Entries in category "火曜日"


火曜日. July 16, 2019

I love you 300000 and 1

Dear Lord,

Pag napang-asawa ko po si Mr. Chill, magdo donate po ako ng 300000 sa simbahan...

So, Lord... baka naman...

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Kung ipapakita ko ang picture nya sa friends ko, alam kong wala sa kanila ang magsasabi ng "gwapo", pero para sakin, gwapo sya.

Ang laki ng tinaba nya mula ng una kaming nagkakilala. Quits lang, ako rin naman. At gusto ko parin naman sya.

Loko loko lang talaga yung lalaking yun. Ayoko talaga sa lalaking makulit. Gusto ko kasi yung graceful and dignified. Pero iba kasi si Mr. Chill.

Wala akong masabi sa bait ng taong iyon. Sa dami ng lalaking nakilala ko, sya lang yung nakita kong ganun. Sabi nila wala naman daw perfect, pero para sakin, perfect na sya.

Years ago, hiningi ko narin sya sa Langit. Ayun, "hindi" ang isinagot sakin. Or was it "hindi muna"? 

Well, malalaman natin.

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There were a few people na may sakit sa office. With my swollen tonsils, feeling ko magkakasakit na rin ata ako.

I already confirmed my attendance for our meeting this Friday. My attention this week was so focused on my new work that I sometimes forgot that Toastmasters exists and that I belong there. 

This Sunday will be my brother's birthday. We will celebrate on Saturday. Brother will treat us on a buffet meal and he also invited some of our tita's.

Umaga na ko makakauwi ng Saturday. Ang daming nagaganap sa Earth.


08:31 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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火曜日. July 16, 2019

Day 3

I got back the office after a bio break and found people gathering near my temporary seat, solving some helpdesk problem. It looked simple to me, but I shut my mouth. Of course, I could be wrong.

Feeling ko, well, feeling ko lang naman, Nua*ce people can solve most of the work issues here even with their eyes closed. Again, feeling ko lang naman.

... mejo nalulungkot na ko...


01:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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火曜日. July 9, 2019

K n K

Last Saturday, I woke up officially unemployed.

Andaming naging aberya ng pre-employment reqts ko, kaya naman hindi ko nadama ang paglipas ng mga araw. Worked on getting everything done from Saturday to Monday, I swear my life was more hayahay back when I was still in my previous work. Lol.

Still, I managed to sneak an ad hoc meeting with my fellow officers on my schedule last night. I just got home this morning and went straight out on a movie date with family + titas - brother (he was at work).

I was actually looking forward to a couple of restful days or so, but I just got a call from Sir P informing me that tomorrow will be our contract signing and then I'll start by Friday. I still need to work on my clearance on Thurs, plus, the previous co is asking for my help for an ivr recording, so it looks like the rest of the week will be far from restful.

In a way, ok lang rin. At least I was able to spend this day with my loved ones, because today is Dad's birthday.

"Excited ka na ba sa new work mo?" Sir P asked when we saw eachother yesterday. I don't remember how I answered that, but I'm pretty sure I didn't say 'yes', because I wasn't.

I wonder if I am now though. Excitement ba to? Kaba? Idk. Basta ang alam ko lang, I want to stop feeling uncertain already.

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K: Tita, may crush ako--si Kurt.

Z: Paano mo nalaman na crush mo sya?

K: Kasi tinanong nya ko, "Kaitlyn, crush mo ba ko?"

Z: ano sabi mo?

K: "opo".

This was a convo with my 4 year old niece. Mukhang mauunahan pa ata akong magkajowa ng pamangkin ko. Lol.

Ang simple lang ng concept ng crush sa mga bata. Pag tinanong ka ng "crush mo ba ko?" They will just simply say yes or no. I don't know why it's a whole lot complicated for adults. Or is it just me?


07:20 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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火曜日. July 2, 2019

Ato mikkakan

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ang praning ko.

