enough battery left by then to at least inform our TL that I couldn't work. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:40 PM.

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Jinx
日曜日: November 15, 2020



What a week!

Ilang araw na nagfi freeze ang pc ko, so I took a leave last Wednesday para pumunta sa office to have it fixed onsite.

Same day, kinagabihan, bumagyo, nag brown out, nilipad Yung bubong, pinasok ng tubig ang kwarto at nakalas ang metro ng Meralco.

Kinabukasan, wala paring ilaw, sumunod na yung tubig.

4 days na nawalan ng kuryente. Habang brown out, bumagsak yung cellphone ko sa hagdan at nabasag.

Pinapalitan ko ng Lcd kanina. Bumalik na ang kuryente at akala ko magiging maayos na ang lahat.

Tapos ayon, walang internet. May issue daw ang Converge. Just when I though I can manage since I used to work using my phone's data on my PC via USB tethering, tokwa biglang ayaw na gumana ng touch screen ng phone ko. Ni hindi ko MA unlock. Huhu.

Anyare? Feeling ko ayaw akong pagtrabahuin ng langit. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:50 PM.

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Nihongo no renshuu
水曜日: November 18, 2020



今日は日本語のコール二つあった。仕事は正常に暇だから、少し びっくりした。

I kinda get why people with job like ours are paid this way. Hindi talaga madali. Started watching J-series again to somehow improve my language skills. Funny I've been expecting to hear words like "aboji", "hyung", "byane" and the like, eventhough I actually know their Japanese counterparts. 

Watching Signal. Cute nung bida. Pero di ko muna tinapos. I started watching My Boss My Hero. Hindi kasing nakaka hook like Kdrama pero pwede na.

Off ko bukas. Will do groceries. On Friday, online FeastCon. Petiks lang naman talaga ang buhay ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pakiramdam ko e laging may humahabol sakin. Or ako yung laging may hinahabol. Like I never really have the time to just be. Siguro nga choice ko to.

Alam mo ba, Nini's mother had just passed away.

When I was younger, I had a lot of fears. I've lost them little by little growing up. Sa ngayon, I think I only have one fear that I can name, and that is losing my mother.

Shara and I struggled on how we're gonna comfort Nini. It's hard to choose words for someone when you feel like they might fall apart anytime. Kung sakin kasi nangyari yun, ewan ko. Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko maimagine. Ang hirap.

Sana maging maayos din ang lahat for Nini.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:07 PM.

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Higashi
: November 19, 2020



So, we got a call from Dad's doc. His supposed eye operation was postponed due to pandemic, but now they said that if we're willing, they can now push through with it. Dad said yes, so were going to the hospital tomorrow. It's in QC. This hospital was in the news during the start of this whole COVID thing. In the news, they had dead bodies piled up in their morgue. Remembering this is really far from comforting. 

I have an online conference tomorrow. I hope my mobile data can handle. Globe's signal at home is good, but I'm not sure if it'll be the same in QC. When I was living in Manda, the signal was terrible.

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Was watching FeastCon's rehearsals last night. Cute ng kapatid ni Jan Silan. Bata. Taken. Sayang. Hahaha. Excited ako sa worship. Si Aio, yung crush ko, malamang nandun. Nakakamiss ang physical na kcon pero sana ma enjoy ko pa rin to. Sana may makilala akong interesting.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 06:50 PM.

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Kira kira
土曜日: November 21, 2020



He's shining still, that Aio. In his guitar was a Batman icon. Needed to watch twice.

Crush ko talaga si Batman.

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Head hurts. Skipped work. Hope I'm not sick. Dad will be having a surgery next week.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:32 PM.

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Wrap
水曜日: November 25, 2020



Just ended my work week.

Tomorrow's Dad's surgery, so we need to wake up earlier than usual. The following day, we will once again travel for a total of 4-5 hours to go back to the hospital for another checkup. Yeah.

I haven't opened Netflix the entire week, nor went back to my saved videos of J-series in Facebook. My mind is once again preoccupied on what I'm gonna do with my life so that I'd earn more money with barely any effort. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:51 PM.

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Why why why
: November 26, 2020



At the hospital now. They are only accepting one companion for each patient, so I let Mom stay inside as Dad's companion, while I roam around QC to pass time.

