Mga pang araw araw na buhay
木曜日: May 28, 2020



Mga bagay na natutunan ko nitong mga nakaraang araw:

1. Hindi nababawasan ang inis sa pag express ng galit, ie. pagsuntok sa pader o pagbato ng mga bagay bagay. Kalma. Hinga.

2. Pag upset ka, or nalulungkot, gumawa ka ng bagay na makakapagpasaya sa iba.

3. Minsan, try mo rin maghugas ng plato.

The week started on my new shift high, tas nag fluctuate na high and low through out the week. Ang daming mga araw na upset ako, kinailangan kong mas madalas na makinig ng Feast Worship. Napahugas din ako ng plato to shift perspective. Effective naman. Nag sneezing fiesta lang ako ng very slight at nagkaron ng konting butlig butlig sa kamay, pero keri lang. Worth the allergies. 

Natapos ang week na ok naman ako. Mas kalmado na.

Kung tutuusin, relatively petiks ang morning shift. Mostly naging maayos naman ang mga encounters ko sa users na sinupport ko. Kahit petiks, sinisikap ko parin gawin yung best ko. That's why the pagod is still there.

Off ko ngayon. There's that perpetual need to stay away from other human beings except my family and a few friends. Those that never demand so much. Ang dami ding crappy stuff sa social media so eto, sayang ang 1GB per day promo ng Globe. Maka nood nga ng Ghibli movie mamaya.

Parang ang daming gastusin these days. Anlaki pa ng bawas sa sahod ko sa isang araw na umabsent ako. Damang dama, mapapa aray ka. Hinding hindi na talaga ako aabsent.

Kung tutuusin, sobrang laki ang natitipid ko ngayong quarantine.

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I love the feel of my facial skin today. Last night, oil cleansing, facial massage, soap, scrub, facial yoga, toner, serum, mask, eye cream, moisturizer, sunblock. Dapat may essence pa yan, kasa wala ako mahanap. Wala naman pinapagandahan at madalas pagod ako after work so natutulog lang ako kagad at wala ng routine routine. Ngayon ko nalang ulit nagawa yan dahil wala akong pasok the following day.

Tingin ko pwede naman palang alagaan ng sarili not because you want to look good for someone else, kundi para sa sarili mo lang. Try ko tong gawin araw araw. I'm not expecting any dramatic change since malaki talaga ng pores ko naturally. Even my beautiful mom, malaki rin ng pores. Pero ok lang. Basta clear ang glowing. Ngayon, pinipigilan ko munang mag online shop ng beauty products. Mag iipon muna ko for emergency. Gusto ko rin makabili ulet ng stocks pag may sapat na ipon na ko.

Thankful ako sa lahat ng pera at blessings na meron ako ngayon. Salamat, Universe. Pengi pa ng mas maraming marami pa. Hehe. Gusto ko nang yumaman e. Thank you!

Next week, 1 week kaming may training. Kahit off ko, need parin pumasok. Ok lang, iwas labas, iwas gastos. Tsaka kailangan ko rin to. Para hindi ako nangangamote sa trabaho.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:19 PM.

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Cinderella
土曜日: May 23, 2020



12:01mn. 1 minute past Cinderella's curfew.

In 12 hours, I'll start with my new work shift. Mejo nakakakaba.

I just finished watching Howl's Moving Castle. It's the first Studio Ghibli film na napanood ko na merong clear happy ending. Found a Japanese version with English subs. I think this is the closest I can get with my Japanese language studies.

Around 12 hrs back, I woke up in my brother's message about my nephew's newborn screening results. Our baby boy got an "out of normal range" in one of the tests. I've researched what it meant. Sabi, no cure. Need na ng support for life. May lead to anaemia. They'll be seeing the doctor tomorrow. I know it could be worse. Pero sana parin, mali lang ang test. Sana ok parin si Kyler.

Also found out that a friend have tested positive in COVID. I feel so sorry for her, specially for her children. Wala naman daw syang nararamdaman, well, aside from emotional distress, that is. Ang hirap ng panahon na ito. Sobra. I feel sorry. I feel scared. It's hard to feel so many things at the same time.

