Mata yume
火曜日: November 10, 2020



Another wierd dream spent looking for Nini. I woke up without being able to find her in the dream. Her husband, Tope, was there too.

Tapos merong hayop dun with a head of a cute white dog, pero yung body nya, log. As in kahoy from puno, ganern. The creature was a weird kind of cute. Hinabol pa ko nung half dog/half log.

Lol.

Ang wirdo na naman ng panaginip ko.

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Watching Record of Youth. 5 eps palang and, tokwa, nakakakilig. Ang effortless magpakilig ng dalawang to. Ang cutie pie ni Park Bo Gum. Hottie rin ng guy na 2nd lead. Kung mangyayari siguro to in real life, kawawa yung girl. I mean, realistically, can you say 'no' to either of these men? Srsyly?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:27 AM.

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Saikidou
月曜日: November 9, 2020



6 hours into today's shift,  and I already restarted my PC about 8 times. Kalahati ng shift ko was spent having system issue. Tokwa, sira na ata to. Huhu.

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Napanaginipan ko yung dati kong TL last night. In the dream, he's already dead na daw. He even left a letter. I've read the letter in the dream but I can't remember the contents. Basta ang alam ko, hindi tapos yung letter. Pag gising ko, antagal ko munang nag isip to figure out na buhay na buhay pa sya.

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Paker, ang tagal marestart ng pc ko. T_T



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:45 PM.

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Dull
土曜日: November 7, 2020



Today is my nephew's christening. Brother's in-laws are here. I am upstairs in my room, working.

By "working", I meant staring at my pc, clicking the "ctrl" key from time to time to prevent my PC from locking up. I have finished all my tickets less than 5 minutes after my shift started. I only had 3.

Yesterday,  I asked my mom to cut my hair. This is the shortest that my hair has gotten in a while. My head feels lighter now, and it doesn't look bad at all.

I've been meaning to complain about life, you know. But if you're blessed with so much and you still feel like complaining, what does that make you?

I don't know where this dissatisfaction is coming from.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:51 AM.

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Modotta
日曜日: November 1, 2020



I had been off work for 4 days, until I got back yesterday. Iba na pala ang process ng MIM. Basta may mga nagbago sa trabaho.

Sabi sa librong nabasa ko, hindi daw healthy para sa tao ang hindi nagta trabaho. Sa tingin ko, totoo yun.

Antamad ko no?

Ewan ko. Siguro iba yung tamad sa tinatamad.

Hindi ako tamad. Tinatamad lang. At kahit tinatamad ako, lagi ko pating ginagawa yung best ko.

Tapos? Ewan ko ulet.

Alam mo ba, I spend most of my waking hours inside my head. I do one thing, but my head is elsewhere. With this, I feel like I'm not fully living. Kaya lately, I've been trying to get out of my head and actually live the moment. Ang hirap. Takte, ang hirap. Laging lumilipad yung isip ko instead of paying attention to what's actually happening. May ADD ba ko?

Nung college, meron kaming kaibigan na laging hyper. Para syang may ADHD. One time, another friend instructed her to hold a leaf, and her only task is to focus on that leaf for about a few minutes. Grabe, wala pang 5 seconds sumuko na sya.

Sa tingin ko kaya ko naman mag focus sa dahon ng mga isa o dalawang minuto.

I just want to calm my mind down. I do have ulterior motive.

See, yung mind daw kasi, parang tubig. Pag calm ang water, even if you just lightly touch it, the effect will create ripples. 

Pero sa turbulent water, kahit maghagis ka ng refrigerator sa tubig, it wouldn't make so much difference.

Feeling ko pag kalmado ang isip ko, I can manifest all the things that I want out of life effortlessly. 

And it wouldn't be dangerous because I am a good person and I can be trusted.

And even if I turn out to be a bad person, I don't think I'd create so much damage, because as you know, I'm very lazy.

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Our bathroom is done. This ends our house's renovation. Hindi ko na kailangang ubusin ang leave ko dahil lang sa nahihiya akong sumagot ng calls habang nag babarena or nag we welding ang mga workers sa bahay namin. 

I liked how the bathroom turned out. Ako ang namili ng color ng tiles. It could've looked even better kung available yung style na gusto ko initially.

Magpapagawa ako ng sarili kong bahay soon. Hahanap ng muna ako ng lupa. Ok lang kahit maliit at hindi kagandahan ang ipapagawa kong bahay, basta maganda at malaki ang banyo. Pangarap ko kasi talaga yung bahay na maganda ang banyo.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:49 PM.

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Kdrama review keneme
日曜日: October 25, 2020



I feel like they heavily relied on the handsome casts. Ang shallow ng plot. The chemistry between the main leads is barely existent, it's painful to watch. Ep11 na hindi parin ako kinikilig. Sobrang sayang, ganda pa man din ng concept. Tuloy ko pa ba? Huhu.

11:20pm. Usually nanonood ako around this hour, pero napipikon ako sa Hwarang. Kaya ko lang pinapanood to dahil andaming gwapo. Lol.

Pero nanghihinayang talaga ko. I wish someone will create a remake and do a better job.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:26 PM.

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Hwarang
土曜日: October 24, 2020



Birthday ko ba? Yiiii, andaming pogi!!!

