Entries in category "Wednesday"

Wednesday: November 28, 2018

I made this chart showing my age and the ages of my parents from today up to 25 years from now in increments of 5 years.

They say that the most successful people look far into the future. I realized that I can't do that so much because I'm afraid that the people I love will no longer be there. I know, maybe I'll die first before my parents do. I just wish we can all live long and happy and die ready.

I want to give myself 5 years to earn the money that could make me bring my parents in different parts of the world they (we) are yet to see. They say numbers don't lie, so I did a little computation. I learned that I need to save P50,000 per month to have 3 million in 5 years. Lol. Right now, even if I combine all the income in our household minus the expenses, it just can't amount to that. But I think somehow it helps to know how much I'm actually aiming at.

Everyday, I ask the Heavens, "I want to earn 100,000 pesos per month". And also, "gusto ko maging b@yfr!3nd ko si ***** ***". Lol, walang kadala dala. But God said it Himself, "ask".

I just finished reading a Bo Sanchez book about the success principles on money and stuff. I don't really plan to just pray, you know. I will also do my part. Paano kaya ako kikita ng 100,000 pesos per month? Siguro sa ibang tao, barya lang to. In a way, masaya naman ako sa pera na meron ako at the moment. I just want to give my parents more.
So silent at the love life department. Ok na rin. After KCON, na realize ko na wala talaga akong social life. Weekends are still booked. I don't even know if I can attend Elite's Christmas Party. I already told LA, I will. Bahala na. I'll be packing my things then since I'll be transferring to my new residence. I'm not really looking forward to this.
Mom and I will meet Tita on Saturday. Money matters. I promised the lunch is on me. I'm planning to bring them somewhere nice. I wish I can also bring Dad, but I'm scared that his wound would bleed open from the 6-hrs travel.
Christmas soon. As I grow older, I'm finding myself less and less excited about this. When I was in college, I remember most of our Christmas weren't so good. All of us were stressed with our own life's issues, we were always angry and fighting. It made me remember someone who made all those times bearable. But I'm ready to close that chapter now. Even so, I'd still want to remain thankful and sincerely wish for that person's happiness.


Last KCON, I took the Inner Healing Workshop which ate up all 3 classes that day. I was skeptical, but I can now feel how much it helped me. I remember asking the Heavens to make me believe. And there He was, at the workshop in flesh through the Host. Why else would a priest bring the Host when he was not going to give a mass? Nakakatawa lang. I told God, "grabe pumunta Ka pa talaga ha." The lights were out then and there were candles. Siguro guni-guni ko lang, but I think, I felt God's love then.

We were asked to write our hurts on a heart-shaped paper and offered it before the altar. It was then that I felt like something heavy was lifted off me.

Some wounds don't heal overnight, but maybe this is a start.


1 week left and the month's over. 1 more month and it's 2019. I want to end this year with a bang and emerge victoriously.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:38 PM.

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Wednesday: November 14, 2018

I was feeling sad in most part of the day yesterday. In a way, I'm upset that I'm still here while Partner will be moving on with his life na.

But then I came home. Found my niece playfully hiding just to 'scare' me. Then there's Mom who picked me up from the bus stop. The neighborhood's dogs, Pogi and Panget were there as a part of my welcoming committee. Ido was there too, and in these simple things, I know I'm beyond blessed.

The cage will give me money for the transfer.

Tita N was there to help me find a place to stay.

Brother will join so I think it wouldn't be so lonely.

Maybe I can finish the Simbang Gabi this year. My favorite chapel will just be a few minutes walk. Really, what's with all the drama?

Later tonight a wonderful human being who happens to be my best friend will visit our house together with the man she loves. By March, together with my entire family, I will witness their beautiful wedding. We'll be staying 3 days and 2 nights at the resort. For free. All of us. I'm so excited to swim and enjoy the place with my niece and everyone else.

Next week will be KCOn and I'll be staying in unit near the venue. Tiny, yes, but I have the place all for myself and that's a total upgrade compared to the hostel I stayed in last year. 

I feel like the Universe is spoiling me.


