Entries in category "Thursday"



kerokeropi
Thursday: November 16, 2017



i look like a frog. even makeup cannot cover the damage.

it's been a while since i last had a crying fiesta, my eyes sear. it was never for a reason as silly as this one.

Gabby sent this message to club's group chat yesterday.

minsan hindi ko alam kung sadyang mahal nya lang ba ko or may galit sya saken. lel. i actually asked.

hindi naman ako nape-pressure. natatakot lang.

alam ko namang sabaw pa yung speech ko pero nisend ko na kay ivan. tinatamad narin kasi akong ayusin tas wala narin naman talagang oras. lahat naman ng comment nya agree ako. alam ko narin naman bago ko pa pinasa, pero parang pag galing sa iba yung mali sa gawa mo parang iba yung impact e no. nanapak. ganun. lel.

ewan ko.

siguro kung kami kami lang, or someone from the club lang mag eevals saken, keri e.

ok lang naman.

kung sasabihan ako na magrepeat... well, masasaktan ako. pero makakamove on din ako. di ba humans are made to recover naman talaga.

pero kasi.. wala lang. nakakahiya kasi. nakakahiya na nag effort pa si gabby na mang imbita ng evaluators na, hello, contest champions lang naman... tapos sabaw lang pala yung idedeliver ko. yung feeling na sasayangin ko lang yung oras nila yung pinakamahirap i-handle para sakin. ayun lang naman.

last night, i asked the Heavens to help me. sabi ni Bo Sanchez, pag may hihingin sa Diyos daw, hindi dapat na nag be-beg. kasi anak ka ng Diyos e. bakit ka magbe-beg. ask and believe that you will recieve. ganun lang daw.

but it's hard to believe na ibibigay Nya nga kung minsan ka na Nyang binigo. yung huli ko kasing hiningi sa Kanya, hindi Nya naman binigay. ang hirap talaga maniwala e. kaya sabi ko nalang, "Oh sige po, give me a hug nalang." hindi ko rin alam kung binigay Nya ba.

i went to bed last night at 1030. slept at past 11 na siguro, then woke up 0130. i tried to write another speech because the one i wrote needs a total overhaul. hindi rin kinaya ng powers.

pero kaninang umaga, sinubukan ko nalang ayusin yung existing speech ko. hindi parin naman maganda. pero hindi na siguro kasing sama.

iniisip ko pa yung new members kasi baka hindi nila nakita yung mga prev speech ko na ok naman. pag nakita nila yung sabaw kong speech. nakakahiya lang. well, ok lang naman. iniisip ko kasi baka magsisi yung mga members na pinili akong mentor pag nakita nila na ganito kasabaw ako mag speech.

ok. ang praning ko no?

hindi ko pa nasisimulang mag memorize. absent si partner. ang busy sa cage feeling ko nga hindi na ko makakalabas ng buhay kanina. lel. pero naayos naman lahat.

pero nakakatuwa rin na may mga taong nag bother na kamustahin ka if buhay ka pa e no. Andre sent me a message saying goodluck sa speech ko and that nagulat daw sya sa line up ng evaluators ko. nakakatuwa rin yung batang yun na twing merong nakakapanic na pangyayari sa club, nangangamusta at nag-ooffer ng tulong. kahit loko rin yun paminsan minsan, naa appreciate ko parin na ganun sya.

sabi nila what cannot kill you will make you a better person. siguro magiging super better person na ko after this.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:14 PM.

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Shards
Thursday: October 26, 2017



I found a really nice set of movies lately. Not really so much a fan of love stories recently, but these are good. Minimalist, painfully realistic. The one i watched today is the prequel of the one I've watched yesterday. In the movie, the girl talked about how scared she is about dying.

I've been in a few accidents before. The worst happened when I was sleeping in a bus. Woke up as the bus skidded. I remember there were shards of broken glasses flying in front of me and i found that one of my sleeves was soaked with blood. I'm pretty sure I wasn't scared then. I remember i even waited—more like eagerly anticipated—that our bus will collide into one of the colossal columns in EDSA. I remember wondering how the collision will feel like. That event made me think that maybe I'm not really scared of dying.

The jeep I was riding earlier was fast. I wondered if that was going to be my last night. Funny, didn't mind that much. 

Things are pretty bad. I ran out of ways to fix things. As I sleep tonight, I can only hope that the Heavens will just fix everything for me.

....

...

Yeah, I haven't felt this bad in a while.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:51 PM.

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これからどうする
Thursday: October 26, 2017



It takes so much time, money and efforts that I'm starting to question if this is even worth it.

..

.

This sucks, but I'm probably leaving.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:07 PM.

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Chirps and clouds
Thursday: October 19, 2017



It's a Thursday and I'm out of the cage. I had the Wednesday planned out but didn't push through. It's alright. 

I set the alarm 6am but woke up 2 hours earlier. Tried and failed to sleep again so when the alarm rang, I stood up and did a 23minutes exercise. I was actually looking forward to this day, I don't know why I'm feeling so gloomy now that this day has come. 

