Entries in category "Tuesday"


Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Please don't panic, please don't panic

I asked the Heavens for the rain to stop. Mejo maulan pa pero nakapasok na ko. Putek, ano ba pinaggagawa ko kahapon?

Nakita ko announcement sa FB na ready na daw ang club namin for the Filipino Speech Contest. I remember I'm supposed to back up our initially agreed contestant after he begged off. And boy, I'm so far from ready. Pak, ano ngang pinaggagagawa ko kahapon?

I was home. I think I just spent the day sleeping, eating, repotting my plants, reading posts and articles in facebook about plants and so on. Hindi man lang ako nag attempt gumawa ng speech. Juicecolored!

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I rewatched Jane's reading for August. For some reason, it no longer resonate as much as it did the first time. 

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko forte ang magmultitask. Kaya pag marami akong nararamdaman, nadidisorient ako. Sa tingin ko, wala namang hurt. Fear lang. Regret. Sadness. Mga ganun. Naisip ko rin na if mabibigyan ako ng power to snatch the boy back, hindi ko rin naman gagawin. In the end of the day, I also want him to be happy.

Napansin ko lang rin na inuulit ulit ko lang yung mga situation ko sa buhay. I want to focus on making sure that this won't happen again especially because my recent situation is starting to look like it's heading to that same direction. 

Fear. Regret. Sadness. Ihalo mo pa yung panic na nafifeel ko about the contest. Pero siguro, katulad ng ulan, huhupa rin naman to.

Tag-ulan man ngayon, the sun will soon rise up. And when that time comes, siguro may bulaklak na yung mga alaga kong jade at cactus. Magiging okay din ang lahat.


Written by cinderellaareus at 08:50 AM.

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Tuesday, July 24, 2018

The Empress

"You're name means Empress. Queen."

I barely remember my prof in Humanities2 saying this line in front of the class everytime she mentioned my name.

Queen.

I also remember how he claimed that his name means "King", making us King and Queen.

King and Queen.

This is a closed book now though. I'm more than okay.

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It's been a while since Jane gave a reading that resonates as much as this one. Seems like my fav tarot reader is back. All hearts.


Written by cinderellaareus at 09:00 AM.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Stuff and stuff and stuff

951pm. For the past 2 nights, I've been lacking sleep. It's langgam season once again, and every effing night, I have to ward them off.

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After so much deliberation, I've decided na sa bahay na ko uuwi sa Friday at luluwas nalang ng maaga for the COT as I was tasked to do the registration. Then, when asked, "sleepover ka samen, Zah?" My fingers typed, "sigi". Grabe, wala talaga akong paninindigan. 

Two years na kaming magkakilala. Mukhang sanay naman na sila sa kaartehan ko. Still, I don't want to cause them any trouble. Ang hirap lang rin kasi talaga kung manggagaling pa kong Bulacan, and wala rin naman talaga akong pang hotel on my own at the moment. I'm not really thrilled about sleeping in a bed other than my room's.  Still, I will do my best not to hassle anyone.

The weekend's going to be long. Div A party by the evening after COT. Formal event. I intend dress down a bit. Gusto ko nga sana mag rubber shoes. Will be doing the registration also. My kerengkeng side would be excited about this since this could be a venue to meet new people, but right now, I just feel too lazy.

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Was chatting with someone fr another club earlier. The dude was asking what will be my position in our club for the next term. I told him, none.

Friday last week, I joined Jer's execom for the new set of officers. Gabby and Ivan even booked a hotel for this. I'm no longer an officer, but it's yet to feel like so. Ok lang, masaya naman.

Bea brought her tarot cards and gave us a reading. Mine was quite on point. 1st card meant deception daw. Bea said that the other person's sincere and that the deception's on me. Gusto ko lang daw yung other person because we share common values and for his character also. She said I'm staying for the wrong reasons.

Second card shows a picture of a woman paddling away on her boat. Bea said the cards suggest for me to let go. Leave. So that I can get to the third card which is about finding love. I will only find love daw if I leave. There was a 4th card pa pero tinatamad na ko mag explain. It has something to do with keeping my path clear.

Idk. Totoo kayang I will only find love if I will walk away? The rebel in me wants to cling on all the more. Lol. I wonder if these will even matter.

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Last weekend, I watched Spider-Man: the homecoming and Thor Ragnarok. I realized Tom Holland(Spidey) is rather adorable pala and Tom Hiddleson(Loki) could fit to be the god of hotness instead of mischief. Tas kanina, I was watching Capt America: Winter Soldier. Chris Evans is Chris Evans. Masyadong gwapo napapa buntong hininga ako pag ngumingiti tong taong to. Jeez, may panget ba sa Marvel?

Ang saya siguro kung makakapag asawa ako ng lalaking papasang maging Marvel superhero. Para mangyari yon, kailangan ko bang maging kamukha ni Elizabeth Olsen?

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Teka, inaantok na ko.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:48 PM.

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Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Sigh

I miss you and I don't know what to do about it. 

 


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:44 PM.

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Tuesday, May 8, 2018

BZ

Spell T.I.R.E.D.

