9:22am. 10 o'clock ang pasok ko pero halfway palang ako ng byahe. 3 consecutive days na kong late. Ayoko na, Universe!
A lot of things running in my head. January palang, puno na ang sched ko the entire year. Hindi ata sasapat ang 10 VLs ko. I don't even know if may VL na ko since I'm yet to hear anything about my regularization eventhough I'm on my 6th month here already. Bahala na.
I've been browsing for luxury pieces recently. Hindi naman talaga ako bibili. Pinapasaya ko lang ang sarili ko at the thought na kahit paano, afford ko naman yan. Tumitingin din ako ng mga murang tours kung saan pwede kong dalhin ang buong pamilya ko. Next year nalang siguro. Kaso may bago na kaming baby non (sis-in-law is pregnant and I'll be having my 1st nephew around May 2020!), baka mahirap pa mag travel.
Naalala ko yung sabi ni Rex Mendoza dati. Most of the rich people daw do not enjoy spending money, they enjoy making more money. Siguro same yun sa sayang nararamdaman ko pag nakikita kong tumataas ang presyo ng stocks ko sa stock market. Ewan ko. Siguro imbis na humanap ako ng pagkakagastusan e dapat humanap ako ng way to make more money... something sustainable. Para dumating ang araw na hindi ko na kailangan matakot na mawawalan ako ng trabaho kung lagi akong late or absent. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love the people here. And I still consider this as one of God's greatest blessings since last year.
Still, hindi parin nawawala ang pangarap kong maging financially free.
May nakita akong ad sa fb tungkol sa business presentation for travel and tours business. I sent them a message to express my interest. Alam kong marami nang travel and tours business, pero ok lang. I want to still try.
Kagabi, a friend sent me a message na may sars daw sa China at may potential na mag spread sa Taiwan. I researched about it and can't help but feel worried. Kung ako lang mag-isa, ok lang. But I'm bringing my parents with me, so I'm not so sure anymore. I told Mom about it and mentioned that Taiwan is tightening their security by monitoring the temperature of the people arriving to their country. Mom said she have colds daw and decided to see a doctor kasi baka daw hindi sya papasukin sa taiwan pag may sakit sya. She's more concerned about not being let in, than catching the virus. Ewan ko sa nanay ko. Kung ako masusunod, ayoko na sila tumuloy. Mas mataas kasi ang mortality rate sa mga people ages 50 and above pag nagkaron ng SARS. Iniisip ko nalang, love naman kami ni God. Siguro magma mask nalang kami the entire travel and madalas na mag a alcohol at sanitizer.
Isang linggo ka nang absent. Bakit?
09:47 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Gumising akong mejo tinatamad na umalis ng bahay. Ang puso at diwa ko kasi ay nagbabakasyon na sa Taiwan nitong mga nakaraang araw. Pero nagbago ang lahat ng nakita ko ang mga kasama ko sa club. Lakas mang asar at mang bully ng mga taong to. Kaya siguro love ko sila.
In the end, nanalo ko bilang champion sa contest. Hindi ako nagkaron ng time na maenjoy ang victory ko dahil tawang tawa ko sa mga kalokohan ng mga kasama ko. Yung tinawag yung pinakamalakas na contender bilang second place, inassume na nila na ako ang nanalo. Ayoko nga sana lumapit sa stage kasi hindi ko naman narinig na tinawag yung pangalan ko sa sobrang ingay nila. Kinilig lang ako when AD Ces was teasing the audience before announcing the champion saying, "I'm looking at her right now", while looking at me. Wala lang. Ang saya lang.
Winning the area contest means I should be advancing to the division level. This will be happening on Feb 8. I will be in Taiwan then. I knew this from the start and I was okay with it. Nalungkot lang ako kasi Keren from the neighboring club sweetly offered na me-makeupan nya daw ako sa division contest. Tas nalaman ko pa na nag champion pala yung crush ko from other club dun sa area nila sa same category. Makakalaban ko sana sya sa division kung makaka attend lang ako.
Gusto ko makalaban si Crush. Syempre hindi ako magpapatalo. Sana mamove ang contest. I already talked to the 1st runner up regarding this though. But who knows... Universe, baka naman po...
Pero all kababawan aside, I'm happy that I won. Things haven't been smooth in the club lately. Or maybe feeling ko lang. But I think this victory brought smile to our faces, and that more than paid the price.
