Sleep na please
木曜日: July 14, 2022



1:14AM. Jeez, gising pa ko. Alarm is set at 4:45. Tokwa, wala na akong itutulog.

Been reading manga until past 11. Must be the reason why I can't sleep. I remember the doc used to warn me about using cellphone before bedtime back when I was complaining about insomnia.

I'm grateful that I have a job. But if I can choose better, and if money is not an issue, I'd like to go back to school. Maybe I'd study graphic arts, or anything that will get me closer into creating films, literary works, or whatever. I want to create stories and touch the heart of many people. Gaya nung nararamdaman ko whenever I find a good manga, book, anime na sobrang nagugustuhan ko. Maybe I can write a book, but I think I really like to do films. Instead of creating my craft alone, I think I'd like to collaborate with brilliant people. 

I should've picked ECE as my college course, instead of Civil Engineering. I picked the course because of my love for math and drawing. I think ECE can also give me that. 

Oh well, it's all done now. I can only more forward.

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I gained 3 effin kilos lately. Mom's and Dad's birthdays are only a few weeks apart, kaya sunod sunod ang kainan dito sa bahay. Kailangan ko na mag diet.

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Teka, tokwa, kailangan ko na talaga matulog.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:38 AM.

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Kansha
木曜日: July 12, 2022



My 1st Tabulas account was created 2004. Been here for 18 years na pala. Thanks, dear Roy, for keeping this site up. Really, thanks.

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Rest day today. Naglaba ako ng rubber shoes at payong, naglinis ng kwarto ng pusa, nagpakain ng pusa, nag breakfast, then by the time I was done, alas onse na. BL manga time na. Lol.

I want to go out and have a brazilian treatment for my hair, pero nagtitipid ako. Isasabay ko nalang siguro sa diode session ko on August 3.

A lot of things scare me these days, I've been trying hard not to think. I can't plan my own future because I'm afraid of what's in there... or maybe more afraid of what will not be there anymore. 

Mom said she dreamt of her parents. They're both dead. I don't know what's the meaning of dreaming of dead people. I used to dream of Cristina a lot after she passed away.

I wish I can keep my parents forever. 

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Dad's siblings are planning to separate their land. This is the same land where we live. One of my Titas plans to sell her share to us. My brother will buy it daw. Mom said I can keep Dad's share. I'm not really interested. I'd probably just give this to my neice, so that my nephew can have his dad's share for himself. Well, it will change a little if Brother will have more babies in the future.

I'd probably get a condo. It will be less hassle to maintain in case I'll be needing to leave the house a lot. I need to think about the cats though.

Ugh! I don't want to think about the future anymore.

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Got a lot of things I wish to buy, but maybe not yet. Maybe once I reached my target savings. For the mean time, I'll dump the list here.

1. Nike air rubber shoes

2. Crocs sandals

3. Decent flats

4. Decent choker

5. Cropped pants 

6. G-shock wrist watch

7. Converse shoes 

8. Shouchie beanie

9. 3-level Cat tower condo

10. Cat scratcher 

Feeling a little sad lately. I think I should meet my friends. It's LA's birthday early August. There are plans to meet. If I am to meet them, I need a place to sleepover since I have work the following day. I can just sleep in our usual spa, but that's in Makati pa. Is there any spa around QC na may sleeping area? Please drop recommendations. TIA!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:38 AM.

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11:22
木曜日: July 7, 2022



Almost midnight and I'm still awake. Must be the mocha thingy I drunk earlier, or the matcha frappe. 

Been snapping a lot lately. Even at work. I'm not usually like this. I wonder where this bitchiness is coming from.

Been back-reading old entries. My old self will probably be disappointed if she will get to take a peek into the future and find that her future self is still the same. I'm sorry, old self.

These days, it really takes so much of me not to throw or break things out of unexplainable anger and frustration. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:32 PM.

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Shinigami no sei ka
月曜日: June 27, 2022



Another death from someone I know in Toastmasters. Parang kamamatay lang rin ng kakilala ko from another club just weeks back. It's sad and scary. Death.

I went on SL today as I injured my feet last night. I was drying my glass lunch box when it slipped from my hand and landed on my feet, shattering broken glasses around me. By the time I noticed, my feet were already bleeding.

I managed to sleep longer and even had an afternoon nap today.

I haven't been feeling well these days. I think it's really convenient to become a woman, because when you feel a little suicidal, you can always blame it on PMS.

