Entries in category "火曜日"
It's Tuesday and I'm back to work.
I was having a hard time last night to stop my eyes from overflowing, I'm surprised that I didn't wake up looking like Kerokeropi.
I hate drama, and it's hard to live as a human being dodging this all the time. Drama.
Being positive didn't work this time.
Being grateful neither.
I want a heart that is tougher than this.
Boy, I just feel so unloved right now.
12:28 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Why, it's a Tuesday and I'm back to work. All fine. I just miss the noise. Back in my place in Manda and I kinda miss being with people.
Was searching for TM clubs near the area. I just feel like expanding my world some more and meet interesting people. Iniiwasan ko lang pumunta sa TM clubs na may nakakakilala sa kin, which is weird. Idk.
Gabby is my measuring stick whenever I want to count how many people I've met through TM. He's the Division Director and former District PR. Everyone I know in TM knows him. We have 107 mutual friends now. It means I've met 107 people in TM. That's a lot considering that I have abt 600 friends only. And it's only been 3 years.
I read my entries 4 yrs back. That was before TM. I was killing myself to earn more money. Though I have no regrets, I still wish I treated myself a little kinder.
4 years. Yung goals ko noon, goals ko parin ngayon. The only difference is that, I feel a lot happier now. Though I don't have all the things I want, sa tingin ko, I still live a pretty good life.
My cousin's girlfriend posted pictures of their daughter, Amarrah. She's my inaanak and I found her very pretty. I wish the Heavens will give me a pretty daughter like her too. Kahit hindi pretty, basta normal at mabait na bata. And if the Heavens is feeling a little more generous, maybe He can also give me a son. But before all that, I would first want to have a husband. Of course.
I'm a woman who like men. Kung gwapo, or kung neat, o kaya e maganda buhok, titingin ako. Kung mabait, or talented, o kaya smart, I will flash a smile or so. Pero in the end of the day, I would want only one man. Yung sa akin. Yung sa akin lang. Someone I can be with. Alam mo yun?
Years ago when I started ignoring Parrot's messages. It was right when I started seeing him as a good guy. My reason: he's a seaman. He will always be far away and I don't like that.
Now, he's married with a kid and his wife is very beautiful.
Parrot was the most persistent. Still, technically, hindi naman ako nasaktan nung kinasal sya. I actually felt happy for him. He's a good guy. It's good that things worked for them.
Siguro ganun naman talaga. May mga taong ok kayo pero hindi yung sitwasyon nyo, at ok lang yun.
Paminsan minsan, sinisilip ko parin ang profile ni ***. I started following him again in facebook. Hindi na masakit, pero syempre naku-curious pa rin ako. In one of the entries that I backread, I wrote about not answering a friend's phone that he was calling then. It could've been a chance for us to talk after long years of silence. Will things be different kaya kung sinagot ko yung call? But then I know na kahit siguro naging ok pa kami ulet nung taong yun, I don't think we will ever end up in marriage. Hindi lang talaga kami ok as partners and it's good that he was able to find someone na ok sa kanya.
Posible rin. Baka nasakin ang problema. Realistic ba yung gusto ko?
I seek leadership from a guy. Sa aming dalawa, wala akong balak maging Alpha. He has to lead. But he has to be respectful to me as well. He can expect the same respect from me. Importante sakin yun. Respect also means he wouldn't flirt with other women behind my back. Again, kung sa akin sya, sakin lang dapat. He has to be responsible with money too. I don't dream of becoming buried in debts, I want us to work on getting rich together instead. Then, more than anything else, I will need his presence.
Now, are these too much to ask? Coz I don't really know. LOL.
I have a friend na ang hanap na lalaki e, mabango, malinis, makinis. Tas meron din syang specific religion at height requirements. Lol.
Oh wait, I do have religion requirement also. See, my dream is to build a family who go to church together. How can I do that if we go to different churches? So yeah... maybe my specs are not as generic, oh well.
Ok naman ako as is. Kung sakaling hindi ko makita yung hinahanap ko, alam kong magiging ok parin ako. Pero siguro... siguro lang naman... siguro kung makikita ko nga yun sa lifetime na to, siguro ite-treasure ko.
