Entries in category "水曜日"


水曜日. May 22, 2019

Rain boots

Nabasa ko sa FB ni Tito J, pinsan ni mama:

How to love a jealous man.

1. Give him reassurance that he is the only one for you. Make him feel that you will stick to him no matter how tough the journey is.

2. Stay away from those guys who wanted to be just “friends” with you. He is a man himself. He surely knows their real intentions.

3. Please understand why he becomes borderline possessive sometimes. He does not want to lose you. He cares so much for you.

4. Give him the attention that he deserves. Communicate with him. Make efforts for him too.

5. Do not take him for granted. Appreciate everything that he has done for you. Make him feel that his efforts are valued.

6. Tell him that he is on the right track. Address his worries. Address his insecurities.

7. Give him compliments. Tell him how amazing he is. Tell him how important he is for you.

8. Do not give him reasons to doubt you. Be open with him. Be transparent. Just be honest with him.

9. Be loyal to him. Be faithful to him.

10. Be patient with him. He is trying his best not be overly jealous. He is really doing his best to deal things maturely. He is really doing his best for you.

words by: neil jed castro

****

Sana nabasa ko to 12-13 years ago.

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Ipinanganak ako sa Manila. Bandang Sta. Ana. Ilang lundag lang mula sa talipapa. Nung nag 4 years old ako, lumipat kami sa Bulacan at dun na tumira. Hindi na ko nakabalik pa ulit sa Sta. Ana, hindi ko rin naman yun ikinalungkot. Ano bang pwedeng ma-miss ng 4 years old?

Hindi naman kita namimiss. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ako nalulungkot. Hindi ko na rin kasi maalala. Naging ganyan ka ba kasaya nung kasama kita?

Siguro hindi dapat minamadali ang paghilom.

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I want to remind myself of the very simple resolution I gave myself when the year started.

-huwag saktan ang sarili

-huwag pumunta sa mga sitwasyong alam mong masasalanta lang ang puso mo. Di ba biblical yun, "protect your heart."

...

Nalala ko bigla yung chocolates and rain boots sa poem ni Sarah Kay.

Kailangan ko ng rain boots.


08:35 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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水曜日. May 15, 2019

Sui

Skipped work today. I've been sick for 2 weeks so I've decided to see the doctor. I was prescribed 3 meds, 1 of which should be taken twice daily which means, I will need to drink 4 meds per day. I hate meds. I wonder if I should really drink all these.

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I heard from Ice that Edward died yesterday, leaving behind his wife and kiddos. He's my brother's highschool friend. Stage 4, liver cancer.

Back in hs, my friends and my brother's friends often spent time together since our usual tambayan was our house. That's why we were all acquainted.

This is the 3rd death among my brother's barkada. 1st was Joven, when he was 25. Next was Jeff. He was closest to us. He died at 29. When I told Mom about Edward's death, she said what I've been trying not to voice out all along, "sana naman hindi sumunod kuya mo."

My brother's generally healthy. It's just that, he eats a lot, and sleeps very little. He also allows his not-so-thin daughter (my beautiful niece) to ride on his back, sometimes on his neck even, in a very dangerous position.

I only have one sibling, you know. Sana naman last na to.

...

And all these made me realize that maybe self-love is knowing that other people's situation may be worse off, but it doesn't mean that your hurts don't matter.

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1 day of low-carbs diet and I have already lost 2 kilos. Yey! But then, it isn't so obvious yet since I'm still 15 kilos away from my usual weight. 

Mom was eating 2 slices of chocolate cake all by herself earlier, gifted by our neighbor. She refused to give me a bite because I'm still barking like a dog because of bronchitis. Ok narin, at least nakaiwas ako sa carbs. Iniisip ko nalang, hindi naman masarap ang chocolate cake *wipes tears*. Huhu.

Spa-buffet date with a friend on Friday. Natuwa ako dahil the description of our reservation said, "free use of Jacuzzi and steam sauna". I love Jacuzzi, I love sauna, and I'm really looking forward to their full body massage. I'm not so sure if the buffet is a good idea though.

Bakit ko nga ulet ginagawa to?


05:25 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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水曜日. May 8, 2019

Kare no koto ni kanshite hanashitain da kedo... iya, dame da

A part of me wants to go out and meet people. Another, stronger, part just wants to catch some sleep. Goodness. 

Battling over attending some TM club kung saan isa lang ang kakilala ko. Lol. Ba't ba ko umiiwas sa kakilala? Idk.

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"Ang ganda ng boses mo. Para kang porn star." Not the first time I heard people say this whenever they hear me speak in Japanese. Until now I'm not so sure if this is a compliment. How the eff does a porn star sound like?

