The hippie
Saturday: July 8, 2017



I wonder if it's really that bad. My usual get up.

Mind you, i was just wearing a collared blouse over a top.  : (

BTW, this came from a married dude who, at 9:43pm, is chatting with another woman (me) telling her how she stikes as a deeper person, "someone who has depth but decided to try to keep it easy".

Praning lang ba ko or nakikipag landian ba saken tong taong to??

....

Hmmmm...

Ok, hindi naman siguro...

Relax, z...



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:21 PM.

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Love yourself day and other thoughts
Saturday: July 8, 2017



Saturday. It's been a while since i had the time home with nothing to do, though not really. Im feeling lazy, so when mom said she's inviting our manicurista over to have our nails done, i willingly obliged.

Red and blue in matte. I once saw someone in matte painted nails and it was in no way glamorous. I was just curious coz i havent tried matte so i chose it anyway. Surprisingly, it turned out nice. Mukha nga lang philippine flag because of the color. Lels.

2012 was probably my most payat days ever since i left my teenage years. I would like to recreate the results i got then through the same pattern. What worked then may not work now but i am a believer of patterns. i guess it wouldn't hurt to try. 

I also want to be a little girly, or at least more like woman. Maybe i can drop my usual off-to-hiking look and try something more feminine. Maybe id grow my nails longer. Do something about my hair, then diet, then exercise. As to what i want to get out of this, im not so sure.

Maybe i just want to prove to myself that i can and also im little bored. I guess i just want to take this time to prepare for the next battle. Maybe in a few months or so. This time, I want to choose something right. Something worth keeping. Seduction is a game that requires time, talent and energy. Talent, i can expend since it's the type of resources that gets better with use. But time and energy is a whole different story.

------------

Puteeeek. Bat ba ang nerd ko?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:17 PM.

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Bagay bagay at 12:56 ng madaling araw
Saturday: July 8, 2017



Nakasabay ko si tintin sa bus kanina. Classmate ko nung highschool. Nagkakwentuhan hindi tuloy ako nakapagtext sa bahay nung malapit na ko. I texted sa may kanto na. I was so scared to walk i taught of waiting there kaso may pinatay na dati dun. So i proceeded walking kaso marami na na holdap at ni rape dun. Pak this.

Then i saw a huge ball of light from Dad's flashlight. I feel so sorry he had to run para masundo kagad ako. He's old and sickly and cant even walk straight anymore. I'm sorry, Dad... Huhu.

I can't imagine how it would be if my parents are not as they are. Puteeeek, kakatakot pala maglakad mag-isa sa dilim. And Dad has been doing that every single day para ihatid at sunduin kami ng kapatid ko.

Just a day to go. Advance Happy Birthday, tatay.

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Nalulungkot ako. Hindi ko alam kung dahil mukhang hindi ka na naman natutuwa sa mga kaganapan or siguro dahil hindi na kita nakakasama. Hindi ka naman exactly cold pero parang may kakaiba. Siguro pagod ka lang... Or baka naninibago lang rin ako/tayo kasi bago lang tayo dito.

Hindi dapat ginagawa ng mga bagay ng halfhearted, z.

Yung tipong when u love, may exit plan ka kagad kung pano mag move on in case hindi mag work.

Or ung when u decide to move on,  naka ready ka rin mag jump back kung biglang parang may pag-asa pa. Wag ganun.

Worse, wala naman nagsabing may pag-asa pa.

Again, wag ganun.

....

But then maybe we can move on in our own pace ng hindi pinipilit ang sarili.

-----------

I admit i am fond of the boy. Lalo na nga at nalaman ko na mabait at sweet din tong batang to pero seryoso naman ako nung sinabi ko na hands off ako e.

Kaya lang kanina when i was with LA and i told jay about the boy. I was just being animated. Charot lang naman talaga yung mga sinasabi ko e. Kaso sabi ni jay, "ambisyosa" jokingly.

Dont get me wrong, i love jay. She cant possibly offend me with that simple joke even if it's half meant. Its just that, words like that induce some reaction in me. It's when i am told i cant that i want to prove them wrong all the more.