07:17 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I have 45 mins to do this. It's 8:15 am. I'd love to sleep at the sleeping quarters but it's probably full.
The weekend was full of work. Not really complaining. It's just once a week that I can tend to my plants. I also did some architectural drawing. Nothing big. It's been 6 years since I "retired" from being an engineer and it's nice that I still get to do engineering-related stuff from time to time. I miss technical drawing. I just wish I still have my drawing tools because right now I have no idea where they are. I needed to make do with what was available. The result was not as good as it could have if only I had enough tools. I miss drawing.
Yesterday I was searching for a website that can let me use autocad without downloading the software. Waley. So sad. I tried MS Paint. It just won't do.
Oh, I passed the licensure exams from insurance commission. I can now sell insurance, woot woot! Will meet J later to discuss the next step and stuff. I actually feel so lazy and sleepy. Probably PMS.
I'm going to Cebu next week. It's hard to feel excited about it when I have very limited budget. But, let's do our best to enjoy this, Z, shall we?
Damn, I feel so gloomy. It's a normal occurrence whenever a woman is about to have their period. It sucks, but I think I'm going to miss this pag menopausal stage na ko. Afterall, we can always sleep our gloomy days away.
At least once a day, I do facial yoga and shiatsu massage on my face to look good and slow down (and probably reverse) aging. Though I do and eat a lot of unhealthy things, I always make an effort to take care of myself. I also invest a lot in my education and personal development. I always, always try to make myself better.
I know my value.
And for that reason, I will never settle to someone who cannot treat me well. I'd rather stay single. Pangangatawanan ko yan.
08:50 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
So I was reading a complilation of tweets in fb with #AlamMoBaCrush, and I realized that human beings are the most complicated creatures.
See, look at the animals... pag type nila ang isa pang animal, they won't beat themselves up, asking themselves, "how can I stop liking you," or drown themselves in their own negativity saying, "bakit ba gusto kita kahit di mo ko magugustuhan", (even if they haven't really verified it yet) or make themselves jealous over something they just assumed saying, "alam ko crush mo si *insert name here*, ayoko na mabuhay!"and all that shit.
Nakita mo na ba ang aso nyong nag sulk sa isang sulok at sinabi ang mga bagay na ito? Malamang hindi. Tao lang ata ang ganito ka-complicated.
This is so 16 years old, but I'm really glad that I'm crushing on someone right now, dahil kung hindi dahil sa kanya, I'm probably sulking, depressed over losing my first love who married off to someone else. Instead I'm all goofy, all smiley, sometimes annoyed and a little crazy, but I must say that this is so much better than being depressed and heartbroken.
There is this tarot reader that I follow in YouTube. Her readings these past months resonated so much it filled me with so much hope. Pero yung latest reading nya for the month of April, hindi ko nagustuhan. Said we're having communication problems (which is true), and I'm getting bored of waiting (also true) and that there are other offers (maybe true as well). She said I'll stop waiting and accept a better offer and this will leave the other person with so much regret.
Kaya siguro nakalagay sa bible na ayaw ni God sa fortunetelling because hindi naman talaga sya laging healthy. The reading made me sad for a while until I realized that the power is still in my hands. I'm free to like whoever I want. At least for now, it's still that person. I don't want anyone to regret anything. I'll take care of my own feelings, he'll take care of his. No further complications needed.
I know it took me some time, but really right now...
I'M NO LONGER AFRAID.
08:15 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I've known his brother before I met him some time about 2 years ago. They are twins, but not identical. The brother was kinda cute, I was expecting them to at least look the same, but I was suprised that he was taller and a whole lot more handsome.
Before he left PH, he asked that we take a picture together. I wish I asked him for a copy just so I can verify if he was indeed as handsome as I remember him to be.
He's been working as a sea man for the last 2 years. I can't believe a person can change that much for a short period of time. His twin brother is the same as ever. Surely, his eyes still look nice and all, and I'm pretty sure he's still capable of sweeping women off their feet since he's still a smooth talker, but I can't help but feel panghihinayang because I remember he was such an eye candy.
