Entries in category "水曜日"
Haven't been in my best mood these past few days. Maybe because, I'm on red alert. Today is particularly nasty. I got home around 8am and the house was locked. I kicked the door and called out Mom on top of my lungs, though I was sure she wasn't there. I saw my pregnant sis-in-law, all pale from just getting up from her sleep, climbed down the stairs to open the door for me. Turned out, Parents forgot to leave the keys when they left to go to palengke.
I ate junk for breakfast because there was no food yet. I feel like choc-o is the culprit why I still could not sleep when I should have slept 3 hrs ago. That, and also all the drilling happening in the next room--parents' room. They're having an aircon installed, so yeah. Looks like I won't be sleeping today. I'm really feeling frustrated about this that I want to get a knife and kill myself already.
Not joking though.
12:12 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
9:14 ang estimated time of arrival ng huling tren sa station na to. Byahe papunta sa place ko sa Manda.
Tatlong linggo na ang ubo't sipon ko at heto, masakit na naman ang tiyan ko. Pero bukod sa pisikal na dinadamdam ko, nalulungkot ako ngayon.
Kagabi (or Kahapon?) namatay daw si Tito Bibot, isa sa mga nakababatang kapatid ni Mama. Most of my adult life, may sakit si Tito. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko maalala kung nagkaron ba kami ng kahit isa man lang na meaningful conversation. Tingin ko wala. Mga teenager ata ako nun nung timira sya samin. Dahil hindi nga sya makausap dahil sa sakit nya, nasanay na kong hindi sya pinapansin si Tito. Ang lungkot siguro nung ganun, tinatrato ka na parang hindi nag eexist. Ewan ko. Masama kasi talaga ugali ko simula nung pagkabata.
Mahihirap ang mga kapatid ni mama bilang karamihan sa kanila e nasa probinsya. Ngayon ko nalamang ang gastos pala mamatay. Mom would like to give about half the entire expenses and asked me to help her. Sabi ko 1k lang ang ibibigay ko. Lol. Akala ko kasi nasa 10k lang ang gastos sa pagpapalibing. Mas mahal pa pala. Kung may pera rin lang ako, madalas e generous naman ako sa mga taong malapit sa puso ko. Since hindi kami close ni tito, sa kanya, neutral lang. Pero naisip ko rin, si Mama ang magpupuno ng gastos kung hindi ako magbibigay. At isa pa, siguro ang kakayahang magbigay e gift na in itself. Kaya, oh sya. Sige.
Mejo nalulungkot ako. Iniisip ko kung sa buong life time ni Tito, naging masaya kaya sya? Si Tita Nic ang nag-alaga sa kanya. Yung kapatid nya na walang asawa. May asawa si Tito Bibot at dalawang anak. Pero may sakit nga kasi sya at mahirap ang buhay nila. Kaya ayun. Ewan.
Sinubukan kong alalahanin kung paano si Tito nung okay pa sya kaso sobrang bata pa ko nun at hindi ko na talaga maalala.
Totoo kayang may langit? Sana sa langit, kahit paano, magkaron na nag better na buhay si Tito.
Kagabi I was all, "ang ganda ng pilik-mata mo" to this dude I was with. Ang ganda nga kasi talaga ng pilik-mata nya. And everytime na may nakakapansin nun, nagbu beautiful eyes sya. Lol.
Today, I just noticed that *'s eyelashes are nice too. Mapilantik. Naisip ko rin na kung ililista ko lahat ng hinahanap ko sa lalaki, he would tick off every single one of my list.
Bakit nga hindi ko man lang naging crush to?
09:40 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
12:33am. I'm with my luggage, a few minute walk away from my place in Manda. Had a meeting after work. Then chat over sundae at Family Mart. It was a lengthy talk and it felt refreshing to be in this conversation with a guy na straight--for a change, even if he's just 21 years old.
I therefore conclude na marami pang single na lalaki na straight, good catch at masarap kasama. And I truly believe na not all of them e over 10 years younger than me.
Meron yan. Tiwala lang.
12:40 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I have an officemate. Mabait naman. Sobrang kulet. At ok lang naman sakin yung makulit. Ang ayaw ko lang e mura sya ng mura. Yung PI na mura na sobrang lutong tas sasabihin nya yun habang magkausap kayo. The first time he did this I told him, "walang murahan". E kaso inulit nya ulet. So I sent him a chat yesterday telling him I was offended and ayokong minumura ako at ayoko nang maulit yun ulet. He was receptive naman. He tried to joke, I gave a "haha" react and the told him I was serious and I don't want this to happen again. I really hope he'll listen. Kasi ok naman tong taong to. Ayoko rin mag-away kami. Pero hindi ko itotolerate yung ganitong behavior. First, because my mother is a decent woman and she was never a "puta" and every time I hear a mura like this, I can feel the need to strangle the person saying it. I will never let anyone, for as long as I live, call my mother a "puta". Magkamatayan na.
Second, because my parents worked their ass off for me and my brother to finish our education. When other parents made excuses, my parents found ways. It was very hard for them and they did all that because they believe that if we finished college, people will respect us. I will never let anyone disrespect me for this reason.
I really hope that the officemate will stop since I already comfronted him about this. Because if he wouldn't, I will raise this to the bosses. Or even to the HR and will not stop until he pays the price. He has 3 small children. 1 is even an recently born infant. I wish we don't have to reach that point.