Gusto ko ng moon cactus, lithops, split rocks at astrophytum. Mejo mahal, but I think I've grown my skills in taking care of plants, hindi naman siguro masasayang ang salapi kung bibili ako ng mamahalin. But I'll be staying somewhere else soon. Hindi ko rin nga pala sila maalagaan.

Sira sira na ang mga sapatos ko and I could use buying new pairs of pants (kasi masisikip na lahat), pero mas gusto ko talagang bumili nalang ng cactus.

Claiming it. Ikayayaman ko to 

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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:34 AM.

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Wednesday: October 31, 2018

Currently watching a K-drama, cute and fast-paced, it reminds me of a love story that happened eons ago.

Once upon the was a girl named Z who was freshly out of high school, battling her way through college. She met two of her first friends, R and B, who both lived near the room Z rented in. One day, B confessed that she's liking one of their classmates, Y. B said she wants to let Y know that she likes him through a letter. Being the kunsintidora friend that she was, Z invites R and B to her place to brainstorm what to include in the love letter. When Z read what B initially wrote, it made her cringe. She thought to herself, "I can't make my friend send her love letter like this". So she offered to "fix" the letter (which means, she rewrote everything). When she was finished everyone was pleased. To make the letter even more special, Z wrote the top and bottom portion in her own lettering style. When all was set, B sent the letter to Y.

Semester was over. B had to leave school. Z stayed, and Y started giving her chocolates.

The end.


Every time I try to dig my own history, I can hardly find a good love story to tell. Oh, well... at least, I can hope that the future will be better.

I was just thinking, "if he really likes me, he'd <insert something ridiculous here>. Then, he actually does, so I run away.

Weeks back, Bea told us how important it is for people who experienced loss-including heartbreak-to receive counseling.

Iniisip ko kung kailangan ko ba ng psychologist.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:48 AM.

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Semi-professional lab rat and P* stuff
Wednesday: October 10, 2018

And so you looked while chanting "it's okay, it's okay" inside your head. Then after 5 posts... t*ngina, it's not okay.


I visited the doctor for cough and colds, yet I ended up having an ultrasound and blood extraction. What the eff.


Watched Exes Baggage and I loved it so much. Ganda ng boses ni Carlo, gusto ko na sya iuwi.

With this, I WAS okay... until I looked.

Oh, damn this.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:07 PM.

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Wednesday: October 10, 2018

I'm back on vacation mode because I'm effing sick. I'd love to just lie in bed but my body just won't let me. Recently, it developed a rule that if I exceed 6 hours, it'll hurt like eff to kick me out of bed. I've never slept for more than 6 hours since. I became an instant early riser.

I plan to watch a movie and actually see a doctor by the afternoon. I'd gladly see them earlier, pero alam kong late naman sila darating so afternoon. But what I love about being sick is that it helps you sleep deeply. I'm half conscious most of the time during sleep. Last night, I wasn't so. Sana tonight din. 

Was watching Bo Sanchez's Full tank las night and he talked about "not comparing". I feel so out of joy lately and they say that gratitude can bring you joy so let's give it a try. Let's count our blessings!

1. I'm seeing the sun by the window. My baby plants are probably happy.

2. Every morning whenever I leave the house way before dawn for work and then by the evening when I get back, Dad, with his old and ailing body,  always send and pick me up to the bus stop to keep me safe.

3. A dog from the neighborhood we named "Pogi" accompanies Dad whenever he sends or picks me up. So sweet our Pogi.

4. I have a job that allows me to have a breakfast break for 2 hours in the morning, 1 hour at lunch and watch movies or korean novelas anytime I want.

5. Sis-in-laws cooking tastes great

6. We have a sari-sari store named after me where I can get all the chicha I want (so long as Mom won't find out).

7. We have a loading station too! And I often get free load.

8. I can speak Japanese. It can be pretty pointless when nobody else does, but at least, it's still pretty cool. Plus, it gave me a job.

9. I have a fully functioning body that allows me to do the things I want to do and go to places I want to go.

10. I have a family, few wonderful friends, plants and pets that I love so much.

11. I may not be rich, but I have money to spend.

12. And food to eat

13. People to love and talk to.

14. A bed that Mom gave me as a birthday gift years ago. Uratex foam with air holes. It didn't relieve me of back pain just like we hoped, but I still love this bed.