What if I fail the medical exam?

What if I won't be able to get the nbi on time?

I still have an unresolved customer issue at the company, what do I do?

Siguro pag naguguluhan ka na, or ginugulo mo na ang sarili mo, I found that the best thing to do is to ask the Heavens for guidance.

I sent my resignation yesterday, and I signed it to day, so it really feels final now. Iniisip ko kung mas mainam ba na hinintay ko muna medical test results at nbi bago ko ginawa to... pero, nagawa ko na e. I can't go without a job though. 

The office people teased me na magpa pizza on my last day sa office. Sa totoo lang, I've got very few money left until I enter the new company, but I still said yes. You see, I've been here 6 years and the people here have treated me very kindly. Ano ba naman yung pizza? Kung may pera lang ako, I'd give them more.

Then there's my friend, Jay. She was elected to be the President of this newly formed club and I know this means so much to her. They will be having an induction ceremony/party on Saturday and she wants me to come. I heard from Gabby that she's planning to have "instagirls unite". I will feel bad if I'll be the reason kung bakit hindi complete ang instagirls. I told the ladies that I need to conserve my resources since I'll be transferring to a different company. Yesterday, Jay told me that she'll pay for me nalang. It kinda breaks my heart. I should be the one sending out support for a friend, tas sya pa magbabayad for me. And the bigger problem is that I still can't commit to come even if the fee will get covered. I'm yet to finish my pre-employement requirements, hindi ko alam kung tapos na ko by then. Heavens, sana naman... and also, penging pera.

Speaking of pera... I'm supposed to have an interpreting gig on Friday. 1-hr event lang so hindi naman kalakihan ang kita, but enough to cover my pambayad for the induction so that Jay wouldn't have to pay for me. Ayun nga lang, hanggang ngayon, hindi pa binibigay ni Client yung details. Part of me wishes na sana di nalang tuloy. Mejo tinatamad din kasi talaga ko.

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I just remember that it's gonna be Dad's birthday next week, then Brother's will be 2 weeks after that. My wallet says I probably wouldn't have the money to even buy a cake by then, but thank God, I have a credit card. Konting hikahos moments nalang, tapos magiging better din ang lahat.

Hopefully.


06:17 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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火曜日. June 18, 2019

Mou kore ka na

Sighs. Feeling ko alam ko na ang magiging kahihinatnan ng lahat ng ito.

2 calls. 1 emails. Countless text messages.

There is this company who's practically giving me the coverage of the exam. I clearly told them I don't have any background in those topics. They told me to just get through it until I progressed to the interview.

Ayoko ng nightshift. Siguro kaya ko naman. Ayoko lang. Gusto ko umattend ng club meeting. Gusto kong umuwi sa bahay pag Sabado at Linggo. Gusto ko mag leave paminsan minsan para mamasyal, o kaya sa KCON on November. At tsaka pag kailangan kong mag pitch sa mga company to offer financial consulting.

Tingin ko, alam ko na ang magiging kahihinatnan nito.

Was backreading old posts from 6 years ago and it reminded me na wala pala akong pinasang exam nung nag-apply ako sa company na to. Kahit nga medical, muntik ko nang ibagsak. My 1st x-ray showed my heart was enlarged. False alarm lang naman. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako na hire. I can only think that it's probably Meguri. If only he's working as a QM somewhere... 

Sinusubukan kong wag tingnan yung table ng benefits na sinend sakin nung company. Magaling ako sa math. Alam kong nasa 6 digits yun.

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Ano ba ang ginawa ko nitong nagdaang anim na taon? Sabi ko I'd stay here for 1 year, put up a company, then I'd be my own boss. It's not that I didn't try.

For the last 6 years, I've tried setting up 6 businesses. There were probably more, but I can only remember 6. Dahil sa I follow the dream-big-start-small rule, hindi naman ganun kalaki ang naging losses ko.

