Entries in category "木曜日"
Needed to bring my cat to vet for an operation. The med bills costed nearly 8k. That would've been nothing much kung meron akong trabaho, but I've been unemployed for 7 months already. Pero sa totoo lang, more than worrying about the money I've lost, I'm really grateful that I still have my Yomi.
I still don't know how to fix my financial situation. I've been avoiding it for a long time, but earlier today, I decided to check how much money I have left on the stockmarket. This has been my main source of funds since I resigned from work last February. Kinakabahan pa kong i-check, pero nagulat lang ako na parang lumaki pa yung pera ko compared to what I had back early March, to think na naka ilang withdraw na ko since then.
Alam ko namang the value is still at the mercy of the market's performance, at wala syang real value hanggat di ko pa binebenta. Pero kahit ganun, this is still giving me a tiny bit of hope na maybe, maayos ko parin itong lahat.
Walang nakakaalam sa future. But I'm hopeful. And grateful. I know the day when I'll never have to worry about money anymore is coming real soon.
01:24 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Ang tagal ko nang di lumalabas ng bahay, feeling ko hindi na ko sanay sa tao.
I went to the BIR's Briefing for New Business Registrants. Sa jeep on the way to get there, a stranger who was seated next to me casually asked what lotion I use. I told her I'm not wearing any. She then asked about what soap I used, to which I said "Silka". Then she was like, "Silka lang?" I got a bit confused until she told me that my skin looked nice, that was why she wanted to know. I used to receive compliments for my skin, but it's really not convincing to receive one now when my arms are covered with little scars I got that one time when I tried to cook something. I wonder if that was really why she was asking.
After the Briefing, which was in Sta. Maria, nag Joyride Car ako to Shangrila Plaza to get Bank Statement. Mahabaang byahe, at machika si kuyang driver. Hours after nya akong maihatid to my destination, he started calling me again. He's married with kids, but mentioned na hindi daw sila okay ng asawa nya and wala na daw pag-asang magkaayos pa. I don't want to jump into conclusions, pero hindi ko kasi makita yung point kung bakit pa namin need mag-usap, so I blocked his number. Sure, it can get pretty lonely being single, pero wala akong planong maging kerida.
Antagal kong di lumabas ng bahay, and considering the kind of interactions I had with people today, I can't say I miss interacting with people at all. Ang weird na the entire time I was out, I couldn't wait to get back home.
Jeez, I feel like I have become a full-fledged hermit.
07:21 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Had a meeting with the HR last night. She's quite a bitch. Pero okay lang.
In 3 working days, tapos na ang lahat ng ito. I don't know why, but my mind seems convinced na hindi ako maghihirap. Lol.
I feel generally at peace. Though from time to time, dumadalaw yung fear at anxiety para sa future. Sinubukan akong kumbinsihin ng HR to stay, though sobrang nakakapikon yung mga sinasabi nya, but I don't think it could've made any difference sakali mang mas maayos nyang sinabi.
Ang daming sinasabi ng mga tao sa paligid. Parang ganito rin nung nag decide akong huminto sa pagiging Engineer. Alam ko may point sila, and I don't hate them. They're entitled to their own thoughts and opinions. I don't really mind that much even if they run their mouths. They're not entirely wrong.
But I want to take charge of my life. At the end of the day, I have my best interest in mind. And I want to believe that this time too, magagawa kong gawing even better ang buhay ko sa kabila ng difficult and unpopular decisions na ginagawa ko.
Maybe this time, I can say na "kaya ko to" and actually mean it.
Walang nakakaalam sa future, but I'm going to do my best.
Since I'm feeling kinda lonely, parang gusto kong mag focus in expanding my network. But just stepping outside the house requires money. Ugh. Bahala na. I'll find a way.