Hindi ko ni lu look forward ang pasok ko bukas ( technically, mamaya). Nasanay na rin ako na tulog sa umaga at gising sa gabi. Kinakabahan din ako dahil hindi ako familiar sa process ng Japanese users since I've had very few of them sa night shift. Alam ko, marami pang tao na may mas malaking problema kesa sakin.

Sa mga panahon na hindi ako natatakot o nag-aalala, nararamdaman ko rin naman yung gratitude. Alam ko naman na kahit maraming hindi magagandang nangyayari, naa outweigh parin ng good things ang mga bad things sa buhay ko. Siguro kailangan ko lang talagang matutunang kumalma.

My friend said COVID testing costed her 8k for the 1st test. She needs to undergo 2 more tests na dapat mag negative na this time, to get cleared. That will be 24k pesos for all 3 tests. Iniisip ko tuloy kung may sapat ba kong pera pag may nagkasakit samin.

Hindi na ko aabsent ulet. Kailangang makaipon.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:32 AM.

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211
水曜日: May 20, 2020



Club anniv next week. People no longer bother me as they used to. Maybe they've gotten used to my absence already.

TL sent me a message last night asking if I'm ok with 12nn to 9pm shift. We're having more and more  Japanese chats these days and the morning people need backup. Though I said yes, sabi ni TL di pa naman daw sure. Were having fewer calls at night. Baka matuloy na ang earlier work shift ko next week. Bahala na. Nakakataranta kasi mag Japanese support. Iniisip ko nalang, I have a workmate who can't read so much kanji pero nagsurvive naman. I can read about 1000 (or lessss haha). Kaya ko rin naman siguro to. Marami rin naman pwede tanungan sa umaga.

Wala pa pala akong 1 year sa trabahong to no? Nakakatuwa na kahit paano, I feel comfortable around them na parang matagal ko na silang kakilala.

1 more day at off ko na. I usually spend my days off sleeping, but recently, binigyan kami ng pusa ng kapitbahay, so I'd probably play with the cat. I still think I'm more of a dog person, but I love our cat. Nung 1st day nya rito, ilang oras syang nagtago sa ref. Day 2, nahihiya hiya parin sya. Pero ngayon, takte, sobrang kulet na. Pero sobrang sweet din. He knows where he should do his business kaya hindi sya mahirap alagaan. Naawa lang ako sa mga alaga kong ipis. Mas mabilis nyang naubos ang mga ipis sa bahay kesa sa Baygon.

Ang dalas ng pag-ulan nitong mga nakaraang araw. Naalala ko na ang confront food ko twing tag-ulan e tocino. Dahil hindi na ko kumakain ng karne, hindi ko na alam kung ano pang comfort food ko. Siguro ice cream. Sawang sawa na ko sa hipon. Allergic pa ko sa itlog. Hayy, na miss ko bigla yung Bodhi. Gusto ko rin ng sushi. Ang sarap at ang lalaki ng sushi sa Taiwan. Ang daming choices tas sobrang mura pa. Mas masarap ng very slight ang sushi sa Genki Sushi, pero takte, naka over 1k ka na hindi ka pa busog. Gusto ko ng miso soup at unli cabbage na may goma dressing sa Yabu. Pagkain lang yata ang namiss ko sa labas. Gusto ko ng sushi.T_T

Mom named our cat Jiufen. It's one of the places we went to in Taiwan. Mom loved that place. I'm glad we pushed through with our trip. My parents' eyes always light up in delight every time they talk about it. Kung iba ang sitwasyon ngayon, I would've brought them to Korea sana. Sana pwede na next year. Sana kompleto at healthy parin ang buong pamilya ko by then. Yun lang talaga ang pinaka mahalaga.

I expressed my interest sa program na planong i-launch ng relationship coach na fina follow ko sa facebook. This program is for single people daw. Sa totoo lang, lovelife ang least of concerns ko sa mga panahon na to. Pero naisip ko lang na if I want to get married, maybe in 3 years time, dapat ngayon palang nagpe prepare na ko. Also, I see flirting as an important tool. More like a weapon you can use in any battlefield. Parang sa Art of Seduction. Excited na kong matuto kay Coach.

