Hahhh. So, my short-lived romance has ended.
I wonder if I should've negotiated my terms instead of ending it altogether. I tried messaging other people, but it didn't feel as fun and as natural as it was with him. Why did I end it nga? Was I just running away again? Naiyak rin ako ng very slight. Naalala ko nung grade 1 ako, inaway ko yung kaklase ko, tas ako yung umiyak.
I should've let him show me the 6.2. But it's fine.
Were men this boring to talk to before? Maybe I should allow myself a few days off from this whole goal-setting thing.
-------
Papalapit na ang Japan trip, pero wala pa ring nadadagdag sa pera ko, puro bawas lang. I don't want to sell my stocks sana. Sumali kaya ako sa game show? Ugh, still not enough. What should I do.
Nag self-publish ako ng coloring books online. Kanina ko lang natanggap yung notice na napublish na. I made them during weekends. I made 3, yet only 2 notifications came. I wonder what happened to the other one. I'm working on another one. Ipo post nalang. Was too lazy to open the laptop today.
I was at Watsons earlier. Ngayon ko lang nalaman na 45 pesos pala ang isang sachet ng hair mask. 45 pesos for 1 time use?? Omg. I used to not mind the price. Nagulat nga ako na yung ginagamit ko palang bulak for my face e 99 pesos. Jeez, magkano lang yung totoong bulak.
Ugh, I can't even buy lip gloss. Nakakaiyak. Hahaha.
Haaaaah.
Sa totoo lang, hindi pa rin ako nagsisisi for resigning. Pero sana soon, I can get back to my old lifestyle.
Haaaaah.
I miss that pervert. Lol. I wish I get to meet someone like him again. Ang weird, I actually ask for someone with the same specifications, yung height, age difference, and even the 6.2! Hindi rin naman talaga ako nag sisisi. But I'm thinking maybe I should've negotiated my terms instead of just easily letting go. I mean, he's not a bad guy, and we have chemistry, and I do like him. Pero okay lang. I mean, anong gagawin ko?
Haaaaah.
Andami pang more pressing things to do. I stopped doing everything else na hindi pasok sa 4 goals na naset ko for 6 months. Halfway through April, pero wala parin talagang progress.
I pray for things to get so much better very very very soon.
06:36 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Apat na goals to focus on for the next 6 months based sa activity my 4-hour work week book ni Tim Ferris.
1. Buy 8-seater car (Innova)
2. Find a hot and sexy boyfriend
3. Lose over 15 kilos weight
4. Travel to Korea with parents
Bale sa computation ko, kailangan kong kumita ng over 400k para ma achieve yan in 6 months. I still don't have a job. I don't plan on getting back to the corporate world. Considering that I don't like people very much, ayoko ring magtayo ng business. So nag iisip ako fully-automated source of income. Yung hindi ko kailangan magmanage ng tao, or better yet, hindi ako kaylangan at all, for the business to run. Tim Ferriss says it's possible. Nakakainis. Gusto kong maging masipag in working smart.
To start getting the goal, need daw ng first step. My first step for goal number 2 is to create a dating profile. Tapos, message at least 5 men na type ko. Kaso sa sobrang tamad ko, I changed it into 1 man per day. I only reply once to twice daily. He used to just let me be, until I accepted his invite on IG. He's starting to be a little more impatient. He said I look like I'm in my 20s daw. I told him I look normal. The guy actually look more matured than his age. I guess it's an Asian thing. My friend, LA, is 42, but she can still be mistaken to be in her late 20s.
To prevent myself from running away, I keep reassuring myself that I'm just looking for a boyfriend, not marriage partner. I can't get married yet. Lalo't wala akong stable source of income.
Speaking of source of income, my BL page in FB received an invite for a bonus program 4 days ago. Yung mga non-reels and non-stories ko daw will earn money depende sa number of reach and interactions. I only have 2.6k followers, but my reach this week was about 67k. Huge chunk of which e galing sa post before I signed up for the program. So far, for the last 4 days, I already earned—drumroll please—2.43 dollars! Lol. Malayo layo pa ko sa target monthly income na over 400k.
I've been receiving emails from companies, and I even received a call from a job offer kahit di naman ako nag-aapply. Iniisip na ka pag wala na kaming makain, I can always go back to the corporate world. Pero sana talaga, hindi ko na kailanganin pang bumalik.
Haaaaa.
Ang hirap hindi mag-alala. Eventhough I still have more than enough money to survive, nakakatakot parin gumastos. Wala rin kasing pumapasok na pera. Puro palabas. Because of worrying, madalas na badtrip ako.