Gusto ko by March, marami na ulet akong pera, so we can go to Dubai and travel with Tita. Gusto ko to drop by in Japan first, kasi magko close na daw ata yung Gundam factory sa Yokohama. Gusto ko sana makapunta muna dun. Though meron pa rin naman Gundam sa Odaiba. I should've gone there kung di lang sana ako nagkanda ligaw ligaw sa Kamakura nung nag Japan ako May last year. Haaaa, I miss Japan so bad.
Ang weird, you know. My love for Japan had always felt like an unrequited love. I always ache and long for it, but even when I'm there, it always feel so far a way. The longing goes on, and it never gets satisfied. Ang weird no? Baka kaka anime at manga ko to.
Sana maging mabait ang 2024 sa akin.
Sana maging mabait ang 2024 sa ating lahat.
11:59 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Nine days to go and I'm free.
The work load has been considerably lighter than usual, pero resign na resign pa rin ako.
I'm grateful for this job. It allowed me to bring my parents to nice restaurants, and even travel with them abroad. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung anong mangyari sakin pag nawala na sakin ang trabahong to.
Nag fill out na ko ng exit interview.
Sa 29th, ibabalik ko na sa office yung laptop.
30-60 days daw bago makuha yung last pay. Saka ko na iisipin if kasya ba yung pera na meron ako.
May parte parin sakin na excited at the thought of becoming free, and the endless possibilities. Pero syempre, hindi siguro talaga maiiwasan na mag-alala.
I'm still the same as I was when I first left my previous company.
Gusto ko parin mabigyan ng magandang buhay family ko.
I want to bring Mom and Dad to nice restaurants and travel with them abroad.
Gusto ko paring yumaman at mabigyan ng luxurious life ang parents ko, at ang sarili ko.
Kaya ko to.
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Nasa Dubai sa Tita, Mom's younger sister. She'll be staying there for 2 months. Alam kong gusto rin ng nanay kong pumunta. Sakali mang hindi ako mag resign, alam kong hindi ko masasamahan si Tita dun bilang limited ang leaves ko. Pero kung makakapag produce ako ng pera bago sya umuwi by enf of March, I'll be able to go there with Mom and Dad.
Gusto ko ng pera para makapag Dubai kami kakit 2 weeks lang. Universe pahingi ng 500,000 pesos (kasya na ba to?).
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Gusto kong magkaron ng sarili kong kabayo. Sparkly black ang color. Gusto kong sumali sa race at manalo.
Ayoko sa probinsya. Gusto ko sa mga modern at historical city. Next na country na gusto kong puntahan ay China.
Gusto kong mag aral ng Chinese. Pero gusto ko munang at least maging N2 sa Japanese.
Namimiss ko na ang Japan. Pag hindi na issue ang pera, gusto ko magpunta dun at least 3 times a year.
Wala na akong balak naging employee ulet. How can I meet new people then?
I wonder if I should go back to TM. Or maybe study law. Or maybe teach JP language. Or meet people while traveling.
Ano bang maganda?
Gusto kong maging mayaman, masaya, at malaya.
01:23 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I emptied my work desk and locker yesterday, and brought ng work laptop home. Once the month is over, I'll be free from this company.
Kahapon technically ang last day ko sa office. May onting lungkot, at wala rin yung feeling-the-wind-breeze-on-your-face-for-the-first-time feeling. Siguro dahil papasok parin naman ako, though wfh. I'm also starting to worry about the future. Pumapasok din sa isip ko na baka mas wise na i-retract ko nalang to since I need stable income. I mean, who doesn't.
Pero kasi, twing nabi bwisit ako sa trabaho, or nahihirapan, my only consolation is knowing na matatapos din to soon.
Haaaayst. Ano bang next?
Mom, Dad, and I are planning to go to Quiapo this weekend. I could use some Divine intervention and guidance sa kung anong gagawin ko sa buhay ko. Ayoko na kasing maging empleyado. I need to find a way to earn a lot of money to sustain the lifestyle we have gotten used to for the last 4 years.
