Entries in category "金曜日"

金曜日: July 22, 2022

A bad dream woke me up at 3AM kanina. Hindi naman talaga bad yung dream. Just a little alarming. 

In the dream, Mom and a guy friend agreed to have us get married. It got me feeling conflicted as the situation was not something I can easily explain to our common friends. I was thinking of keeping our wedding a secret to our friends, but it kinda made me feel guilty, because those friends went out of their way to invite me back when they had their own weddings. I woke up feeling so worried, it took me some time to realize that all that was just a dream. Saka lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Nakakatawa na yun yung una kong prinoblema at the thought of getting married. 

Last night (technically, kaninang madaling araw), I was thinking that if it's with that guy friend, I think I can actually marry him even without any romantic feelings involved.

Pero nung gising na gising na ko at tirik na ang araw, it all dawned on me how the whole idea felt incestuous. Lol. Hindi ata kaya. I'm pretty sure the guy will feel the same.

Ewan kung saan nanggaling yung panaginip na yun.


Time of the month. Kaya pala bad trip na bad trip ako sa buong mundo nitong mga nakaraang araw.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:02 PM.


金曜日: July 15, 2022

I saw an old classmate's post flexing her kid's drawing at 7. I was on that level when I was 3. At that age, I can already draw a decent Son Goku of DragonBall Z.

Binabawi ba talaga ang talent pa di ginagamit? My drawings are so bad now, there are times when my neice tells me, "ah, si Tita hindi marunong", sabay tawa. Arg.

Pero ok lang. Gusto ko lang naman maging magaling mag drawing para maiguhit ko yung mga favorite BL manga or anime characters ko. Gusto ko rin gumawa ng manga. Gusto ko pa rin maging magaling mag kwento. Hindi ba pwedeng maging magaling both sa drawing at writing? Mababawi ko pa ba yung mga talent ko nung bata na wala na ngayon?

Nakakatamad mag effort. Gusto ko nalang yumaman, at maging malaya. Yung may absolute financial freedom, ganun.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:10 PM.


金曜日: May 6, 2022

My leg hurts. I took a leave. I think I ran out of SLs already. I regret that I took a lot of SLs when I was working from home. I should've gone to work, if only I can walk properly.

After 2 years of not wearing pants, I started wearing it last Sunday when I had my RTO. It must be the cause of this painful bump on my upper leg. It's on the inner side, it hurts when bumped with my other leg. It has gotten bigger and more painful as days go by. Even sitting on the toilet is painful. Today, it has gotten worse, I find it hard to walk.

Boils, according to the doc. I asked if there's a way to cure it sooner as I need to get back to work tomorrow. Doc said it will take at least a week, even with medicine. So much longer if without. I said it would be hard to go to work as I'll need to walk, and it rubs with my other leg. Doc told me go use gauze. I tried it earlier, and it's doing very little to ease the pain. Tokwabels.

I can tolerate the pain, but my walking will look funny. Tokwabels ulet.


Still not getting used with the commute. I sleep around 6 hours daily. I used to have so much less sleep, pero ngayon, sobrang level up yung pagod. The commute on the way back home yesterday was particularly hellish, lagpas isang MRT station yung haba ng nilakad ko just to ride a bus. Gusto ko na magka kotse. Ayoko mag drive. Gusto ko na yumaman.

Said we'll be transferring building soon. Pretty near the area. Sana maganda yung office. They're keeping the old building. We're just expanding, I guess. 


Nothing interesting. I also need network expansion.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:58 PM.


Strike 2
金曜日: January 14, 2022

Brother's swab test just came this morning. Positive. As instructed, ininform na namin ang brgy. Nung una, kinabahan pa ko na baka ilock kami dito sa bahay. Pero now at 2:34pm na wala paring feedback, mejo naiirita nalang ako sa kawalan ng sense of urgency. Baka magaya to dun sa kidnapang naganap malapit samin noon, kung saan nanggising pa yung mga pulis by midnight na para mag imbistiga. Baka naman hating gabi sila mangakatok kung kelan tulog na ang lahat.

So far, we're doing the obvious. Sinara namin ang tindahan at di kami lumalabas. Ininform na rin namin ang tita ko who lives next door na nag positive si kuya para at least makapag-ingat sya from us.

Si Mama, may ubo't sipon. Both Dad and I don't have any symptoms at all. Takot ako sa swab test. Nung una nag alala pa ko na baka sapilitan kaming i-test ng brgy, but I realized, I must've expected too much from our LGU. Lol.