I'm trying not to think too much. BL manga used to keep me sane. It's probably still keeping me sane. I just feel a little... I don't really have a word for this feeling.

One of the earliest poems I've read when I was young (about 8, I guess) was about death. The words were painfully beautiful, I remember wanting to write like that.

Isn't it odd how humans are drawn to glum things like death and unrequited love? Surely, there's some inexplicable beauty in them, but isn't it about time for you to outgrow all these already, Z?

Nah... I really shouldn't think too much.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:35 PM.

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Ipusu
水曜日: June 22, 2022



It's barely 2 months since RTO started and I already bought 5 lipsticks. Before Pandemic, I think I got about 12. 

Jeez, should stop this. 

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Will be going back to work tomorrow. I feel like my rest days had just passed me by, I didn't even feel it.

I want more sleep.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:19 PM.

3 コメント





modotta
土曜日: June 18, 2022



Back to work, alright.

Yesterday, my whole body hurt, I found it hard to get up from the bed. Grabe yung massage dun sa spa. Mapanakit. Still want to go back there though. Officemate and I are planning to go back, maybe by the end of next month. I loved the jacuzzi and herbal bath.

Convo with friends revolved mostly about love, trauma, and undergarments. It was really funny, I had a good laugh. I'm glad we went there.

-------------------

I still can't seem to shake this dissatisfaction. I want to do something about it.

Spent the day yesterday reading BL and playing with neice and nephew. I need to tone down my spending as Mel and I are planning to push through with the Korean trip by November. Of course, I'll be bringing my parents along. Of course, I'm going to pay. I need to save. Big time.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:33 AM.

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Nerarenai
水曜日: June 15, 2022



12:51AM, gising pa ko.

Will be meeting the girls 6PM. A little earlier with Mel at 5:30. We'll be spending 12 hrs sa spa, so I told my parents na sa Thursday na ko uuwi. Hectic din since nagpa sched ako ng nueter for one of my cats mamayang 8AM.

Anu ba, gising pa ko. Huhu.

Mel plans to go ice skating tomorrow. I'd rather go home and take care of my then newly neutered cat. I also feel homesick just thinking that I won't be sleeping on my own bed tonight.

Pero di ba, hindi naman pwedeng ganito ako lagi. I need to go out.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:00 AM.

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Dont Blink
日曜日: June 12, 2022



Slept past 11 from reading BL. Feeling too sleepy, I allowed myself a few sips of cappucino from the office vendo. My stomach is hurting just a bit, but at least it reduced the sleepiness. I used to have less sleep than this.

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Read some of the winning works in Palanca. Mejo inantok ako sa iba, until I found this one. This is the 3rd placer on 2017. I loved the story so much, I looked up on the author on Facebook. Hahaha.

I remember once upon a time, someone also looked up on my profile in FB after reading some contest entry I've won more than a decade ago. The dude asked if I'm now a writer. I wished to tell him that I'm still so much cooler eventhough I'm not, but I settled into saying it as is.

Keri lang. Don't really care much. Still, I want to win again and have someone looking up my profile in FB after reading my works. After reading "Don't Blink", I felt like the entry I've sent still had a super long way to go. For all I know I could've been disqualified because my entry form was not notarized. I'll just join again and become a hall of famer. Kaya ko yun!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:32 AM.

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Hisashi
火曜日: June 7, 2022



I just had an iced hazelnut mocha drink, and I feel like I'm being punched in the gut.

Know what, I really love coffee. I'd drink that everyday if it wasn't for GERD. Gah, I wonder if I'll need to go to the nearest doc to get a buscopan shot. Baking soda should've been a healthier option, but I left my stash at home. Damn, GERD.

------

Life is super smooth as ever.

My officemates are nice. Pay is good. Work is easy. Even the commute has gotten so much easier since my bus stops right accross our office building. 

There's still that growing dissatisfaction, but I'm still grateful.

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Got plans to have spa date with my TM girls next week. We haven't told one of the girls na hubaran don. Mel said we should break it to her gently. Lol.

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I've always been in a hurry since RTO. Mahaba ang byahe. I'd want to get home as early as possible. That's why I find it nice pag nakakasabay kong umuwi yung batang yun from pdt. He said he's a law student, so parang secured na yung morning shift para sa kanya. 

I'm still not comfortable talking to anyone else though. 

I wonder when will the club open for f2f meeting. And kung kaya ko bang umattend considering na may pasok ako on weekends. I wonder how I managed to have a social life before pandemic. Parang ang konti konti ng oras when I commute.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:09 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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