月曜日. February 17, 2020

Band aid

I just revived my dating profile in various dating websites. Sabi nila, when you lose a person daw tas hindi ka nag move on dahil feeling mo wala ka nang makikilalang tao who will make you feel the same way, scarcity mindset daw yun. I hate scarcity mindset.

Hindi naman talaga applicable sa situation. I didn't lose anything. I'm just sad. Putek, may na swipe right pa ko na kamukha nya. Lol. This is silly.

I'm naturally detached. Nadi disorient din ako sa mga emotions na unuasual sakin or kaya yung mga extreme. Madalas hindi ko na ine examine kung ano bang na fi-feel ko. Lol, ni hindi ko alam ang difference ng tamang fondness lang sa romantic attraction. Hindi na rin ako pupunta sa topic ng love kasi masyado yung higher level para sakin, tipong papunta ng outer space. Kaya ngayon na nalulungkot ako ng dahil sa isang tao, nako confuse ako... pero teka, ano bang point?

Maybe I just need to meet more people.


10:03 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

コメントを書く


* * * *

月曜日. February 17, 2020

SSS

So I just went to a government office to day in the hope that I can have the rest of my leaves covered. The doc there said, kung hindi ka sick, you're not entitled to it. Vinerify ko pa sa actual officer kasi bago lang naman daw dun si Doc. Syempre nakipag argue pa ko. Mukhang natakot naman sila sa taray ko at binigyan ako ng options. Nowhere near good ones though. In the end, they suggested that I call the main hotline.

Nakakapagod ipaglaban ang sarili mong benefits. Iisip nalang ako ng way para kumita ng pera habang naka tengga ako sa bahay.

Sinong may kailangan ng kidney?


01:54 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

コメントを書く


* * * *

. February 16, 2020

why bakit why

Takte, ang dami na palang nangyari. Hindi ko ma absorb.

I've learned that TL/Crush is leaving the company na, at till March 16 nalang sya. What the eff. Kahit siguro sakaling hindi ko crush yun, malulungkot parin ako, kasi takte, ang bait samin non. Wahuhuhu. Bakit??!

...

Itigil na natin ang kalokohang self-quarantine na to. Gusto ko na bumalik sa office. Boy, this is heartbreaking . T_T


02:50 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

コメントを書く


* * * *

日曜日. February 16, 2020

Yokka

House Arrest Day 4.

It's a Sunday kaya kompleto ang pamilya. May plano na naman silang kumain. Kailangang makahanap ako ng mas matinding motivation.

I had this crush since 2016. We went out around 2018-ish kaso, ayun. Mejo awkward. Pero kahit ganon, naiinspire ako sa taong yun. Ang dami naming common values. In awe din ako on how much he loves God. Yun nga lang, hindi kami parehas ng religion.

The guy posted the last time, his collection of SB mugs from different countries he'd been to. Nakita ko yung Kaohsiung, Taichung at Taoyuan, which are cities of Taiwan. I searched his album for his Taiwan pics and found yung wishes na sinulat nya sa floating lantern in Shilin:

- 8-pack abs

- low body fat

- basketball knee

- good health

- long life

- sexy

Lol. I don't know kung natupad ba nya. He never posted shirtless pics of himself in FB.

Ano nga dreams ko? I only had 1 major dream in life na natupad ko when I was 23. After that, mga mababaw na bagay nalang. Pero di ba, kahit mababaw, hindi naman ibig sabihin non, hindi na importante. Sa ngayon, ito yung mga pangarap na naiisip ko:

-maging National Champion sa Evaluation Contest 

-maging World Champion sa International Speech Contest

-mag travel a la Eat, Pray, Love

-magmukhang 20 years old regardless what actual age I'm in

-magkaroon 26 inches waistline

Now that I've actually written it, hindi naman pala ganon kababaw. Lol. Pero sa tingin ko, yung mga ganitong pangarap e madali namang tuparin basta maniniwala ka lang at kahit paano e mag effort din para matupad yun. Pero may mga pangarap kasi na beyond our control. Eto yung mga pangarap na kadalasan e may ibang taong involved. Gaya ng isa ko pang pangarap:

Bumuo ng pamilya.

