Entries in category "金曜日"
Today, lahat ng teammates ko na nakaupo sa isang buong aisle where I sit e sama samang nagwork from home dahil sa bagyo. Well, except Kayla. I'm really grateful for her. Pumasok daw kasi sya dahil kawawa naman ako, at malapit lang naman daw ang bahay nya.
Kung wala si Kayla magmumukha akong na bully ng teammates ko, dahil nagkaisa silang sama samang mag wfh, at iniwan akong mag-isa. I wonder if it's true though. Well, whatever. Sa totoo lang, wala akong pake.
Nilibre kami ng boss ko ng SB today. Sure, I can buy myself a drink, pero thankful parin ako.
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Kahapon ang last day nila Wendy at Gelo sa Takeda. Nalulungkot ako dahil hindi ko na sila makikita pag umakyat ako sa 14th floor. Gusto ko rin ng forever work from home setup. Pero kasi, anong mangyayari sa buhay ko kung forever akong magkukulong sa bahay?
11:51 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I feel lazy. I want sleep. I took a half-day yesterday because of my wound. Instead of sleeping the rest of my extra time, I spent it as usual- holed up in my room, reading BL.
The neighbor was chatting with me last night, it took me by surprise. I remember, a friend told me off because of some married dude who kept chatting with me at nightime. She said, red flag daw. I brushed it off as the guy wasn't my type. This time might not be the case.
He was a childhood crush. Having been with him for a few of my trips already, I figured he's really a natural flirt. Also, he's very good-looking. Pero siguro okay lang. Baka nakiki friends lang naman talaga. I'm too lazy for landian these days anyway.
We're all starting to live with COVID. I think I want to start going out and meet good men again. During my rest days from work, I'm too lazy to even flex a finger, and I also need to spend a few hours of my rest day at the hospital, because my wound is still open, and I even got 3 new ones. Packing Sheet talaga.
Anyway, ang cute nung isang male nurse. He has cute curly hair, and looks young. May konting panghaharot sya, but maybe he's just being friendly. Nakakatamad mag mini flirt-back. Baka hindi ko rin kasi mapangatawanan.
Sa ngayon, gusto kong magtravel ulet. Nag back-read ako ng mga entries years ago, and I was surprised na gusto ko pala magkaron ng anak dati. Right now, I think that's already out of question. Una, sobrang baba ng tolerance ko sa pain. Pangalawa, parang hindi naman masaya. Pangatlo, hindi talaga praktikal. Iniisip ko kung meron bang lalaking gusto ng childless marriage with a woman like me. I mean, may point ba ang marriage kung hindi kayo mag-aanak? But with my current self, I'm pretty sure I don't want to have children.
I went out with my on-and-off kaharutan a few months back. He kept saying na bagay daw kami kahit wala akong na hit ni isa sa mga nabanggit nyang non-negotiables. When I told him I don't want to have kids, he made a super long pause. After no'n, sinabi nya lang na dapat daw, yung mga ganung ka importanteng bagay e pinag-uusapan ng maayos. We just left it at that. It's not like we're really going out anyway.
During my trips, I did meet a few cute guys. I was even approached to a few times. Tingin ko mabenta talaga ang mga pinay sa foreigners. Gusto ko ba ng foreigner? I find white men quite intimidating. Mas naku cute-an pa ko sa indian and other brown men. Pero syempre, the best parin kung Japanese. Siguro, it will be like dating your anime 2D crushes, if you manage to end up with one no?
Type na type ko yung gumawa ng latte art ko when I was in Japan. I didn't know he will be there, dahil ang alam ko e dun sya nagwo work sa latte art stand of the same shop, about a train station away. Nagulat lang ako na nandun sya when I was there. When I talked to him in Japanese, ini-English nya ko. Tas pag nag e-English naman ako, mukhang di nya ko naiintindihan. I got tired of trying. LOL. But not wanting to end things just like that, I sent him a message in IG. Hindi naman nag reply. Hahaha. I wonder if I should've sent my message in Japanese. Oh well.
