日曜日. July 25, 2021

Yami to nikushimi

Over a week back, 2nd anniversary ko na sa work. I've spent most of my stay in this company working from home pala no. I used to wish that I don't have to commute 4-6 hours back and forth to work, and work from home instead. Wish granted?

Community quarantine has nurtured my antisocial side. Kahit online gathering, gumagawa ako ng paraan para takasan. Siguro nga, solitude can be therapeutic, but maybe only to a certain degree. When left alone in your thoughts, there are dangers of being eaten by your own darkness, no?

I still hate that clown in the palace. And his daughter. And the stupid people who believe in him. There are many other things I hate. Even religion leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I remember some of the things I read in Mein Kampf. Makes me wonder if Hitler had been right all along. I mean, who are we to know?

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Less than 100 eps left on shippuuden. Kung kelan ang tindi na ng laban with Madara, biglang andaming filler. Keri lang naman, at least I can see Jiraiya and Neji alive again.


10:33 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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水曜日. July 21, 2021

364

The battle between juubi and the shinobi alliance is so intense, my heart needs time to catch up. Plus, I read from a comment that this is where Neji will die.

Nakakasakit talaga ng damdamin ang anime na to. Huhu.

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Wednesday. We've been having very few calls since yesterday, and I never had a single JP calls since. I asked our TL if the JP team are having any problems  as he too seem to be having a lot of meetings with Divya, the one who's supervising the JP team in Yokohama. TL said, ok lang naman daw lahat and nothing to worry naman daw.

So I guess I can just lay back and enjoy this rare chance na hima kami on a weekday.

Bukas, rest day ko na. Yebahhh!

I need to strengthen my heart for a while before I can continue watching shippuuden. Ganito rin yung na feel ko nung malapit na mamatay si Jiraiya. Maybe a little worse because I love Jiraiya so much. I don't have any attachments with Neji. I still don't want him to die though.

Sighsss.

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Andalas ng pag-ulan. Gusto ko na yumaman. Ano kaya ang ulam mamaya? Dalawang taon na pala ang pandemia. I was 34 (turning 35 when all this started. Now I'm turning 36. Pag dating ko ng 40 may pandemic pa kaya?

Wala naman nakakaalam ng bukas, ano.

Tumutuloy dapat ang buhay kahit pandemic.

There sure are things that I need to put on hold because of the situation. The major one is my dream to bring my parents to diffent countries. Kung walang pandemic, baka nasa japan or korea kami ngayon. Parents are getting older, especially Dad. He's having more difficulties in walking these days. Kaya nya pa kaya mag travel abroad? We can travel on wheelchair, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like that.

When it comes to money, kahit gaano kahirap pa yan, I think people can always find a way. Pero pag time ang kalaban, ano bang pag-asa nating manalo?


12:44 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. July 17, 2021

Hoshi mono

There are many things I wish to buy, but the desire to invest and save as much money as I can seem to have a better control over my spending. Hanggang kailan kaya tatagal ang pandemya na ito? Gusto ko nang yumaman. Malaki parin ang gastos ko kahit hindi ako masyado lumalabas. Mostly sa cat food. Ang mahal ng cat food. Grabe.

Gusto kong gumawa ng bagong template sa Tabulas. Maybe Jiraiya themed. Or Naruto themed. Wala lang kasi akong pc at ang hirap gumawa at mag test ng code kung nakacp. Hindi ko rin alam kung pano. Ayoko i-access ang tabulas sa work pc. Mahirap na.

The newly issued work laptop look nice. Nicheck ko yung presyo, nasa over 30k. Bibili ba ko?

Lol, syempre hindi. 

Gusto ko rin ng personal ref. Nasa 9k ata yung maliit. Bibili ba ko?

Again, hindi.

Maraming easy payment mode to buy a car. My life will be a whole lot easier if meron kaming sasakyan... bili na ba ko?

Hindi pa rin ang sagot.

Pag super mayaman na ko, titipirin ko pa rin ba ang sarili ko?

Though I don't spend one time big time, I do give in to mini luxuries, like aircon jeep kesa regular. Magtata tricycle for 70 pesos kahit wala akong bitbit, against 10 pesos sa jeep, para mabilis akong makauwi kesa lumakad ng kaunti. I also spend on good restaurants whenever I go out of the house. Afterall, halos once a week or once in every 2 weeks lang naman ako lumalabas. Lahat ng to ginagawa ko para kahit paano hindi ko ma feel na deprived ako.

Saan ba ko dadalhin ng lahat ng ito?

When I was younger, I had grand dreams for myself. I remember I used to want something grand. Achieve great feat, then prove myself to the world. Ngayon, I just want to live an easy life. Yung malaya ako sa oras ko. Yung may pera ako para sa mga gusto at pangangailangan ko. Yung hindi ako marerestraint ng kakulangan ng pera at oras. Ganun.

Hindi noble na dream. Pero parang yun kasi yung gusto ko. 13 years of corporate slavery. Siguro lahat naman ng empleyado may point sa buhay nila na gusto nilang lumaya. Ako every single day, I dream of breaking free from this. Yet the thought of losing job is still very scary. Kaya siguro ganito yung nararamdaman ko. I guess it's natural to hate the things that bring you fear, no?

Ano kayang gagawin ko?


03:06 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. July 12, 2021

Tenzo

Kung kelan napamahal na ko kay Yamato taicho, saka sya makikidnap ni Kabuto! Kainis! Huhu.

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Started giving meds to my 2 cats. Ngayon ko lang nalaman na marunong sila mag kung fu. Tumatumbling pa, promise. Parang reincarnation ng karate kid. Matinding pakikibaka talaga. 6 more days bago matapos ang gamutan. Fighting!


