Entries in category "金曜日"
"Be smart to realize that life doesn't wait for you to be okay."
Ito yung post ng FB friend ko na sobra nag resonate sakin. Been holding on to this line since the day I saw it.
Haaaa...
I feel down. I fucking hate those flat earthers who hate AI and bash those who use it. I mean, you're free to hate anything you want, but that doesn't mean you're free to lambast people for thinking differently. I mean, galit na galit?
Haaaa. Daming BV. Also encountered a scammer pa. Buti nalang I've done IT jobs before, or else I wouldn't notice.
Tapos yung flat earther. Gahh! Kainis. Lakas maka bad vibes. Before, naisip ko na I have to choose my own battles at wag pumatol basta basta. But it always leave a bad taste a bad taste in my mouth. Bilang self-care, kailangan kong patulan ang mga dapat patulan.
I still don't have work. Walang offers, nothing. Nung hindi ako naghahanap, sila yuny habol ng habol. Haaa.
Okay lang din. I still have money. It's one of the biggest miracles and my greatest blessings. But I still can't shake this uneasy feeling. Natatakot ako.
Haaaaa. I'm not my best self. I feel down and hopeless. I want to cry.
10:17 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
1 AM and I'm craving for lengua de gato. Also Tipas Hopia. I remember buying 3 boxes, and got tired of the taste even before I finished the first box. But I want it again now.
----
Been raining a crazy lot. It's at times like this that I'm glad that I don't have work. I'm technically a business owner now, but aside from my old books, I still don't have any real products to sell yet.
I spent this week researching about dropshipping. Since China can directly sell their products in Lazada/Shopee, I feel like dropshipping is probably not as good here in the Philippines as it is elsewhere in the world. It's good for the consumers since we can avail cheap Chinese products for minimal shipping cost, but I'm sure this is hitting small business owners. Haaaa.
I guess, I gotta keep looking.
I attending Ken Honda's masterclass thingy tomorrow. I hope I'll get to find the answer there. But what was the question anyway?
01:20 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
So annoyed with a comment on my BL page. Alam ko namang maraming self-righteous people sa internet. Do I really have to expend energy and respond to them at the cost of my peace?
Hindi nga siguro. Pero nakakainis pa rin.
Ugh. Pwede ba sabunutan nalang para mabilis?
------------------
I'm supposed to spend my time thinking of ways to earn money, and not fight some random strangers on Facebook. Alam ko naman. I haven't been my most patient self lately.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Ano bang gagawin ko?
Father's day. Then Mom's birthday. Then Dad's 70th.
I think I still have money. Pero dahil hindi naman nadadagdagan at puro bawas lang, hindi ko maiwasang mag-alala.
Sana soon, maging maayos na rin ang lahat.
12:10 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Mother's Day on Sunday. I asked Mom if she wanted to eat out. Sabi nya wag na. Said my brother's not sure if he'll be able to keep his job. Wala daw ata silang pera, so he can't take his family out on Mother's day, kahit birthday na rin ni sis-in-law on Tuesday. Sabi ni mama, parang di daw maganda kung kami lang ang lalabas. I kinda agree.
I wonder what will happen if my brother will lose his job, lalo na nga't wala rin akong trabaho. Weird enough, hindi ako nag-aalala about myself. I seem to have this deep-rooted, baseless confidence na financial and career wise, I'd be fine no matter what. Sometimes overconfidence has its own perks... or maybe not.
Pero confident or not, I will do everything in my power to give my family a good life. I feel sorry for Mom whenever she makes excuses for not spending money. I know she wouldn't do something like that if meron akong trabaho. Naawa din ako kasi ako lang ang magta travel abroad this time. Sana talaga maipasyal ko parin sila sa abroad this year.
Haaaaah.
Kaya ko to. I'm smart and talented. I'm bound to earn a lot of money even if I only exert minimal effort.
*Ulitin 10x hanggang magkatotoo.*
Haaaaah. Kaya ko to.
-----
Excited na ko sa JP trip. Sana nga, makalagpas ako sa immigration smoothly, at maging isa to sa mga best travels ko ever ko. Sana may mameet akong pogi at sexying potential lover. Sana kasya pa yung mga damit ko. Kailangan ko mag exercise.
10:05 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Today, lahat ng teammates ko na nakaupo sa isang buong aisle where I sit e sama samang nagwork from home dahil sa bagyo. Well, except Kayla. I'm really grateful for her. Pumasok daw kasi sya dahil kawawa naman ako, at malapit lang naman daw ang bahay nya.
Kung wala si Kayla magmumukha akong na bully ng teammates ko, dahil nagkaisa silang sama samang mag wfh, at iniwan akong mag-isa. I wonder if it's true though. Well, whatever. Sa totoo lang, wala akong pake.
Nilibre kami ng boss ko ng SB today. Sure, I can buy myself a drink, pero thankful parin ako.
------
Kahapon ang last day nila Wendy at Gelo sa Takeda. Nalulungkot ako dahil hindi ko na sila makikita pag umakyat ako sa 14th floor. Gusto ko rin ng forever work from home setup. Pero kasi, anong mangyayari sa buhay ko kung forever akong magkukulong sa bahay?
