Entries in category "火曜日"
I hate that bitch. I want to pull her hair off and smack her face on concrete wall until she loses all her front teeth.
Not good. Hindi dapat ganito. If my goals can be achieved with a quiet mind, then I got to get all this hatred off my system.
Hayyst. Konting tiis nalang.
I sent my resignation letter last Sunday. Effectivity was supposed to be February 15. Nakiusap boss ko na until end of Feb nalang, but in exchange, he'll let me go on wfh the entire February. Pumayag na ko. Pero sa totoo lang, gusto ko na mag immediate resignation.
Takot ako. Sobra. Pero kasi, ayoko na talaga.
Sana gabayan ako ng langit.
10:40 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Skipped work. The world spins every time I try to get up. Good luck sa pagbalik ko sa office bukas.
I so badly want to resign, I want to cry.
When Ian was planning to resign back then, I remember telling him na pag tyagaan nya nalang dahil mahirap humanap ng work na kasing laki ng sahod namin... and then, shoot! I found myself convincing myself of the same thing.
Hayyy. Lord, ano bang gagawin ko?
I re-read Harada's "Happy Kuso Life" manga. Out of the mountains of BL mangas I've read, this is my top favorite. I went to Japan last May for HKL3 exhibit. I bought the official photo book. I keep the photobook in bubble wrap. And whenever I'm feeling down, I look at it, and I don't feel so down anymore.
I want to go back to Japan to buy HKL1 and HKL2 photo book, and buy all the available volumes of the actual manga. Volume 5 was just released months back. I want to go back to Japan. Can I really afford to resign? Oh God, ano bang gagawin ko?
I want to create a battle plan but I'm too sick to think. But then I'm still reading a manga though it's making me dizzy, I'm really hopeless.
God, help me. Please...
06:13 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I got a chat yesterday from the new account sa gc kung saan naka add yung manager ko. Hinahanap nila ako as I was supposed to report to work with them that day daw. I didn't know. Ora oradang alsabalutan. I cleared my desk and went on a half day para makapahinga kahit paano. Dapat papasok ako today dahil sat- sun na ang off sa new account. Humirit akong mag leave dahil kagagaling ko lang sa sakit, and working for straight nine days didn't sound like a good idea. Nakakahiya man, pero ang day 1 ko sa work, I spent with a leave already. Oh well.
Kinamusta ko yung kasama ko na nakalipat na sa new account. Magada daw dun, mababait ang mga tao, maraming trabaho, at bawal malate. Can't say I'm thrilled. Kagabi, napanaginipan kong lumipat daw kami sa malaking bahay. It's so big that when I call out for my mother, she can't hear me across the many rooms. Nung nagising ako, I felt relieved that we're still on our old house. I wonder if I'll be fine sa new account. Well, not that I have a better choice. Alam ko na right now, its the best choice for me. I'm grateful. A little apprehensive, yes, but grateful.
I'll miss the super chill environment sa dati kong account. Still, I hope maging maayos ang lahat sa bago kong account. Sana ma enjoy ko ang stay ko dito, and I hope I'll get to meet and have fun with interesting people.
01:20 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Two days and I'll be back to the office. Kung ako ang masusunod, gusto ko nalang mag stay sa bahay. Pero alam kong hindi commute ang dahilan why I dread going to work. I also felt this way even back when we were working from home. But don't get me wrong. I'm truly grateful for this job.
The last 8 days, I've been spending feeding, cleaning, and giving meds to my cat. She finished her antibiotics last Sunday, so now we just need to wrestle for the ear medicine. It's so much easier than the oral one, but not entirely easy.
This morning, I accompanied Mom to walk the puppies. It was more like we walked while carrying the dogs. They're still not used to going outside.
Nangamusta ako sa mga kasama ko na nakalipat na sa kabilang account. Nalaman ko na kaya pala hindi pa ako nakakalipat e dahil mag contract pa ko sa current account until end of June. So mukhang sa July pa ko. Nalaman ko rin na 2 lang kami sa SAP JP team. The other one is a girl na galing sa JP SD team. Sabi ng mga kasama ko, mabait daw. Kinakabahan nga daw yung girl na baka hindi daw kami magkasundo. Kasi daw mas madali daw kasi makipag friends friends sa lalaki kesa sa girls, dahil it takes time daw na maging close sa babae. I actually feel differently. And sa totoo lang, hindi ako comfortable sa mga babaeng "one of the boys" type. Siguro dahil hindi ako makarelate. I'm actually more comfortable with girls. Still, sana magkasundo kami at maging close. Afterall, dalawa lang kami sa SAP JP team. Sinabi ko sa kasama ko na sabihin sa girl na parehas lang kaming kinakabahan. Sana nga mabait sya. At sana maging super close friends kami. Sana maging friends ko rin yung ibang mga makakasama ko. I know life at work will be so much bearable if kasundo mo ang mga kasama mo.
Sa totoo lang, wala akong kagana ganang bumalik sa work. Well, wala rin sigurong gana sa buhay in general. Yung tamad mode ko is at its peak. Still, gusto ko paring maging great human being, and live an incredibly happy and fulfilling life.
