Sunday, September 16, 2018

1034

Clock reads 9:32PM. It's the 3rd day of my 4-day long weekend. Tomorrow's the last and I'd be out for a movie.

A few days back, I watched Goyo. I can't understand where the bad reviews are coming from because it was so good.

The last time, shinare ko yung post ni Heneral tungkol sa Goyo, tapos, Bes, hinart nya! Syempre lumundag ang fangirl heart ko. Nakakatuwa.

Totoong isa si Heneral sa mga writers na hinahangaan ko. Pero bukod sa writing skills nya, siguro yung mga pinaniniwalaan nya ang higit na hinahangaan ko at yung tapang nya na tumayo para rito.

Gusto ko ring maging writer. Gusto kong maging parte ng isang pelikulang mag-aangat ng antas ng kalidad ng mga pelikula sa Pilipinas. Pero bukod sa pagsusulat, gusto ko rin maging kasing tapang ni Heneral.
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My definition of a bad ass woman is someone who gets what she eats from her backyard, runs with her dog in the morning to stay in shape, and fearlessly does whatever outrageous things she feel like doing... but most of all, she has to be kind.

I want to be a bad ass woman.
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Ang mahal daw ng sili ngayon. May tanim naman kaming sili pero saktong pang gamit lang. Ikayaman ko kaya kung magtatanim ako ng marami pang sili?

Gusto ko nang magtayo ng sarili kong garden. O kaya farm. O pwede rin hacienda para bongga.
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I set my other phone on airplane mode and I'm now playing some meditative song on it. Itinabi ko sa pinakamaarte kong alaga.

Two months since I've started planting succulents and I feel like it's very close to having pets. Hindi talaga prepared ang puso kong mamatayan ng halaman. To date, I have 17 plants. My most favorite one is the most maarte among them. Sabi sa group na finafollow ko sa Facebook, fast-draining soil, once a month watering, bright shaded area and no to full sun. Then above all, wag daw papansinin. Sinunod ko lahat ng advice except the last. I checked it kanina, meron na namang molds at mga latang dahon, samantalang hindi pa sya nadidiligan ever. Hays. O sya, walang pansinan kung walang pansinan. Sinubukan ko nalang rin syang patugtugan ng music dahil healthy daw sa halaman. Sana mag work. At sana naman, wag mamatay ang paborito kong alaga.
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I was feeling exceptionally lonely this morning. I thought maybe making someone happy will make me happy, so I helped Mom with the laundry. I also help her cook her favorite ginataang bilo bilo. Ok naman...

Iniisip ko kung hanggang kelan ba ko ganito.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:38 PM.

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Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Don't look

It hasn't been easy, you know.

It took me a month to at least feel ok, only to look at his social media account and feel my chest hurting again.

WHY CAN'T I JUST STOP LOOKING?

I remember the first time he met my parents, he just froze. Ganung level na pala sila. They kinda look good together. Believe me, I'm happy that he's happy. I am. I am. I just don't feel happy for myself.

It just gets harder as time goes by...

To believe that someone will ever love me again.


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:09 PM.

1 comments


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Tuesday, September 4, 2018

EP

Sabi sa nabasa ko, scientifically, emotional pain daw can only last for 10 minutes. Anything longer than that is self-inflicted. 

I was starting to feel ok until I once again checked his IG. Why the heck did I delete my own account if I'll keep on visiting his in the first place? Nade-detox din ba ang puso? Putakte.

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Things are pretty bad in other things as well. The cage will no longer keep the current building. Said we will be transferring to Pasig before the year ends. I need to explore my other options fast.

Gusto kong maniwala na pag shine-shake ng Diyos ang mundo mo, diladala ka lang Nya somewhere better. Still, I wish he'd just give be better options instead. When I got myself here, I said I'd just stay for a year. Tapos, poof! 5 years na. Oh, Lord...


Written by cinderellaareus at 03:23 PM.