15. I have a crazy, goofy and maldita-but-sweet niece that I love so much.

Sitting here in my bed, I realized I've got countless of things to be thankful for. Sabi sa nabasa ko sa Facebook, kung tutuusin, lahat naman tayo, blessed. Masyado lang tayong madrama.


Tomorrow, maybe I'm gonna get back to work. Hopefully by then, my nose is no longer dripping and I'm no longer barking (coughing).

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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:04 AM.


Don't look
Wednesday: September 12, 2018

It hasn't been easy, you know.

It took me a month to at least feel ok, only to look at his social media account and feel my chest hurting again.


I remember the first time he met my parents, he just froze. Ganung level na pala sila. They kinda look good together. Believe me, I'm happy that he's happy. I am. I am. I just don't feel happy for myself.

It just gets harder as time goes by...

To believe that someone will ever love me again.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:09 PM.


Wednesday: August 15, 2018

Sabi sa nabasa ko, bad luck daw ang cactus. Di rin daw advisable na itabi sa jade.

Matapos ko alagaan ng isang linggo, ayoko namang itapon to. Ok lang. I will just work harder.
80 words. Nagawa ko na ang start at ending ng speech ko. Body nalang. That's 80/800. 10 percent is still better than nothing. Sana matapos ko na bago mag Friday.

Naririnig kong tinatawag na naman ako ng lagnat. Nakakatamad naman kasing magpayong.
Ang hirap ng pera lately. May order nga ko, hindi ko naman ma-accomodate. Kahit matters of the heart, hindi rin ok. Kasalanan ba to ng cactus ko? Ahahaha.

Gusto kong patunayang hindi malas ang cactus ko. Sana manalo ako sa contest. Kahit wala pa akong speech. 

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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:08 PM.

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Eto na naman tayo
Wednesday: August 1, 2018

August 1. Buwan ng wika. In character n naman ang mga kasama ko sa club na kina-career ang pagtatagalog. Bedrock levels ang lalim. Nahihilo na ko.

Gusto ko naman talaga makipag participate kasi nga, "mahalin ang sariling atin". Kung tutuusin tagalog naman kami mag-usap sa bahay. Pero ang tagalog kasi namin e tipong pang kanto, jeje levels na mejo may pagkabisaya (Mom is from Surigao). With sis-in-law in our family now, nadagdagan ng mejo Caviteno. Feeling ko sasama ang loob ni Jose Rizal sa paraan ng pagtatagalog ko.


Ang daming problema lately. Idaan nalang naten sa tawa.


* * * * * * * * *

Written by cinderellaareus at 11:57 AM.

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Dreams and metaphors
Wednesday: June 20, 2018

Sabi ko kagabi, maaga akong matutulog tonight. 930 na, hindi pa ko nakakapag-ayos. Tamad na tamad ako lately.


Do you remember when was the last time your heartbeat raced inside your chest ? I just had that this morning. I know my patterns. I know what excites me so much, my heart somersaults. I don't know why I'm not doing anything about it.

Kaya ko gustong magkaron ng maraming pera e para magawa ko na ang mga gusto kong gawin. Ang weird na pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong gawin ang mga gusto kong gawin dahil sa wala pa kong maraming pera. Kailangan ko ba talaga ng pera para magawa ang mga gusto ko?


So, I see that you're meeting a lot more women recently. A part of me wonders if you now realized that you can't find anyone else like me. They could be greater than me in an aspect or so, but I know what you're looking for and I have all that. I know I'm still the only one perfect for you.

Naks, spell confidence. Lol.

Most of what I'm looking for, you have too. Still, I don't want to do anything about it right now. I don't want to put shackles on someone I'm not even sure I could keep.


Seems like you forgot. 

Be careful with your metaphors, Z.


Nakakakaba pag sinabing "keynote speaker". Kailangan ko yata ng mas matibay na puso.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:14 PM.

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"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

about me

my name is z




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