Entries in category "木曜日"

木曜日. February 23, 2024


Had a meeting with the HR last night. She's quite a bitch. Pero okay lang.

In 3 working days, tapos na ang lahat ng ito. I don't know why, but my mind seems convinced na hindi ako maghihirap. Lol.

I feel generally at peace. Though from time to time, dumadalaw yung fear at anxiety para sa future. Sinubukan akong kumbinsihin ng HR to stay, though sobrang nakakapikon yung mga sinasabi nya, but I don't think it could've made any difference sakali mang mas maayos nyang sinabi.

Ang daming sinasabi ng mga tao sa paligid. Parang ganito rin nung nag decide akong huminto sa pagiging Engineer. Alam ko may point sila, and I don't hate them. They're entitled to their own thoughts and opinions. I don't really mind that much even if they run their mouths. They're not entirely wrong.

But I want to take charge of my life. At the end of the day, I have my best interest in mind. And I want to believe that this time too, magagawa kong gawing even better ang buhay ko sa kabila ng difficult and unpopular decisions na ginagawa ko.

Maybe this time, I can say na "kaya ko to" and actually mean it.

Walang nakakaalam sa future, but I'm going to do my best.

Since I'm feeling kinda lonely, parang gusto kong mag focus in expanding my network. But just stepping outside the house requires money. Ugh. Bahala na. I'll find a way.

Gusto ko by March, marami na ulet akong pera, so we can go to Dubai and travel with Tita. Gusto ko to drop by in Japan first, kasi magko close na daw ata yung Gundam factory sa Yokohama. Gusto ko sana makapunta muna dun. Though meron pa rin naman Gundam sa Odaiba. I should've gone there kung di lang sana ako nagkanda ligaw ligaw sa Kamakura nung nag Japan ako May last year. Haaaa, I miss Japan so bad.

Ang weird, you know. My love for Japan had always felt like an unrequited love. I always ache and long for it, but even when I'm there, it always feel so far a way. The longing goes on, and it never gets satisfied. Ang weird no? Baka kaka anime at manga ko to.

Sana maging mabait ang 2024 sa akin.

Sana maging mabait ang 2024 sa ating lahat.

11:59 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。


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木曜日. February 15, 2024


Nine days to go and I'm free.

The work load has been considerably lighter than usual, pero resign na resign pa rin ako.

I'm grateful for this job. It allowed me to bring my parents to nice restaurants, and even travel with them abroad. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung anong mangyari sakin pag nawala na sakin ang trabahong to.

Nag fill out na ko ng exit interview. 

Sa 29th, ibabalik ko na sa office yung laptop.

30-60 days daw bago makuha yung last pay. Saka ko na iisipin if kasya ba yung pera na meron ako.

May parte parin sakin na excited at the thought of becoming free, and the endless possibilities. Pero syempre, hindi siguro talaga maiiwasan na mag-alala.

I'm still the same as I was when I first left my previous company. 

Gusto ko parin mabigyan ng magandang buhay family ko.

I want to bring Mom and Dad to nice restaurants and travel with them abroad.

Gusto ko paring yumaman at mabigyan ng luxurious life ang parents ko, at ang sarili ko.

Kaya ko to.


Nasa Dubai sa Tita, Mom's younger sister. She'll be staying there for 2 months. Alam kong gusto rin ng nanay kong pumunta. Sakali mang hindi ako mag resign, alam kong hindi ko masasamahan si Tita dun bilang limited ang leaves ko. Pero kung makakapag produce ako ng pera bago sya umuwi by enf of March, I'll be able to go there with Mom and Dad.

Gusto ko ng pera para makapag Dubai kami kakit 2 weeks lang. Universe pahingi ng 500,000 pesos (kasya na ba to?).


Gusto kong magkaron ng sarili kong kabayo. Sparkly black ang color. Gusto kong sumali sa race at manalo.

Ayoko sa probinsya. Gusto ko sa mga modern at historical city. Next na country na gusto kong puntahan ay China.

Gusto kong mag aral ng Chinese. Pero gusto ko munang at least maging N2 sa Japanese. 

Namimiss ko na ang Japan. Pag hindi na issue ang pera, gusto ko magpunta dun at least 3 times a year.

Wala na akong balak naging employee ulet. How can I meet new people then?

