Entries in category "Friday"

Human and Divine
Friday: February 1, 2019

"Hindi ka sasagot ha. Sige mag ha hire ako ng iimbistiga."--- or something that goes to this line. Lol.

Alam ko namang joke lang. But this is not the first time someone said this to me. Hindi ko naman talaga gusto isekreto. Ayoko lang na alam ng buong mundo ang nangyayari sa buhay ko. I have to say I'm a bit scared. Jokes are half meant di ba. I guess I don't really want them to know. Tengene, papa private investigator nya ba ko? Nakakapraning tong taong to.


It's a coffee and cake Friday. TM night tonight. It's been a while since I last attended. Tinantamad pa ko.

I'm reading the latest Bob Ong book I got a few days back. Kinikilig ang  fangirl heart ko. Nakakatuwa, magkakilala rin ata sila ni Manix. Yaaaaa!!!

Dear fangirl heart,

Please calm down. Please calm down.


Umaambon ngayon. Sa loob ng coffee shop na kinauupuan ko, may nakikita na naman akong condo.

Kagabi, sa aking pagmumuni muni, naisip ko na ano kaya kung magturo ako sa mga engineering students? Gusto ko lang i-explore yung options. I think I can do that. Paano kaya? Magkano kaya? Iniisip ko if that kind of job can support me and my family and our current lifestyle. I can't go back from the start at this point. If I'll start giving my mother less than what I've been giving her, that would cause our family some trouble. It is at times like this that I'm thankful for being single. Kung may asawa siguro ako ngayon, or kahit anak lang, ang gulo gulo siguro mg buhay ko.


It's Feb 1 now. I've wasted the first full month of 2019 watching koreanovela, but the truth is, it doesn't feel like so.

For a long while, ngayon ko lang ulet naramdaman na things are falling into place. Now that I'm no longer trying too hard. Siguro hindi naman talaga kailangang mabuhay too uptight, trying to control everything in order to attain a certain future you wish for yourself. I feel more at ease and at peace now. Surely there are times when I feel scared and worried, but those feelings are more manageable now. Sana nga talagang things will work out for the better for the rest of the year.


Dalawa lang talaga ang pangarap ko sa buhay. Yung isa natupad ko na 11 years ago. Go to Japan. The other one, hindi pa.

33 years na ko sa mundo, pero sa tingin ko hindi pa ako nagmamahal. 

I thought I did. Pero naiintindihan ko na ngayon.

There was one time I came too close to loving but didn't really end up so.

You see... I saw that person hurting and I just stood there and watched him bleed. Ginagawa ba yun ng taong nagmamahal?

So yeah. It wasn't love. And I plan to stop concluding from there because the more I try to figure things out, the more the answers are starting to scare me.

I don't want to doubt my own capacity to love. Tengene, parang ang alien mo naman kung yung basic human emotion na yan, hindi mo kayang gawain. Tengene.

So yeah. One day, patutunayan kong kaya kong gawain yan.


* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 12:10 PM.

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Friday: December 7, 2018

There were a lot of things going on, I didn't have much time to think of anything else. And so when everything subsided, I once again looked. And there it was—a ring.

I'm still trying to process how I feel about it. Do I have to feel something about it? It's just that, sometimes I still wonder if he ever remember anything... anything thing at all... about me... I don't know.


I will be staying at a house near work by next week. I haven't prepared anything yet. Heck, I haven't even packed. I just confirmed my attendance to our yearend party tomorrow, and I said I'll be attending the meeting tonight. Okay naman. After nito, huhupa na ang lahat ng gulo at hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko sa napakarami kong time.


At Tito's wake a few days back, my wealthiest Tita was there. I was once again lectured on how people from the same industry that I graduated from are earning so much more than I do and how it's "sayang" that I'm not using my education. I wasn't offended whatsoever. I just wanted to show her I can't be intimidated, so I said, "kahit di ko pa gawin yan, kahit ibaliktad nyo pa ko, matalino parin naman ako," I know they can never contest to that. But in the end of the day, I know that's all just a pathetic excuse.

Alam ko rin may point si Tita. I know she meant well. At kahit mejo magaspang ang ugali nya, I know her heart is in the right place. She once told me why she had done and has been doing everything in her power to earn a lot of money. Her reasons are noble. Ayoko lang na may nagsasabi sakin ng kung anong dapat na ginagawa ko sa buhay ko. And I think she can't really blame me. I'm just like her.


Gusto ko sanang sabihin ang hirap maging masaya pag adult ka na, but I think that's not entirely true. Kung tutuusin, a lot of things are making me happy lately. There is this someone who's making me happy lately. Pero, takte, same old fu*cking situation. 

Maybe we all just get what we settled for.

* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 01:13 PM.

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Friday: November 30, 2018

It's Friday and I'm sick I had to cancel a supposed meeting tomorrow. In a way, I think I'm relieved. I just want some silence and rest and... I don't know. I really want to go out and buy new plants, but that will totally miss the point. 