Choi Min ho yung pinaka bet ko. Grabe ang cutie pie nilang lahat I can't wipe the smile off my face. Yiiiii!

Watching Hwarang now. Hindi ko sure kung naiintindihan ko pa ba yung palabas. Masyado akong name mesmerize sa mga cute na batang to.

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Outside kdrama, life's pretty dull.

But there's food on the table, and my family is still complete, so I guess it's all good.

The month's going to end soon, then there will be November. The 1st Feastcon will be happening online. I will not bother to take a leave dahil paubos na rin kasi. Teka, may leave pa ba ko?

Life's is not really so good in the relationship department, but it's something I can put up with.

I plan to earn, save and invest as much as I can, so I can anytime buy a house when I feel like leaving this place.

I also think that a single woman should have her own place, you know. And if in case I will have to get married, I wouldn't have to live with my in-laws then.

Peace and freedom. 

Sabi sa nabasa ko, ito daw ang dapat i-seek to become enlightened. I don't know much about enlightenment, but even back when I was young, I've always wanted peace. Then as I've gotten older, I also learned to yearn for freedom.

Peace and freedom. As long as I have these two, I think I will be fine.

I feel like this porcupine is really likely to choose to endure the cold, that get hurt as she tries to keep herself warm.

I just need to have more money. Untill then, I will be fine.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:08 PM.

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.Saram. Ningen. Tao. Human.
土曜日: October 16, 2020



I was having an argument with Mom over our bathroom's renovation. My niece got scared on how angry I was that she started crying. To console her, Mom said, "wag ka matakot kay Tita, ganyan lang talaga yan kasi matandang dalaga."

I've told them so many times, but I guess my family will never understand why they shouldn't be doing this to me.

This lockdown is dragging real long. When I was living at my place in Manda, there were so many days when felt really lonely. Pero ngayon, I'm convinced that I should get my own place na and live alone.

Nabasa ko sa isang tabulas post dati na humans are like porcupines daw. We feel cold so we try to stick together, but doing so hurts, so we need to stay apart again. Sobrang perfect nung metaphor on how I feel about people.

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The handsome Korean men of Kdramas are all I live for these days. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:28 PM.

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Don't Dare To Dream
金曜日: October 16, 2020



Just finished watching Don't Dare To Dream, which is also known as Jealousy Incarnate. An addition to my top favorites. Basta ata kasama si Kong Hyo-jin sa casts, maganda e. Grabe ngayon lang ako inabot ng past 4am sa panonood, and I could've went on watching kung di lang na deds yung cellphone ko. This is the first time that my phone totally ran out of battery since Mom bought it.

Ang ganda, grabe. Nung in pain yung male lead, I was squirming and ouching, feeling his pain. Grabe. Around 2nd-3rd eps, di ko na dapat itutuloy kasi ang pushover ng character ng bidang babae, di ako makaralate. Tas yung bidang guy, not the usual inhumanly beautiful male lead ng korean novela. I'm glad I kept watching. And as I went on watching, grabe ang laki ng kinapogi nung mail lead sa paningin ko. Wahhhhh! Mahal na mahal ko ang palabas na to it's hard to let them go. T_T

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Every time I catch myself remembering the past too much, I make an effort to be aware of the present moment. To do this, I need to touch the walls, or feel any object just so I would know that, hey, Z, you're here. This is where you are now. This is where your power is. Come back, come back...

Sighs.

Some ramdom memory from about 15 yrs back. There was this dude who was taking a picture of me. When he found out that I knew, he started asking casually to take pictures. We were kinda close, that dude and I. A friend concluded that maybe the dude liked me, but back then, I felt like that wasn't the case.

It was you, wasn't it? Ginawa mo na kasi yun before. Also, sa pagkakakilala ko sa iyo, maiinis ka pag may ibang lalaking gumawa sakin ng ganun. But that time, you were there, and you were fine with what was happening. It was you, di ba? It was you.

Anong ginawa mo sa pictures ko? Tinapon mo ba before your wedding? Or way before that? 

Kung hindi ikaw ang nagpagawa nun, then it doesn't matter. Even if it was you, maybe it shouldn't matter, no?

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Jeez. I feel like I'm watching too much kdrama. Sa sobrang daming romcom na napanood ko, malapit na siguro akong maging love expert. Lel.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:39 PM.

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日曜日: October 11, 2020



The workers were installing stair railings right in front of my room yesterday. The machines they used were so loud that I'm worried if my ears are still functioning fine.

My head has been exceptionally hurting these days. Naulanan din kasi ako nung Friday. I'm yet to bring my stuff back to my room, so I don't know where the thermometer is. I do feel a little feverish. 

Just 1 more day and I'm wrapping up my workweek. I'm taking VLs on Tue and Weds. Tas rest days for the 2 days that follow. 

4 days worth of vacay. Wala naman akong gagawin. Naiingayan lang kasi ako sa ginagawang renovation sa bahay, nakakahiya sa users na tumatawag, naririnig nila yung grinder at martilyo. Kailangan ko rin kasi maglipat ng gamit.

Nakakamiss mag travel. Namimiss ko na naman ang Japan. I want to go there, bring my parents with me. I wonder how much have changed since I went there 11 years ago. I want to go back. Gusto kong tuparin to.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:16 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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