11:18 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Sad. Mejo lang naman. I've long unfollowed the guy. Married na e. Tigilan na naten. Siguro mejo na curious lang ako. Mostly business-related yung mga posts nya, so I went and checked the wife's. There.
Well, may konting kirot lang naman. Ang hirap kasing hindi maalala ang mga bagay bagay na lumipas na. At syempre magwa wonder ka rin talaga what could have happened kaya if you've chosen differently.
Hindi ako naniniwala sa destiny. Naniniwala ako sa power ng choices natin. At kahit na yung mga choices ko e dinala ako rito sa buhay na wala sya, wala naman talaga akong pinagsisisihan.
Know what, 2019 has been a really good year for me. Damang dama ko ang biyaya ng Langit para sakin at para sa pamilya ko. I'm more than grateful.
Pero siguro, if the Heavens is feeling a little more generous, sana bigyan nya ko ng taong mamahalin. Syempre lalaki. Dapat single. Sana naman yung wala pang anak. Walang ex wife. Yung naka move on na sa ex. Better if wala syang ex at all. Ok lang kahit hindi perfect, basta perfect para sakin. Walang serious physical issues at syempre dapat healthy- physically, emotionally, and financially. Ganun lang. Marami namang lalaking ganun. Marami nga akong kilalang lalaki na ganun. Ewan kung bakit madalas sablay ang taste ko sa lalaki. Siguro kailangan ko rin gawing emotionally healthy ang sarili ko. Lol.
Anyway, 1am na. Gigising ako ng 7:30 dahil 2 consecutive days na kong late at muntik nang ma late. Sa Friday, makikipag palit ako ng shift kay Angelo para maka attend ako ng contest. 4 hours earlier yun sa shift ko, so puyatan ito. I actually feel bad kasi alam kong may gala sila and they're supposed to meet 4am the following day. Dahil nakipagpalit sya ng shift, 9pm na sya makakauwi at wala na syang itutulog. Ambait ng taong yun. That guy is actually single...
Wala lang. Nabanggit ko lang.
01:18 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Daily updates and whatnot. There's nothing on my part. Maybe nothing on his either. But I guess all these are anough to at least alleviate the boredom.
Mom sent me a text earlier. "Nak, bili ka crayola malaki para kay baby. Yung may pink. Wala kasi syang pink. Nanghihiram lang sya. Kawawa naman."
I love how Mom can count on me better these days. Surely, I've been a breadwinner since I started working (well, both my brother and I, that is), but it's a whole lot different when you're not so poor anymore. Hindi na nakakainit nang ulo. I love saying, "sige, ako bahala," or "pili kayo kahit anong gusto nyo," and so on.
But I seriously need to regulate my expenses. Sis-in-law is pregnant. She had a cs with my niece, which means she will need to undergo cs again this time around. Brother said it might cost around 100k. It was 60k 4 years ago. Bukod pa dun, maselan din ang pagbubuntis nya that she needs to go to the hospital often. They could kill as much as 4k every visit.
Brother never really asked for my help. I know my brother. I know he's not doing that out of pride. He just doesn't want to burden me or Mom. Still, I want to have the money ready. When Brother gets stressed with his finances, he can get a little short-tempered. He's carrying all his family problems on his own. He seems to be at the breaking point sometimes. It pains me. I think he doesn't have to feel that way. Pag nakaipon na ko, siguro hindi na masyadong mai-stress ang kapatid ko.
Takte, ang gastos gastos for nitong mga nakaraang araw.
01:29 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Mel just booked a flight to Taiwan on February 2020 for the 2 of us. It's been 10 years since I had an international travel. Ang dami pang pwedeng mangyari, pero paid na yung flight. Guess I'm going to Taiwan. If the Heavens will allow, that is.
3rd day na ng pagiging vegetarian ko. Bukod sa itlog, wala pa akong kinakaing hayop. I intend to make it low-carb vegetarian diet para ikapayat ko na rin. I feel like I can sustain this.
Will turn 34 on Sunday. Our family will celebrate on Saturday. Good luck sa paninindigan kong maging vegetarian habang nasa Sambo Kojin.
02:32 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I don't know, but club renewal season kinda feel likes like end-of-semister season. Yung tipong hindi mo alam kung sino-sino pa ba ang matitira sa mga classmmates mo. This club was once home to me. Surely, naiirita at naiistress na rin ako madalas, but I think this is still home. Man, my heart is hurting.
J-speakers are planning for an outing. I have 4 workshops to set up on October, 4 contests by November and a committee to form. Paano ko sasama?
Pwede naman siguro, maiistress nga lang ako. Pero nasabi ko na rin na muri. Sabi ko dati, I'll put my relationships first before anything else. Ano to, Z?
Then I realized, I'm not really doing this for the club, this is for my own well-being.
I feel sad. Must be PMS.
08:50 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Random chat. Rest day nya e. He asked if pumasok na ba yung isa sa mga j-speakers na close sa kanya. I told him, hindi pa, then followed:
Z: wait, nag resign na ba?
P: Hindi gaga.
Gaga daw. Confirmed.
Eto na naman tayo, Z.
Coworker1 is an english agent trying to learn Japanese from Coworker2. They were having a convo where Co1 asked Co2 how he's planning to name his soon-to-be-born baby.
Co1 suggested, "bakit di nalang shinderu (dead)?" He probably meant shinjiru (believe), but no one from the j-speakers laughed.
If that is not kindness, I don't know what is.
08:40 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。