Gusto ko ulet mag abroad. Gusto ko magtravel. Gusto ko kumain sa magagandang restaurant, at bumili ng magagandang damit. I want to be able to give my parents a good life. I want to be able to give good presents to my niece and nephew. I want to give my family and myself the best life possible.
Kailangan ko kumita ng maraming pera.
Haaaah.
Universe, I need your help.
10:39 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Hindi pa ko nakaka recover sa deductions from my 4 days sick leave without pay (I've used up my SLs), ito, may sakit na naman ako. The last time I was sick, I felt harrassed from the demands from the office, at napaaway pa ko.
I'm bracing myself for another away. I sent a message to my boss, with sorrys and pasensya na pos. Then it hit me. I really hate this—having to say sorry for being sick. Kasalanan ko ba na may sakit ako?
God, I want to resign.
Siguro it's not that bad. I appreciate how Kayla tries her best to help me. Even Shain is not really that bad on most days.
My parents are old. It's Dad's 11th year since stroke. Turning 12th by October next year. They said stroke survivors usually last only 10 years after stroke... I mean, heck, I need money. I need this job. I feed 5 cats, plus 2 more outside. People and animals are relying on me.
I love my family and my cats. Ano ba naman yung konting hirap sa trabaho. Maraming trabaho, pero hindi pa naman ako napapa ot ng husto, and I know... I know... people at work are trying to be supportive.
Siguro it wasn't being sick that I have to say sorry for. It's having to leave them on their own knowing na konti lang yung tao.
Still, I don't like this feeling.
Ugh.
For now, I need to focus on getting better.
06:43 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Realizing that in almost every work place I've been in eh napaaway ako at least once, napaisip tuloy ako na, 'could it be that I'm the problem?'
Well, whatever.
Dad's been seriously wanting to win Lotto. He's been going to mass every week to pray for it, tas balak nya pa kumpletuhin yung simbang gabi.
Sana nga. Magreresign ako agad pag milyonaryo na kami.
I feel like I'm really not suited for corporate life, lalo na't may pagka tigre talaga ko. But Whenever I try to endure the feeling of being wronged, and try to hide tigre-ness, it feels so painful. I hate that feeling.
That's why I feel so much better off alone.
Haaaa. Ayoko na. I want to be so rich that I will never have to work anymore. Once I'm free, I'd study something. Maybe I'd go to law school. Or maybe study Mandarin, polish my Japanese skills, or maybe learn graphic arts. The possibilities are endless.
This tiger wants to be free. I don't wanna be caged in this place called "work" anymore.
10:40 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Magreresign daw yung isang workmate ko. Usually, nalulungkot ako pag may nagreresign. But more than lungkot, naiinggit ako, kasi sya, lalaya na.
Iniisip ko kung solusyon bang humanap ng ibang trabaho. But how will it be any different kung lilipat lang ako ng ibang cage?
Haaaaaaaa. I'm tired. Gusto kong mag leave ng 1 month. Or mag leave tas di na babalik.
Haaaaaaaa.
I seriously need something to spice things up. Ang alat ng buhay. I don't even know what "maalat" means.
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I met a cute bird when we went to Cebu Safari. It landed on a railing near me. I tried talking to it, when it flew and perched, first on my head, then on my shoulder. It even pecked my cheeks several times, parang kiss. If birds are this sweet, naisip kong gusto kong mag alaga ng bird. But then I learned that they live for about 10 to 20 years. I'm worried that I might die first, leaving my bird to fend for himself.
Sometimes life feels too short no. Pero most times, it feels too long and pointless. Hahaha.
Haaaaaaaaa.
I'm so unhappy. I wonder if requirement ba talaga ng pagiging adult ang masanay na hindi ka masaya.
03:13 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Ang sama ng panahon.
Sabado ng madaling araw ang flight namin. Makacancel kaya?
Iniisip ko nalang, ang mahalaga ay safe kami.
Bahala na.
02:27 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