I can hear birds chirping, and by the window, the sky is gloomy white. Mukhang mabigat na yung ulap pero ayaw paring umulan. 

TM Friday tomorrow. Gabby and Ivan won't be there. Since this won't be the first time that we're gonna hold the meeting without anyone of them, I was confident that we can push this through. Well that was until LA informed us that she couldn't make it tomorrow too. Jeez, can I panic? Well, I'm nervous too. Pero more sad than nervous. Nakakalungkot din kasi pag wala sila. I know the meeting can't just be the same without them. Hayyyst, nakakalungkot. 

With LA absent, I'd be the highest ranking officer present tomorrow. I don't mind doing the setup and everything else that can be done silently behind the scene, pero kasi kailangan ko rin i-welcome yung guests. The rest of the officers will probably get there at least a few minutes before the meeting start. I think kailangan ko rin kausapin hung mga new members, make them feel at home and all. Iniisip ko palang, para na 'kong lalagnatin. It will be a whole lot easier if only LA can be there too.

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Ang bilis ng panahon. Halfway through October na. Feeling ko nga, November na. I booked a super cheap space to sleep for 3 nights around Pasay in time for the KCON. When I told Mom, she bombarded me with questions and things like, 'sinong kasama mo?', 'ba't di ka nalang kila tita mo?', 'maraming pinapatay sa hotel.' Lol. Nakakapraning tuloy. 

This is my 5th year of attending KCON. 5 years? Grabe, parang ang bilis lang and yet that's about 1/6th of my life na. 

Ang bilis ng panahon. Nakaka emo.

32 years and I'm yet to figure out what I really want to do. 

Pero sabi ni Tim Ferriss, maling question daw yung 'what do I want?'

The question should be, 'what excites me?' I guess that's way easier to answer. 

I know the things that excite me. Some of these, I actually do on a regular basis. Some requires a whole lot of money than I possess. Some, I can afford. Still, all of it, in a way, requires money. 

Money may not be everything, but it feeds you, it pays your lifestyle, it funds your dreams and most of all, it's a tool that can help you love extravagantly. 

Puteeeek, kailangan ko na talagang kumita ng pera. 

Saan nga pwede magbenta ng kidney? 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:32 AM.

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Source Code
Thursday: October 12, 2017



Maganda naman ending, pero bothered na bothered talaga ko.

Need something light later.

This is surely one of the best though.

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"Hi Z! Are you the latest model of Tide? Joke."

Someone sent me this message yesterday. I know this is lovelife related since he posted something like this earlier. Calcula, calcula... Whatebs.

Ang daming pampam sa mundo lately, tapos this. Pero in a way, ok lang rin. At least, they seem harmless.

Been sleeping and eating a lot lately. These past few days, I've been spending my 2-hr morning break and 1-hr lunch at the sleeping quarters, sleeping. Yung 4-6 hours total na bus rides ko, tulog lang rin ako. Sabi nila sleeping and eating a lot are the symptoms of the lonely.

The past few days were actually good though. I turned a year older last Friday. Mom bought the cake I requested (black forest from red ribbon) and 1 bilao of palabok. The neighbor brought pancit and malagkit. 

The following day, I tasted some really good sushi. It's been a long while since I tasted it this good. There were also takoyaki, some tempura and beef yakiniku we grilled ourselves. Syempre marami pang iba pero super winner yung sushi. It was so good I've been having dreams about it. Ang hard no?

The following Monday, had a date with bff who just came from Malaysia. We watched a super korni movie, but our really nice kwentuhan more than compensated. I think my birthday this year is so far the nicest compared to the previous years.

Still feeling not so fine though. Maybe because I've been eating a lot and my clothes no longer fit well which is kind of depressing.

We have this biggest loser challenge in our club. It buffles me how my body has this habit of making me eat more just when I need to lose weight. Ok lang rin.

Tito is going back to Pinas from Dubai. We will be having a mini reunion on Saturday. I dread that I might look hideous in pictures. Ang taba ko na kasi. Huhu. #firstworldproblem

------------

Last MidCon in Bacolod. Most of my TM friends are there. I've went out with them on many occasions but never on an out-of-town trip like this. I bet it is going to be fun if join them, but seeing how much and how often they eat through their fb posts alone is making my stomach churn already.

When I was younger, I'd be lucky if I'd be able to do it once daily. Back then, once would suffice. I used to envy people who can do it 2-3 times a day. Feeling ko kasi mas healthy, but now that I'm older and with my body changing, I now have the need to do it every after meal. Not once, not twice, not trice, but every after meal! Can you imagine the hassle? It wouldn't have to be an issue if only PH is just like JP where there are decent toilets everywhere.

Grabe, ang dami kong issue sa buhay. Lol.

But maybe I'd join them in 2019 sa Discon. My super idol, Dananjaya, is coming daw eh. The heck with my stomach problems, I can't miss that, right? Sana by then, kasama ko sa contestants ng district contest and then maybe I can end up as a champion too para astig. Hehe.

