Entries in category "Wednesday"

Onna dakara
Wednesday: February 13, 2019

"Tinakot ko lang yun kaya nya ko papakasalan. Sabi ko sa kanya gusto ko ikasal this year at dapat next year may anak na ko. Kung hindi nya ako papakasalan, hahanap ako ng ibang magpapakasal sakin."- some girl-friend.

I asked the same girl-friend how she managed to withhold sex with her fiance despite all his urging. She said, "takot akong maiwan e. Baka pag nakuha nya na gusto nya, takbuhan nya na ko." Then she bounced back the question, "ikaw, bakit hindi ka pa nakikipag sex?"

Lol. I didn't see that coming.

I again asked this girl-friend what will she do if she found out that the man she's marrying is impotent or incapable of having sex. Will she call off the wedding? She told me, "ok lang. Gusto ko lang syang kasama. Masaya na ko kahit nag ki kiss lang kami."

That made me see her in a different light. If it had been me, I don't think I'll be okay with it. Would you?


P!nk is one of the people I look up to. Not so much for her music, but more for her character. I saw a post about her kiddos giving her a home-made Grammy's thophy. Since her kids are little, I'm pretty sure the husband had a lot to do with it. I thought it's pretty awesome, so I searched about their love story.

A table topic at the meeting last week said, "if love has a face, how would it look like?" And the speaker said, "ugly". Seeing P!nk's love story, I guess it's probably true.

I remember the lines in her song, "at the same time I wanna hug you, I wanna wrap my hands around your neck. You're an asshole, but I love you and you make me so mad I ask myself, why I'm still here, but where could I go? You're the only love I've ever known...."

And then, "but I hate you, I really hate you. So much I think it must be true love."


I forgot my point.


V-day tomorrow. Hang in there, single people.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 05:51 PM.

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ie ni
Wednesday: February 6, 2019

Everyday, I wake up confused whether I'm home or in my place around Metro. Every. Single. Day.

Today I'm home. This will probably mess up my body clock, but what the eff.


Rayuma daw ang sakit ng aming Mongee. I should have known. She's 10 years old. Rinda, our oldest dog, is 11 and has far more illnesses than Gigi does but she was never as maarte.

Gigi was raised as the favorite after all. My niece and Gigi often fight because she's threatening her spot as the favorite. 10 years and she doesn't realize still that she's a dog and not a person.

In a way, I feel bad that I always blame God for the bad things and I always treat Him like a genie as if he owes me or something. I'm so sorry.


When the year started, I promised I wouldn't walk in situations that will just lead to heartbreaks. Looks like it's not as easy as I thought, but I seem to be hanging on good.


Neri's wedding on Saturday. Exact same date as the Division contest. We're planning to go after the wedding. I already told Gabby. I just remembered I'm meeting Mom's friends lunch time by the following day.

Next weekend is also taken. We booked a place to stay 3 days 2 nights around Metro. Singles bonding shalala. Hindi naman talaga single lahat. Lol. Now that I'm renting a place near the office, this feels like a real waste of money. 


V-day next week. I feel like I'm gonna get sick. 

Dear World,

Please don't ask annoying questions.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:29 PM.

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Pinocchio and a contract
Wednesday: January 30, 2019

It seems like the people next door are not around. I love the silence. I got out of my room and stood by the window near the stairs. I put my glasses on because I wanted to see.

Some guy from a dating app told me that he lives in a condo. So I took a picture of the condo visible by the window and told him maybe it's the same condo. He said it's not. I just now noticed that next to the condo, there's also a crane. On it, a signage flashed, "DM*I Homes". That was the last company who contacted me for a final interview before Company #1 snatched me away 11 years ago.

I am currently watching the k-series Pinocchio. It's about a girl who hiccups every time she tells a lie. 

Looking at the signage, I asked myself, "do you want to go back, Z?"

I wish I'm also a Pinocchio so that a hiccup can tell me my real answer.

Some things sting so much you'd prefer to deny their existence. Some thoughts just taste too bitter on your tongue you wouldn't dare to put them in words. Maybe truth is only for the brave. So much like love, isn't it?


I met my friend Neri a couple of days back. A little more than a week from now, she's going to get married. I remember the concerned look in her face while telling me, I need to hurry up and also get married. She looked too concerned it made me feel sorry. I could tell her I'm doing okay on and on, I'm pretty sure she still won't believe me. She's much like Nini and Shara.

Funny how single and married or soon-to-be-married people think diffently. I told Neri how her mindset and choice of words are so much different from LA and that maybe I need to hang out with her more often if I want to get married just like her. I know how powerful words are, and I know Neri can help me have a better vocabulary.

Neri told me, "wag ka muna maghanap. Pag-aralan mo munang alagaan ang sarili mo." When I asked her how, her response surprised me: "e kung mag-aral ka kayang maglaba?"

Bumili ako ng Ariel at sipit na sampayan kanina. Sinipon ako sa amoy ng sabon at medyo sumakit din ang likod ko, pero overall, nalaman ko na kaya ko naman palang maglaba.