I just got an email from a museum kanina. They want to form collaboration with one of the businesses I put up in Facebook. They're asking for the rate. The go-getter in me is saying, "go for it". Pero, putek, realistic ba to?

You know what I'm really looking for? Gusto ko nang mapapang-asawa na I can have an equal partnership with. Yung kayang pantayan ang talent, skills at intellect ko. Yung medyo mas gutsy kesa sakin para sya yung mang eencourage whenever fear and doubt hit us both. And then together we will build businesses and grab opportunities that will come along our way. Feeling ko kasi mas madali kung may kasama kang nag-aalala at nagpe-press on sa kabila ng mga inhibitions nyong dalawa. Oo, it sounds like I'm looking more for a business partner than a husband. Pero parang ang saya kasi yung parahes kayong nagstart sa mababa and sabay kayong nag work on your way towards the top. And besides, pag mayaman na ko, I don't think I'd be willing to accept anyone with a lower net worth.

I don't put so much premium on my feelings, so I don't think it would be so hard. I just need someone who will meet my specifications and we'll be ready to go. I'm also a very loving person, hindi lang talaga halata. Ipis nga kaya kong mahalin, tao pa kaya.

Or am I just making things more complicated? Lol.

Bago ang lahat, kailangan ko munang humanap ng bagong trabaho.


11:24 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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火曜日. May 28, 2019

Basic

May happy aftertaste pag kasama kita. Nalulungkot ako at the thought na wala ka. May gusto ba ko sayo?

This is supposed to be basic. Lol. 

Sinabi na kasi wag maglalalapit sa mga lalaking malalandi.

Well, at least, he's single.

Or is he?

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Will be back to work tomorrow. I have a few non-work related activities jotted this week. We were just talking. Looks like I won't be seeing him for a while. It feels odd that I'm missing this person.

I don't like this.


10:57 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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火曜日. May 14, 2019

Un!0v3d

It's Tuesday and I'm back to work. 

I was having a hard time last night to stop my eyes from overflowing, I'm surprised that I didn't wake up looking like Kerokeropi.

I hate drama, and it's hard to live as a human being dodging this all the time. Drama.

Being positive didn't work this time.

Being grateful neither.

I want a heart that is tougher than this.

...

Boy, I just feel so unloved right now.


12:28 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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火曜日. May 7, 2019

Moshikashitara

Why, it's a Tuesday and I'm back to work. All fine. I just miss the noise. Back in my place in Manda and I kinda miss being with people.

Was searching for TM clubs near the area. I just feel like expanding my world some more and meet interesting people. Iniiwasan ko lang pumunta sa TM clubs na may nakakakilala sa kin, which is weird. Idk.

Gabby is my measuring stick whenever I want to count how many people I've met through TM. He's the Division Director and former District PR. Everyone I know in TM knows him. We have 107 mutual friends now. It means I've met 107 people in TM. That's a lot considering that I have abt 600 friends only. And it's only been 3 years.

I read my entries 4 yrs back. That was before TM. I was killing myself to earn more money. Though I have no regrets, I still wish I treated myself a little kinder.

4 years. Yung goals ko noon, goals ko parin ngayon. The only difference is that, I feel a lot happier now. Though I don't have all the things I want, sa tingin ko, I still live a pretty good life.

My cousin's girlfriend posted pictures of their daughter, Amarrah. She's my inaanak and I found her very pretty. I wish the Heavens will give me a pretty daughter like her too. Kahit hindi pretty, basta normal at mabait na bata. And if the Heavens is feeling a little more generous, maybe He can also give me a son. But before all that, I would first want to have a husband. Of course.

I'm a woman who like men. Kung gwapo, or kung neat, o kaya e maganda buhok, titingin ako. Kung mabait, or talented, o kaya smart, I will flash a smile or so. Pero in the end of the day, I would want only one man. Yung sa akin. Yung sa akin lang. Someone I can be with. Alam mo yun?

