Entries in category "Friday"
Ito na yata ang pinaka haggard na work day sa buong working history ko. Isang oras at pitong minuto akong late kanina.
ISANG ORAS AT PITONG MINUTO!!!
In years, ngayon ko lang ulet nakitang binaha ang QC circle. I was so tempted to go back home nalang kanina if it wasn't for the mega hassle leave process sa cage. Watebs.
Anyway. Umaaraw na. Gusto ko sana mag zen moment sa coffee shop. Para maiba naman, sinubukan ko mag coffee bean. Mukhang hindi talaga kami meant to be. Noong unang panahon, I tried their macha ice blended chuvanez. Hindi masarap. So this time i tried their hazelnut choco thingy because, one can never go wrong with chocolate, right? Wrong. Panget lasa. Yoko na. Balik nyo 175 ko!!!
I just booked a reservation for 3 in a hotpot resto on 11th. Nini, Sha and I will be meeting each other after n years. Hindi ko bet ang sabaw sabaw at hindi pa ko marunong magluto. Hindi ko alam kung baket hotpot pa. Lol. Fully booked kasi yung 1st choice ko. Nung college tanda ko, pareparehas kaming tatlo na hindi marunong magluto. But now that both of them are married, I'm thinking maybe they now know how. Sana makain namin ang lulutuin namin.
Ang hirap mag book ng kainan nowadays. Nung unang panahon, you can just freely barge in and eat.
A lot of things put me down lately. Parang vortex. Parang hole ng isang sink that drains me all the time. Weird though, because this low low feeling sometimes excites me. I remember the last time I felt this desperate... I hope this too will end up like that time.
If you're going through hell, keep going.
TM meeting tonight. Knowing that one of my closest friends, LA, will not be there, parang hindi na masyado masaya.
I will be the GE if the program will go as announced. It's been a while since I took that role. Pano nga mag GE?
Sana wag na umulan mamaya.
Written by cinderellaareus at 12:38 PM.
It's Friday. It's raining and I'd love to have champorado. I wonder why I ended with a frappuchino.
A day has gone. I'm moving on.
TM meeting later. I won't be attending and I'm not happy about it. Parents will be having a lab checkup tomorrow. I can't make them wait for me until midnight since lack of sleep might cause discrepancies to their results. I'm willing to just book a hotel and sleep somewhere near Timog just to be able to attend the meeting if only I'm not too broke.
Brother's birthday tomorrow too. Not attending tonight is probably the best decision talaga. I intentionally announced my absence just to make sure I won't change my mind last minute and do something stupid like booking a hotel when I don't have the money or something. I just miss TM. I miss speaking. I miss my friends.
I did see Gabby, Ivan and Jay yesterday. I joined them club hopping in a TM club near Cubao, just 2 stations away from work. All good. Though I got my least favorite role, I enjoyed it a lot. Something bothered me though...
I was the grammarian. In our club, we call it "language evaluator". I know this role is not really my forte so I gave them a heads up. I told them that my course in college was engineering where we were focused on Math and that during my English classes, I was just sleeping.
After my stint, the GE said, I don't look like an engineer daw. It was the first time someone said that to me so I was taken aback. I've been in TM for 2 years. I know people there will never insult anyone right on the meeting. I was thinking maybe the GE meant it as a compliment. Hindi ko lang maisip kung paano so I had to ask, "is that a good thing?"
I was yet to receive an answer when someone else seconded, oo nga daw, I don't look like an engineer. At that time I was so confused I can almost see question marks hovering on top of my head.
Clearly, they were speaking English but I felt like it was a whole different language. If you tell someone from my college friends that they don't look like an engineer, I'm pretty sure they will take it as an insult. I wonder what "you don't look like an engineer" means in their language. It didn't help that someone even asked, "were you just forced to take that course?"
I pressed on because I wanted to get an answer, "is that a good thing?" Sadly, the answer never came.
When I looked back in what I've been through in my life, na realize ko na majority ng problema ko sa buhay, I created myself. But come to think of it, because of that, I have a lot of good stories to tell.