I often beg the Heavens to get me out of here. But if it weren't for this job, how else can I support my family and my lifestyle? 

A week from now I'll start living in someone else's house. At least during weekdays. I don't talk much at the office. I'm okay about that. But at least I have my family to converse with before I end the day, and just thinking how I'll spend the days without them is already driving me crazy.

I think I'll use this opportunity to further expand my world. I've searched for a Feast near the area and found one that is just 8 minutes walk from the building. Maybe I can start joining a ministry and serve just so I can meet new people.

J-foundation is also just a few stations away. I think I can go visit at least once a month.

Introverted as I am, I'm totally fine being alone. But right now, I think I'm starting to feel a little lonely.


Damang dama ko na ang pasko, ang lungkot na kasi. I'm sorry, Jesus.

* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 08:59 PM.

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Friday: November 23, 2018

Sabi nila, ginagamit daw nung Diyos yung mga hindi equipped para i-manifest through them ang kapangyarihan Nya bilang Diyos. Na kaya Nya gumawa ng milagro.

Kung sisilipin ang bible, nagawa Nyang posibleng mabuntis ang baog, birhen at senior citizen. Nahati Nya ang dagat, nakalakad sa tubig at nakapagpabuhay ng patay and so on. Mukha namang hobby talaga nyang gumawa ng milagro....

Kaya naman, takte, pag nagkatuluyan kami ng crush ko. Ay, sigurado na ko. May Diyos.


Iba ang galawan ng langit nitong mga nakaraang araw. Nakakatawa na nakakatuwa. Lunch with crushie. Kikiligin sana ko ng malaman kong sinabi nya na "isama mo si Zah," but I know it's not 'that'. Tas same class kami after lunch so it was just us. Nice sya. Tamang gentleman lang. 0% flirty so malamang di nya ko type. Iniisip ko kung anong gagawin ng flirting expert girl-friends ko at times like these. Hindi ko kasi alam kung anong tamang atake e. Lalo na't ang unang reaksyon ng taong yun twing nagkikita kami e tumingin sa sahig. Lol. Ah basta. 

Dear God na mahilig sa milagro,

Pwede bang idamay mo na ang love life ko?

* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 11:40 PM.

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Baby and bear
Friday: November 9, 2018

Friday came and my mind is Monday busy. I saw a vid in fb where a mother bear and a baby bear were climbing up a snowy mountain. The mother bear already reached the top, but the baby bear kept falling and falling, I thought he won't be able to make it. But after climbing and sliding back down so many times, the baby bear eventually managed to reach the top. The caption says something like "never give up," but I think there's more to it than that.

The mountain was stiff and there was cliff below. I don't think the baby bear kept climbing up because of a never-give-up attitude. He just didn't have much choice.

You know what, I just found a mountain. May the Universe bless me.


A lot of things happening. I need to squeeze a meetup with the customer tomorrow kasi nakakahiya na. Still, I'm kinda happy because I know that busy is good.

Got the instructions from the owner of the place I'd be staying in for 5 days, 2 weeks from now. I'm glad that we don't have to meet, but I still hope things go on smoothly by then.

Bff scheduled meeting up with my parents on the 14th since they'll be ninong and ninang in her wedding. She wants me to be there by then so it's gotta be dinner time. Said she'll be bringing my dress. I told her to buy 1 size smaller than my size. I didn't lose a single pound. What was I thinking?

Things will change in just a little more than a week from now. More changes are coming by 2019. Things are changing except me. Or am I not?


I need this mountain. Go, Baby Bear.

* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 12:16 PM.


Friday: August 31, 2018

30 days down and 1 more day to go and here's a brand new month.

The month of August hit me hard in so many ways I can't wait for it to be over.

I want to lay low for a while.

I want to believe... more like hope... that my relationships will still be there when I get back.

* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 02:32 PM.

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Friday: August 3, 2018

Ito na yata ang pinaka haggard na work day sa buong working history ko. Isang oras at pitong minuto akong late kanina.


In years, ngayon ko lang ulet nakitang binaha ang QC circle. I was so tempted to go back home nalang kanina if it wasn't for the mega hassle leave process sa cage. Watebs.

Anyway. Umaaraw na. Gusto ko sana mag zen moment sa coffee shop. Para maiba naman, sinubukan ko mag coffee bean. Mukhang hindi talaga kami meant to be. Noong unang panahon, I tried their macha ice blended chuvanez. Hindi masarap. So this time i tried their hazelnut choco thingy because, one can never go wrong with chocolate, right? Wrong. Panget lasa. Yoko na. Balik nyo 175 ko!!!

I just booked a reservation for 3 in a hotpot resto on 11th. Nini, Sha and I will be meeting each other after n years. Hindi ko bet ang sabaw sabaw at hindi pa ko marunong magluto. Hindi ko alam kung baket hotpot pa. Lol. Fully booked kasi yung 1st choice ko. Nung college tanda ko, pareparehas kaming tatlo na hindi marunong magluto. But now that both of them are married, I'm thinking maybe they now know how. Sana makain namin ang lulutuin namin.