TL crush just sent me a message that it's gonna be his last week in the company na. What? Why? Huhu.

Nakakalungkot ha. T_T



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:15 PM.

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ren & den
金曜日: November 27, 2020



Had very little sleep last night. We woke up at 3am as Dad's appointment with the doc was at 7. Mom needed to give eye drops to Dad every two hours last night per doctor's instruction. She also made sure he won't touch his face. They were kinda noisy, I think none of slept well.

I've been sleeping at my parents' room for a while now. They have aircon, and my room feels like a furnace in comparison. I think my life will be a little bit easier if I'll just buy my own aircon, but I think it's impractical. 

Dad's post-surgery check up finished real quick. 

Alam mo ba, sobrang bait ng doctor ni Papa. I don't think I've met another doctor who's as nice. He always go to the hospital early. Yesterday, nung hindi agad pinapasok ng guard sila mama, sinundo nya pa. We came about an hour earlier than the scheduled time today. When Mom texted the doc, he rushed to the clinic, binaon nalang daw ata yung almusal nya. He always run—like literally—when he's needed. Kahit sa mga private na hospital na napuntahan ko, we were never treated like were prioritized as much as this doctor made us feel. 

On top of that, I think pogi sya. I never saw his face because of the mask, pero chinito sya. Maputi, matangkad at mukhang mabango. Single kaya to? Hahaha!

But all the kaharutan asside, I truly appreciate this doctor. May the Heavens bless and protect him palagi. Grabe, ang swerte ng mga magiging pasyente nya.

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Back to work tomorrow. We just had a go-live for the APAC teams a few days back. We are having a lot more Japanese calls now. And Divya started flooding us with  tickets again. Last Thursday, nabasa ko sa gc na 100 daw yung pinasa. Tokwa, good luck sakin bukas.

TL D said that this will be his last week na daw sa company. Does that mean today's his last day? Bakit kaya sya nag resign? Hindi ko na rin sya natanong. Ang tipid rin kasing mag reply non. But I'm glad na rin na he told me that he's leaving. Otherwise, I wouldn't know. Magkaiba kami ng shift e.

Sya yung gumawa ng blitz. Majority ng forms na gamit namin, galing din sa kanya. Nung kaka announce lang ng lock down, he was the one who was working so hard for us to be able to bring our work computers home. Dun ko kaya sya naging crush. Ang pogi nya nun e. 

And I also remember na mahigpit sya. Mejo takot nga ko dun. Kahit never naman talaga syang nanakot. Ang no-nonsense nya rin kasi. And I acknowledge na magaling sya as a leader, and as an IT. Kahit nung hindi ko pa crush yun, nilu look up ko yun. Ano kayang magyayari sa team pag wala sya.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:19 PM.

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Sabishiku
日曜日: November 29, 2020



Nalulungkot pa rin ako na wala na sa company si TL D. Kahit mahirap ang buhay trabaho ko nung nasa night shift ako, it was so much more bearable to go to work knowing na makikita ko sya dun. Nung nag start ang work from home, kahit i-seen nya nga lang message ko sa GC sumasaya na ko. Lalo na pag nag cha chat sya. Or yung minsang tumawag sya para i-setup yung Avaya ko. 

Nalulungkot ako. But I'm training myself to learn how to live with the sadness na resulta ng mga bagay na I can't really control. Na ok lang yung minsan malungkot ka kasi normal na reaction naman talaga yun.

You see, I'm not really expecting anything from this man,  you know. He's married with a kid. I'm totally fine with just looking at the guy from afar as it makes my day a whole lot tolerable when he's there.

Tapos ngayon, wala na sya.

At kahit siguro isantabi ko pa ang pagtingin ko sa taong yun, bilang parte ng team, alam kong malaking loss ang pag alis nya samin.

Hindi ko alam. Ano bang gagawin ko?

Also, today nalaman ko rin na nag resign na rin si Eric. He's one of the very few genuinely nice men I know. Sobrang bait ng batang yun. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, if hindi nya bet yung malilipatan nya e balikan nya kami.

Tokwa, nakakalungkot.

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Andalas ng pag ulan nitong mga nakaraang araw. Nalulungkot din ata ang langit.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:56 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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