So u think i cant do it? Oh, watch me...

....

Ay, wait... Wag nalang pala. Haha!

Hay z... Walang kadala dala?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:39 AM.

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32
Thursday: July 6, 2017



that number of minutes and im off. ang daming tao ang ingay ingay. it is usually silent here. ang dami pang kalaban kanina, i cant move.

but hey, just a few minutes and tomorrow's friday. will have a saturday rest and then an action-pack sunday.

it'll be Dad's birthday on the 9th. we're going out. then by night time ill be seeing tita and mom's going with me for business related stuff.

TM friday tomorrow. the club's been busy lately probably because gabby and ivan have been busy and the rest of the officers have to take over. plus, we're fairly new in our new home. pag nagiging busy ako lumalabas na naman yung praning, control freak at perfectionist side ko.

must. resist. this. hindi healthy e.

----------

freshly out of the arena and im super bored na T_T .

i strongly believe na malalaman mong adult ka na pag kumakain ka na ng paksiw. hindi pa ako kumakain ng paksiw so im probably not one yet.

healthy daw for children to be bored sometimes.. so tama lang to. tama lang ma bored.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:44 PM.

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5mins quick jot
Monday: July 3, 2017



A lot of things.

-Hindi kinaya ng puso ko ung kilig dahil sa lovelife ni LA. Lakas maka teary-eyed. Kinilig ako please.

-So, Universe, ako kelan?

-naaning na ko sa system maintenance sa cage. Malapit na magwala ang mga customers.kelan ba to maayos? Huhuhu!

-puteeeek, wala pa kong speech! Gusto ko na maghyperventilate.

-meeting tita with her churchmates on sunday to sell my stuff.these people don't have issues with money. Oh please, z, dont mess this up.

-mom will be joining me.she's a sales talk genius. Yiy!

-buti nalang ang puso, malayo sa bituka. *wink wink*

-humihikbi man nakakangiti parin.

-thanks ha, Universe. *hart hart*



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:35 PM.

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The Answer
Saturday: July 1, 2017



Yesterday night, we were walking our way to where Bea's car was parked. That was when LA had the idea. We've always had the best person to ask all along yet this was the only time that we had the chance. 

We got the answer. Speculations were confirmed and I went home feeling like I've swallowed shards of broken glasses. I can feel the spikes piercing. Ang hirap huminga. 

Pero okay lang. At least alam ko na. 

-------------

1St meeting in our new venue yesterday. Lakas ng ulan, buwis buhay levels. Huminto pa operations ng LRT habang bumabaha so hindi ako makapag Jeep. Nastuck sa traffic sila Andre. Then I had to push through with the meeting on time kahit lilima lang yung Tao. Then gabby and Ivan weren't able to make it. Then we ended the meeting without being able to fill the required consumable. 

Mejo haggard, parang bigla kong namiss yung CaliBurger. But in the end, naging maayos naman lahat. 

The  boy who just signed up approached LA and I. Kami daw yung pinagpipilian nyang gawing mentor. In the end, the boy chose me. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nya ko pinili, but I feel both flattered and frightened about this. Still, sana magawa ko yung role ng maayos.

This was the same boy that we thought to be cute last meeting. Yung malambot ang kamay  (and yung arms, matigas----eeee! Landeee! Hahahaha!) dude.

But he's going to be my mentee now so dapat hands off. Hahaha. We're not so sure if he's straight though. Pero saken, hindi naman yun issue. Natawa lang ako when LA said something like, "ganyan talaga magnet mo no?"

-------------

Wasn't able to do anything productive today because of this skull cracking headache. Got home about 2am and i also drunk a little. Konti lang naman. Still, that's probably the cause of headache. Nakakatamad pumasok sa lunes. 

-------------

Naiinis ako.

Hindi ko kasi maintindihan kung san nanggagaling ang pagiging yelo mo. Posible naman na guniguni ko lang pero weird kasi e. Hindi ka naman ganyan e. Ewan ko. Mejo nakakapikon. 