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May nakita akong meme. Ansabi kaya daw pala heal as one e dahil bahala ka mag heal mag-isa mo. Lol.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:10 PM.

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52
土曜日: May 16, 2020



Past 12mn na nung bumalik ang kuryente. Humupa na ang bagyo. Balik na naman ang alinsangan ng panahon, at nagbago ang isip ng aming local government at pinromote muli kami sa mecq last minute bago ang supposed  transition namin sa gcq.

Parang walang patutunguhan ang 2020.

Got the announcement kagabi sa bagong set of officers sa club. One of my ladies was elected for the highest position and they were like ako na daw susunod. For the past 3 years I've been dodging that position like a plague. This year, I went as far as postponing my membership renewal just to make sure I won't get elected. I feel like they still don't get it.

With this, all my friends are either a past president or a current president na. Normal lang siguro na hindi nila ma gets why I don't want it. Ako nga rin, hindi ko gets. Lol.

Last night, Ivan was asking if I'll renew na, now that the new officers have been announced. I hate explaining my shit, and I feel like these people keep on making me feel like I have to explain my shit. This is making me feel all the more wanting to extract myself off their circle. Maybe they mean well. Siguro mawawala rin tong feeling na to pag humupa na yung irita feeling na nararamdaman ko.

Sighs. Parang walang dereksyon ang buhay.

Siguro ang priority lang naman talaga natin dapat sa panahon na to e keeping ourselves alive.

Ewan.

I want to find a way to feel more alive these days.

I've been on full defensive mode. Naiirita ko sa lahat ng kumakausap sakin kahit online lang. The very few times na pumatol ako sa simpleng kamustahan, nairita lang rin ako. Maybe they didn't mean it that way pero feeling ko kasi tunuturuan nila ko kung paano ako dapat mabuhay. I hate that. I really hate that. 

Pero sa kabila ng di matapos tapos na rebulusyon sa isip ko, thankful parin ako na ok kaming lahat.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:24 PM.

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Ambo
金曜日: May 15, 2020



I asked for a little rain. The Heavens gave me a storm.

Brownout. Lakas ng hangin. Binitbit ko yung kama ko sa kwarto ng parents ko dahil ang scary ng bagyo. Mom is way more scared than I am and this is not making me a little less scared. Well at least I'm not alone in fear. I can't believe that Dad is already snoring amidst all these.

Alis ka na, Ambo. Please bring COVID-19 with you.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:55 PM.

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Beauty in gloom
金曜日: May 15, 2020



Intended to finish another kdrama this "weekend", but ended up sleeping for 10hrs straight. My back hurts.

It's a beautiful cloudy morning. I'm hoping for a little rain. I love rain.

Parents are about to leave to withdraw money from their mini business. I haven't been really good to them lately. There're just the three of us at home, to whom will I throw my temper to?

I think I should be kinder.

Someone said na coronavirus is here to stay na and we just need to learn how to live with it. I feel neutral about this. Sabi nila, lahat daw ng bagay ay nangyayari for the greater good. Maybe this is for the greater good. Hindi ko rin naman talaga alam.

People can become nasty when they're afraid. I am afraid.

Or, well, maybe I'm just nasty.

-------

Uy, it's raining na.

Ang ganda ganda talaga ng ulan.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:53 AM.

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Love and hate
木曜日: May 14, 2020



I wrapped up my workweek 12 hours ago.

Our new tool at work has a Japanese chat feature na nung Monday ko lang napapansin ang existence. Since then, kakaba kaba na akong pumapasok sa trabaho. Ang tagal na kasi mula ng huli akong magsupport ng Japanese. Napasign of cross pa ko bago mag bukas ng pc kahapon. Lol.

2 calls for a 6PM to 4AM shift. This is the lowest number of calls I got on a weekday na night shift. Nakakakaba tuloy. 

Kung tutuusin, hiring pa ang company namin for Japanese speakers sa ibang account. I have friends who are waiting for me to resign para mairefer ako sa company nila, probably for the referral fee. I'm still getting texts and emails from employers who saw my profile in Jobstreet. Siguro, kahit papano, may mapupuntahan naman ako sakali mang bitawan kami ng kliyente.