I was browsing Sis Mayi's timeline when a came across Doc Didoy's (her husband) message for her last Mother's day. I was so moved a tear escaped. Take note, hindi ako iyakin.
Aside from household chores, I'm pretty much self reliant. I know I'm good on my own and I used to be scared of being binded by someone else's rules and approval out of being in a relationship.
But I think it's really nice to have someone else's back. To be the foundation behind someone's success. You see, all my life I'm mostly the Alpha in anywhere I go. I want to have someone I'd be willing to be a Beta for.
Written by cinderellaareus at 12:32 PM.
It was still dark when I got out of the house this morning. A fur ball of brown and white got past me as I walk. I greeted him, "Hello, pogi!" So he wagged his tail and jumped up and down playfully circling around me. I learned from Mom that the dog who often accompanies Dad every time he picks me up at the bus stop is actually our puppies' Dad. Funny, I'm pretty sure they never met, but it seems like this doggo knows the family of his offsprings. It took so much of me not to give him a tight hug lest I'd get to work smelling like him. But he was so adorable, he made my morning.
Everything will be okay.
When you have to reassure yourself that you're okay, then maybe you're not.
It's Friday. Gabby booked a hotel room for them to stay tonight because the event tomorrow will be very early. I'd sleepover with them. Weird that when I told my parents about it, I didn't receive any interrogations.
Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. I'm kinda feeling anxious. See, I don't mind having strangers around as long as I don't have to talk to them, but tomorrow, there's no way I won't.
And whenever I'm nervous, my stomach would act up also. Anxiety and stomach upset; what a terrible combination.
Two years ago, I never really had that much problem with publicspeaking, but I joined the club. Mostly because I wanted to cure my people issues. I did change, but it doesn't mean I no longer get panicky whenever I have to talk to people I do not know. Maybe you don't really cure fear, you just learn to keep going despite having it.
Para sa lovelife ko, go!
Ok. Charot lang.
Everything will be okay.
Written by cinderellaareus at 11:57 AM.
Hello Tabby. It's Friday!
Been feeling down for some time. Must be the weather.
It's been raining more frequently lately. I love the rain. I love how it makes me sad sometimes. I think sadness is good. When felt sparingly, that is.
Will be meeting the girls later. Just some chat over coffee. I think I'd rather have beer. They don't drink beer.
Yesterday, Mom was asking me to accompany her in meeting an acquaintance who works for an LGU today. Mom rarely ask for my presence. I felt bad that I couldn't say yes because I have work and couldn't file a leave because Partner filed his a few days ago.
I need sleep. Badly.
We have guests at home. I feel sorry for our dog, Gigi. She must be tired from barking all the time.
We'll be having a day out with the guests tomorrow. Mom wants me to go home earlier tonight. I don't know how can I possibly do that if I'll be going out with the girls 3 hours bus ride away from home.
I love my home town and all. I just wish I don't have to travel this long every single effing time.
Rainy days mean silence. Peace. I can imagine sitting by my favorite chair, reading a good book this weekend.
Seems like it's not gonna happen, but I'm not really complaining. Sleep is non-negotiable though.
Been sad for the entire week. I have to be happy next week if I'd like to stay sane. When was the last time that I had meaningful human interaction?
Written by cinderellaareus at 08:19 AM.
Kung kada hikab ko ay kumikita ako ng piso, siguro kakasya na ang kinita ko bilang pamasahe pauwi sa Bulacan mamaya.
For straight 1 week, I had trouble with sleeping. I've been sleeping 2-3 hours per day, my head is pulsating already. Can I go home?
Kaitlyn will be back home tomorrow. Brother's in-laws will send them very early Saturday morning. I wonder if I should just skip the meeting tonight to have enough sleep for tomorrow, but I want to watch our National Champ deliver his speech tonight. l remember I also told Gabby I'd be joining him in Greenhills Prime tomorrow.
Antok na antok na ko! Sleep, please be kind to me. T_T
Written by cinderellaareus at 11:53 AM.
Do you remember the first time someone said to you, "I love you"?