Tinatamad ako sa buhay. Gusto kong bumalik sa Japan. Sana nga makabalik ako ulet sa Japan, and sana nga, this time I'll get to snatch a Japanese boyfriend na.
11:36 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Isang linggo magmula nung final interview. I was told I was going to be onboarded. Akala ko nga nasa J*I na ko before June, pero eto, June na pala. Siguro matagal talaga ang onboarding process. Hindi naman siguro nila babawiin yung pag congratulate nila sakin no?
Busy daw dun sa new account. Hindi ako excited. I mean, para lang naman akong lilipat ng kwarto. Same company. Same package. Sana mababait ang mga workmates ko Sana chill lang ang work load. Bahala na.
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I went and saw a different doctor a few days back. Mukhang di sya confident sa ginagawa nya, so I asked her, "mas maganda po ba na bumalik ako sa *insert hospital name here*," and she said yes. So I immediatly contacted the hospital, went there matapos kong dumaan saglit sa bahay.
Mas komportable sa hospital na to. They treat me well, like a VIP. Hindi rin need pumila. Malinis, at sapat ang lamig ng aircon. Nilinis nila ang sugat ko and used cheaper items para di na ko ma shock sa presyo. 7k, 1k of which, I needed to shell out. Oh sya, dito na nga lang talaga. My wound has gotten so much smaller now. siguro nasa 1.5cm nalang, but it's still open. Pinapabalik nila ako sa Doc sa Tuesday. I am thinking of skipping, kaso I developed some rashes sa wound area. Ayoko na lumala. Ayoko na operahan ulet. I guess I'm going.
Gah. Ang init. Hindi pala ako pwede magswimming. At nakakainis na hindi ko nagamit yung bath tub ng hotel nung nasa Japan ako.
Kelan kaya ako lilipat sa new account? Baka abutan ko pa yung next wfh schedule ko sa August. Sa new account, wala ng wfh setup. My thoughts fluctuates from neutral, to total indifference, to full-on worry. Tambak ba ng trabaho? Madali kaya mag leave? May power trip na boss kaya dun? Ewan ko. Bahala na. I guess malalaman ko nalang talaga pag nandun na ko.
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Gusto ko bumalik sa Japan. I spent so much more than my projected budget kahit halos hindi na ko kumain (mostly because I wanted to spend the little time I have sight-seeing instead of eating). Tataas pa ang pamasahe ng JR line by double by July daw, so sigurado mas marami na ang perang kakailanganin. Gusto ko ulet magstay sa Ikebukuro. Hindi ko masyado mapasyalan yung Sunshine city kahit nandun lang yung hotel. Gusto ko pa mag BL hunting. Sa totoo lang, life is so much bearable being a fujoshi.
Hayst. Gusto ko nalang mag stay sa bahay at magbasa ng BL manga. Ano kayang mangyayari sa buhay ko kung lagi akong ganito?
12:27 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Final interview ko with the other account kanina. Chika chika lang naman pala, nag todo review pa ko. Pero ok na rin, pinilit ko isiksik lahat ng natutunan ko sa interview para di sayang effort. Few minutes after nung interview, nagchat yung manager to congratulate me, at ioo-onboard na daw ako.
Ok, ano na?
Kanina handa na kong mag English teacher sa Japan kahit 2 years lang at humanap ng mapapang-asawang hapon. Ok. Siguro maghahanap nalang ako sa dating app.
Ah, ok. Ano na?
Ako palang ang natatanggap sa bagong account. Hindi ko alam kung ako palang ba, or ako lang talaga. Walang happy feeling, pero mas okay na to kesa nag aalala kung anong mangyayari sa future ko. Well, nandun pa rin naman yung pag aalala, pero at least, may trabaho pa ko.
For now, bahala na.
07:00 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Ugh. Ewan.
Bumalik ako from Japan to Manila nung Friday. CR palang, damang dama ko na kung gaano ka-inconvenient mabuhay sa Pilipinas. CR talaga ang una kong na miss. At naiirita ako na ang lalaki ng basurahan sa banyo dahil hindi pwede i-flush yung tissue sa inidoro. I miss Japan. Sana makabalik ako. Sana madala ko rin sila mama dun. Sayang naman yung multiple visa ko kung hindi ako babalik.