So ano, pwede na ba akong mag-asawa?


Last night, I made a contract with God. I wrote it in my planner para di ko makalimutan. I made an offer na if He'll give me a boyfriend and have us get married within 2019, I will give P100,000 to the church. I also wrote that I will add additional P100,000 if He'll give an epic love story na papasang koreanovela. Lol.

Pagod na ko magdating app. Tinatamad na rin ako maghanap. If God will accept my offer, then that will be good. If hindi, ok lang rin dahil hindi ko rin naman alam kung paano ako mag po produce ng P200,000. Win-win di ba? Lol.

Excited ako sa isasagot sakin ng langit. If "hindi", next year nalang ako kikilos. For now, manonood nalang ako ng koreanovela.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:35 PM.

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Tabemashou, tabemasu yo
Wednesday: January 23, 2019

Because I can't effin stick to dieting, I went to a mini food exploration today. Some of my friends say that I'm a picky eater, I have to disagree. There are just 2 things I wouldn't eat- garlic and onion. Sadly, these are virtually present in almost every dish there is. Today, I'd stick with bread.

I'm particularly fond with croissant. I love the thin crispy layers so much these often appear in my dreams. My favorite is the choco crossaint I've tasted in Diamond Hotel where I stayed during Nini's wedding. I tried Breadtalk's but it didn't even come close. 

I didn't find any chococro today. Instead I found Pain Au Chocolait. The exterior is much like croissant and the choco filling tasted heavenly. I also had some apple turnover. I loved it but I have to say that French Baker's tasted way better for half the price.

I just finished my Mango Mille Crepe from Paper Moon. Pricey, but it didn't really look masarap so I wasn't expecting much. But boy, this one's off the roof. To say that it's delicious is an understatement. I'll try the blue berry one next time.

I wish to continue this mini food exploration but my stomach is already raising a white flag. Awat na daw. Bukas naman.

What is your favorite food? Please send me your recommendations. I'll find them and will give them a try. Basta walang garlic and onion. 

Happy Wednesday !

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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:56 AM.

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Wednesday: December 12, 2018

Me to me:

Yeah, it hurts, but we got to get going.


I can't comprehend how 4 months won against 5 years...

And... oh, damn this.


One of my highschool friends lost her dad. Just a week ago, we were there in the same venue for Tito's funeral.

We will all go there, don't we? Our loved ones too. Maybe it's not wise to experience it inside my head when it's not even happening yet.


The best movies I love are the ones that go like someone or something comes along and it changes the life of the bida forever. Maybe all of us, in one way of another, have stories like that too in some parts of our lives. A person or an event that changes our world for good. For good. I think that's the deal breaker here. Because things only feel magical when they're new. But once you get used to it, it becomes life. It becomes normal. I know it's not bad. It just kind of makes you want to see magic again.


My niece and I play a lot. To be honest, I never really see her as my own child. I see her more like the baby sister I never had. When we get so makulit at home, sis-in-law sometimes complain, saying I'm more isip-bata than ng niece. Some of my friends say the same thing.

I had been the youngest in the family until my brother built his own family. I often see myself as someone independent, until I realized how I can't cook and can't even wash my own clothes. Most of my decisions, I base in my mother's opinion. 

How do you really measure maturity?

Iniisip ko kung ito ba ang root cause ng majority ng mga problema ko sa buhay.


Or maybe I'm seeking anwers in wrong places again.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:07 AM.

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Wednesday: November 28, 2018

I made this chart showing my age and the ages of my parents from today up to 25 years from now in increments of 5 years.

They say that the most successful people look far into the future. I realized that I can't do that so much because I'm afraid that the people I love will no longer be there. I know, maybe I'll die first before my parents do. I just wish we can all live long and happy and die ready.

I want to give myself 5 years to earn the money that could make me bring my parents in different parts of the world they (we) are yet to see. They say numbers don't lie, so I did a little computation. I learned that I need to save P50,000 per month to have 3 million in 5 years. Lol. Right now, even if I combine all the income in our household minus the expenses, it just can't amount to that. But I think somehow it helps to know how much I'm actually aiming at.

Everyday, I ask the Heavens, "I want to earn 100,000 pesos per month". And also, "gusto ko maging b@yfr!3nd ko si ***** ***". Lol, walang kadala dala. But God said it Himself, "ask".

