good noon. its saturday. 1st day of being a bum. mom's on the phone announcing my resignation to our relatives. my bro, who's out of town as always, heard the news over the phone too yesterday.. got somewhat reprimanded for what i have done, and really, bro made a point. i know im at fault this time.

i am actually sad. i wouldve sank into depression by now, but then, i feel like my world, or maybe the world in general, had suddenly went fast-paced that if i let depression slow me down, i might just be left behind.

hayyyyyss..

the drama of my life. parang movie. only, i dont have a guarantee that its all gonna be a happy ending or something. 

really, i use to have this overly monotonous kind of life, and now it went a little too action-packed, hindi na rin ata masaya. 

ayun.. sa ngaun, i want to fix things and fix it fast. im actually scared of going on with my career coz i might repeat doing the same thing. its just hard to keep something and hate it. i dont know if i can find something i wont hate soon..its funny how my own credentials are what keeping me from landing to a better company..

ang hirap mag move forward kung hindi mo naman talaga alam kung saan mo gustong pumunta. ang hirap mgdecide kung anong path ang pipiliin mo kung hindi mo alam kung anong gusto mong marating.

thinking of enrolling to tesda just to pass time. mom said to wait for 2 weeks before i apply because i cant damage my reputation some more by accepting the job and leaving it right away..she's hoping maybe, that ill be accepted in smdc. i would love that too..but i dont want to be attached to the idea..i have to be ready to move on. been browsing odesk too.. its either the pay's too low, or the job's too big..or maybe im just being lazy..

i thought of re-reading hp and hg, but its hard to do the things you do on your leisure when in reality you are in deep trouble. but maybe im gonna give it a try ulet..for therapeutic purposes.. shocks...i feel like ive messed my life up big this time talaga.

hayyyss..sa ngaun. bahala na. i feel sorry for the people who are gonna be affected now that i no longer earn money. hayy. i dont know. they say, money is the root of all evil, but i feel like, if you lack the money, you cant love people more..

i fought big time to earn my degree, my license.. and everything. believe me, it wasnt easy. blood, tears, sweat, sleepless nights, prayers and countless sacrifices. hindi talaga naging madali lahat. now im thinking of throwing away all those hardship and sacrifices..i know mom will not approve, but the decision will still have to come from me.. i just cant see the point of pursuing a career you dont even like. or do i have to just search some more and give myself a time?

i tend to do things rash. maybe i should slow down a bit now. i kind of embarrassed with my alma mater too and on how they cannot be proud of me at the moment. i still respect this kind of profession and im still grateful that i made it here.. maybe im just having a second heart because of how things turned. oh, i cant decide..

surely, letting fate do its thing at times like this can really be convenient...

 苦しい。。死にたい。。

i need to fight off the urge!!oh, get a life!!

12:37 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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