08:53 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. July 10, 2021

Kero kero

It is said that Sasuke is the most handsome dude in Konoha. Can't help but doubt that when Naruto is looking so fine in his Sennin mode. Orang eye shadow and all. That's whole different level than Sasuke. Yiiiii!

211th episode of shippuuden. I guess an anime/krama series can't be too long if it's this good, no? Ampogi kaya ni Naruto. I also love Shino, Shikamaru, and Gaara. Excited na ko sa shinobi war. With the effect of coffee ice cream kicking in, I can watch until my phone's battery run out, if only my eyes allow. Yun nga lang, I have work tomorrow. 

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Tita told me that my cousin, her son, wants me to be the ninang of his child. All good naman. Pumayag ako. Nakakainis lang na pinipilit ako ni Tita to physically attend, when I already told her that I'm not yet vaccinated, neither are anyone from our household. Nakakainis that she was able to convince Dad, and Dad promise he'll have Tito to send us there using his car.

Naiinis ako. I hate it when people decide on my behalf. Naiinis din ako how Tita kept insisting na pumunta ako, when I already said 'no', and with legitimate reason at that. Nakakainis. I'm feeling disrespected whenever people closest to me do things of this sort. Parang emotional blackmail. Nakakaiinis.

I'm not going. Oh, watch me. 

I've always been seeking freedom. You know that, right? Lahat ng pangarap at aspirations ko sa buhay, yun naman talaga ang ultimate goal. Freedom. Nanggagalaiti talaga ko when people try to control me, or force things on me. Grrrrrr.

Alam mo ba, when we were younger, bff had always sought peace. I think it's a nobel thing to seek. Di katulad ng hinahanap ko... yung freedom. Parang ang selfish lang kasi. But this is what my heart screams for.

Know what, bff and I are so different. She's dedicated and reliable. Ako naman, lazy and indulgent. She's always been the cooler one between the two of us. Though I think highly of my bff, I kinda like myself this way. 

So I guess the question that I need to answer now is how I'm gonna turn my weaknesses into strengths, since I don't really hate my weaknesses at all.


01:42 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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水曜日. July 7, 2021

Bibitteru

Can't go on watching Shippuuden knowing that Jiraiya will die anytime soon. I read about Boruto having a time travel thingy back to konoha when his dad, Naruto, was still little. I took a peek on those episodes kahit hindi ko pa nauumpisahan ang boruto. Jiraiya was there... alive and all goofy. Haist. I guess my heart needs more time pa bago ko ituloy ang Shippuuden. Hay nako. Promise, affected talaga ko.

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Went to the office earlier to pick up the new office laptop. On the way back home, inabutan ako ng ulan at mejo nabasa. Tokwa, lalagnatin pa ata ako. I took 1 paracetamol, 2 sodium ascorbate, 2 lysine, 1 vit b complex, 1 vit a and 1 vit e. I wasn't able to drink supposed after-lunch vitamins because I was in QC, so I took all my usual vitamins in one go. Ngayon, ansakit na nga ng ulo ko, ansakit pa ng tiyan ko.


12:56 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. July 6, 2021

Ero Sennin

Tokwa. Ilang pause na ko sa episode na to. Putek yan. Hindi talaga ako ready makitang ma deds si Jiraiya. Tokwa. Bakit ba kasi kailangan nya pa ma deds? Feeling ko mas kaya ko i-handle if si Kakashi nalang, though I don't want that to happen too. Tokwa, why Jiraiya? Why? Huhu.

I feel like I'm prolonging this heartbreak. Damn Naruto Shippuuden. Sinasaktan mo ko. Huhu.

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Barely 20 mins lang yung episode, tinapos ko in 1 hr. Buhay pa si Jiraiya. Maybe on the next. Ang hirap hirap naman nito. I love Ero Senin so much. I can't handle this. Tokwa.


06:32 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. July 5, 2021

Sage mode

Ito na ba yung episode na madededs si Jiraiya? Hindi pa ako prepared. Huhu.

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Pinapa pick-up yung replacement laptop. Need to go to the office tom. Worse part, kailangan kong dalhin yung isosoling cpu at monitor. Ambigat, Bes. Good luck sa pag commute bukas.

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Jiraiya... Wahhhhhhuhu! Postponing this ep for tomorrow. Hindi pa kaya ng puso ko. Kainis. Huhuhu.


08:58 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. July 3, 2021

Repeat

Waited until 11PM for the delivery team. Waley. Wala parin akong pc for work. As long as the company will pay me still, keri boom boom.

There is a swollen mass on my armpit. Like a mini volcano of puss erupting. It has been tormenting me for days. Sana nga wag nalang muna dumating ang pc ko. My arm movement is limited because of the pain and discomfort. Wala na kong leave. Sana madeliver nalang pag okay na kilikili ko.

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Nagsusuka na naman yung isa sa pusa ko at ayaw kumain. Nakakapag alala. Sunday bukas, not sure if may vet. Yung kilikili ko pa. Tokwa. Bahala na. I sometimes wish I have a car so I can easily bring my cats to the vet. Kaso di nga pala ako marunong mag drive. There is this car on display sa sm. Suzuki S-presso na kulay orange. Sobrang naku cutean ako sa kanya. Manual daw to. Sabi nila mas madali daw mag drive ng automatic. May automatic bang orange na S-presso?

Syempre di naman ako bibili. Di rin naman kasi practical. Wala kaming garahe. Parang natatakot din ako mag drive. Sarap lang isama sa daydream. Mehehe.

Someday. Soon. Lahat ng bagay na gusto ko, makukuha ko. Sana.


11:18 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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私の名前はZです。


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