Ewan. Naiirita ako ngayon. Maybe because it's that time of the month, and my cramps is exceptionally painful than usual.

Naiirita pa ko na kahit di na ko kumakain ng kahit anong may asukal, e lalo akong lumalayo sa target bloodsugar ko na 4.8. I was 5.0 the 1st time I checked. Naging 5.3, tas today 6.0. Hindi ko maintindihan. Nung 1st time na nag check ako, katatapos lang ng new year celebration at andami ko pang kinaing ice cream at cake. Ewan ko kung bakit tumataas. I just ordered a new glucose meter from Indoplas' official shopee. Baka kasi dahil to sa meter na gamit ko. I skipped eating rice kaninang lunch. Baka naman kasi rice ang reason. Hopefully mapababa to sa next test. I know 6 is still within normal bloodsugar range. I just want to meet the target. Sabi kasi na Ted, dapat below 5.

I'm consistently losing weight though. I've lost 2 kilos in a week kahit na nagmemeyenda pa ako ng kanin. But I'm more concerned with my sugar level kesa sa weight ko at this point.

While typing this, I can hear my tita warning my other tita not to go out. Alam na nilang positive ang kapatid ko. Earlier this morning, isa sa mga fears ko e ang madesciminate ang pamilya namin, but I realized that, lol... our family was never the type that can be bullied.

Wala naman sigurong dapat ipagalala. Lalo na't natutulog pa yata ang LGU namin at wala pang pake na may nag positive sa area. Lol.

Bahala na.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:54 PM.


金曜日: January 7, 2022

Today was quite a difficult day for our family.

I remember Bro. BO Sanchez used to mention about being in a "surrendered place", while he was battling with Covid.

Paano ba mag surrender?

We met with the doctor today. Siguro maaga pa para manlumo, but that's how I feel. I was confident when I got our lab results as I had listened well to the discussions that I had with the doc. 

Pero kasi, hindi namin napag-usapan yung yung tungkol sa tirads.

Mom has multiple nodules in her thyroid. 1 is tirads 1, 2 are tirads 4 and 1 is tirads 5.

I have 1 nodule. Tirads 4.

Doc said that past tirads 3, the nodule is suspicious and could be malignant. I just searched the possibility of malignancy, and it's pretty high. Even for me at tirads 4, more for Mom who has tirads 5.

I'm supposed to get a biopsy. The hospital said my health card doesn't cover the radiologist's TF, so I need to shell out 15k cash for the biopsy. Lord knows, I have the money, but I don't want to spend that much when I know we would be spending so much more if either or both of me and my mom happen to have cancer. 

Sa totoo lang, naiiyak na ko kanina, but I know my mom easily gets scared when it comes to getting operated. I know I need to be strong. I even joked that we'll need to record her voice in case she'll lose it from the operation. Sabi kasi ng doc, sa last 10 patients nya who had surgery, dalawa "lang" yung naapektohan ang boses. In my perspective, that's a whopping 20% rate. Naiiyak na naman ako thinking I wouldn't hear mom's natural voice anymore.

Only to find, na posibleng ako rin pala, kailanganing magpa opera.

We'll be in so much trouble if I get sick. Lalo na pag nawalan ako ng boses. My work revolves in my voice... I mean... it's just unimaginable. 

Bukod don, ako ang main source of income ng pamilya. So grabe. Ewan. Hindi ko talaga alam.

At hindi lang yan ang pangit sa araw na ito. Brother will be sending his wife and kids sa Cavite today. He learned kasi na 2 of his workmates are positive with covid and he got exposed. He went on a half day leave today. Hewears mask at home. The test he had was an antigen test. He tested negative. But just to be sure, he still trying to be more careful.

My niece and nephew, our house's source of joy, will be far away for indefinite time, ngayon pang kailangan namin ng mama ko ng something that will keep us sane.

Ang panget ng pasok ng taon. It could get better, or could get worse. Ang hirap maging positive. Sinusubukan ko, ang hirap.

Bahala na sa amin ang langit.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 06:11 PM.

2 コメント

12:10 AM thoughts
金曜日: November 26, 2021

We plan to go to QC tomorrow. Technically later. It's been a while sine I went there. Mejo sawa na ko sa madalas namin kainan sa mall malapit dito.