I just finished reading a Bo Sanchez book about the success principles on money and stuff. I don't really plan to just pray, you know. I will also do my part. Paano kaya ako kikita ng 100,000 pesos per month? Siguro sa ibang tao, barya lang to. In a way, masaya naman ako sa pera na meron ako at the moment. I just want to give my parents more.
So silent at the love life department. Ok na rin. After KCON, na realize ko na wala talaga akong social life. Weekends are still booked. I don't even know if I can attend Elite's Christmas Party. I already told LA, I will. Bahala na. I'll be packing my things then since I'll be transferring to my new residence. I'm not really looking forward to this.
Mom and I will meet Tita on Saturday. Money matters. I promised the lunch is on me. I'm planning to bring them somewhere nice. I wish I can also bring Dad, but I'm scared that his wound would bleed open from the 6-hrs travel.
Christmas soon. As I grow older, I'm finding myself less and less excited about this. When I was in college, I remember most of our Christmas weren't so good. All of us were stressed with our own life's issues, we were always angry and fighting. It made me remember someone who made all those times bearable. But I'm ready to close that chapter now. Even so, I'd still want to remain thankful and sincerely wish for that person's happiness.


Last KCON, I took the Inner Healing Workshop which ate up all 3 classes that day. I was skeptical, but I can now feel how much it helped me. I remember asking the Heavens to make me believe. And there He was, at the workshop in flesh through the Host. Why else would a priest bring the Host when he was not going to give a mass? Nakakatawa lang. I told God, "grabe pumunta Ka pa talaga ha." The lights were out then and there were candles. Siguro guni-guni ko lang, but I think, I felt God's love then.

We were asked to write our hurts on a heart-shaped paper and offered it before the altar. It was then that I felt like something heavy was lifted off me.

Some wounds don't heal overnight, but maybe this is a start.


1 week left and the month's over. 1 more month and it's 2019. I want to end this year with a bang and emerge victoriously.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:38 PM.

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Wednesday: November 14, 2018

I was feeling sad in most part of the day yesterday. In a way, I'm upset that I'm still here while Partner will be moving on with his life na.

But then I came home. Found my niece playfully hiding just to 'scare' me. Then there's Mom who picked me up from the bus stop. The neighborhood's dogs, Pogi and Panget were there as a part of my welcoming committee. Ido was there too, and in these simple things, I know I'm beyond blessed.

The cage will give me money for the transfer.

Tita N was there to help me find a place to stay.

Brother will join so I think it wouldn't be so lonely.

Maybe I can finish the Simbang Gabi this year. My favorite chapel will just be a few minutes walk. Really, what's with all the drama?

Later tonight a wonderful human being who happens to be my best friend will visit our house together with the man she loves. By March, together with my entire family, I will witness their beautiful wedding. We'll be staying 3 days and 2 nights at the resort. For free. All of us. I'm so excited to swim and enjoy the place with my niece and everyone else.

Next week will be KCOn and I'll be staying in unit near the venue. Tiny, yes, but I have the place all for myself and that's a total upgrade compared to the hostel I stayed in last year. 

I feel like the Universe is spoiling me.


Gusto ko ng moon cactus, lithops, split rocks at astrophytum. Mejo mahal, but I think I've grown my skills in taking care of plants, hindi naman siguro masasayang ang salapi kung bibili ako ng mamahalin. But I'll be staying somewhere else soon. Hindi ko rin nga pala sila maalagaan.

Sira sira na ang mga sapatos ko and I could use buying new pairs of pants (kasi masisikip na lahat), pero mas gusto ko talagang bumili nalang ng cactus.

Claiming it. Ikayayaman ko to 

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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:34 AM.

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Wednesday: October 31, 2018

Currently watching a K-drama, cute and fast-paced, it reminds me of a love story that happened eons ago.

Once upon the was a girl named Z who was freshly out of high school, battling her way through college. She met two of her first friends, R and B, who both lived near the room Z rented in. One day, B confessed that she's liking one of their classmates, Y. B said she wants to let Y know that she likes him through a letter. Being the kunsintidora friend that she was, Z invites R and B to her place to brainstorm what to include in the love letter. When Z read what B initially wrote, it made her cringe. She thought to herself, "I can't make my friend send her love letter like this". So she offered to "fix" the letter (which means, she rewrote everything). When she was finished everyone was pleased. To make the letter even more special, Z wrote the top and bottom portion in her own lettering style. When all was set, B sent the letter to Y.

Semester was over. B had to leave school. Z stayed, and Y started giving her chocolates.

The end.


Every time I try to dig my own history, I can hardly find a good love story to tell. Oh, well... at least, I can hope that the future will be better.

I was just thinking, "if he really likes me, he'd <insert something ridiculous here>. Then, he actually does, so I run away.

Weeks back, Bea told us how important it is for people who experienced loss-including heartbreak-to receive counseling.

Iniisip ko kung kailangan ko ba ng psychologist.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:48 AM.

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Semi-professional lab rat and P* stuff
Wednesday: October 10, 2018

And so you looked while chanting "it's okay, it's okay" inside your head. Then after 5 posts... t*ngina, it's not okay.


I visited the doctor for cough and colds, yet I ended up having an ultrasound and blood extraction. What the eff.


Watched Exes Baggage and I loved it so much. Ganda ng boses ni Carlo, gusto ko na sya iuwi.

With this, I WAS okay... until I looked.

Oh, damn this.

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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:07 PM.

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"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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my name is z




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