Ang hirap mag book ng kainan nowadays. Nung unang panahon, you can just freely barge in and eat.
A lot of things put me down lately. Parang vortex. Parang hole ng isang sink that drains me all the time. Weird though, because this low low feeling sometimes excites me. I remember the last time I felt this desperate... I hope this too will end up like that time.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

TM meeting tonight. Knowing that one of my closest friends, LA, will not be there, parang hindi na masyado masaya.

I will be the GE if the program will go as announced. It's been a while since I took that role. Pano nga mag GE?

Sana wag na umulan mamaya.

* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 12:38 PM.


Friday: July 20, 2018

It's Friday. It's raining and I'd love to have champorado. I wonder why I ended with a frappuchino.

A day has gone. I'm moving on.


TM meeting later. I won't be attending and I'm not happy about it. Parents will be having a lab checkup tomorrow. I can't make them wait for me until midnight since lack of sleep might cause discrepancies to their results. I'm willing to just book a hotel and sleep somewhere near Timog just to be able to attend the meeting if only I'm not too broke.

Brother's birthday tomorrow too. Not attending tonight is probably the best decision talaga. I intentionally announced my absence just to make sure I won't change my mind last minute and do something stupid like booking a hotel when I don't have the money or something. I just miss TM. I miss speaking. I miss my friends. 

I did see Gabby, Ivan and Jay yesterday. I joined them club hopping in a TM club near Cubao, just 2 stations away from work. All good. Though I got my least favorite role, I enjoyed it a lot. Something bothered me though...

I was the grammarian. In our club, we call it "language evaluator". I know this role is not really my forte so I gave them a heads up. I told them that my course in college was engineering where we were focused on Math and that during my English classes, I was just sleeping. 

After my stint, the GE said, I don't look like an engineer daw. It was the first time someone said that to me so I was taken aback. I've been in TM for 2 years. I know people there will never insult anyone right on the meeting. I was thinking maybe the GE meant it as a compliment. Hindi ko lang maisip kung paano so I had to ask, "is that a good thing?" 

I was yet to receive an answer when someone else seconded, oo nga daw, I don't look like an engineer. At that time I was so confused I can almost see question marks hovering on top of my head.


Clearly, they were speaking English but I felt like it was a whole different language. If you tell someone from my college friends that they don't look like an engineer, I'm pretty sure they will take it as an insult. I wonder what "you don't look like an engineer" means in their language. It didn't help that someone even asked, "were you just forced to take that course?"

I pressed on because I wanted to get an answer, "is that a good thing?" Sadly, the answer never came.


When I looked back in what I've been through in my life, na realize ko na majority ng problema ko sa buhay, I created myself. But come to think of it, because of that, I have a lot of good stories to tell.


I was browsing Sis Mayi's timeline when a came across Doc Didoy's (her husband) message for her last Mother's day. I was so moved a tear escaped. Take note, hindi ako iyakin.

Aside from household chores, I'm pretty much self reliant. I know I'm good on my own and I used to be scared of being binded by someone else's rules and approval out of being in a relationship.

But I think it's really nice to have someone else's back. To be the foundation behind someone's success. You see, all my life I'm mostly the Alpha in anywhere I go. I want to have someone I'd be willing to be a Beta for.

* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 12:32 PM.

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Friday: June 29, 2018

It was still dark when I got out of the house this morning. A fur ball of brown and white got past me as I walk. I greeted him, "Hello, pogi!" So he wagged his tail and jumped up and down playfully circling around me. I learned from Mom that the dog who often accompanies Dad every time he picks me up at the bus stop is actually our puppies' Dad. Funny, I'm pretty sure they never met, but it seems like this doggo knows the family of his offsprings. It took so much of me not to give him a tight hug lest I'd get to work smelling like him. But he was so adorable, he made my morning.

Everything will be okay.


When you have to reassure yourself that you're okay, then maybe you're not.

It's Friday. Gabby booked a hotel room for them to stay tonight because the event tomorrow will be very early. I'd sleepover with them. Weird that when I told my parents about it, I didn't receive any interrogations.

Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. I'm kinda feeling anxious. See, I don't mind having strangers around as long as I don't have to talk to them, but tomorrow, there's no way I won't.

And whenever I'm nervous, my stomach would act up also. Anxiety and stomach upset; what a terrible combination.

Two years ago, I never really had that much problem with publicspeaking, but I joined the club. Mostly because I wanted to cure my people issues. I did change, but it doesn't mean I no longer get panicky whenever I have to talk to people I do not know. Maybe you don't really cure fear, you just learn to keep going despite having it.

Para sa lovelife ko, go!

Ok. Charot lang.


Everything will be okay.

* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 11:57 AM.

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