Gah.
Pagkauwi ko nu Friday, biglang nag sink-in lahat ng problema ko tungkol sa pagbitaw ng account namin sa Japanese team. Bumuhos lahat ng takot at pag-aalala, muntik na ko mag hyperventilate. Mom knew. And she was like, may pension naman daw sila, at may trabaho naman daw ang kuya ko kaya hindi naman daw kami magugutom. I don't think I can ever live without my mother. I want to do everything for her, and give her everything. Pano ko gagawin yun kung wala na akong trabaho? In a way, alam kong maswerte ako that I still have my family.
Monday before I leave, I was waiting for a message from J*I. Sila yung account na aampon dapat sa JP team. After ng language assessment, nag message pala sakin yung J*I for an interview. 10years bago ko nabasa. After the interview the Friday before I leave, sinabi ko na sa kanila na magja Japan ako. Sabi nung interviewer, ita try nya daw i-schedule ako last Monday for the interview. Walang dumating.
Mejo hindi na ako umaasa, pero pasado alas dos kanina, nag message sila. As usual, late kong nabasa. Sa Friday yung 2nd interview ko.
6 kami si team. 5 yung nagkapag language assessment na, hindi kasama si Robert dahil paimportante sya. Out of 5, 4 yung nakapag initial interview. And out of 4, ako lang yung minessage for 2nd interview. Pero ibang team ata yung tumatarget dun sa dalawa, but still, walang feedback dun sa kanila. I am happy. Nakakataas ng tingin sa sarili na ako lang yung natira. Pero hindi ko alam kung ano na pag tapos nito. Tungkol sa SAP yung work. Pinagreview ako ng interviewer, and I tried. Pero hindi ko talaga masyado maintindihan. So, ewan ko. Anong point na mas malayo ang naging progress ko compared sa mga kasama ko kung hindi naman ako makukuha? Lol.
Bahala na.
Sa totoo lang, gusto ko nalang hintayin na matanggal ako sa work. Para sa separation pay, syempre. Tas magpapahinga ako ng 1 month para mag-isip ng gagawin ko sa buhay ko. Parang ayoko na kasi mag trabaho. Gusto ko na kasi yumaman. Pero realistically, kaya ba to? Sa tamad kong to?
Isa sa main reason ng pagpunta ko sa Japan e yung 3D latte art sa Tokyo. Alam kong walang ganun sa Pilipinas dahil nag try ako hanapin. Feeling ko madali lang gawin. Gusto ko magtry at gawing negosyo... tapos?
Hah. Bahala na.
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Gusto ko ng poging Japanese jowa na magdadala sakin sa Japan. Arg.
07:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Iniisip ko palang na namimiss kita sa mga panahong to, at aba, nagbalik ka na pala!
Thanks, Roy!
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Pretty bad. The account will be letting go of the JP Manila team. I'll be losing this job. Ililipat daw sa ibang account, pero kailangang pumasa sa interview.
I have native-level salary here. Hindi ko alam kung makakahanap pa ko ng tulad nito. Natatakot ako.
I'll be going to Japan on May 16. Sobrang nilu look forward ko to dahil 13 years na magmula nung huli akong nakapunta. Ngayon, hindi ko alam kung paano ako mag eenjoy, knowing na posibleng mawalan ako ng tabaho.
Iniisip ko yung mga pusa kong hindi kumakain ng murang isda. At yunh nanay ko na nasanay na sa mamahaling restaurant.
Nalulungkot ako. Natatakot. Payakap nga. Huhu.
12:01 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Sleepy day at work. I should've slept early. I wonder if I'll finish all the good BL mangas in this lifetime.
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Tita left last night after a long vacation here in Luzon. When I came to our sala this morning, she was no longer there. I thought I'd feel a little sad whatsoever. I didn't. Tita is an unmarried woman. It must be sad not having anyone miss you, or at least a little sad when you're no longer around.