Haaaaa.
I need to earn something soon.
Since hindi kailangan ng pera yung goal number 2, sana nga, kahit yun, ma achieve ko.
06:05 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Nag punta ako ng bank to deposit some check. Nag grocery ng konti at nag-uwi ng konting pasalubong sa bahay. Then, when my niece got back home from school, after thanking me for yhe the pasalubong, she asked:
Niece: wala ka work?
Tita: di ba nag resign na ko?
Niece: resign? Kelan ka mag wowork ulet?
Tita: hindi na.
Niece: *long pause* paano na tayo bibili ng kotse?
Tita: don't worry, yayaman parin si Tita kahit di mag work.
Ugh, that look of worry on her face when she finally realized that I don't have work anymore was quite heartbreaking.
Coincidentally, nag message din yung former workmate ko. Nalaman nyang nag resign ako and was offering me a job na 100% percent wfh. I told him, I don't plan to work anymore, at balak ko nalang mag artista.
Haaah. Kaya ko to.
----------
Mom's attending some birthday party happening at a private resort in Laguna. Overnight, and she wants me to go with her. I already told her I can't because I need to take care of the cats. She talked to my sister-in-law and asked her if she can do the job just for the weekend, and she agreed. Ayoko talaga pumunta, pero drinamahan na ako ng nanay ko, so I guess I'm going.
Tita will go too. She's bringing her stepson. I hope she won't push me into the dude, because that guy is like an older cousin to me. We're actually cousins by law, aren't we? Nakakaumay.
Well, whatever.
Sabi nila, if gusto mong dumami ang pera mo, you've got to expand, not only your knowledge on your craft, but also your network. Tsaka gusto ko rin naman magswimming, kaya oh sya, sasama na.
------
Ang bilis ng araw. 11 days na kaagad ang lumipas at wala parin akong nagagawa para matupad ko ang plano kong kumita ng 1 million pesos monthly.
Basta. Kaya ko to.
04:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Ika anim na araw ko na bilang unemployed.
Before I got that job I recently left, I remember asking God for it, and promised I'd give 10% back to Him as tithes.
Mom told me na since wala na kong trabaho, I shouldn't give anymore, and that God would understand. But I wanted to keep my side of the bargain until my final pay.
Nakakatuwa. When I tried to calculate the budget weeks back, math says, hindi kasya. But for some reason, parang ang dami dami ko pa ring pera. Lol.
Hindi mo talaga maa outgive ang langit. Thank you, po.
-----
So I met my friend, LA, when I returned the laptop to work last week. We had plans to go to Japan for the Toastmasters Discon happening in Tokyo since last year pa. Nag cancel ako when I decided to resign sa work. Nalaman ko from LA that she was invited to attend a Philharmonic concert. Yung Japanese na kakilala nya will be performing as a baritone. The first time I've attended a Philharmonic concert was in Manila. I liked it a lot. Ang lakas makasosyal. I so badly wanted to go, kasi it's Philharmonic, plus, it's in Japan. Di, ba ang astig, like, wtf.
Pero syempre, wala akong trabaho, plus, 11 days yung binook ni LA. She told me I can share with her hotel for free since for two naman yung room. Like, gah, seriously. Gusto ko pumunta.
So, nag usap kami ni God. I asked for guidance if I should go. Kasi, sa totoo lang, I still have some money. Though nasa stock market kasi, and I'd like to keep the money there sana as much as possible. So, idk.
Sabi ko sa Diyos, if my tita, who owes me some money, will get to pay me this week, tutuloy ako sa Japan.
Then, poof! Few days back, she actually paid me!!!
So ayon, nag book ako ng flight sa Tokyo on May. Tokwa, I can't wipe the smile off my face. Nag aalala ako na baka maharang ako ng io since wala akong trabaho, pero saka ko na siguro yun iisipin.
-----
My days of unemployment have been unremarkable so far.
I wake up at 7am. Feed and clean up my cats. I cleaned our room. Sometimes I clean the bathroom a little too. I used to hate cleaning, but I really can't stand the mess. Kung pisikal ang pag-uusapan, feeling ko mas pagod ako ngayon, kesa nung meron pa akong trabaho.
But I don't have any complaints. I love the simple and peaceful life I have right now. Soon, kailangan ko humanap ng ways to earn money, pero I seriously don't want to be an employee anymore. I'm spending the 1st few weeks of my unemployment to clear my mind and think of the next step. I'm smart and talented, kaya alam kong kaya ko to.
Gusto ko na bago matapos ang April 2024, kumikita na ko ng 1,000,000 pesos monthly.