I remember he was acting odd that day, I seriously thought he was having stomach ache. When I got home, we were texting and he was picking a fight thru text for absolutely no reason. Then after all his virtual tantrums, in his message he said, "I think I love you."
I remember I was so shocked. He was the last person I expected to hear it from. In my panic, I threw my phone on the bed and buried it under a pile of pillows, looking at it like it was gonna explode or something. Lol, it was quite traumatic.
I remember smoothing my chest to calm my rampaging heart asking, "what did just happen?"
Funny, right? But I guess I never really change so much. If it happens now, I might react the same way. Can't throw my phone though, because, 1st, this is Mom's phone. 2nd, this si expensive, Mom will probably kill me.
I wonder how are we going to find love when the slightest hint of mushiness makes us cringe and run away. This is just too pathetic, it's almost laughable.
But I'm going to outgrow all these because I'm going to find a good man and with him, build my own family.
Ok joke lang to. Pero posible kaya na ang Prince Charming ko e nakatira sa Maldives at pinanganak lang nung 12 yo na ko?
Lol. Probably not. Pero hindi naman siguro kailangang laging may romantic angle ang mga bagay bagay. I just remember my AOTS days. I really miss meeting people from different countries.
Written by cinderellaareus at 08:19 AM.
Ang hapdi ng mata koh! T_T
For straight 1 week, I've been sleeping less than 3 hours. I seriously need sleep.
I went to Quiapo yesterday. For someone who adores silence, it's odd how I was liking the whole Quiapo vibe. It's just 1 lrt ride from the office. Maybe I'd go there more often.
I'm meeting people from the club tomorrow. I actually forgot why we're suppose to meet. Too lazy to check the GC. I'm hoping that the meeting will end early as I need to hunt for an outfit for the anniv party then will be attending a party in the other side of Bulacan by the evening. I don't even know how to get there yet. Everyone in club seems to be busy too though. Gonna be a long day. Truth is, I'd rather stay home, sit in my favorite chair and stare at the ceiling or read books. I'm not feeling so social, my stomach churn at the thought of human interaction. But don't get me wrong. I love these people.
Konti push nalang and my life in the club will change. Soon, I'll be handing the files of our club to the new VPE. Maybe there will be considerably less ticking of phone after this.
I'm already thinking of ways to fill up my time in case I get bored. But since I'm someone who find happiness in staring at the ceiling for hours, there's very little chance that I'll get bored, right?
Ang dami ko talagang inaalala sa ngayon.
Written by cinderellaareus at 08:04 PM.
Outside my room, the birds chirp.
I love this kind of silence.
This is the 2nd day of my 4-days long, long weekend. The past day had been ordinary so far, and for some reason, I'm so happy.
Kaitlyn's in Cavite with her Mom and they will be staying there for about a month. It's been a while since the house had been this silent. I wonder if it's normal for a human being to love silence this much. But don't get me wrong, I also love having my niece around.
I had another customer again yesterday. Nakakatuwa, ang dami nyang inorder. I should've earned more, but I realized that more than their money, I want to gain their trust. I hope that through this, I could build lasting relationships with my customers.
Tomorrow, I will have to see the suppliers again to buy orders and replenish my stock. This means I'll be killing thousands of peso again and by Monday, wala na naman akong pamasahe. Thank you very much. Lol.
Naalala ko yung sabi ni Tim Ferriss na "scratch your own itch". Something like, mag benta ka ng bagay na willing at gustong gusto mo ring bilhin. This same principle worked for Jer, and he hadn't even read Tim Ferriss yet (I think).
I'm aching for a decent watch lately. Yung branded, brand new at original. The only decent watch I have is the one that Mom gave me for my birthday last year. It's gold in color. Gusto ko rin ng silver since most of my accessories are silver. Been searching FB for it for days now kahit hindi naman talaga ko bibili. Ang dami kong nakitang maganda, ang sakit sa puso. Since I am yet to meet my suppliers, sa ngayon, afford ko pa. Can you imagine how much self-control it requires to prevent myself from buying these watches?
I wonder if I should make branded watches my next business venture. Mag-iipon ako ng puhunan para dito <3.