My niece and nephew are sweet, clingy kids. They seem to love me now, but I'm not sure if they will remain that way once they get older. Iniisip ko kung naiinggit ba ko sa mga kakilala at kaibigan kong bumuo na ng sarili nilang pamilya... pero hindi e. Hindi talaga. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko maintindihan kung saan nanggagaling ang dissatisfaction na ito.
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Ang mahal na ng pamasahe. Around bente yung itinaas. Yung dating 65 sa ordinary bus, 80 na ngayon. Yung 75 sa aircon, 92 na ngayon. Imagine kung minimun wager ka tas araw araw kang nagkocommute sa ganito? Ubos sa pamasahe yung sahod mo. Nakakaawa rin talaga.
Kahapon, nakasabay ko sa elevator pauwi yung workmate ko na binoto si baby em. Natanong ko lang naman yung sa carousel. Sabi nya kasi hanggang sa December daw libre pa ang sakay sa carousel, sabay banat nang, "wala e, galing kasi ng binoto ko e".
Nakakasuka.
Pero alam mo, sabi sa nabasa ko, lahat naman ng tao e merong bad side. Ang mahalaga e kung good sya sayo. Tingin ko, may point naman, kaya ok lang.
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Pag yumaman ako, magtatayo ako ng underground na mala-Avengers headquarters. Mang he-headhunt ako ng mga individuals na magaling sa pakikipaglaban. Itetrain ko sila para maging superheroes na lalaban sa kasamaan.
Sa dami ng mayayaman sa mundo, meron na kayang gumagawa neto?
Sana magkaron ng alien invasion, tas kikidnapin nila lahat ng masasama, then torture train them until they get reformed into a better human beings, bago sila ibalik sa earth.
Tokwa, bukod sa super heroes at alien invasion, may pag-asa pa ba tayo? Pinipilit ko naman, pero ang hirap palang hindi mainis sa nga taong patuloy paring naniniwalang tama ang sinoportahan nila.
But freedom means allowing people to have their opinion. And I love freedom. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
I need to read more BL.
09:55 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
A bad dream woke me up at 3AM kanina. Hindi naman talaga bad yung dream. Just a little alarming.
In the dream, Mom and a guy friend agreed to have us get married. It got me feeling conflicted as the situation was not something I can easily explain to our common friends. I was thinking of keeping our wedding a secret to our friends, but it kinda made me feel guilty, because those friends went out of their way to invite me back when they had their own weddings. I woke up feeling so worried, it took me some time to realize that all that was just a dream. Saka lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Nakakatawa na yun yung una kong prinoblema at the thought of getting married.
Last night (technically, kaninang madaling araw), I was thinking that if it's with that guy friend, I think I can actually marry him even without any romantic feelings involved.
Pero nung gising na gising na ko at tirik na ang araw, it all dawned on me how the whole idea felt incestuous. Lol. Hindi ata kaya. I'm pretty sure the guy will feel the same.
Ewan kung saan nanggaling yung panaginip na yun.
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Time of the month. Kaya pala bad trip na bad trip ako sa buong mundo nitong mga nakaraang araw.
10:02 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I saw an old classmate's post flexing her kid's drawing at 7. I was on that level when I was 3. At that age, I can already draw a decent Son Goku of DragonBall Z.
Binabawi ba talaga ang talent pa di ginagamit? My drawings are so bad now, there are times when my neice tells me, "ah, si Tita hindi marunong", sabay tawa. Arg.
Pero ok lang. Gusto ko lang naman maging magaling mag drawing para maiguhit ko yung mga favorite BL manga or anime characters ko. Gusto ko rin gumawa ng manga. Gusto ko pa rin maging magaling mag kwento. Hindi ba pwedeng maging magaling both sa drawing at writing? Mababawi ko pa ba yung mga talent ko nung bata na wala na ngayon?
Nakakatamad mag effort. Gusto ko nalang yumaman, at maging malaya. Yung may absolute financial freedom, ganun.
11:10 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