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Monday, September 3, 2018

Random, random, random thoughtsss

"Anong gagawin mo pag nagkaron ka ng isang milyon?"

Dad asked me this question out of the blue. When your dad, old and sickly, starts asking a question like this, ang hirap hindi mag-isip ng kung ano-ano, specially since I know my dad. I was working on my garden then, wiping tears habang nagmamartilyo.

Until Dad told us why he asked. Said he had a dream daw. In the dream, he committed suicide and he met San Pedro. Pinagalitan daw sya ni San Pedro at sinabing hindi pa daw sya pwede ma deds because my brother doesn't have his own house yet, and Dad's apo, my niece, is not very ok yet. Sinabi daw ni San Pedro na Dad will win in lotto kaya he needs to live. I saw Mom's tears while Dad was telling us a story. Pero later on naging fun and lighthearted naman yung convo when we started to plan kung pano kami magpaparte parte sa 400 million pesos. Lol.

I don't really care much. I just want to have my dad for a long long time pa. But I don't mind having millions either. Sana nga totoo ang sinabi ni San Pedro. Hehe. 

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Nalaman ko na "Tagpi" pala ang pangalan ng aso ng kapitbahay na tinatawag kong "Pogi". Nakakatuwa na hindi sya lilingon pag tinawag mo syang tagpi pero lumilingon sya sa pogi. Alam nya kaya ibig sabihin ng pogi? Lol.

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I still feel like someone who broke a leg and who is just starting to learn how to walk again. It still hurts. It does. I deleted my IG and didn't have the slightest regret. If it wasn't for the people I don't want to lose contact with, I'd delete FB too. 

But what for? Soon I'll recover from this. I'm starting to entertain the possibility that maybe I'd really be better off single. There are days when I want to close all connections I have from the world just so I wouldn't see anything that involves that person. 

But what for?

Iniisip ko kung magiging masaya pa ba ko ulit.

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Masipag ako sa paperworks and stuff that require an eye in details. But heck, I hate manual, physical labor. Pero the weekend that passed, I've spent with hammer, saw, pliers and stuff. I was fixing the garden for my babies and future babies. In love na in love talaga ako sa mga halaman ko.

Today, I bought air dry clay. I plan to make hand-made pots for my plants na plano ko ibenta once I get a hang of things. Gusto kong magpatayo ng garden. O kaya green house.

I've been spending most of my days emersed in reading posts sa fb group na dedicated sa uri ng plants na meron ako. Nakakakilig na nandun si Jennica at nagpo post at nagko comment din. Super idol ko talaga yun. Not as an actress, but more as a mother, as a wife and as a human being in general. Check her IG and you'll understand why.

May nabasa pala ako kanina about using vetsin as fertilizers. Mabilis daw magkakaron ng pups at flowers. Excited na ko magvetsin. Sana magka flowers na ang cacti ko.

20 mins to go tas uwian na. Thank you, Lord!


Written by cinderellaareus at 03:42 PM.

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* * * *

Friday, August 31, 2018

3o

30 days down and 1 more day to go and here's a brand new month.

The month of August hit me hard in so many ways I can't wait for it to be over.

I want to lay low for a while.

I want to believe... more like hope... that my relationships will still be there when I get back.


Written by cinderellaareus at 02:32 PM.

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Tuesday, August 21, 2018


I saw the neighbor's dog, Kilay's dad, at a sarisari store across our house, so I greeted him, "Hello Pogi!"

To my horror, a man nearby, standing next to his motorcycle winked.

Mej creepy. Huhu. : (

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F: Anong age mo balak mag-asawa, R?

R: Siguro mga 30s.

F: 30s daw, Z?

Z: di na tayo magkakaanak non, R

R: edi live in

Z: ano ka, siniswerte

*** I wonder if the girl now will say yes to that. But then he's more than capable of getting married now though.

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Holiday Tuesday at work. My workweek just started and I already want to go back home.