11:51 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I feel lazy. I want sleep. I took a half-day yesterday because of my wound. Instead of sleeping the rest of my extra time, I spent it as usual- holed up in my room, reading BL.
The neighbor was chatting with me last night, it took me by surprise. I remember, a friend told me off because of some married dude who kept chatting with me at nightime. She said, red flag daw. I brushed it off as the guy wasn't my type. This time might not be the case.
He was a childhood crush. Having been with him for a few of my trips already, I figured he's really a natural flirt. Also, he's very good-looking. Pero siguro okay lang. Baka nakiki friends lang naman talaga. I'm too lazy for landian these days anyway.
We're all starting to live with COVID. I think I want to start going out and meet good men again. During my rest days from work, I'm too lazy to even flex a finger, and I also need to spend a few hours of my rest day at the hospital, because my wound is still open, and I even got 3 new ones. Packing Sheet talaga.
Anyway, ang cute nung isang male nurse. He has cute curly hair, and looks young. May konting panghaharot sya, but maybe he's just being friendly. Nakakatamad mag mini flirt-back. Baka hindi ko rin kasi mapangatawanan.
Sa ngayon, gusto kong magtravel ulet. Nag back-read ako ng mga entries years ago, and I was surprised na gusto ko pala magkaron ng anak dati. Right now, I think that's already out of question. Una, sobrang baba ng tolerance ko sa pain. Pangalawa, parang hindi naman masaya. Pangatlo, hindi talaga praktikal. Iniisip ko kung meron bang lalaking gusto ng childless marriage with a woman like me. I mean, may point ba ang marriage kung hindi kayo mag-aanak? But with my current self, I'm pretty sure I don't want to have children.
I went out with my on-and-off kaharutan a few months back. He kept saying na bagay daw kami kahit wala akong na hit ni isa sa mga nabanggit nyang non-negotiables. When I told him I don't want to have kids, he made a super long pause. After no'n, sinabi nya lang na dapat daw, yung mga ganung ka importanteng bagay e pinag-uusapan ng maayos. We just left it at that. It's not like we're really going out anyway.
During my trips, I did meet a few cute guys. I was even approached to a few times. Tingin ko mabenta talaga ang mga pinay sa foreigners. Gusto ko ba ng foreigner? I find white men quite intimidating. Mas naku cute-an pa ko sa indian and other brown men. Pero syempre, the best parin kung Japanese. Siguro, it will be like dating your anime 2D crushes, if you manage to end up with one no?
Type na type ko yung gumawa ng latte art ko when I was in Japan. I didn't know he will be there, dahil ang alam ko e dun sya nagwo work sa latte art stand of the same shop, about a train station away. Nagulat lang ako na nandun sya when I was there. When I talked to him in Japanese, ini-English nya ko. Tas pag nag e-English naman ako, mukhang di nya ko naiintindihan. I got tired of trying. LOL. But not wanting to end things just like that, I sent him a message in IG. Hindi naman nag reply. Hahaha. I wonder if I should've sent my message in Japanese. Oh well.
Tinatamad ako sa buhay. Gusto kong bumalik sa Japan. Sana nga makabalik ako ulet sa Japan, and sana nga, this time I'll get to snatch a Japanese boyfriend na.
11:36 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Isang linggo magmula nung final interview. I was told I was going to be onboarded. Akala ko nga nasa J*I na ko before June, pero eto, June na pala. Siguro matagal talaga ang onboarding process. Hindi naman siguro nila babawiin yung pag congratulate nila sakin no?
Busy daw dun sa new account. Hindi ako excited. I mean, para lang naman akong lilipat ng kwarto. Same company. Same package. Sana mababait ang mga workmates ko Sana chill lang ang work load. Bahala na.
---------
I went and saw a different doctor a few days back. Mukhang di sya confident sa ginagawa nya, so I asked her, "mas maganda po ba na bumalik ako sa *insert hospital name here*," and she said yes. So I immediatly contacted the hospital, went there matapos kong dumaan saglit sa bahay.
Mas komportable sa hospital na to. They treat me well, like a VIP. Hindi rin need pumila. Malinis, at sapat ang lamig ng aircon. Nilinis nila ang sugat ko and used cheaper items para di na ko ma shock sa presyo. 7k, 1k of which, I needed to shell out. Oh sya, dito na nga lang talaga. My wound has gotten so much smaller now. siguro nasa 1.5cm nalang, but it's still open. Pinapabalik nila ako sa Doc sa Tuesday. I am thinking of skipping, kaso I developed some rashes sa wound area. Ayoko na lumala. Ayoko na operahan ulet. I guess I'm going.
Gah. Ang init. Hindi pala ako pwede magswimming. At nakakainis na hindi ko nagamit yung bath tub ng hotel nung nasa Japan ako.