I wonder if I should go back to TM. Or maybe study law. Or maybe teach JP language. Or meet people while traveling. 

Ano bang maganda?

Gusto kong maging mayaman, masaya, at malaya.

01:23 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。


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木曜日. February 1, 2024

First of Feb

I emptied my work desk and locker yesterday, and brought ng work laptop home. Once the month is over, I'll be free from this company. 

Kahapon technically ang last day ko sa office. May onting lungkot, at wala rin yung feeling-the-wind-breeze-on-your-face-for-the-first-time feeling. Siguro dahil papasok parin naman ako, though wfh. I'm also starting to worry about the future. Pumapasok din sa isip ko na baka mas wise na i-retract ko nalang to since I need stable income. I mean, who doesn't. 

Pero kasi, twing nabi bwisit ako sa trabaho, or nahihirapan, my only consolation is knowing na matatapos din to soon.

Haaaayst. Ano bang next?

Mom, Dad, and I are planning to go to Quiapo this weekend. I could use some Divine intervention and guidance sa kung anong gagawin ko sa buhay ko. Ayoko na kasing maging empleyado. I need to find a way to earn a lot of money to sustain the lifestyle we have gotten used to for the last 4 years.

Gusto ko ulet mag abroad. Gusto ko magtravel. Gusto ko kumain sa magagandang restaurant, at bumili ng magagandang damit. I want to be able to give my parents a good life. I want to be able to give good presents to my niece and nephew. I want to give my family and myself the best life possible.

Kailangan ko kumita ng maraming pera.


Universe, I need your help.

10:39 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。


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木曜日. December 21, 2023


Hindi pa ko nakaka recover sa deductions from my 4 days sick leave without pay (I've used up my SLs), ito, may sakit na naman ako. The last time I was sick, I felt harrassed from the demands from the office, at napaaway pa ko.

I'm bracing myself for another away. I sent a message to my boss, with sorrys and pasensya na pos. Then it hit me. I really hate this—having to say sorry for being sick. Kasalanan ko ba na may sakit ako?

God, I want to resign. 

Siguro it's not that bad. I appreciate how Kayla tries her best to help me. Even Shain is not really that bad on most days.

My parents are old. It's Dad's 11th year since stroke. Turning 12th by October next year. They said stroke survivors usually last only 10 years after stroke... I mean, heck, I need money. I need this job. I feed 5 cats, plus 2 more outside. People and animals are relying on me.

I love my family and my cats. Ano ba naman yung konting hirap sa trabaho. Maraming trabaho, pero hindi pa naman ako napapa ot ng husto, and I know... I know... people at work are trying to be supportive. 

Siguro it wasn't being sick that I have to say sorry for. It's having to leave them on their own knowing na konti lang yung tao.

Still, I don't like this feeling.


For now, I need to focus on getting better.

06:43 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。


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木曜日. December 14, 2023

War Freak

Realizing that in almost every work place I've been in eh napaaway ako at least once, napaisip tuloy ako na, 'could it be that I'm the problem?'

Well, whatever. 

Dad's been seriously wanting to win Lotto. He's been going to mass every week to pray for it, tas balak nya pa kumpletuhin yung simbang gabi.

Sana nga. Magreresign ako agad pag milyonaryo na kami.

I feel like I'm really not suited for corporate life, lalo na't may pagka tigre talaga ko. But Whenever I try to endure the feeling of being wronged, and try to hide tigre-ness, it feels so painful. I hate that feeling. 

That's why I feel so much better off alone.

Haaaa. Ayoko na. I want to be so rich that I will never have to work anymore. Once I'm free, I'd study something. Maybe I'd go to law school. Or maybe study Mandarin, polish my Japanese skills, or maybe learn graphic arts. The possibilities are endless.

This tiger wants to be free. I don't wanna be caged in this place called "work" anymore.

10:40 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。


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木曜日. November 9, 2023

10 of cups

Magreresign daw yung isang workmate ko. Usually, nalulungkot ako pag may nagreresign. But more than lungkot, naiinggit ako, kasi sya, lalaya na.

Iniisip ko kung solusyon bang humanap ng ibang trabaho. But how will it be any different kung lilipat lang ako ng ibang cage?

Haaaaaaaa. I'm tired. Gusto kong mag leave ng 1 month. Or mag leave tas di na babalik.


I seriously need something to spice things up. Ang alat ng buhay. I don't even know what "maalat" means.