My first Japanese teacher is Yuko Sensei. Said she was 50 then, but she looked so much younger. She was the Alice-Dixon 50. Even way prettier. I remember she looked like a princess, talked like a princess, and from what I heard, yayamanin din daw si sensei. Said she's the wife of a foreign ambassador. 

Yuko sensie was one of my favorite senseis. Maybe because she always corrected me. She never stopped at my grammar. She even went as far as correcting my accent. She didn't seem as strict with my other classmates. I remember she was often like, "you're pronunciation is good... if you live in Osaka. You sound like a country girl. That's not good. Say it like a Tokyo girl. That's Japanese standard." If I sound like a porn star now, blame my Yuko Sensei. Char.

Nakakamiss din. Nasan na kaya si Yuko Sensei? Hindi ko sya mahanap sa Facebook. 

I'm kinda missing the old times when I was barely sleeping, all for good reason. Now, I'm just barely sleeping. Period.

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3:29PM. In half an hour, I'm off. 

Aattend ba ko or hindi? Nakakatamad.


03:33 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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水曜日. May 1, 2019

Labor Day Wednesday

My everything hurts. Standing, sitting, walking, kahit laughing, putek, ansakit. Every motor activity is a hard labor. Happy Labor Day.

Iniisip ko kung sinong epal ang nagdesisyon na lahat ng kwarto ng bahay namin e nasa 2nd floor. Takte, gusto ko na murahin yung hagdan. Lol. 

Ako ang nag drawing ng bahay namin.

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Back home. Cebu and Bohol trip were nothing short of amazing. A lot of activities, very few sleep. Kahit winner yung sakit ng katawan ko, my heart is happy. 

I already reserved a slot for DisCon next year. The venue will be in Bicol. The ladies are already excited. Alam ko, marami pang pwede mangyari, pero sana maging ok lahat.

As much as I want to savor the happy feeling I brought back from my trips, naiisip ko na naman yung future.

I remember a few years ago, I had this little "what if" vision about living in Cebu and starting anew. I usually have thoughts like these when I'm brokenhearted.

But I am not brokenhearted now. And yet when we went to Bohol a few days back, I felt it again. That longing to throw what I have away and start anew somewhere else. Somewhere far. Kung tutuusin, I think I can actually do that.

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Z: hindi ko ayaw sa kanya, hindi ko lang sya friend.

L: hindi ka naman nagseselos sa kanila ni J?

This friend knows who I like, I wonder where this question came from.

And... am I? Lol. Ba't ba may mga tanong na hindi mo basta bastang masasagot ng "hindi".

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L: kahapon pa yan ha. Magfi flirt sya sayo tas babanggitin nya yung asawa nya. Wag mo na nga sagutin yan.

J: Oo nga. Hayaan mo sya, wag mong rereplyan.

Sabi nila, mahirap daw magsalita ng tapos, but I already told my friends na wala akong gusto dun at hindi ako magkakagusto dun in the future. Iniisip ko kung ano bang inaalala nila.

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Our tour guide in Kawasan look so much like the "Z" in the XYZ of my caterpillar speech, I can't help but look. He's just 21.

And dear Schwarzie-girl, no that's not the dude I rode motorcycle with. Defensive lang. Lol.

Gwapong gwapo ako sa lalaking tayu tayo yung buhok. Tas yung sa kanya kahit nabasa na ng tubig, maayos parin. Again, he's just 21. Pramis, hindi ako mahilig sa bata. I just like men with  nice hair. Yun lang.

Which reminds me, gwapo pa rin si "Z" till now though his hair is thinning already. I wonder if it's just me. I would've shown his picture to my friends for verification if only our situation wasn't so complicated.

-------------

So I was able to attend the mass last Sunday, a Divine Mercy Sunday. I wrote a list for that day on what I was going the ask the Heavens mercy for. Hindi ko man lang nailabas yung list ko on the actual day. Ang daming kaganapan. Sana nakarating parin kay Jesus yung mga dasal ko.


10:53 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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水曜日. April 24, 2019

jishin no ato

Tatay: Ang init! Gringneth tayo, halo halo.

Z: Weh... Libre mo? Tara!

Tatay: Sige kuha ka sa wallet ko.

*I took his wallet and there was nothing there, it made me feel so sorry.

I give my Mom most of my salary and she manages the expenses in the house. Though Dad no longer works now, he have pension, and he gives all his money to mom too just like the old times when he was still working and Mom was recieving all his salary.

I need all the money I can get for my Cebu trip on Friday, but I pulled some cash from my wallet just so Dad's wallet wouldn't be empty.

Promise, magpapayaman ako para hindi na mawawalan ng laman wallet mo, Tatay. T_T

-----

Bilang ang daming earthquake-related post here and in fb, naiinggit naman ako... so.