Kelan kaya ako lilipat sa new account? Baka abutan ko pa yung next wfh schedule ko sa August. Sa new account, wala ng wfh setup. My thoughts fluctuates from neutral, to total indifference, to full-on worry. Tambak ba ng trabaho? Madali kaya mag leave? May power trip na boss kaya dun? Ewan ko. Bahala na. I guess malalaman ko nalang talaga pag nandun na ko.
------------
Gusto ko bumalik sa Japan. I spent so much more than my projected budget kahit halos hindi na ko kumain (mostly because I wanted to spend the little time I have sight-seeing instead of eating). Tataas pa ang pamasahe ng JR line by double by July daw, so sigurado mas marami na ang perang kakailanganin. Gusto ko ulet magstay sa Ikebukuro. Hindi ko masyado mapasyalan yung Sunshine city kahit nandun lang yung hotel. Gusto ko pa mag BL hunting. Sa totoo lang, life is so much bearable being a fujoshi.
Hayst. Gusto ko nalang mag stay sa bahay at magbasa ng BL manga. Ano kayang mangyayari sa buhay ko kung lagi akong ganito?
12:27 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Final interview ko with the other account kanina. Chika chika lang naman pala, nag todo review pa ko. Pero ok na rin, pinilit ko isiksik lahat ng natutunan ko sa interview para di sayang effort. Few minutes after nung interview, nagchat yung manager to congratulate me, at ioo-onboard na daw ako.
Ok, ano na?
Kanina handa na kong mag English teacher sa Japan kahit 2 years lang at humanap ng mapapang-asawang hapon. Ok. Siguro maghahanap nalang ako sa dating app.
Ah, ok. Ano na?
Ako palang ang natatanggap sa bagong account. Hindi ko alam kung ako palang ba, or ako lang talaga. Walang happy feeling, pero mas okay na to kesa nag aalala kung anong mangyayari sa future ko. Well, nandun pa rin naman yung pag aalala, pero at least, may trabaho pa ko.
For now, bahala na.
07:00 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Ugh. Ewan.
Bumalik ako from Japan to Manila nung Friday. CR palang, damang dama ko na kung gaano ka-inconvenient mabuhay sa Pilipinas. CR talaga ang una kong na miss. At naiirita ako na ang lalaki ng basurahan sa banyo dahil hindi pwede i-flush yung tissue sa inidoro. I miss Japan. Sana makabalik ako. Sana madala ko rin sila mama dun. Sayang naman yung multiple visa ko kung hindi ako babalik.
Gah.
Pagkauwi ko nu Friday, biglang nag sink-in lahat ng problema ko tungkol sa pagbitaw ng account namin sa Japanese team. Bumuhos lahat ng takot at pag-aalala, muntik na ko mag hyperventilate. Mom knew. And she was like, may pension naman daw sila, at may trabaho naman daw ang kuya ko kaya hindi naman daw kami magugutom. I don't think I can ever live without my mother. I want to do everything for her, and give her everything. Pano ko gagawin yun kung wala na akong trabaho? In a way, alam kong maswerte ako that I still have my family.
Monday before I leave, I was waiting for a message from J*I. Sila yung account na aampon dapat sa JP team. After ng language assessment, nag message pala sakin yung J*I for an interview. 10years bago ko nabasa. After the interview the Friday before I leave, sinabi ko na sa kanila na magja Japan ako. Sabi nung interviewer, ita try nya daw i-schedule ako last Monday for the interview. Walang dumating.
Mejo hindi na ako umaasa, pero pasado alas dos kanina, nag message sila. As usual, late kong nabasa. Sa Friday yung 2nd interview ko.
6 kami si team. 5 yung nagkapag language assessment na, hindi kasama si Robert dahil paimportante sya. Out of 5, 4 yung nakapag initial interview. And out of 4, ako lang yung minessage for 2nd interview. Pero ibang team ata yung tumatarget dun sa dalawa, but still, walang feedback dun sa kanila. I am happy. Nakakataas ng tingin sa sarili na ako lang yung natira. Pero hindi ko alam kung ano na pag tapos nito. Tungkol sa SAP yung work. Pinagreview ako ng interviewer, and I tried. Pero hindi ko talaga masyado maintindihan. So, ewan ko. Anong point na mas malayo ang naging progress ko compared sa mga kasama ko kung hindi naman ako makukuha? Lol.
Bahala na.
Sa totoo lang, gusto ko nalang hintayin na matanggal ako sa work. Para sa separation pay, syempre. Tas magpapahinga ako ng 1 month para mag-isip ng gagawin ko sa buhay ko. Parang ayoko na kasi mag trabaho. Gusto ko na kasi yumaman. Pero realistically, kaya ba to? Sa tamad kong to?
Isa sa main reason ng pagpunta ko sa Japan e yung 3D latte art sa Tokyo. Alam kong walang ganun sa Pilipinas dahil nag try ako hanapin. Feeling ko madali lang gawin. Gusto ko magtry at gawing negosyo... tapos?
Hah. Bahala na.
----
Gusto ko ng poging Japanese jowa na magdadala sakin sa Japan. Arg.
07:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