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:27 AM.

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* * * *

Monday, August 20, 2018

Right-tama

Monday. Was on leave. I intended to stay at home and fix my speech. Pero kasi mejo poor talaga ko ngayon kaya ang hirap tumanggi sa libreng sine, so I went out.

Ang babaeng allergic sa wifi. Ang dami kong naaalalang tao. Putek. Dapat siguro, hindi muna ako nanonood ng love story. Nakaka-emo, Bes.

Parang ang daming promising na tagalog films lately. Excited na kong magkapera. Sana may maabutan pa ko next payday.

Hindi naman ako magastos. If it wasn't for this bogus buyer who ordered so many tas di naman kukunin, may pera sana ko ngayon. Grrr. Pero ok lang. Mabebenta ko pa naman to. Tiwala lang.
------

I just learned that Joan's wedding is in 25th din pala. Same date ng contest. Heck, it's too late to back out. Pero ok lang din. The venue's far and wala rin naman akong outfit.

------

Ang bilis mag shift ng moods ko lately. Parang gusto kong pumunta sa lugar na dead ang signal gaya dun sa 'Ang babaeng allergic sa WIFI" movie. Wala lang. Para wala ako makitang post na di kaayaaya. Madali lang naman mang unfollow ng tao. Ayoko lang.

I'm pretty sure I'm not hurting. Heck, I don't even feel jealous. Puno lang siguro ng what-could-have-been's and stuff. I just miss the connection. It makes me a little sad. Hindi naman kasi madaling humanap ng ganun. Or baka sa mga maling lugar lang ako naghahanap.

Pero despite the sadness, I've been feeling more at peace lately. Maybe I'm already learning to gracefully let go. 

Sana next time na magmahal ako, dun na sa tamang tao. Sana by then, 'tamang tao' narin ako for that person.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:41 PM.

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* * * *

, August 19, 2018

S. O. S.

Ever stared at your creation and wondered, 'how the eff am I going to make this better'?

Putakte. Ba't nga ba ko sumali sa contest na to? Jusko Lord, help me...


Written by cinderellaareus at 06:38 PM.

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Saturday, August 18, 2018

0715

Why, I'm back to writing almost everyday. Lol.

I just want to organize my feelings because it can be disorienting when you feel so many things. I remember I was INTP in myers-briggs. I wonder if I'm an INFP now. Lol, I doubt that. I scored only 4% in Feelings then against Thinking then. Ganun ka landslide.

Anyway, ayun. Same as last week ulit ang Saturday ko. Sleep, eat, take care of my plants, repeat.

May head is still aching. I hope this is just a simple fever and not eyesight related because I just changed my eyeglasses and I can't afford a new one. Lord, pengi pera!!! Huhu. I wonder magkano kaya magbenta ng kidneys nowadays. Lol.

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I got Anthony's evaluation for my speech today via FB. I agree to all his points because I've noticed it too. Hindi ko lang alam kung pano ko iaapply. Dapat siguro inaasikaso ko na ang pag-ayos ng speech ko. Sana naman maging maayos ang lahat. Hindi ko pa nafi-figure out kung pano, pero sana maipanalo ko to.

Tita Nora's surprised birthday party tomorrow. If I can wake up early, maybe I can drop by sa Feast and then lipad nalang right to the venue. Namimiss ko nang magsimba. Namimiss ko na mag-feast. Nakakalungkot lang kasi magsimba mag-isa. Weird because back in the day, I didn't mind. Indeed, I'm getting old.

I filed a leave on Monday so it's a long weekend for me. I dont mind going to work the following day kahit holiday since I know na walang traffic then.

Kung may pera ako, pupunta ako sa Farmers garden to shop for plants. But for now I'd suit myself in collecting pebbles siguro for soil mix. Besides, I also have a speech to fix pa nga pala.


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:44 PM.

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