Well, nothing exceptional. I was in my place in Mandaluyong when I noticed the floor swayin. When alone and facing dangerous situation, I'm usually eerily calm or just plain indifferent just like that time when the bus I was riding was about to hit an MRT post. It was chaotic. There were blood and people were panicking, and I just stared there blankly and waited for the collision. Lol. Is that normal?

Maybe my reaction will be a whole lot different if I'm with someone, but I don't know that yet. I think I don't want to know.

-----

Since umo-ok na ang prep and all, ayan... mejo excited na ko. All smiles.

Iniisip ko lang kung magiging ok ba yung eyeglass ko kung mag ka canyoneering ako. Pano kung tangayin ng tubig? Or kaya mabasag? Pag talon ko sa cliff, malamang lilipad yun...

I just bought an eyeglass. With corrective lenses, multicoated (for protection sa computer and cellphone) and with transistion lenses (nagtatransform into sunglasses pag nasisinagan ng araw). In short, hindi sya mura. I was able to afford it only because Mom paid almost half. Ansaya ko kaya nung binili ko to. Hindi mabura ang ngiti ko...

Hindi pa ko ready mawalay sa bago kong eyeglass... I wonder how other four-eyed people do this...


06:01 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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水曜日. April 16, 2019

Lent

In our clan's group chat, one of my Tito's forwarded a message on how we should all pray harder dahil pasama na daw ng pasama ang mundo. The examples in the message were the likes of how a certain country is allowing adultery, some, incest, others, same-sex marriage. I don't know. It made me upset somehow.

After submitting my application form as an insurance agent, I passed by my favorite chapel. Most of the images that were there were removed. Some, they covered with purple blankets. Lent nga pala.

Years ago, I had an argument with God. I was still working in my previous co then, still in my early 20s. One time, I went into the pantry and saw 2 of my officemates locked in a sweet embrace. It wouldn't have been an issue since they weren't really doing anything obscene. It's just that, they were both women.

The night that followed that incident got me all bothered. In my imagination, I see them being punished for homosexuality. All because they happen to fall in love with someone of the same sex. It felt so unfair to me at that time because I knew these women as good people. I was even in tears when I ask God what's with that ridiculous rule. If He didn't want people to fall for those of the same sex, He should've prevented that from the start. Why should good people be punished for love? God didn't answer until years later.

When Pope Benedict stepped down, making the papal position open for its new successor, I remember wishing na sana si Bishop Tagle nalang. Parang ang cool kasi kung Filipino ang susunod na pope. I intently watched the news only to get disappointed when our now Pope Francis was chosen. But now I'm convinced that he was indeed the best choice.

When asked about homosexuality, it took Pope Francis some time to answer. And when he answered, he said that the church is a hospital for the sick and broken souls. Something like that. Sobrang natuwa lang ako sa sagot nya.

You know why I love the Divine Mercy so much? Because it makes me feel like Jesus is saying, "I don't care how messed up you are, or how much you have sinned... just come to me."

Two Sundays from now will be the Feast of Divine Mercy. That's April 28. I'll be in Cebu then. Sabi sa messages ni Jesus through Sister Faustina, lahat daw ng mag ko-confession at mag re-receive ng eucharist on that day will be granted full pardon of their sins. And also, Jesus will open His floodgates of mercy daw on that day. This is a once-a-year chance that I couldn't pass up. I know my friends have other plans for the day, but I'll make this my priority. Sana makahanap ako ng simbahan.

--------

May ball pala sa Discon and the theme will be british gala. Parang Princess Diana daw ang peg. I'm not really thrilled.


10:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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水曜日. April 10, 2019

Mid-week musings

A few days ago, Ms. Mayi posted in FB abt their weekend where she, her hubby, and their daughter who's a toddler, were just eating popcorn while watching random movies on tv. Her husband said, "ang boring ng buhay natin, no," and followed, "I like it boring," to which, she smiled.

Universe, isang Doc Didoy nga, please. XD

------

It's been months since I rented this place, 5 minutes tryk ride to the office. I intended to stay for only 3 months, but I'm liking it so far, so it looks like I'm staying.

I had a boring day yesterday. The kind of boring that I really like. I went home to my place, opened a huge bag of crab crackers and 2 cans of beer. I bought a bag full of ice tubes and sat on the floor having the best boring day of my life.

Sabi sa narinig kong talk, singleness daw is a season of life. And each season daw ng buhay naten has it own gifts, and we need to savor those gifts instead of rushing to the next season. I think I'm getting the message.

The longer I live alone here, the more I'm liking my season of singleness. But with that, I'm also more convinced that I'm really fit for marriage.