But even that, sa tingin ko e makukuha mo rin naman kung gusto mo talaga. In my case, sa tingin ko kasi, masyado kong nae-enjoy ang buhay dalaga, hindi ko sure kung kaya ko ba talagang i-give up lahat ng nae-enjoy ko ngayon kapalit ng pag-aasawa. Worth it ba?

Siguro worth it naman. Kailangan ko lang talagang mamili ng tamang taong makakasama.


01:05 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

コメントを書く


* * * *

土曜日. February 15, 2020

House Arrest

Lifted na ang travel ban sa Taiwan. Learned from Mel that their company is considering na wag na ituloy ang self-quarantine nila. I asked the boss if ako rin ba. Said he'll ask the Manager on Monday. Sa totoo lang, I'd love to rest some more. Tinatamad lang talaga akong mag file ng sickness benefit application sa SSS at umaasa parin ako na baka mahabol ko pa yung stats ko para sa shift bid on March.

3rd day of house arrest  (self-quarantine). Nag plano ako kung paano ako magda diet. Sinimulan ko na rin mag stationary bike for 30 minutes. Bad trip lang, naisipang mang libre ng kapatid ko. Nung lunch nagpa lechong manok sya. Hindi ako na apektohan bilang hindi naman ako kumakain ng hayop. Kaso nung meryenda, nagpa cassava cake at palabok sya. Oh well, I'll start again tomorrow. Gusto ko pag balik ko sa work, sexy na ko. Please help me, Universe.

Mel, who is also in house arrest, e nagyayayang mag jogging. Ayoko magjogging. Nakakapagod. So sabi ko mag Sagada nalang kami, or Baguio, o kaya magpa tattoo kay Wang Od. Kahit ano basta wag lang kami mag jogging She said yes to Sagada. Syempre nag jo-joke lang naman ako. Goodness, diet na diet kaya ang wallet ko ngayon. Ni hindi nga ako makapuntang SM.

Na surprise ako sa naging expenses namin sa Taiwan. Mga 30% lang ng total budget ko ang nagamit namin. Tatlo na kami non. And we were eating lavishly most of the time (though there were times na nag 7-11 lang kami or kaya nag tinapay because we didn't have much time). I have a few dollars left from our trip, may pera naman talaga ko. Hindi nga lang peso. Sayang rin kasing ipapalit. Bababa na ang value.

E kung tumuloy kaya akong Sagada? After ng hassle na nai cause ko sa boss ko with this trip, hindi ko alam kung mapapayagan pa ko sa matagalang leave next time. Hindi ko rin sure kung may leave credits pa ko. Feeling ko ito nalang ang chance kong makagala ng matagal.

-------

Andami kong time!!! Wooohooo! Sana tuloy ang quarantine. Sana bayaran parin ng SSS ang leaves ko. Sana magkaron ng milagro sa shift bid at makuha ko parin ang gusto kong shift.

Nalinis ko na ang kwarto ko. Sunod kong gagawin e magbasa ng libro. May nabasa akong article na may book daw si Dean Koontz nung 80s pa kung saan accidentally e parang na predict nya ang pagkalat ng virus sa Wuhan ngayon. Wuhan-400 ang tawag nila sa virus dun sa book. Kaka download ko lang. Malapit ko na matapos yung isang chapter. Si Dean Koontz e isa sa mga paboritong authors namin nung college. Nagkalat ang Dean Koontz books na sumicirculate sa section namin noon. Marami kasing Dean Koontz books sa Book Sale at yun lang ang afford namin dati. Funny we can afford more expensive books now... but for some reason, we don't read as much anymore. Hindi ko masasabing dahil busy kami ngayon. We were engineering students. Boy, we were more than busy. Feeling ko nga mas busy pa kami back then kesa ngayon. Siguro sadyang naiiba lang ang priority natin as we grow older.

----

Siguro kailangan kong mag low-internet diet para maging productive.


09:48 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

コメントを書く


* * * *

. February 14, 2020

Nobody's Mouse

As always.