Huhu. Anong ginawa nila sayo?
Z: *reacts about a logo-making contest she found in fb*
B: Sumali ka. Dapat yan ang mga ginagawa mo. Sa ganyan ka kaya magaling. Wag na yung mga bagay na di ka naman magaling.
Z: San ako hindi magaling? Magaling naman ako sa lahat ng bagay ah.
B: Sa pagbi-business?
Iniisip ko kung may point ba sya.
I'm done with the online training and will proceed with the classroom room training this Saturday. Hopefully by the following Saturday makapagtake na ko ng licensure exam. Maybe by the start of April, pwede na kong magbenta ng insurance. Naisip ko na nga ang magiging line ko e:
"Hi, my name is Z. I sell life insurance for a living. So if I invite you to have coffee with me, alam mo na. Open-minded ka ba?"
Lol. Iniisip ko kung lalayuan na ba ako ng mga kaibigan ko.
J-holiday on Thursday. Mom discovered a community hospital for animals near home. Said they also perform complex surgery for free. I'm bringing our Gigi there since I don't have work.
Sana maging ok na ang aming bunso.
09:02 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
12am on the dot. Totoo atang MWF akong hindi matutulog. Damn insomnia.
Walang tubig dito sa Mandaluyong. Nakakaiyak. Dapat pala, sa Bulacan nalang ako umuwi.
Chatting with my ladies now. Nakakaexcite mag plan ng Cebu adventures namin. Ang tagal ko pinangarap na makapunta sa Cebu to meet my idol blogger, Marketman, at makakain sa resto that he owns. Yung Zubuchon. Nakarating na't lahat ang Zubuchon sa Metro Manila, isang lundag lang from the office even, pero hindi parin ako nakakakain sa Zubuchon. Very good.
Aside from the exam to make me eligible to sell insurance, mejo free na ang days ko until end of April. Gusto kong sulitin ang fact na I now live sa kabihasnan where I can go around the city without worrying how much time I have left to sleep.
I want to go to JFM or check out groups were I can meet j-people. Maybe I can help the company find a replacement for Partner. I could use the referral fee also. It's quite big. I can use that as pocket money for Cebu. Sana makahanap ako.
Gusto ko na rin mag simba ulet. Namimiss ko na mag simba. Sana nandito nalang ulit si Fr. Mario.
I also want to review my Art of Seduction book. No, not to catch a guy this time. Meron lang kasi dun soft seduction na pwede i-apply for selling. I can use that once I start selling insurance.
Dear Tabulas peeps, if you need insurance, please send me a PM.
*okay, that's not very seductive and that's far from soft. I'm so sorry.* lol.
12:18am. Sana pag gising ko, may tubig na. Ayoko pumasok ng hindi naliligo.
12:22 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I've heard about it quite late last year. Yung feast ng Divine Mercy. I just checked and this year, it falls on April 28. I'll be in Cebu then. I told Jay beforehand para may kasama ako humanap ng simbahan kahit discon then. Sana may maabutan kaming mass.
Sa totoo lang, hindi naman talaga ako religious na tao. In fact, it's been ages since I've seen a mass. Pero...
For the nth time, I've read it again just now. Yung message ni Jesus na nirelay nya kay St. Faustina. Nakakaiyak pa rin. It's hard not to love this Guy talaga. Funny, the image that I've been clinging on to for almost 10 years now dun sa paborito kong chapel sa Megamall e image pala ng Divine Mercy. Lately ko lang nalaman through Jenny.