Pero kasi... gusto ko di to.

Ang gulo no? Andun yung feeling na ayoko pumasok, pero ayoko rin naman umalis. Sana ma secure na ng account namin ang contract sa client. I really like the people here. I wish we can all stay.

-----

Was watching Eat Bulaga's replay of Bawal Ang Judgemental. Pinapahulaan kung sino sa mga tao na nandun ang nagkaron na ng Girfriend AT Boyfriend. Wala lang. Ang charming nung iba e. At lahat sila, gf ang nauna bago ang boyfriend. I remember I once asked a gay friend if posible bang ang isang bakla e magising nalang isang araw at marealize nya na gusto na nya ng babae. Sabi nya hindi daw.

Ang daming gwapong bading no? Tas yung iba ang sweet pa. Kaya yun. Pero ok lang din naman. Naisip ko lang si D. I'm pretty sure he's not gay. He doesn't have to be vain like gay guys though, to look good, kasi natural na ata sa kanya yun. The last time I saw him prior the lock down, I've noticed the gray strands sticking out sa buhok nya. Ni hindi nya man lang kinapangit.

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Rest day ko today and tomorrow. I'd probably binge watch krama again. Wow, I'm so productive. Sighs.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:50 PM.

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Wednesday
水曜日: May 13, 2020



He's pure evil, this president. And I can't understand why people are still clapping. Lantaran na tayong binabalahura, pak dis, pinagtatanggol nyo parin. Ang hayop nya, sobrang hayop nya. Pak dis talaga. 

Sighs.... anong gagawin natin?

People who are standing up against his panggagago are being shamed by die-hard supporters saying puro kayo kuda, hindi kayo nakakatulong, manahimik nalang kayo, sumunod nalang kayo. Damn you all. You're witnessing all his evil deeds and you are still choosing to stand with him?

This is exhausting. Hands up na ko. I'm just scared, you know. Because this is how Hitler fucked up Germany. Are we facing the same fate? OA ba? Pak dis, sinabihan nyo rin na OA those peope who were making a fuss about coronavirus few months ago. Ano tayo ngayon? 

Ewan ko. Sabi nila, pwede rin naman na ang maulit e yung nangyari kay Marcos. He was kicked out and replaced by a widow. They have tainted our new widow's reputation with fake news. But the pandemic has revealed her true character. That woman. I feel like she's our only hope. But I don't know.

Ang hirap kumalma these days. Hindi na nga ko nanonood ng news at halos di na nagfe Facebook. 

Sabi sa book na binabasa ko, if you are feeling good, you will be filled with good experiences. This can be a little harder these days. 

I've been listening to the Feast Worship recently. Instant mood shifter talaga. Sa ganitong paraan ako mabilis na kumakalma.

Last working day for the week today, tapos weekend ko na. GCQ na sa Bulacan on 16th. Siguro tuloy parin ang WFH setup sa office bilang sa QC ang building namin at naka MECQ pa sila.

Mag didisinfect sa baranggay namin maya maya. 2 days kaming di pwedeng lumabas kasi pwede daw maka iritate ng skin. Need din mag sara ng bintana. Takte, ang init.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:35 PM.

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Inka
火曜日: May 12, 2020



I've found a girl inspiration in fb who refreshed my motivation on what to do with my life.

The girl's a VO, and boy, ang galing nya. I love her personality too. Sexy pero hindi perfect Barbie doll type. May piercing sya sa nose at tattoo all over like a rebellious teenager, but she seems very sweet to her mom (who's very pretty and just as talented by the way). When I look at this girl, I feel like she oozes with so much freedom and very less care about other people's opinion of her. I want to be like this person. Magaling sa ginagawa nya. Confident. Carefree.

I don't hate myself now. I may not be pleasant all the time, but I think I'm actually kind. Yes, I'm pretty lazy, but I'm always trying. Over the years, natutunan ko naman na ma appreciate yung sarili ko.

Pero kahit ganun, I want to develop a self-brand that my future self will thank me for. 

Extended ba ang ECQ? I want to have more time for this.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:33 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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