Been working on my biz lately and there's a lot of things to do. One of my mentees, Toni, sent her speech draft and I'm yet to work on that one. I'm barely answering PM's from messenger. In a way, I'm liking this kind of busy. I just hope I don't feel this tired.

I haven't been eating and sleeping much lately. Must be the source of that walang gana feeling.

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If there's one thing I'd like to learn para masabi kong nag mature na ko bilang tao at bilang babae, siguro yun e yung hindi na lilipad yung kilay ko twing may ibang babae susulpot na baka bigla mong magustuhan... because come to think of it, wala rin naman akong magagawa.

What's meant for me will not miss me.

Naalala ko rin yung law of least effort. Maybe sometimes, we need to be at peace and just allow things to fall into place.

I'm letting go.


Written by cinderellaareus at 09:25 PM.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Kyoukai no otoko

Araw araw ko syang nakikita sa simbahan.

Naririnig ko kasi yung kaluskos pag lumuluhod sya sa pew sa likuran ko.

Bukod sa fact na mejo gwapo sya at matangkad, napansin ko sya kasi paulit ulit ang ritwal na ginagawa nya araw araw.

Pagpasok nya, luluhod sya sa parehas na pwesto araw araw. Yung pangalawang pew mula sa harap. Magdadasal ng ilang minuto, tapos tatayo palabas. Hihinto sya saglit sa may labasan para magsindi ng kandila. Apat na kandila na pinagdidikitdikit nya sa iisang tirikan. Tapos magdadasal ulet. Ginagawa nya to approximately same time araw araw. Iniisip ko tuloy kung dito rin sya banda nagtatrabaho.

Ano kayang pinagdadaanan ni kuya at bakit sya araw araw nagsisimba? Para mag effort syang pumunta don araw araw, siguro may mabigat syang dinadala. Kung ano man ang pinagdarasalal nya, siguradong importante yun sa kanya. Naku-curious ako kung ano-ano bang mga bagay ang pinagdarasal ng isang lalaki sa Diyos. Finances kaya? Work? Business?

Gwapo si kuya, so hindi naman siguro love life...

Kaninang umaga, mejo nalate ako ng punta sa simbahan. Pagdating ko, nakapagtirik na ng kandila si kuya at nagdadasal na ulet. Pumasok ako at umupo sa parehas na pwestong inuupuan ko araw araw. Yung pinakaunang pew mula sa harap. Nagdasal ng ilang minuto, tapos tumayo palabas. Huminto ako saglit sa may labasan para magsindi ng kandila. Apat na kandilang pinagdikitdikit ko sa iisang tirikan. Narealized ko na parehas na parehas pala kami ng ginagawa ni kuya. Parehas kaya kami ng ipinagdarasal?

Pagdaan ko sa tirikan ng kandila kanina, sinindihan ko yung apat na kandilang naiwan ni kuya na wala nang sindi. Sinindihan ko na rin pati yung mga kandilang nasa tabi nito. Kung ano man ang pinagdadaanan ni kuya, kung ano man ang ipinagdarasal nya... Kung mabuti yun para sa kanya at sa mga taong nasa paligid nya... Sana makuha nya.


Written by cinderellaareus at 09:50 PM.

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Tuesday, April 3, 2018

11:20 thoughts

Inaantok na ko kaya mabilis lang to.

Nagpagupit si Heneral ng mega ikli. Dahil super idol ko yun, parang gusto ko na tuloy magpagupit. Kaso yung crush ko mahilig sa mahaba buhok. Char.

Ang galing ni Heneral. Sobrang brilliant nya. Pero bukod sa galing nya, hat's off din ako sa pagkatao nya. 

Yung mga taong nilu lookup daw naten ang clue sa kung anong bagay tayo talagang passionate.

Sa totoo lang, i feel like life, or just parts of it, is falling apart. Siguro kaya hindi ko maayos yung mga magulo kasi inaayos ko sya from the outside instead from the inside.

Kailangan naming mag heart to heart talk ang sarili ko.

Now, I'm hopeful.

Please, pray for me.


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:30 PM.

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Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Four

916. It's been a long day. I'm kinda feeling sad, i need to write.

Will be back to the cage tomorrow. My problems in and out of the cage probably didn't get fixed on their own, so I will have to face them all again tomorrow.

Ano bang gagawin ko?

-----------

A few months since i became a member, i was elected to be an officer right away. Been an officer since. In 2 years I've only experience being an ordinary member for a few mos that I'm not so sure if i remember how it would be like.

I told the people closest to me sa club that i don't want to run na. I think they understand. 

A few more meetings and im handling over my vpe position. Sa totoo lang, petix sa office so in a way, i found delight na at least, sa club, meron akong ginagawa. Without my position, I'm probably going back to being perpetually petix again.

Mejo nakakalungkot din. 

Pero sana with this, totoong magamit ko ung extra time ko to fix my life.

August ang target ko. Lord knows how much I want to free myself. Araw araw ko talagang kukulitin ang langit para dito.

Sighs...