Mom got her pension in partial lump sum today. She used some of the money to bring us to a resto and bought my brother and my niece shoes. It was agreed that instead of Mom bringing them pasalubong from Taiwan, dito nalang sa Pinas bibili. When sis-in-law teased na kawawa naman daw ako, bat ako wala (I actually bought a pair for myself that I paid with my own money), to which Mom said, "e kasama naman namin sya sa Taiwan."

That was when I felt like something was off. You should bring your other kid pasalubong when you failed to bring him along at yung other kid lang ang sinama mo. But that wasn't our case. It was I who brought my parents to Taiwan. They didn't bring me there. They didn't spend a single cent in that trip. So mali talaga. Nung umalma ko, Mom said, marami ka namang pera.

I remember the time na nagbaon ako ng lunch sa work para lang makaipon ng pang gastos sa pag-alis namin. She knew that. She knew also that salary just came and very few was left because I needed to pay all my credit card bills and I still have a few thousand to pay to Mel to which Mel agreed na sa March na ang bayad. Alam nya rin na wala akong leave credits at hindi ko alam kung may sasahurin pa ko next cut off. Maraming pera? Mali.

Umalma ulet ako. She offered to pay for my shoes. Pero I decided against it. Huwag na. Para kasing lagi nalang kailangan magpaawa para mabigyan. Nakakasawa. Alam kong afford ko, pero bilang anak, hindi ba ko entitled na makatanggap mula sa mga magulang ko? Ito lang ang pera ng nanay ko na hindi galing sakin. Naisipan nyang i-share sa kapatid at pamangkin ko, pero wala man lang sa akin.

BFF used to lament na hindi sya sinasama sa binibigyan ng regalo twing Christmas Party ng family nya dahil daw "marami syang pera". Ang BS non. Hindi ko gets.

Hindi ko gets kung paano mag-isip ang mga magulang. Or magulang ko lang ba ang ganito? Many times I've thought that maybe I'm not really their child because they've always favored my brother. Mom used to say na mas malakas naman daw kasi ang loob ko at mas kailangan ng kapatid ko ng assistance. I used to believe that. Now, I don't know anymore. Sino kaya ang tunay kong mga magulang?

-----

Kailangan kong asikasuhin yung SSS para may bayad parin yung sangkaterbang leaves ko. Nakakalito yung form. Hindi ko alam kung papasok ang case ko dahil hindi naman ako na confine. Naiirita na ko. Ilang libo ba ang mawawala sakin kung pabayaan ko nalang na wala akong sahod? Alam ko malaki. At totoo, kailangan ko naman talaga ng pera. Ang hassle hassle. Parang gusto ko nalang talagang magka COVID-19.

-----

Have you ever felt like no one got your back? 

Yeah, all these are happening on a February 14.

**** EDIT ****

Matapos ang balde baldeng luha at ilang oras na pag eemote, na realize ko na kailangan naman talaga ng pera ni Mama. Ipapagamot pa kasi ang mata ni Papa kasi isa sa mga mata nya, hindi na nakakakita. Wala naman talagang pera ang kapatid ko. Sira sira na ang sapatos nya at lagi syang nagtitipid dahil manganganak na ang asawa nya at may isa pa syang anak na pinag-aaral.

Totoo namang marami akong pera. Well, wala ngayon dahil narami kaming nagastos pero madali naman akong makakabawi. 

Ni wala ngang binili si Mama para sa sarili nya.

Masyado ring consistent ang mga kwento nila tungkol sa kapanganakan ko para maging ampon ako. Tsaka sakin nya pa pinangalan yung tindahan namin mula nung maliit pa kami.

Pinili rin ni Mama yung gusto kong resto kahit mahal.

...

Hindi siguro tamang naghihimutok ako ng dahil lang sa sapatos.


06:36 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

コメントを書く


* * * *

金曜日. February 14, 2020

JS

Siguro JS prom na sa dati kong school. Malapit lang yun sa bahay namin. Dinig kong may party. Ganda ng tugtugan. Hula ko may Battle of the Band na nagaganap. 

Parang gusto ko tuloy magpunta sa bar at mag sound trip sa isang sulok habang nagmumuni muni tungkol sa mga maling desisyon ko sa buhay. Lol. 