Next year, lalaban ako ulit. Gusto ko makaabot sa district level at maging national champion.
One of the reasons why I wished to win the contest even before I actually did e para malaman nung everyday crush ko na I'm really good. Tas di man lang nya ni like yung post ko. Hmp.
Syet, ambabaw. Lol.
One of the perks of not being pressured about getting married anymore e I can like whoever I want na.
There's this dude I've noticed since the last time we had a lengthy talk. For someone so young, he's quite matured. And with him, grabe, walang dull moments. Ang sarap nya kasing kausap. Bukod dun, ang ganda rin ng buhok nya, ang haba ng pilikmata, tas ang ganda rin ng kamay nya. He's such a gentleman also and is really generous. When he's not wearing anything formal, tipong everyday casual lang, he kinda looks gwapo and nagiging obvious ang pagiging rich kid nya. On top of that, he's very very smart. I think his only flaw is that, he's just 21 years old. Lol.
I used to like 1 guy at a time lang, pero ngayon paramiran na. And really, why not? For 1, hindi naman nila alam. Lol. 2, hindi ko naman sila papakasalan lahat. Lol ulet.
12:38 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Bo Sanchez often tells the story on how he met his wife. Sabi nya, he used to see her daw, not as a woman, but as a monoblock chair. Gaya ng tingin nya sa mga furniture. Dinadaan daanan nya lang. Masyado daw kasi syang busy nun.
A friend and I was chatting a few days back. The friend had just gotten married February last year and is now pregnant. As usual, she's still pressuring me about my relationship status.
Know what, I've thought about it for long and I think it's about time to give it a rest. Ayoko nang pilitin ang sarili ko sa awkward dates, chats, whatevs. Ok naman ako as is. Bakit kailangan ko pang baguhin?
This allows to me free up a lot of my time and focus on things that I truly like to do. I also feel less awkward around men now as I no longer see them as a potential love life. All good.
But then, there's this monoblock chair that I've been noticing for a while now...
Pero wala lang naman. Mukhang hindi naman sya single. Siguro tamang pampasaya lang ng araw habang iniisip ko pa kung paano ko magagawa lahat ng gusto ko sa buhay.
Si Monoblock Chair. Lol.
Promise, wala akong gagawin.
Area contest in 2 days time. Tinatamad akong umalis pero excited akong makita ang mga friends ko. Nalulungkot ako dahil alam kong wala sya and I'm really sad on how things turned up for him. At times I wonder how he's doing. At times I'm worried on how his absence will affect us, people of the same circle, now that he's no longer around. Ang dami kong hindi alam. Ayoko pa rin magtanong. Sa tingin ko kasi, minsan, ang kindest na pwede natin gawin sa isang tao e to not ask them difficult questions.
Nalulungkot pa rin ako.
07:56 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
So, andalas kong umiyak lately kaya laging ang sakit ng ulo ko. Gaya kanina paalis ako ng bahay at nakita ko sa news ang nangyayari sa Australia. Awang awa ako sa mga hayop. Sumakit yung ulo ko sa pagpigil ng luha kasi pag nakita ng nanay ko na mugto ang mata ko at namumula ang ilong ko, anong isasagot ko pag nagtanong sya? Lol.
May nabasa ako na umuulan na daw sa Australia. Sana tuloy tuloy na. Heavens, please...
So ayun. Most of the time, normal naman ako. Pero kanikanina lang mejo bad trip ako dahil sa daming hassle na na eencounter namin in planning my trip to Taiwan. I asked TL if he got the leave request I sent him. He did daw. Hindi lang daw sya Nag reply. I don't know kung anong ibig sabihin non at kung papayagan nya ba ko. Juice colored, ayoko na maghanap ulit ng trabaho.
