Home. 12:47am so it's officially Saturday.
Puteeeek, andami kong gagawin! But before that, I need to sleep.
I just read IG. May name at gender na pala ang baby ni BFF at malaki na rin ang baby bump nya. I forgot when was the last time I checked on her. That time hindi nya pa alam ang gender. I hope she's doing ok.
I feel like I've been busy missing my family that I forgot I also have friends.
Neri is also pregnant. What happened to that girl? I feel sad and sorry for not checking how my closest friends are.
Will be going to Bea's birthday party tomorrow (technically, mamaya). Sa totoo lang, I'm itching to make excuses and not go. I want to stay home. Spend time with my parents, my niece, our dogs, and everyone in our family. I don't know why I can't seem to satisfy this homesickness.
He's probably on board the ship now. I pray that the Heavens will protect that clueless gay dude from all harm.
And send him safely back here.
12:59 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
P: nakita mo ba yung post ko? Ba't di mo nila like posts ko?
He will be going to his province in Romblon for a week-long vacay starting Saturday.
Z: mamimiss kita
P: grabe, 1 week lang naman yun
* joke kasi yun (na half-meant). Di pa tapos yung punch line, kinikilig ka na. Hmp!
P: your endearment makes me kilig
Z: san naman nanggaling yan?
P: wala nabasa ko lang
P: ambango mo ngayon
Z: *dodges the topic*
He sent me an email template that I can use to send to the users we support for an easier transaction. The email contains screenshots with circles and arrows done free hand, probably through MS Paint, tas mukhang drawing bata, so I often tease him about it.
Z: grabe, professional na professional.
*after seeing me forward exact same email to different users*
P: grabe, makalait ka sa sinend ko sayo, tas ngayon gamit na gamit.
Pag umooverboard sya sa pang-aasar, sina side hug nya yung taong inaasar nya to compensate. He does that to everyone.
But I'm pretty sure, there was never a single day since he went back to day shift na hindi nya ko ni-hug.
Syempre, hindi naman ako nag rereklamo.
Pag ito nahulog sa arms ko, ay takte, di ko pakakawalan to. Wapakels na kahit ano pa sya. Gay or whatnot.
12:34 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Been feeling kinda low for days despite having some people close to me around. I thought maybe I was feeling homesicked, so I packed my bad and went home last night.
Dad picked me up from the bus stop. Mom was already asleep. I only had a few exchanges with Brother when he got downstairs for a while to get something.
This morning, I woke up and saw my niece in their room. I gave her a kiss and rubbed her cute tummy. Dad was still asleep when I visited them on the next room. The dog wouldn't even turn her head when I called her name. That was about it. But I guess this is already enough. Now I feel all ready to take on the day with a happy heart. Thank God for family.
Kung bading si Crush, at may idea ka kung paano sya pakiligin bilang parehas kayong pusong babae... mahuhulog kaya sya sa arms mo sa ganitong strategy?
LOL. Humanap na tayo ng maayos na crush, Z.
But then again, crush lang naman. Hindi ko naman pakakasalan. Why sweat it? LOL.
10:32 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Was on my home when I got a message from Brother that they are in the hospital. Sis-in-law was in ER because her BP was shooting up endangering her pregnancy. Today, they killed 4000 pesos because of that.
It must be tough getting pregnant in your 30s. She's 2 years younger than I am. Paano pa kaya ko? My BP has always been low though.
Mom managed to convince my neice to leave her parents at the hospital and go back home. I was tasked to be her yaya for a few hours. We were in their room and while watching Power Ranger, she said out of the blue, "babay, Mommy." She wasn't crying, but there were droplets of tears stucked at the corner of her eye.
Z: Bakit ka nagbababay kay Mommy?
K: Kasi may sakit sya e.
I explained to my niece that her mom's gonna come back. They're just waiting for the doctor who is probably having lunch and that her mom's gonna be ok.
I squeezed my niece in a tight hug. I feel like my heart is not made to handle children. It hurts me so when my niece is being like this, and I'm not even her mother.
Got home past 3AM last night. We had an afters, and I feel like it's been a while since I laughed so hard, I was having stitches. I really love these people. There are just few things I'm worried about regarding the executive committee. We're already halfway the term. I wish we will be able to work this out by the following months. After this term, I'm gonna be free na. With more time in my hands, I want to explore my options and have a concrete plan on what to do with my life. I hope I still have my work by that time.
Speaking of work, I just hit the 2-month mark last September 12. An officemate often tease me because I keep calling myself "shinjin"(new person) to which he passionately disagree. Now he always greet me, "hello, Shinjin-san" para mang-asar. In fairness to him, I do feel like I've been here for a long enough time already though. Well, save for my shinjin-level skills, that is.
Well-paid, well-treated, very low workload. Ano pa bang hahanapin ko? Ang sabaw nga lang ng mga calls ko lately, iniisip ko kung hanggang kailan kaya nila ako mapagtyatyagaan dito. While here, I think I really should save money.