Gusto ko na may ma meet kaming Japanese na romantic interest pag punta namin sa Japan.
06:31 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Had a meeting with the HR last night. She's quite a bitch. Pero okay lang.
In 3 working days, tapos na ang lahat ng ito. I don't know why, but my mind seems convinced na hindi ako maghihirap. Lol.
I feel generally at peace. Though from time to time, dumadalaw yung fear at anxiety para sa future. Sinubukan akong kumbinsihin ng HR to stay, though sobrang nakakapikon yung mga sinasabi nya, but I don't think it could've made any difference sakali mang mas maayos nyang sinabi.
Ang daming sinasabi ng mga tao sa paligid. Parang ganito rin nung nag decide akong huminto sa pagiging Engineer. Alam ko may point sila, and I don't hate them. They're entitled to their own thoughts and opinions. I don't really mind that much even if they run their mouths. They're not entirely wrong.
But I want to take charge of my life. At the end of the day, I have my best interest in mind. And I want to believe that this time too, magagawa kong gawing even better ang buhay ko sa kabila ng difficult and unpopular decisions na ginagawa ko.
Maybe this time, I can say na "kaya ko to" and actually mean it.
Walang nakakaalam sa future, but I'm going to do my best.
Since I'm feeling kinda lonely, parang gusto kong mag focus in expanding my network. But just stepping outside the house requires money. Ugh. Bahala na. I'll find a way.
Gusto ko by March, marami na ulet akong pera, so we can go to Dubai and travel with Tita. Gusto ko to drop by in Japan first, kasi magko close na daw ata yung Gundam factory sa Yokohama. Gusto ko sana makapunta muna dun. Though meron pa rin naman Gundam sa Odaiba. I should've gone there kung di lang sana ako nagkanda ligaw ligaw sa Kamakura nung nag Japan ako May last year. Haaaa, I miss Japan so bad.
Ang weird, you know. My love for Japan had always felt like an unrequited love. I always ache and long for it, but even when I'm there, it always feel so far a way. The longing goes on, and it never gets satisfied. Ang weird no? Baka kaka anime at manga ko to.
Sana maging mabait ang 2024 sa akin.
Sana maging mabait ang 2024 sa ating lahat.
11:59 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
5 working days left. The manager sent me a message asking if I can extend another 15 days, wfh. I told him I need to move on and plan my next step, so I have to decline.
I have knowledge transfer in less than an hour. A meeting right after that, then another meeting with the HR tomorrow.
It has started to sink in, and I feel like panicking. Ano nang gagawin ko pag wala na kong trabaho???
Hindi ko alam. Ayoko pa rin i-retract yung resignation ko, or kahit mag extend. 40 k lang ang pera ko, at 60 days pa daw after kong ma kompleto yung exit clearance ko bago ko makuha yung final pay. With my final pay, I can scrape by for another 3 months maybe without working. Kaso kailangang kong pagkasyahin yung 40k for over 60 days. I give 20k monthly to my Mom, the cat-related expenses are around 10k. Syempre hindi kasya. Hahaha.
Bahala na.
Kaya ko to.
02:04 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Nine days to go and I'm free.
The work load has been considerably lighter than usual, pero resign na resign pa rin ako.
I'm grateful for this job. It allowed me to bring my parents to nice restaurants, and even travel with them abroad. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung anong mangyari sakin pag nawala na sakin ang trabahong to.
Nag fill out na ko ng exit interview.
Sa 29th, ibabalik ko na sa office yung laptop.
30-60 days daw bago makuha yung last pay. Saka ko na iisipin if kasya ba yung pera na meron ako.
May parte parin sakin na excited at the thought of becoming free, and the endless possibilities. Pero syempre, hindi siguro talaga maiiwasan na mag-alala.
I'm still the same as I was when I first left my previous company.
Gusto ko parin mabigyan ng magandang buhay family ko.
I want to bring Mom and Dad to nice restaurants and travel with them abroad.
Gusto ko paring yumaman at mabigyan ng luxurious life ang parents ko, at ang sarili ko.
Kaya ko to.
----
Nasa Dubai sa Tita, Mom's younger sister. She'll be staying there for 2 months. Alam kong gusto rin ng nanay kong pumunta. Sakali mang hindi ako mag resign, alam kong hindi ko masasamahan si Tita dun bilang limited ang leaves ko. Pero kung makakapag produce ako ng pera bago sya umuwi by enf of March, I'll be able to go there with Mom and Dad.
Gusto ko ng pera para makapag Dubai kami kakit 2 weeks lang. Universe pahingi ng 500,000 pesos (kasya na ba to?).