Tapos problema din ang pag book ng place. Initial plan kasi bilang babae kami lahat, all girls hostel. Pero dahil kasama si papa, I was met with the following options:
1. Mag all girls kami lahat with Mom and then Dad will be on the other floor na all boys naman.
2. Mixed na boys and girls pero pati cr dun mixed na boys and girls.
Sa totoo lang, nahihiya na ko kay Mel sa hassle na dulot nito. Ayoko ihawalay samin si Papa kasi matanda na yun, baka biglang madulas or something e hindi na malakas ang tuhod nun. Pero parang hindi rin ako comfortable na may kasamang mga lalaki na hindin ko kilala sa banyo. Nag check ako ng airbnb. Magaganda sana at comoarable ang price, kaso naman 'Te, naka Chinese! In the end, I told Mel na the 3 of us will opt to the mixed option nalang. If ever, pwede naman na sabay sabay nalang kami mag cr kung nakakatakot. Malay mo, sa mixed cr ko makilala yung "The One" ko. Lol.
Irita, inis, saya, drama moments-- halo halong emosyon ang na fi feel ko lately. Siguro malapit na mag time of the month. Must be hormones. Pero ngayon, natutunan ko na magpalit palit man ang nararamdaman ko, hindi parin feelings ang bubuo ng pagkatao ko, kundi siguro e yung mga choices ko. I'm choosing to be happy and calm no matter how messed up I feel inside. 34 years of existence told me that feelings do pass by anyway. Walang reason para ma attach tayo sa emotions natin. Ganun. Basta ang hirap mag explain.
Contest on Sat. Tinatamad ako. May practice din kami bukas. Tinatamad din ako. Kaya ko lang gusto pumunta e dahil one of us is a doctor, and he reserved us a practice venue sa conference room sa isang hospital na malapit sa work ko. Bilang isa sa mga frustrations ko ang maging doctor, gusto ko pumunta dahil lang sa venue. Tsaka parang ang astig e. May conference room pala sa hospital?
Iniisip ko parin kung pupunta na ko. Putek, nakakatamad.
Sana okay kang sina Brett at Eddy sa Australia. : (
08:44 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
So, umuwi ako sa bahay from work. Kumain at nakipagchismisan saglit sa kapatid ko, tapos umalis papuntang bangko sa may SM. Hindi pa natutulog, hindi pa naliligo. Hindi na rin ako nag bother ma mag lipstick.
So, past 12 nung lumabas ako ng SM pauwi na sa bahay. May lalaking sumalubong sakin na panay sabi ng "Miss..." akala ko mga tricycle driver na nangungulit na sumakay or kaya goons, so di ko pinansin. Tas lalong lumapit yung lalaki at panay miss ng miss ps rin sakin. Pag tingin ko sa guy p*@! $#/&*?!!! Yung crush ko sa previous company ko! Takte. Anong ginagawa nito sa SJDM, Bulacan, e alam ko taga Fairview to? Sheeesh.
Wala lang. I had all the time in the world para magsuklay man lang at mag lipstick. Takte, jahe. Sighs.
Anyway, ayun lang naman. Hindi na naman kami magkikita ulet non. Yaan mo na.
Naalala ko lang yung line sa Meteor Garden dati... dapat daw ang babae, laging nag-aayos at nagpapaganda dahil hindi nya alam kung kelan nya makikita ang prince charming nya. Oh sya, next time.
PS: Dapat pala nag picture ako. Wala lang. Remembrance.
12:28 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I was happy ob my way to work last night because I was able to negotiate my way into getting the shift I want: 10AM-7PM.
Now I'm half way to my last night shift (at least for this month), and I can already feel it sucking all the happiness out of me.
Pagod na ko, Universe. T_T
Thankful ako sa trabaho ko. Really, I am. And I know I'll be in big trouble kung mawawala sakin to.
Pero in my heart, dama ko na hindi para sakin ang corporate world.
Anong gagawin ko, Universe? T_T
03:20 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Papatapos na ang taon. Ang daming dapat gawin. Ang dami ko rin ipinag-aalala tungkol sa buhay buhay.
I just booked for my parents flight to Taiwan on Feb na sabay sa flight namin ni Mel. Bigla kong na realize na wala akong ipon and I need now 3 times of my original target budget. Lol. This is only 2 salary cut offs away. Bahala na.
Dad started exercising again para daw makapaglakad sya ng maayos pag nag Taiwan kami. When we had our family trip kasi in Intramuros, napagod sya at nagpaiwan nalang sa bench. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kukuha ng pera. Hahahaha.
When we were in college, I had this friend na ang daming issues sa buhay. We often helped her get through her life as a student, but I used to hate it when this control freak (myself) was already pulling her hair to help a friend get through an impossibly tight situation, tapos the friend she was helping was acting all chill pa, saying, "God will provide."