Years ago when I started ignoring Parrot's messages. It was right when I started seeing him as a good guy. My reason: he's a seaman. He will always be far away and I don't like that. 

Now, he's married with a kid and his wife is very beautiful.

Parrot was the most persistent. Still, technically, hindi naman ako nasaktan nung kinasal sya. I actually felt happy for him. He's a good guy. It's good that things worked for them.

Siguro ganun naman talaga. May mga taong ok kayo pero hindi yung sitwasyon nyo, at ok lang yun.

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Paminsan minsan, sinisilip ko parin ang profile ni ***. I started following him again in facebook. Hindi na masakit, pero syempre naku-curious pa rin ako. In one of the entries that I backread, I wrote about not answering a friend's phone that he was calling then. It could've been a chance for us to talk after long years of silence. Will things be different kaya kung sinagot ko yung call? But then I know na kahit siguro naging ok pa kami ulet nung taong yun, I don't think we will ever end up in marriage. Hindi lang talaga kami ok as partners and it's good that he was able to find someone na ok sa kanya.

Posible rin. Baka nasakin ang problema. Realistic ba yung gusto ko?

I seek leadership from a guy. Sa aming dalawa, wala akong balak maging Alpha. He has to lead. But he has to be respectful to me as well. He can expect the same respect from me. Importante sakin yun. Respect also means he wouldn't flirt with other women behind my back. Again, kung sa akin sya, sakin lang dapat. He has to be responsible with money too. I don't dream of becoming buried in debts, I want us to work on getting rich together instead. Then, more than anything else, I will need his presence.

Now, are these too much to ask? Coz I don't really know. LOL.

I have a friend na ang hanap na lalaki e, mabango, malinis, makinis. Tas meron din syang specific religion at height requirements. Lol.

Oh wait, I do have religion requirement also. See, my dream is to build a family who go to church together. How can I do that if we go to different churches? So yeah... maybe my specs are not as generic, oh well.

Ok naman ako as is. Kung sakaling hindi ko makita yung hinahanap ko, alam kong magiging ok parin ako. Pero siguro... siguro lang naman... siguro kung makikita ko nga yun sa lifetime na to, siguro ite-treasure ko.


07:17 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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火曜日. April 16, 2019

Some Tuesday Thoughts

I have 45 mins to do this. It's 8:15 am. I'd love to sleep at the sleeping quarters but it's probably full. 

The weekend was full of work. Not really complaining. It's just once a week that I can tend to my plants. I also did some architectural drawing. Nothing big. It's been 6 years since I "retired" from being an engineer and it's nice that I still get to do engineering-related stuff from time to time. I miss technical drawing. I just wish I still have my drawing tools because right now I have no idea where they are. I needed to make do with what was available. The result was not as good as it could have if only I had enough tools. I miss drawing.

Yesterday I was searching for a website that can let me use autocad without downloading the software. Waley. So sad. I tried MS Paint. It just won't do.

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Oh, I passed the licensure exams from insurance commission. I can now sell insurance, woot woot! Will meet J later to discuss the next step and stuff. I actually feel so lazy and sleepy. Probably PMS.

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I'm going to Cebu next week. It's hard to feel excited about it when I have very limited budget. But, let's do our best to enjoy this, Z, shall we?

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Damn, I feel so gloomy. It's a normal occurrence whenever a woman is about to have their period. It sucks, but I think I'm going to miss this pag menopausal stage na ko. Afterall, we can always sleep our gloomy days away.

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At least once a day, I do facial yoga and shiatsu massage on my face to look good and slow down (and probably reverse) aging. Though I do and eat a lot of unhealthy things, I always make an effort to take care of myself. I also invest a lot in my education and personal development. I always, always try to make myself better.

I know my value.

...

And for that reason, I will never settle to someone who cannot treat me well. I'd rather stay single. Pangangatawanan ko yan.


08:50 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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私の名前はZです。


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