Parang ang corni maging ordinary member ulet. Tsaka sigurado akong sasama ang loob ko pag hindi nila ko inonominate at iboboto even thou i practically asked them not to. Ang labo ko di ba?/lol.

...

August...

Sighs...

Oh, God, please....


Written by cinderellaareus at 09:47 PM.

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Tuesday, March 13, 2018

rummage

Some old sheesh i got from the trash (mula sa jurassic era pa). i kinda enjoy reading this. gave me a good laugh. lol.

(70) <his name here>

(69) Ingat pretty : )

(68) (Hahaha)

(67) ganda mo kanina kaya nadidistract ako. hahaha

(66) uy baka napipikon ka ah.. alaskador lang ako talaga. mahilig kasi ako mag said ng alaska condensed milk nung bata pa ko hahaha

(65) oo eh... hahaha

(64) Di ah... pretty ka naman...

(63) kung di nga lang bawal baka inaya na kita lumabas hahaha

(62) Peeaccee : p san ka na?

(61) Nakasakay ka na?

(60) Yeah... pero cant be... mahirap na... hahaha baka may masabi ang madlang people...

(59) saka baka mag ***n ka pa ako pa masisi hahahaha

(58) hoy... baka mag ***n ka ha loka lolsss

(57) pero alam mo... dapat sumama ka sa t*@ b@!#ng para na idisplay mo yung pinag dietan mo. hahaha. pisss ; p

(56) hahaha di naman

(55) wak ka muna magtt... baka nasa jeep ka pa or nag aantay ng masasakyan

(54) *txt

(53) hahaha... nice... san k na?

(52) question...

(51) If wala ka bf... kelan ka last nag ka bf?

(50) hahaha speechless o na agaw ang celfone? : p joke

(49) hahaha... are you seeing some right now or maybe seeing someone exclusive? nakkss pang miss pilippines mga tanong ah hahaha...

(48) ohhh? ok...

(47) hmm... wala naman...

(46) complicated ako masyado siguro eh...

(45) why? what do you mean you thought so?

(44) oo nga... kaya nga ok lang ako ng hang out and have company of friends or girl buddies ko once in a while

(43) kahit ikaw naman siguro di ka makikipag sa katulad ko hahaha... at ma#@!* mo pa hahaha

(42) hahaha yun nga eh...

(41) eh ikaw bat wala kang bf?

(40) ahhh

(39) masyado k pla seryoso... ako binabaling ko n lang sa #o*&... if may girl n natipuhan... ill see her and hang out. if hindi nag click eh di wala

(38) oo naman... enjoy while it last and if it clicks- go - pag hindi no one to blame...

(37) mas preferred ko yung ganun... everytime i see someone naman i make sure na sya lang and im honest

(36) umuulan na ulet

(35) why? recently ba you had a guy na ganyan ang setup nyo?

(34) hmnn why? tama ba ko?

(33) sorry to ask... nagkaron knb ng relationship with a married guy?

(32) wala lang... akala ko lang...

(31) nope. you're not... and i dont mind if you had a past relationship like that... no one should mind about it... were adults and its a decision someone made so respect na lang.

(30) sa isang banda... pano kung sinabi ko na you're giving me that kind of impression? magagalit ka ba?

(29) haha men will be men... we have this instinct and likes na there something great with women na tahimik : )

(28) no offense

(27) haha which question?

(26) ahh so **** ka pang naging guy na married and i guess its *** in your head *&* in your w%^&dest dreams haha

(25) yeah what?

(24) hahaha

(23) malayo ka pa ba sa inyo?

(22) hahaha... ok...

(21) na iimagine ko yung dimples mo hahaha

(20) theyre nice...

(19) hahaha just keep this conversation between the 2 of us and a#@ p@#*&! and w@!^% at the same time at ****.

(18) haha meron naman sa tingin ko hahaha

(17) pero na distract mo ko kanina ah... kase eh. lakas ng dating mo saken kanina... and your lips... hahaha man! kaka tuwa na nakakagigil. hahaha peaccee

(16) keep it that way..

       yung lagi kang smiling

       pretty ka naman eh

(15) hahaha i guess ok na suggestion yan...

(14) and which part is scary? kaloka ka hahaha

(13) hahaha...

(12) dont be mad at me on this... pero i think youre a great kisser (may nag sabi na ba sayo?)

(11) hahaha well... id like to try to find out

(10) pero di naman syempre pede di ba?

(9) : p

(8) (di na nag reply)

      hehehe churi naman...

      galet?

(7) lasing? hindi ah...

     hindi naman ako pala inom... anong mejo?

(6) mejo galet ka? hehehe sorry

(5) hahaha tange..

      seryoso yun... kakain ko nga lang eh

(4) bawal eh... saka wala sa isip mo yung mga ganung bagay...

(3) layo ka pa?

(2) ayt...

----

(1) Good morning! san kana po? wak ma le $@!% ah.

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Kahit ano pang language yan, isa lang ang interpretation ko sa silence.

I'm pretty sure you heard it when I said I prefer that over setting things clear. Na I want to keep my pride intact.

So, ayan na ba yon?

Ok. Gets ko.


Written by cinderellaareus at 03:28 PM.

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