Valentine's na pala bukas. Naka house arrest ako (home quarantine). Pero syempre lalabas parin kami.

Sino kayang ka date nung crush ko?


01:47 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

コメントを書く


* * * *

水曜日. February 12, 2020

Yatto modotta

Booked a flight from Taipei to Malaysia in order to go back to Manila. Everything went well hassle free and we're home now. Thank you so much, Universe!

Updated the boss that I'm back to PH na. Asked if they will require me to undergo self-quarantine because Mel just got a message from their HR informing her so. Looks like my vacay is extended until Feb 24. Mel's other workmates who went to Taiwan are also under quarantine. They're planning to have a "quarantine party", LOL. Mel wants me to come. Lol ulet. This is going to be ridiculous.

Sa totoo lang, kahit worried ako na wala akong sasahurin, excited ako sa 2 weeks na wala akong gagawin. Sinusubukan ko rin na wag munang alalahanin ang stat ko sa work at ang shift bid for March. Bahala na si Batman. I remember I agreed to join my workmates to watch hot air balloons sa March. Siguro hindi talaga ako pinapasama ng langit.

Gusto ko magpa ayos ng buhok. Mag open ng dollar account. Humanap ng way to earn more money on the side. Mag meditate at magbasa ng mga libro. Takte, mawawalan na nga ako ng sahod, excited pa ko! Lol.

----

Feb 7. Mel was supposed to meet one of her former students who's a Taiwanese. The girl had some emergency at work so she made her husband to come. The husband took a guy friend along. We went to some classy resto in Taipei 101. I learned that the guy friend is single and is quite a rich kid which piqued my curiosity. Bad trip lang I couldn't put my flirting hat on because I was with my parents. Kainis! Cute sana yung guy. Oh well.

Bukod don, wala kaming masyadong nakitang cute sa Taiwan. Lahat kasi sila naka mask.

We went to Jiufen by the 2nd half of our travel. It's a province-y part of Taiwan. There were a lot of Pinoys in the hostel that we booked there. There was a common dining area so we were able to converse with some of them. Cute sana yung 1 dude don kaso halfway the conversation, some girl walked up and joined us while doing PDA-ish thing with the guy as if saying, "this is mine, back off". Ok, fine. Taken pala.

Sarap sana magka travel fling lalo na't February kaso waley talaga. Kasalan 'to ng nCoV. Or siguro hindi ako dapat nagsama ng parents? Haha.

Pero ok lang naman. Sa totoo lang, namimiss ko na yung crush ko.

------

Super long day today. Need to sleep. 


09:04 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

コメントを書く


* * * *

. February 11, 2020

5J 313

Our supposed flight at 7am today was cancelled a few minutes ago after the Taiwan travel ban was imposed. I'm surprised how Mel is keeping her calm regarding this. Sabi nya, wala rin nmn kasing magagawa. I think she's right.

Nahihilo na ko sa antok. I'm scared. I wish I can calm down as much as Mel can. She even thought of the girl we met from our previous hostel who was travelling alone. Kawawa daw. Nauna nya pa isipin ang iba when she's also in a bad situation. Reincarnation kaya sya ni Mama Mary? Ang bait ng taong to.

Sighs. Gusto ko nang mag hyperventilate.

Pero kung titingin ka sa bright side...

I have my parents with me.

I am under Mama Mary's ( I mean, Mel's) care.

I still have some money left.

-some masks 

-some alcohol

-stocks of vit C.

Sana maging maayos lahat. Kaya namin to.


01:41 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

4 コメント


* * * *
« Newer · »

私について

私の名前はZです。


ナビゲート

ホーム
アーカイブ
プロファイル
ギャラリー
お友達
Friendsof
お気に入り

メッセージボード



クレジット

レイアウト || zaia
画像1 || R A V E
画像2 || ruffled
パターン || hongkiat
ブロッグホスト || Tabulas
コンテンツ|| zaia


***

Google Analytics Alternative

http://www.hitwebcounter.com/
Counter For Wordpress


adopt your own virtual pet!
online
Online Casinos