----
Gusto kong magkaron ng sarili kong kabayo. Sparkly black ang color. Gusto kong sumali sa race at manalo.
Ayoko sa probinsya. Gusto ko sa mga modern at historical city. Next na country na gusto kong puntahan ay China.
Gusto kong mag aral ng Chinese. Pero gusto ko munang at least maging N2 sa Japanese.
Namimiss ko na ang Japan. Pag hindi na issue ang pera, gusto ko magpunta dun at least 3 times a year.
Wala na akong balak naging employee ulet. How can I meet new people then?
I wonder if I should go back to TM. Or maybe study law. Or maybe teach JP language. Or meet people while traveling.
Ano bang maganda?
Gusto kong maging mayaman, masaya, at malaya.
01:23 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Weekend shift.
Ilang linggo nalang at aalis na ko sa kompanya, napa weekend shift pa ko. Okay lang naman, super chill. Nakakakaba lang na pag may hindi ako alam wala akong matanungan.
I don't feel emotionally well these days. Baka PMS, or siguro nagsisimula na rin mag sink in na soon e wala na kong trabaho. Kaya ko bang pangatawanang hindi na ko mag empleyado from here on?
Hindi ko alam. Ang alam ko lang, gusto ko nang maging malaya.
Haaa. Alam ko. Hindi naman nagbago yung fact na kailangan ko nang pera para mabuhay. Haaaaay.
Kaya ko ba to?
Haaaa. Kaya ko to.
------
Nabitin ako sa available episodes ng Solo Leveling sa Netflix kaya binasa ko yung manhwa. Took me 2 days to finish all 200 chapters. Kaya siguro eto, feeling lost and empty ako dahil katatapos ko lang basahin ang comics na may exceptional na kwento. Healthy kaya yung ganito? The source of this sense of loss is not even real. Lol.
------
Haaaa. I don't like this feeling.
02:31 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
We were at a mall in QC when Dad noticed the mall decorations overflowing with red. I told him, "baka kasi Chinese New Year". To which he responded, "hindi, dahil sa Valentines yan."
Valentines na nga pala. Akala ko ang pagiging wfh ang dahilan kung bakit walang ganap ang lovelife ko, but 2 years after return to office, I realized, it was never really the case. Oh well.
----
Nagpunta ako sa Quiapo with Mom and Dad. We ate something fancy before going there. Bakit kaya iba ang pakiramdam. Naisip ko lang na iba ang confidence ng alam mong marami kang pera.
Last Saturday, kahit sa sosyal kami kumain, wala yung usual na... angas ba ang tawag dun? Idk.
I like that part of myself. Yung maangas at confident sa mga bagay na kaya kong gawin. Akala ko dati natural ang confidence ko, pero lately, narealize ko na nakadikit pala yun sa idea na meron akong magandang trabaho.
Sa totoo lang, ayoko ng ganitong feeling.
Sinabi ko kay Mama na mas konti ang work lately. Nagdagdag kasi sila ng tao dahil na rin siguro sa andami naming reklamo. Sabi ni Mama, "oh okay na pala, wag ka na magresign. Di ka naman na pagod."
Alam mo bang natulog ako kagabi at gumising ngayong umagao dreading going back to work, kahit na work from home na ko? Nandun yung resign-na-resign-na-ako feeling, even though I have submitted my resignation already.
Ang gulo no? I love the version of myself na confident dahil marami syang pera, pero ayoko paring mag stay sa lugar na nagbibigay sakin ng confidence na yun.
Gusto kong maniwalang makakayanan ko parin to kahit hindi na ko empleyado. Na magkakaron parin ako ng maganda at masaganang buhay outside corporate world.
Matalino parin naman ako. Talented parin naman ako. At hindi naman nabura ang skills at achievements ko kasabay ng pag resign ko, kaya, kaya ko to.
Haaayst.
Payakap nga, Universe.
Tapos, pahingi ng passive income na 1 million pesos monthly.
------
Nanaginip yung tatay ko na mag-aasawa na daw ako.
Mas matangkad daw sa kanya. Medjo macho daw at kulot ang buhok. Lol.
I few days back, naglalaro ako ng game sa Netflix na Too Hot To Handle. Kulot yung nakatuluyan kong character. I wonder if Dad saw that. Although dun sa game, lalaki yung character ko, then lalaki rin love interest ko, para BL. Hahaha.
Tokwa, sa totoo lang, masama ata talaga sa lovelife ko ang BL hobby kong ito. Gah.
04:01 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