Because I know I don't need marriage to make me happy. I already am. I don't need marriage to gain stability. Because I'm already stable. I want marriage because I know I have value. And I seek someone who can add to that value so that together we can build something that is more than both our values combined. In a book I've read, they call that "synergy". When the resulting value of a union is more than their separate values combined.

Like in my family, when my dad married my mom, the equation was 1+1. Then my brother and I came along, so that became 1+1=4. When my brother got married, and my niece came along, our equation became 1+1=4+1=6. That's how synergy works. At least from how I see it. Lol.

I don't know if my equation will change in time, or if I'll remain to be "1". I don't know if singleness is just a season of life for me, or my entire life actually. I'm pretty sure I will be fine if that happens, but I still want to give it a try. Sana tulungan ako ng Langit.

It gets a little lonely sometimes, you know. And when you're lonely, it's hard to think clearly, and even harder to fight off human urges.

My mom was a virgin when she got married. She was quite a looker so it was probably harder for her at that time. My brother and his wife were both virgins too when they got married. If I am to have children in the future, I want them to look up to me the way I look up to my mother.

-----------

There is this professional relationship coach that I follow in FB. The contents are very helpful and most of these are targeted for women.

If I will one day have a daughter, I will invest on her education as a woman. As early as 12, I will teach her what I know about men. And once she's 20, I will hire her a coach or send her to seminars. 

Between my brother and I, I know I'm not my mother's favorite. Still, I wonder how she felt about having a daughter. Maybe having a son would be nice too, but I think raising another girl would be different, because it would be like seeing yourself right from the beginning and wanting to make it better this time around. 

Kung bibigyan ako ng langit ng pagkakataong bumuo ng sarili kong pamilya, ilalambing ko na sana bigyan Nya rin ako ng anak na babae.

*pero pwede po ba, lalaki ang panganay?* lol.


08:18 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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水曜日. April 3, 2019

Tarareba

It's a Wednesday and I don't feel all good. Maaaaan, gusto ko na pumayat! Ughasjzbxgs.

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I'm supposed to be busy. Well, I am busy. But today, I spent my lunch break sleeping, and the rest of the day, I watched "to all the boys I've loved before", and started the series, "Tokyo Tarareba Musume." The series has good reviews, but I've been dodging it for the longest of time because from what I read, hindi ata happy ending.

First 2 episodes and I'm liking and hating it both at the same time. If you have an idea on what this is about, you'll understand. Nananapak yung scenes e. And it doesn't help that I can understand beyond the subtitles kasi mas intense yung term kung gets mo in Japanese. Nakakainis. Lol.

Tarareba. Sighs.

-------

Ang sabaw ng Japanese ko lately. It's a little harder now since both Partner and Meguri are longer around so there's no one to correct, no one to ask to kung ano ba tama and whatnot. So I'm back to watching J-drama. I'm an auditory learner after all. This is giving me an intense craving for sushi though. Wahhh! I want sushi!!! Lord, pengi pera!

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The TTM series mentioned about staying in the bench while looking down on people who are actually doing their best, playing in the field. 

I don't remember myself ever looking down on people who do their best. I always look up on people who are courageously working on getting what they want. But I admit, I'm one of those people who are just on the bench watching most of the time.

There's someone I miss. I just don't know what I'm going to do about it.

Jane of Jane International said that security is not in knowing that someone loves you back. It is in knowing that you are operating in love, period. I think this should only be applicable if the one you're eyeing is already taken.

Because really, Z, will you be okay watching him being snatched away by somebody else?


07:21 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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水曜日. March 13, 2019

Tubeeeg

Travelled 3 hours back home last night bilang walang tubig. Kahit sa cage wala. Mukhang nasalanta ng bagyo ang cr. Lol.

I was planning to commute home for a while until the water shortage in Mandaluyong subsides, pero sabi ni Tita 3 months pa daw to.

I was on my way to work this morning when my stomach started acting up. I've decided to take a leave kasi ang hirap naman nagloloko tiyan mo tas walang flush yung banyo...

Wahhh! Ayoko na! Pengi tubeeeeeg!

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Gusto ko na manood ng Captain Marvel. I might drop by the cinema later. Mukhang promising din yung Shazzam.

Right now, I just want to finish the training. I want to master all the products involved so that I can help my brother find the perfect insurance tas yung mga future customers ko na rin siguro. It was after all my brother the reason why I'm joining this insurance company in the first place. Ikayaman ko kaya to?

Sa totoo lang namiss ko to. Nakakamiss din palang mag -aral.

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I'm taking one of the prepared speaker roles for the meeting on Friday but I'm too lazy to even craft a draft. Nawa ay sapian ako ng inspirasyon bago mag Friday.

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"Zah, nasa Batanggas ka pala the last time nung kasal ni ***," 

I guess this is not leaving me anytime soon.


10:38 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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私の名前はZです。


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