2019. TM pa ba ko non? Nasa Elite pa kaya ko non? Ang daming pwedeng mangyari in a day, how much more in years. Well, we'll see.

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PS:

Any recommendations for a feel-good movie I can watch later?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:27 AM.

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Limitless and fangs
Thursday: October 5, 2017



In an excel file, I have a list of movies I've watched since Inception. I'm on my 17th. I aim to finish 100 before the year ends. Jeez. What a life goal.

Limitless was my 11th. Not a 5 but I was amazed by the concept. If the drug NZT-48 does exist, puteeek, id drink one in a heartbeat...

I remember Richard Bach wrote in his book, Illusions, “If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats.”

I remember the main character there, after drinking the drug, started cleaning his place, started dressing up, then talked to people... One doesn't really need an NZT-48 to do that, right? Maybe I can start from there. Maybe from there I can get to where I want. Or what I want... Oh damn this.

Today is Shutter Island. Boy, I need something light tomorrow...

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The world is too noisy today. Maybe I should show a portion of my fangs to silence them down.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:00 PM.

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Baby
Thursday: September 21, 2017



Hey. It's 7:37pm. My feet are on the pedal of our stationary bike and I'm halfway my daily 30 mins workout. Should be a hip hop abs day today but there's our little tyrant guarding the tv. This will do.

Yesterday, i just got back to work after a self-decided long weekend. Partner was sick and is still sick so since then I've been solo at work. That will continue until tomorrow. No compaints though.

I watched Baby Driver earlier. For almost everyday since Monday last week, I've been watching at least 1 movie daily. I usually choose reading books since it makes me feel more productive, but i realized there's not much difference because the real difference lies in actually doing something, ikr.

But so far, I'm loving my daily dose of movies. Marami ka rin palang matututunan. Parang nagbabasa rin ng libro. Baby Driver was good. I'd give it a 3.5 stars. A few days ago, Mr. Peabody and Sherman. It was a 4.5. Last week I watched parts 1 and 2 of Now you see me and I'm giving it a 3 and a 4 respectively. As per LA gurl's recommendation, I also watched Inception and I'd love to give it a 5 if it wasn't for the minor inconsistencies in details. 4.7.

In case you're wondering what are my 5's here are a few:

-Passengers

-Real Steel

-Breaking Dawn ( i haven't watch the other twilight movies other than this nor read the books, yet I found this one as a winner.)

-Ratatouille

-Warm Bodies

-Big Hero 6

* Lucy comes close to 5 too but I found the need to include that one dude there just to give Lucy a love interest quite forced. Still superb though.

They say you will be same person in 5 years as you are today except for the books that you read and people that you meet. I think movies that you watched should be included.

Baby. Can you imagine meeting a boy with a name Baby? B-A-B-Y Baby? Ang cutie pie pa nung batang yun. Yiiiii! Haha!

If I'll have a boy, I will name him Baby. I hope he will forgive me. Haha.

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What is your favorite movie? Please comment below. I'm having a hard time choosing what to watch next. : )



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:56 PM.

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Darkness and gloom
Thursday: August 24, 2017



Things went from bad to pretty fucked up. And i can't think of anyone else who knows the worst time to give a bad joke than my dad. It didn't help that my niece was also having tantrums then.

I didn't particularly snap, i just answered sarcastically, which would've ended fine if only i said it lightheartedly, but i didn't. Dad went silent. I noticed his occasional 'singhap' and he even wiped his eyes for about a couple of times. I hope he wasn't crying. He's not the type who would. This doesn't prevent me from feeling awful though.

Pag may masakit daw, ibig sabihin may mali. Mukhang ako na naman yata ang mali. Alam ko namang may problema at alam kong hindi ko pwedeng forever na isisi to sa PMS. Can i just die? Ugh! Damn this.

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Probably just one of those days. The really dark ones. Experience told me that dark days do pass. I know these too will. Hopefully soon... before i create so much more damage.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:44 PM.

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Jellybeans
Thursday: August 17, 2017



Wait, what? Thurday na?

Parang ang bilis ng week na to. Nakakapikon kasi isang linggo na rin tong monstrous appetite ko. Sa apat na taon ko sa cage, kanina lang nagkaron ng pictorial anik para sa APAC and JP teams. Kung kelan ang taba taba ko na. Thank you very much.

Speech ko bukas. BSP9. Matapos ang matinding pagpilit sa sarili, natapos ko kahapon. Taglish. Sabi pwede daw mag english or mag tagalog ang mga prepared speakers pero walang nagsabing pwedeng taglish. Sighs.. Bahala na bukas.

Naiinis pa ko sa naisip kong topic. Kung kelan persuasive ung speech, tsaka pa ko pumili ng topic na wala akong credibility. I usually try to make my speeches spotless pero kasi ayoko nang ma stuck sa bsp9. Gusto ko na mag move on. Still, sana magustuhan ng audience.

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Naaaning ako sa ilang mga bagay bagay... Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla kong naaalala lahat ng nakakainis na ginawa mo ages ago. 

Ang weird, na mimiss ko yung panahong mahal pa kita.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:47 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
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