Queen B's birthday celebration next Sat. The Instagirls are coming. They are girl-friends I miss to bits. The theme is Britney Spears. I wonder is my permed hair is Britney Spears enough.
I also just registered for KCON classes by November. I still don't have leave credits by then. Sayang ang sahod. Bukod don, hindi ko rin alam kung papayagan ba ko.... or kung meron pa ba kong trabaho sa mga panahong yon. Muli, bahala na.
07:33 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Just a few days back, I wondered why I haven't been having dreams. But just last night, I had one. And it got me wake up feeling so bad I feel like I will never be happy again.
Part of me feels certain that that dream is actually true. Damn, I'm nobody's mouse.
"Bakit ang tahimik mo ngayon?" Coworker asked me for the nth time today. How am I supposed to answer that?
Isn't it odd? The things that hurt us the most, we find so hard to talk about.
My heart hurts.
03:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I don't know, but club renewal season kinda feel likes like end-of-semister season. Yung tipong hindi mo alam kung sino-sino pa ba ang matitira sa mga classmmates mo. This club was once home to me. Surely, naiirita at naiistress na rin ako madalas, but I think this is still home. Man, my heart is hurting.
J-speakers are planning for an outing. I have 4 workshops to set up on October, 4 contests by November and a committee to form. Paano ko sasama?
Pwede naman siguro, maiistress nga lang ako. Pero nasabi ko na rin na muri. Sabi ko dati, I'll put my relationships first before anything else. Ano to, Z?
Then I realized, I'm not really doing this for the club, this is for my own well-being.
I feel sad. Must be PMS.
08:50 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Iniisip ko kung manonood ako ng sine or mag me-memorize ng speech. Putek, kailangan ko na magtipid. Promise, gusto ko lang suportahan ang pelikulang Pilipino kahit hindi ko naman talaga nagustuhan yung pinanood ko kagabi.
"Weakness mo talaga ang mga bading no?" BFF said a few days back.
Tingin ko hindi naman talaga ganun yun.
Mejo declining na yung liking though. For all I know, baka friendship lang rin to.
"Ang sarap ng feeling na mauuna akong umuwi sayo." He said this earlier, pero wag ka, 8 na sya umuwi at sumabay sakin.
"Saan ang way mo?"
"Sa puso mo."
"Sa puso ng Pilipino."
Kung di ko alam na bading to, iisipin kong nakikipaglandian sakin to. Pero kilala ko sya e. Alam kong normal nya yan.
Still, crush or not, I won't mind having this person around. If only he can just stay.
09:20 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
It always hurts me seeing a vehicle full of pigs who are about to be slaughtered. Their skin have cut marks all over them and they're not even dead yet. Why do owners do that? Sometimes I thought maybe I can buy at least 1 pig and save his/her life...
... only to go home and eat sinigang na baboy that my dad cooked.
This feels so wrong. Can someone teach me how to be a vegetarian?
I hate vegetables. T_T
02:49 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Mom just told me last night that 2 nights back, someone threw a rock the size of a soup bowl to the bus that my brother was riding in. Tinamaan sya sa leeg. Sabi nya ok naman daw si Kuya pero hinihintay pa ang result ng ultrasound. Ang dami talagang gag* sa Pilipinas. Nakakainis. If the rock landed in the wrong place, I could've lost a brother, and my niece a Dad. Nakakapikon.
Still, I'm just happy that he's not dead.
On a happy note, I just found out that sis-in-law is pregnant. We're having a new baby! It breaks my heart though when Mom told be that my niece was crying when they were joking about it. Sana naman matanggap to ng pamangkin ko. I love that munchkin so much.
Then it goes that my cousins started asking, "si <insert my name here>, kelan?" I wish I know the answer.
Lumindol kanina. Hindi ko manlang nadama. Pero pinalabas kaming lahat ng building and we stayed outside for about 3 hrs. Feeling ko kung co#3 to, nasa work station parin kami convincing ourselves na walang nangyari.
I was with the rest of the j-speakers nang mapansin ko na malapit samin si Sir P-- the guy from TA na kausap ko lagi nung hinahire palang ako. Yung unang crush ko sa co na to. I was trying not to look his way, pero maya maya, lumapit sya samin at nangamusta. Kwento dito, kwento dun. Nalaman ko na sya pala ang dahilan kung bakit ang laki ng sahod ko. At nalaman ko rin na pare pareho lang ang sahod namin ng mga newly hired j-speakers. Sabi nya, "nilalagay ko talaga yung pinakamataas, sayang kasi e." Grabe, ang bait nya. Gusto ko na talaga sya i-hug kanina. Ang swerte ko dahil sya ang na assign na TA samin.
May mga bagay na nagbago sa damdamin ko today. Hindi ko rin alam. Siguro next week, malalaman ko.
His shift will be 10am-7pm. Only 1 hr earlier than mine. Sat-Sun na rin ang rest days nya. And this sched is of his own choosing.
Only 2 weeks left of September though. I wonder what my shift will be by October. Magpapang-abot kaya kami? Bahala na.
09:23 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。