Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Dreams and metaphors

Sabi ko kagabi, maaga akong matutulog tonight. 930 na, hindi pa ko nakakapag-ayos. Tamad na tamad ako lately.

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Do you remember when was the last time your heartbeat raced inside your chest ? I just had that this morning. I know my patterns. I know what excites me so much, my heart somersaults. I don't know why I'm not doing anything about it.

Kaya ko gustong magkaron ng maraming pera e para magawa ko na ang mga gusto kong gawin. Ang weird na pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong gawin ang mga gusto kong gawin dahil sa wala pa kong maraming pera. Kailangan ko ba talaga ng pera para magawa ang mga gusto ko?

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So, I see that you're meeting a lot more women recently. A part of me wonders if you now realized that you can't find anyone else like me. They could be greater than me in an aspect or so, but I know what you're looking for and I have all that. I know I'm still the only one perfect for you.

Naks, spell confidence. Lol.

Most of what I'm looking for, you have too. Still, I don't want to do anything about it right now. I don't want to put shackles on someone I'm not even sure I could keep.

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Seems like you forgot. 

Be careful with your metaphors, Z.

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Nakakakaba pag sinabing "keynote speaker". Kailangan ko yata ng mas matibay na puso.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:14 PM.

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Saturday, June 16, 2018

1128

Umulan kahapon pagkatapos ng workhours ko. Buong araw na masakit ang ulo ko at mejo nilaglagnat pa. Bukod don, masakit pa yung tiyan ko. I had every reason to skip our TM meeting and there was a battle inside my head whether I will attend or not. In the end I found myself riding the bus, telling the konductor to drop me off in Kamias, then rode a jeep and got myself to our meeting's venue.

It was my last meeting as our VP Ed and as an officer in general. Can't miss it, I had to bypass all my excuses. Kahit ulan at sakit ng tiyan, hinamak ko. Ganito rin kaya ako magmahal? Cheret.

Good morning, Tabby! It's 11am. Kagigising ko lang. There's a lot of things to do. Today, I will bring my baby girl, Gigi, to the vet. Her eyes started to look foggy, we suspect she has cataract. We have 2 more dogs who have the same problem. I would love to send them to the vet too and I could. Only, Mom told me that if I do, those 2 might fight until they kill eachother once their eyes hurt from the operation. I'd rather have them blind than dead.

I few years back, Mom offered to send me back to school to study to become a vet myself so I can take care of our dogs. I loved the idea but I wasn't able to go with it because I was laden with my excuses. I wish I can just wake up one day tas, poof! Vet na ko!

Tomorrow's Father's day. Next week's Mom's birthday week. Mom's birthday celebrationsssss started a few weeks back and will continue probably until the month ends. Our queen can't have just one birthday celebration indeed.

Kailangan ko na mag diet. I tried IF. Didn't work. I'm back to Atkins for 2 days now. This remains to be the most effective for me so far. I'm already 10 kilos away from my weight 5 years ago. 10 kilos!!! Yoko na, penging blade! T_T

A few changes once July comes. Today I woke up with a few members' messages asking about their speeches. Someone even requested to be scheduled for a speech yesterday. There's so much to relay to the next VP Ed. I really forgot how to be an ordinary member. This might get a lot of getting used to.

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Yung crush ko from other club, dumalaw samen kahapon. Tagal kong nastuck sa venue after the meeting, hindi ko manlang kinausap. Hindi ko naman lalandiin, gusto ko lang makilala. Kaso ang sakit nga kasi ng tiyan ko. Huhu.

He's cute pala sa malapitan and mukhang mabait. Single kaya yun? Ang hirap kumilos pag masyadong malayo, sana mag member nalang sya samin. 


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:28 AM.

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Friday, June 8, 2018

The only F word I love is "Friday"

Hello Tabby. It's Friday!

Been feeling down for some time. Must be the weather. 

It's been raining more frequently lately. I love the rain. I love how it makes me sad sometimes. I think sadness is good. When felt sparingly, that is.

Will be meeting the girls later. Just some chat over coffee. I think I'd rather have beer. They don't drink beer.

Yesterday, Mom was asking me to accompany her in meeting an acquaintance who works for an LGU today. Mom rarely ask for my presence. I felt bad that I couldn't say yes because I have work and couldn't file a leave because Partner filed his a few days ago.

I need sleep. Badly.

We have guests at home. I feel sorry for our dog, Gigi. She must be tired from barking all the time.

We'll be having a day out with the guests tomorrow. Mom wants me to go home earlier tonight. I don't know how can I possibly do that if I'll be going out with the girls 3 hours bus ride away from home.

I love my home town and all. I just wish I don't have to travel this long every single effing time.