Wala lang. Read this if you're Catholic or if feel mo lang. Maybe you'll fall in love with Jesus too:
(1) I desire that the Feast of Mercy be a refuge and shelter for all souls, and especially for poor sinners. On that day the very depths of My tender mercy are open. I pour out a whole ocean of graces upon those souls who approach the fount of My mercy. The soul that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion shall obtain complete forgiveness of sins and punishment. On that day all the divine floodgates through which grace flow are opened. Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet. Diary 699 [Note: confession does not have to be done on the Sunday itself. Beforehand is fine]
(2) Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My Mercy. —St. Faustina’s Diary300
(3) Let all mankind recognize My unfathomable mercy. It is a sign for the end times; after it will come the day of justice. Diary 848
(4) He who refuses to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My justice... Diary 1146
(5) Souls perish in spite of My bitter Passion. I am giving them the last hope of salvation; that is, the Feast of My Mercy. If they will not adore My mercy, they will perish for all eternity. Diary 965
(6) My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. Diary 367
(7) These rays shield souls from the wrath of My Father. Happy is the one who will dwell in their shelter, for the just hand of God shall not lay hold of him. I desire that the first Sunday after Easter be the Feast of Mercy. Diary 299
(8) My daughter, write that the greater the misery of a soul, the greater its right to My mercy; [urge] all souls to trust in the unfathomable abyss of My mercy, because I want to save them all. Diary 1182
(9) The greater the sinner, the greater the right he has to My mercy. My mercy is confirmed in every work of My hands. He who trusts in My mercy will not perish, for all his affairs are Mine, and his enemies will be shattered at the base of My footstool. Diary723
(10) [Let] the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls. Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Diary1146
(11) I want to grant a complete pardon to the souls that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion on the Feast of My mercy. Diary 1109
(12) I desire trust from My creatures. Encourage souls to place great trust in My fathomless mercy. Let the weak, sinful soul have no fear to approach Me, for even if it had more sins than there are grains of sand in the world, all would be drowned in the unmeasurable depths of My mercy. Diary1059
(13) I demand the worship of My mercy through the solemn celebration of the Feast and through the veneration of the image which is painted. By means of this image I shall grant many graces to souls. It is to be a reminder of the demands of My mercy, because even the strongest faith is of no avail without works. Diary 742
(14) Tell [all people], My daughter, that I am Love and Mercy itself. When a soul approaches Me with trust, I fill it with such an abundance of graces that it cannot contain them within itself, but radiates them to other souls. Jesus, Diary 1074
(15) I am offering people a vessel with which they are to keep coming for graces to the fountain of mercy. That vessel is this image with the signature: "Jesus, I trust in You." Diary 327 (16) I promise that the soul that will venerate this image will not perish. I also promise victory over [its] enemies already here on earth, especially at the hour of death. I Myself will defend it as My own glory. Jesus, Diary 48
(17) Souls who spread the honor of My mercy I shield through their entire lives as a tender mother her infant, and at the hour of death I will not be a Judge for them, but the Merciful Savior. At that last hour, a soul has nothing with which to defend itself except My mercy. Happy is the soul that during its lifetime immersed itself in the Fountain of Mercy, because justice will have no hold on it. Diary 1075
09:33 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
010119. It's the first day of the year. I woke up late, ate my hearts out and had my first visitor of the year by the evening. Closed a sale after sending what feels like a hundred of messages and the customer ordered more than I initially offered. Nakakatuwa.
My life is far from perfect. Many days I cry for the things that I don't have but in the end of the day, siguro hindi rin naman talaga ganun kasama.
This year, surely there are things I want to get. I just don't want to beat myself up too much anymore. I just want to do my best.
I read Maine Mendoza's IG post where she wrote a Lang Leav quote that went something like, "do not stay where you are needed. Go where you are loved." I think we all need this.
May all our hearts be happy this 2019. May we find a love that will make us look back to the heartbreaks that we had in the past and realized that it is indeed possible to be loved without all the hurt that we thought has to come out of loving.
MAGIGING MASAYA AT MASAGANA ANG 2019!
When all else fails, andami kayang line up ng Marvel movies to look forward to. Besides, we can always watch koreanovela whenever we feel so brokenhearted.
I want to take care of my heart this year. Stay away from situations and people that are likely to hurt me. Biblical din yun di ba? 'Take care of your heart'.
This 1 resolution I will make. I will take care of you, heart.
11:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I don't have a problem. I'm just feeling sad. I wonder if that is a problem in itself.
Officially transferred to a place near work last Sun. On my 1st day, Mom visted me already. Lol. It's just weird that I feel all happy in the morning, but as the day progressed, bites of sadness creep, even milk tea cannot cure.
I heard somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Seems like I have a lot of work to do.
12:09 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。