Browsing Crisostomo's menu. Crablets, kinilaw na tuna, fried hito, seafood kare kare, pinaputok na pla pla, lumpiang hubad, sizzling squid stuffed with laing and churos ang mga trip kong kainin. For half the price, pwede na kong kumain ng unli sa City Buffet. Wala nga lang kinilaw at hito. Miss ko na ang kinilaw. Yung hito naman, once palang akong nakakakain sa buong life time ko. That was when I was little, and I was in my cousin's house. My tito peping cooked fried hito, and it tasted good. I once asked Mom why she never bought hito to cook. She mentioned about hito eating stuff from poso negro. Mom was raised near the sea, I really had no idea what she was talking about. Iniisip ko nalang na siguro naman, ang mga hito dito sa cuidad e hindi pinalaki sa may poso negro.

Well, anyway... gusto ko rin kasi ng sushi. Tsaka egg soup.  Tapos ice cream. Tapos crepe. Siguro mas wise choice talaga ang city buffet. 

But then again, I remember how I've long been wanting to bring my parents in Crisostomo. But before pandamic, laging puno dun at by appointment na, so we always ended up eating elsewhere. Posibleng ngayon nalang ulet hindi puno ang Crisostomo.


Gusto ko ng crepe. Pero parang ang sarap ng churos. 

Tokwa, napuyat na ko kakaisip ng pagkain.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:29 AM.

3 コメント

金曜日: November 19, 2021

I've been having nightmares for 2 days in a row already. The type of nightmare that is hard to wake up from, and makes me scream in my sleep. Yesterday, Dad woke me up from the nightmare. Today it was Mom.

I feel mentally and spiritually weak these days. There were a lot of things going on. Usually, I'm only having nightmares when I watched or heard something really scary. This time, hindi horror story, but Mom's scream over something petty, ang naging trigger sakin. Pakiramdam ko nagkaron ako ng trauma.

I feel mentally unstable. For these past 2 days I've been screaming in panic whenever something startles me. I've also been having this pounding headache at the side of my forehead that  wouldn't go away. Persistent thoughts of wishing to just die and so on. I swear, I'm so much stronger that this.

I listened to a few videos from Feast Worship. I remember a docu kasi that says na yung mentally at spiritually weak people ang madalas sapian ng evil spirit. My prayers don't feel strong enough to protect me. I'm happy worship songs were able to do the trick. 

And there's also that sad realization that at times when I'm weak, wala pala talaga akong matatakbuhan.

But then again, I'm mentally unwell, so maybe my thoughts cannot be trusted.


Feastcon starts today. I invited Mel to join. I miss live KCON before pandemic. I'm not really looking forward to this, pero sana ma enjoy ni Mel. This will be her 1st time to attend. Ang saya siguro kung live tong FeastCon na to.

Listening on Feast Worship earlier, naalala ko yung crush kong si Aio. He'll surely be there. Ayan, excited na ko. : )

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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:13 AM.


1AM thoughts
金曜日: October 29, 2021

Gusto kong maging sobrang yaman. Yung tipong kaya kong kumain sa fine dining kahit di ko kayang basahin yung menu.

Tipong kaya kong bumili ng damit na 6 digits ang presyo.

Yung kaya kong magbakasyon sa kahin saang bansa ko gusto.

At sana maranasan ko lahat ng ito kasama ng mga mahahalagang tao sa buhay ko.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:58 AM.


Samut saring monku
金曜日: September 10, 2021

Still super sick. I closed my Shopee shop, so I can rest. It's not like I have hundreds of intered buyers, but answering even one query is enough to make my head spin.

Thermometer read 36.9. Wala naman akong lagnat. Pero masakit ang ulo ko, nahihilo, my joints hurt, feeling lethargic, at wala ring ganang kumain. I started eating only plain rice as I can't take the taste of any ulam. Yung ilang kutsarang kanin, pinipilit ko pang ubusin.

Mom and Dad are sick too, though they seem to have gotten a little better. Or at least, they can eat. I also heard Brother and Sis-in-law coughing. Nahawa na siguro sila samin. Sana ang mga bata ay hindi magkasakit. We walk around the house wearing facemasks for the kids' safety, though I admit, minsan nakakalimutan kong isuot yung sakin.

Ang problema ko e kung paano ako mag-aabsent bukas as I'm still sick. Dami na namang hanash yan, for sure. Maiirita lang ako.

Naiintindihan ko naman why companies are strict when it comes to allowing leaves for the employees. But it's not like we have unli leaves, you know. Isn't the limited number of leaves enough to prevent employees from abusing their privileges? Kailangan nyo ba talagang pagapangin ang mga may sakit na empleyado papuntang COVID-infested hospitals para lang makapag present ng medcert? Napaka inhumane na system talaga. Hindi naman ganito kaarte ang company namin dati.

Sighs. Bahala na talaga.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:52 PM.

2 コメント

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"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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