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Rainy days mean silence. Peace. I can imagine sitting by my favorite chair, reading a good book this weekend.

Seems like it's not gonna happen, but I'm not really complaining. Sleep is non-negotiable though.

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Been sad for the entire week. I have to be happy next week if I'd like to stay sane. When was the last time that I had meaningful human interaction?


Written by cinderellaareus at 08:19 AM.

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Sunday, June 3, 2018

And we're back to regular programming

Hello Tabby! It's Sunday. Most schools will start their classes by tomorrow and I'm bracing myself for the worse traffic jam.

Our baby Kaitlyn's back. She's been away for a month. Was too sleepy to get up this morning but Mom woke me up at 6am and I was hearing our baby girl calling me. Whenever that girl is at home, there's no way she'll let me stay in my room in peace. Not really complaining.

I feel like I'm going to go back to my normal life. I don't really feel bad about. There's something I feel happy about but for a reason I couldn't even remember. 

Went back to sleep after breakfast. Woke up past lunch. I don't how can I sleep tonight e kakagising ko lang.

Weird. I feel like I'm about to start a new life when there's nothing really new about my life. I actually feel excited about it for no reason. I think it's not a bad thing though.

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It's June now. 1 more month and we're halfway 2018. I know the half of the year wasn't so bad, but maybe I can do so much better.

My hopes are high. I know great and even happier days are ahead.

All smiles. : )

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There's this dude from another club that I'm interested with. Wala naman akong balak makipag harutan for now, I just want to take a closer look. Jeez, why can't I reconcile with my own schedule?  T_T


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:32 PM.

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Friday, June 1, 2018

Nemui

Kung kada hikab ko ay kumikita ako ng piso, siguro kakasya na ang kinita ko bilang pamasahe pauwi sa Bulacan mamaya.

For straight 1 week, I had trouble with sleeping. I've been sleeping 2-3 hours per day, my head is pulsating already. Can I go home?

Kaitlyn will be back home tomorrow. Brother's in-laws will send them very early Saturday morning. I wonder if I should just skip the meeting tonight to have enough sleep for tomorrow, but I want to watch our National Champ deliver his speech tonight. l remember I also told Gabby I'd be joining him in Greenhills Prime tomorrow.

Antok na antok na ko! Sleep, please be kind to me. T_T


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:53 AM.

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Wednesday, May 30, 2018

DM

It's 10:18pm. There are things to do, but here I am, sitting on my favorite swivel chair as I type this. Just like earlier when I was riding the bus, my phone was beeping, but the moon and the night sky were so beautiful, I didn't want to miss a moment of it. I ignored my phone and admired the night sky instead. Truth is, I was trained to jump into doing seemingly urgent things... but lately, I'm changing, and I'm liking it. I think I just want to put priority to what really matters.

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Years ago, Fr. Mario mentioned in his homily about the promises of Jesus to Sister Faustina. I remember I thought of researching about it, and it took me years to actually do so.

I just read it today. 17 things that Jesus revealed to Sr. Faustina about the Divine Mercy. As I was reading it, narealize ko lang na ang sweet sweet din talaga ni Jesus.

"I want to save them all," he said.

He also said na the more na grabe yung mga kasalanan mo, kahit kasing dami pa ng mga buhangin, mas lalong malaki yung karapatan mo para sa Kanyang Mercy. Minsan ang hirap din talagang hindi mahalin ang Diyos no. Sobrang bait Nya naman kasi.

Hindi naman ako madaling maapektohan pag jina-judge ako ng iba, pero just to be sure, I saved the link sa bookmark ko para sakali mang husgahan ako ng iba sa mga bagay na nagawa at hindi ko ginawa, maaalala ko na si Jesus, unli ang Mercy, unli kung magpatawad.

Naalala ko yung paborito kong chapel sa Megamall. Sa loob kasi ng office na katabi ng main chapel, meron pang maliit na chapel na madalas kong tambayan kapag nalulungkot o naguguluhan ako. Sa maliit na chapel na yun, may picture ni Jesus na sobrang gustong gusto ko. Akala ko dati, sacred heart ang tawag dun. Kay Jenny ko lang nalaman na yun pala yung Divine Mercy. Mahal na mahal ko yung image na yun. Pag pumupunta ko don, minsan ididikit ko lang yung noo ko sa picture ni Jesus at kumakalma ko tas natatagpuan ko yung peace. Nakakatuwa na all those times, ayun na pala yung Divine Mercy.

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Every day that passed since the week started felt like Friday to me. I'm reading my Toni Robbins book. I should be writing posts for my businesses, or buying ads, but I guess I want to slow down for just a bit. Do very little and then see how things pan out.