Looking back, she was indeed able to go through all the hard times with just that idea though.
All my life, I've always worked and worried my way into having things done. It made me always stressed, but I did get things done. Iniisip ko if magwo-work ba sakin ang pagigimg chill. Right now, I feel like that's the best choice I have. God will provide.
Ang daming bagay na nag-aalala ako.
Yung work ko na hindi ko alam kung makikeep ko ba since we're still waiting for the decision of the client if they'll keep us or not. I'm not even regular yet. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong mangyayari pag hindi kami nakakuha ng favorable na decision.
Yung Taiwan trip nga.
My parents' health.
My singularity at this age. Yes, there's that too.
And then this person that I'm worried about...
yung future ng club...
kung dapat pa ba ko mag stay...
kung kaya ko bang isabay lahat ng to considering na ang dami ko na ring inaalala even without this...
I woke up early kanina. Mga 5am. At around 6am, bumaba ako sa may sala to find that I was alone in the house. Namalengke pala ang mga magulang ko. I took my time to enjoy the silence. I opened the back door of our house and smelled the fresh air sa garden ng tatay ko. Namunga na pala ang puno ng papaya. Yung isa, namumulaklak na. Pa chirp chirp lang din ang nga ibon at ang sarap nilang pakinggan.
Know what, hindi naman talaga ganun kasama. Ok naman talaga ang buhay ko. Sadyang mahirap lang talagang hindi mag-alala, pero kung tutuusin, ok lang naman talaga.
Siguro for once, kailangan ko ring matutunang maging chill at maniwala na God will really provide.
May mga days na nalulungkot din ako at nao overwhelm. There were days I've spent crying because I felt unsure on what to do. Days that looked so nice on the external. But then they were. It's just that, life has so many angles pa at hindi naman lahat, naka capture ng camera.
2019 had been a happy year, but December was the most challenging part.
And it's not over yet.
03:04 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
A guy coworker was sharing stories about his life, where he said, "traumatic error" instead of "traumatic experience". Lol, #ITproblems
Hello, good morning! Almost 4 hours here in the office's sleeping quarters and I'm still wide awake. I need to fix myself by 11 so I can meet my family in Manila by 1pm. Office is in QC.
"Nag-aral ka pa, tas magko-call center ka lang?"
I used to say this to my brother, or anyone from my relatives who were planning to work in call centers. But karma is a bigger bitch, so here I am working in-- oh, guess what-- a call center!
Yes, it's humbling and all, but I never really felt like I'm being punished. If anything, I learned to treat this profession- and the people working here-- with so much respect. Ang dami kayang magagaling dito.
Tapos, natutunan ko rin na being on graveyard shift is not really so bad. Kung hindi ko lang iniisip ang Elite, I'd love to stay in this shift a little longer pa.
Know what, the acct manager talked to us the month before I went to night shift. He told us the account's situation. If the client will decide to take the other company instead of us, well have until July to finish the contract and then we'll disperse to different accounts na. I'm not so sure if same will be true for bilinguals like myself. I dont know if there're enough accounts who are in need of Japanese speakers here. Sa tingin ko, hindi ko parin naman naiisip yun.
I'm just starting to learn about my work here. Sayang naman yung mga natutunan ko. It's been a long while since I really work, and I want to do good.
Then, more than that, I'm also just starting to get to know the people here... pag umalis ako dito, bagong pakikisama na naman.
I really wish that the Heavens will allow all of us to stay longer pa. Sana.
10:20 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Haven't been in my best mood these past few days. Maybe because, I'm on red alert. Today is particularly nasty. I got home around 8am and the house was locked. I kicked the door and called out Mom on top of my lungs, though I was sure she wasn't there. I saw my pregnant sis-in-law, all pale from just getting up from her sleep, climbed down the stairs to open the door for me. Turned out, Parents forgot to leave the keys when they left to go to palengke.
I ate junk for breakfast because there was no food yet. I feel like choc-o is the culprit why I still could not sleep when I should have slept 3 hrs ago. That, and also all the drilling happening in the next room--parents' room. They're having an aircon installed, so yeah. Looks like I won't be sleeping today. I'm really feeling frustrated about this that I want to get a knife and kill myself already.
Not joking though.
12:12 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。