Sighs... gusto ko talaga ng magandang relo.
Wala akong pasok sa work ngayon so I'm at home in Bulacan, but later, I will commute 3 hours (6 hours back and fort) to attend a 2.5 hours long TM meeting na pwede ko namang hindi puntahan.
I think we really make time for the things that matter to us, don't we?
After tonight, 2 more regular meetings yet and I'll be free from my responsibilities as our club's VPE. Na realized ko na ang downside pala nito e wala nang pampaganda ng speaker's profile ko for my future speaking gigs (na sana dumating, and pag dumating, sana ready ako at hindi kakaba kaba ulet).
Maybe I'd try my luck in running as the president next year for that purpose. If maayos na ang buhay ko then, I will do that. Kahit manganpanya pa ko. Haha. May boboto kaya saken?
Sana nga, maayos na ang buhay ko by then. Konting kapit pa siguro.
We did some food tasting for our club anniv on May 18. Prior the agreed meeting time, LA and I met. As usual, we had a girl talk. Sabi nya, sinubukan nya daw i-evaluate kung ano ba ang passion nya sa buhay at nalaman nyang ito daw ay ang "magmahal". Na surprised ako sa sagot ni LA kasi I thought, she's just like me. Chill. Pero hindi pala. Listening to her story about her hopes and hurts felt like seeing a totally different world from my own.
Paano mo ba iko-comfort ang tao tungkol sa bagay na hindi mo naman talaga naiintindihan?
For a while I started having doubts about my ability to love. Ang lalim kasi magmahal ni LA. Para syang ocean, tas ako yung puddle sa tag-araw na malapit na malapit nang matuyo.
I don't think this has anything to do with what I experienced in relation to loving people, because for as long as I can remember, I've always been like this. Detached.
Pero narealized ko na siguro sadyang iba iba lang ang mga tao. That's why we love differently as well. The way I love maybe shallow compared to how LA does, but it doesn't mean na hindi totoo ang pagmamahal ko. Ang weird na bothered na bothered talaga ako dito. Lol.
Feeling ko kasi the lack of the ability to love is the worst handicap. Hindi ako papayag na may ganun akong klaseng disability.
Naniniwala ako na hindi ang depth ng love ang magpapatunay ng authenticity nito, kundi yung little parts of you na binibigay mo CONSISTENTLY to nurture that love and sustain it till the end.
Balang araw, patutunayan kong tama ako.
Written by cinderellaareus at 11:30 AM.
a set of gold measuring spoon.
a hooded bath towel in watermelon print.
my heart sank and is still sinking, i can barely eat.
sabi daw ni anthony robins, may power daw ang tao na baguhin ang sarili nyang state.
well, let's try...
results of the nomination came. i wasnt on the list. i thought im going to feel relieved. well, maybe not yet. but im pretty sure my mother will be very happy.
jer seems panicky. i told him to relax. funny, he's talking to me about this when i told him bluntly that i wont vote for him as the president.
he told me, "dapat ikaw to e." i told him "if its meant for me it will never miss me. kaya wala ko dyan kasi hindi para saken yan." after sending, i just realized im probably wrong.
whatevs. this is so boring.
rereading oliver emberton's blog.
ive been at the edge for some time, i didnt know it will take me this long to get myself out of here.
pero siguro, i cant expect my life to really change if i will just do the same things that ive been doing all these years. clearly, they arent working.
the first (and only) time that i heard God speak, what he said was "I did not give you fear."
iniisip ko kung fear ba yung nararamdaman ko or something else.
i was 7 when i learned one of the most important lessons ive learned in my life.
today, i was reminded of the same lesson and more.
its bad enough that you dont ask for what you want, but that's a whole lot acceptable than acting like you dont really want it.
what you think, what you say and what you do should be in line with eachother.
i want to engrave these words in my heart just so i will never forget again.
i feel like my state had gotten even worse after trying. : (
feeling ko lahat ng part ng buhay ko ngayon, hindi ok.
z, please dont cry.
Written by cinderellaareus at 03:26 PM.