Same sa love front. Do very little, see what will work out, and then from there, decide. If things don't work, then we can all just move on and proceed to the next.

I want to keep things as simple as possible. Incur the littlest damage possible-to myself, to the person involved. After all, feelings are investment too. You've got to dream big, but start small. 

I will have considerably more time this coming month. I want to use this time to expand my world. Gabby have a lot of club hopping sched jotted on his calendar. I might join him on some of these.

Naalala ko yung sabi ni Sis Rissa noon. Naisip nya daw dati na sakali man na dumating yung time na nasa point na sya ng buhay nya na wala na talaga. Na hindi nya na makukuha yung gusto nyang makuha, at least daw, she can look back and say, "Lord, at least I tried."

Well, ako rin. I also want to at least try.


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:07 PM.

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* * * *

Monday, May 28, 2018

fonder or not

they say that absence makes a heart go fonder...

or forgetful.

I guess I've underestimated my capacity to forget. Sino ka nga ulet? Lol.

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Been on an eating fiesta since the day after our 007 party. Need to go back on eating moderately if I'd like to look like a normal human being. Another black tie event in a month now. Pwede namang hindi umattend. I just want to support Gabby. Besides, I might be needing more nice pictures in the future.

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Today, I learned that the language in Maldives is called Dhivehi. It's kinda interesting how there so much more out there in the world that I am yet to see and discover.

Maybe I can also visit Maldives one day.... Wait, why not? : )


Written by cinderellaareus at 04:01 PM.

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Friday, May 25, 2018

7:49

Do you remember the first time someone said to you, "I love you"?

I remember he was acting odd that day, I seriously thought he was having stomach ache. When I got home, we were texting and he was picking a fight thru text for absolutely no reason. Then after all his virtual tantrums, in his message he said, "I think I love you."

I remember I was so shocked. He was the last person I expected to hear it from. In my panic, I threw my phone on the bed and buried it under a pile of pillows, looking at it like it was gonna explode or something. Lol, it was quite traumatic. 

I remember smoothing my chest to calm my rampaging heart asking, "what did just happen?"

Funny, right? But I guess I never really change so much. If it happens now, I might react the same way. Can't throw my phone though, because, 1st, this is Mom's phone. 2nd, this si expensive, Mom will probably kill me.

I wonder how are we going to find love when the slightest hint of mushiness makes us cringe and run away. This is just too pathetic, it's almost laughable.

But I'm going to outgrow all these because I'm going to find a good man and with him, build my own family.

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Ok joke lang to. Pero posible kaya na ang Prince Charming ko e nakatira sa Maldives at pinanganak lang nung 12 yo na ko?

Lol. Probably not. Pero hindi naman siguro kailangang laging may romantic angle ang mga bagay bagay. I just remember my AOTS days. I really miss meeting people from different countries. 


Written by cinderellaareus at 08:19 AM.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Bloopers, kilig and stuff

Z: Hello Ma'am, kamusta po kayo? May nagustuhan po ba kayo sa brochure?

Cust: Hello! Okay naman ako.

Z: *so, ano 'to, kamustahan?*

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Z: Hello *insert name here*! We are located in SJDM, Bulacan.

Cust: Ok po. San po location nyo?

Z: *kasasabi ko lang, Ate. T_T

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My mood fluctuates between wanting to laugh or pull my hair off dahil sa mga ganitong klaseng banat ng mga customers ko. But in a way, I'm happy that they're there. They keep my businesses alive. I'm greatful. Kahit ganyan yang mga yan, love ko yan. At pinagdadasal ko na ma bless sila ng products ko. Kahit minsan masakit sila sa ulo, sana talaga dumami pa sila.

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24 hours since I signed up from this  dating site. Two 20 yo's, a couple of dudes in 30's, about 3 in their 40's and a handful of 50s and 60s marked me as "interested". It's interesting how this works. Someone even marked me as "favorite". I also recieved a few messages na nakakabadtrip lang kasi hindi ko mabuksan dahil kailangan pang mag upgrade sa premium.

Isa dun sa mga nag "interested" saken ay mejo trip ko. He sent me a message. Sheeeet, nakakakileeeg! Hahaha. "Hi" lang naman ang sinabi nya pero feeling ko ready na kong bumuo ng pamilya kasama sya. Lol. Ang futuristic talaga ng mga babae.

I intend to upgrade to premium soon. I can afford naman, kaso I also want to have my money ready in case I recieve bulk orders from my biz and need to shell out money. Ano ba dapat mauna, pera o lovelife? Haha!

Okay, charot lang. I'm not really serious. I'm just enjoying myself. This is actually a good diversion. I still miss someone.

Will it even affect you one bit if I'd end up with someone else? Putek. I hate asking questions like this.


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:28 PM.

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