Well, ayun lang naman.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:23 PM.

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木曜
Thursday: June 29, 2017



A woman stormed in to the CR crying. Another woman came in and followed her. The first wept while the other was there smoothing her back for comfort. I was there watching the whole scene amused. wow, I was never like that.

Is crying a sign of weakness? I don't know. I remember gabby once said that you can cry on your speech so long as you maintain your composure and show that you are still in control of your emotions. I agree and I think same could be said in real life offstage.

I do cry. A lot. Irrigation system levels, but I prefer not having an audience while I do. On the rare occasions that I have to, I select my audience well. My favorite is probably injan. The times that she saw me cry, never once did she ever try to stop nor console me. She just let me be. And then, we will find some amusing topic and laugh our butts off like my crying fiesta didn't happen. Bigla ko tuloy namiss si injan.

------

On red alert. It's that time of the month when I'm not at my nicest. Last Tuesday, prior to a meeting, partner had to remind me, ニコニコして、when he noticed my bitchiness. I'm glad that he had seen me like that way too many times he no longer take it personally. I swear, this just hormones acting.

-------

Had a life assessment a few days back. I realized, I made 7 attempts in business already for the past 4 years. Wow, seven. Not bad. I remember someone once told me of this quote, something that went like, "I didn't fail 10000 times, I just discovered 10000 things that don't work". Wow, I already discovered 7. In a way, some of them actually did work, it's just that I gave up early.

I plan to revive one of the businesses that I tried back when I was starting. Buying the stuff I need this coming sat. Will also be meeting tita bebeng afterwards as she told me she's interested with this product I'm currently working with. With these, I had to skip some TM related event. I usually drop everything for a TM event but right now, I think it's about time for me to straighten my priorities. Nalulungkot din talaga ko, but I have to do this, right?
--------
TM Friday tomorrow. Our first time to have it in our new home. Mejo tinatamad talaga ko, but I told LA na sasabayan ko sya so I guess I'm coming. Excited din naman ako sa bangong venue. It's just that.....


Sighs.

huhupa rin to.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:42 AM.

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Corkscrew
Monday: June 26, 2017



1st time to ever spend a holiday at home in a long while. I actually took a leave for this. Errands, conversations, food. Lots of food. I remember about 5 years back when i got tired of dreaming for a better self and actually decided to make it happen. Then years passed and i sort of lost track. I miss getting tired like that.

------------

Today had it's own little bliss. Tito mario lent us a super cool sound system that really rocks (more like roar). We played party music with it and niece and i danced. I'm more of a country music girl and sometimes i also like jazz, but there's something about this super awesome sound system that's making me appreciate tugs tugs kind of music.

------------

Will be getting back to the cage tomorrow. Needless to say, im not really liking this. But i was reading sha's mission happiness book and i totally agree when she said that this has a purpose. That i have to pass this point so that i can get to my goals. That these are temporary. Sa ngayon, panghahawakan ko to.

------------

I remember he once asked, "natutuwa ka ba na may nanasasaktan ng dahil sayo?"

I swear the statement sounded more like an accusation than a question.

Tagalog and English are our common languages yet here we are speaking in riddles and metaphors. Why are we making being human so complicated?

Ikaw ba, natutuwa ka ba na may nasasaktak ng dahil sayo?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 06:20 PM.

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Quick and random monologue
Sunday: June 25, 2017



-while everyone's having an action packed day at home with all the cleaning and cooking, im here doing yaya/tita duties, looking after my niece while she sleeps. Not really complaining.

-ok na. ok na. ok na. Promise, ok na. *repeat until u believe your own lie. Oh sh*t.

-some boy from 14 years back managed to find me. I regret that i gave him my number. I was fond of him ages ago but things are diffrent now. His "para sayo", "dahil sayo" and "lahat kakayanin ko para sayo" banat is making me cringe. Please, leave me alone.

-ok na. Ok na. Ok na. Promise, ok na.

-z, please don't cry...



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:52 AM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
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