I met a cute bird when we went to Cebu Safari. It landed on a railing near me. I tried talking to it, when it flew and perched, first on my head, then on my shoulder. It even pecked my cheeks several times, parang kiss. If birds are this sweet, naisip kong gusto kong mag alaga ng bird. But then I learned that they live for about 10 to 20 years. I'm worried that I might die first, leaving my bird to fend for himself. 

Sometimes life feels too short no. Pero most times, it feels too long and pointless. Hahaha.


I'm so unhappy. I wonder if requirement ba talaga ng pagiging adult ang masanay na hindi ka masaya.

03:13 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。


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木曜日. October 5, 2023


Ang sama ng panahon.

Sabado ng madaling araw ang flight namin. Makacancel kaya?

Iniisip ko nalang, ang mahalaga ay safe kami. 

Bahala na.

02:27 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。


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木曜日. June 15, 2023


Andaming ganap sa araw na to. Or, andaming ganap nitong mga nakaraang buwan.

Nag pirmahan na daw sa paglipat sa kabilang account sila Charlie at Ian. Nauna pa yung result ng pag tanggap sakin sa J*I, pero nauna pa sila makalipat. Siguro dahil naka leave ako. Well, hindi ko talaga alam. Sa totoo lang, hindi kami nagpapansinan ni Charlie for months now. Childish despute. Keri lang. Parehas naman kaming hindi kawalan sa isa't isa. Awkward nga lang knowing na magkakasama kami sa bagong account. Yung mga taong ka close ko sa team, sila yung mga hindi natanggap. Well, hindi rin naman ako sure. May part sakin na nag aalala na baka nagbago na ang isip ng account na yun sa pagtanggap sakin.

Hindi ko nilu look forward ito. Pero ayoko ring mainis ang langit sakin sa pag reject ko sa sarili kong blessings. Sana maging maayos ang lahat. Sana makasundo ko ang mga bago kong kasama. Sana hindi ko na kailangang mainvolve kay Charlie—or even kay Ian, kahit in good terms naman kami. Parang gusto ko kasi ng bagong buhay.

Hayyyy. Nakakakaba.

11:08 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。


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木曜日. June 15, 2023


The last few days were filled with so much crying that my eyes are already hurting. May cat, Iya, is sick again. There was blood in her stool, so I gave her antibiotics. She hates meds with a passion. If fact  papasok papasok palang ako sa kwarto nila, naglalaway na sya out of disgust sa medicine. It was heartbreaking seeing her using the last bit of her strength to struggle against being given meds. Awang awa ako sa pusa ko. Today, I paid a hefty amount for a vet home service. Malapit lang ang vet samin, pero natakot akong ma stress si Iya sa byahe, kaya nagpa home service na ko. I've lost 2 cats already. Ayoko na maulit. And Iya is one of my most special cats. I raised her and her sister, Nicai, on my own, because their mama cat was neglecting them, and she probably even killed her other kittens, that only Iya and Nicai were left. The thing about kittens is that it's not enough that you give them milk. They can't pee on their own, so you also need to make them pee. I got them since the 5th day after they were born. Most furparents don't make it, so it kinda felt like a miracle how they managed to grow into big cats now. I can't help but make them my favorites because I've shed blood, sweat, and tears for them.

Mejo naaway ko pa yung vet dahil ang tagal nilang dumating. Mejo na naguilty pa ko, because he was so reassuring as always. Earmites pala yung sakit ng pusa ko. At kaya lang daw may dugo sa stool e dahil connected daw sa nerve. The treatment also sounded easy. Seems so much easier than wrestling with her everyday to have her drink her meds. Yun nga lang, I still need to finish the antibiotics dahil dapat makompleto yung 7 days.

I know it's too early to feel relieved, pero kahit paano, nabawasan yung takot at pag aalala na nafi feel ko. Hindi pa rin kumakain si Iya, but as long as her life is not in danger, umaasa ako na makakaya namin to.

I took 6 days leaves. 2 lang yung with pay dahil ubos na paid leaves ko. Sobrang konti lang ang sasahurin ko, at sobrang daming gastos, pero kaya yan. Inaalala ko lang na baka nag message na bagong account na supposedly e lilipatan ko. Sa ngayon, bahala na. Let's conquer one problem at a time lang muna siguro.

03:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。


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