Sana ipadala kami sa Japan for 6 months para sa training. Para makapasyal ako at maka attend sa BL-related events easily.
Sana mabait lahat ng kasama ko sa work at maging happy kami na magkakasama at maging close sa isa't isa.
Sana kumita ako ng one million pesos monthly, happily, easily, effortlessly.
Sana magkaron ako ng gwapo at sexy Japanese boyfriend na inlove at loyal sakin. Hahaha!
Makapagbasa na nga ng BL.
10:04 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Kung totoo ang swerte at malas, pakiramdam ko, hindi ako swerte sa month na ito. Una sa lahat, yung matatanggal na ang JP team ng account namin, at heto at hinahanapan kami ng bagong account.
Pang 1.5, nagkaron ng announcement na the following week after ng interview namin with the other account e transition na daw namin sa new account. I was so worried dahil tatama sa VL ko, pero luckily, hindi natuloy. And bad side e, hindi ko parin alam ang kinabukasan ko sa company namin, kung makakapasok ba ko sa new account o hindi.
Pangalawa, nabasag yung water bottle ko 2 days ago.
Pangatlo, nagka pigsa ako a week before ako mag Japan.
Pang-apat, yung power shutdown sa NAIA na kung nausog lang ng onti e nadamay sana yung flight ko. Siguro, swerte to in a way. Sana nga talaga. Please, Lord.
Panlima, pumunta ako ng hospital today, hoping to be prescribed with antibiotics and pain killer para nga sa pigsa. Pero ayun, nakita ko yung sarili ko na nasa operating room at nakikipag negotiate na baka pwede naman na after na ng trip ko sa Japan nila ako operahan. Hindi daw pwede. Huhu.
Luckily, sabi ng doctor, pwede pa rin naman daw akong mag Japan. Grabe, ang daming kaganapan na muntik muntikan na akong pigilang mag Japan. Juice colored.
Ang sakit ng surgery ko kanina. Sabi ng doc minsan daw talaga hindi tumatalab ng maigi ang anesthesia kung swollen yung area. Dama ko yung first 2 hagod ng hiwa sa balat ko. Mejo dama ko rin ng onti yung pagtahi nila at pagbuhol. Dahil di naman expected na ooperahan ako, ako lang mag-isa ang nagpunta sa hospital. If Mom was there, baka natulala yun sa dami ng dugo at sa panay "awooo awooo" ko from so much pain.
Epic tong experience na to. But I'm glad that I'm still alive. Thank you Universe.
Sana matuloy ang Japan ko. Tokwa, isang linggo nalang, ang dami pang nangyayari. Mag eempake dapat ako ngayon, kaso nakita ko yung dugo na nag leak sa supposedly waterproof na dressing ng sugat ko. Kailangan ko ata muna magpahinga. Bukas, luluwas ako to get my laptop sa office. Pinayagan ako mag work from home. Tas yung actual schedule ng wfh ko e next week, so parang na extend. In a way, hindi naman siguro ganun kamalas ang buhay ko.
Pero sana dinggin ng Diyos ang dasal kong matuloy sa Japan as scheduled, and makauwi rin as scheduled, safely, sa piling ng mga mahal ko sa buhay. Sana manatili akong safe and happy before, during, and after the trip. Sana may ma meet akong pogi. Haha.
Basta, sana maging ok lahat.
03:10 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Last night, we were asked for our phone numbers para sa interview, then today, nagka panel interview kagad. Off ko, nasa bahay ako. I was asked to open my video when it was my turn. Buti nalang kumuha ako ng blazer at nag ayos ako ng buhok kahit paano. I feel positive about my performance during the interview, pero hanggat walang results, hindi parin ako sure.
Ang sabi, this week daw agad agad ang reprofile pag nakapasa. Nag aalala ko dahil ang flight ko sa Japan will be in 2 weeks. Kakailanganin ko bang i-cancel if matanggap ako? Hindi refundable yung flight. May mga reservations na rin ako na nakakahiyang i-cancel
Pag hindi ako pumasa, mamomroblema ako kung saan ko magtatrabaho. Pag pumasa naman ako, namromroblema ako sa upcoming travel ko. Either will cause problems, pero sana meron solusyon para sa lahat ng ito.
May away na nagaganap saming team. It's us against Charlie. Aalis nalang kami, nagkakaaway away pa. Yung pinaka close ko sa team, sigurado daw syang di papasa dahil hindi sya makabasa ng kanji at all. She was not able to go through with the reading test, at hindi na sila nag proceed sa writing test. Hindi ako magaling makipagkaibigan. Sa totoo lang nag aalala rin ako na bagong pakikisama na naman sa bagong trabaho. Sana tanggapin nalang kami lahat. Sana formalities nalang yung interview.
Hayst. Sana maging masaya. Sana maging okay. Sana makalabas kami sa month na ito with our health and sanity intact.
Sana matuloy ako sa Japan. At sana wag akong mawalan ng trabaho. Sana parehas kaming matanggap ni Wendy sa JT.
04:56 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Today too. Same feeling. Gah.
Nakakatakot talagang lumabas ng bahay these days. Pag nag compute ka kasi, magugulat ka nalang sa laki ng nagastos mo.
Sabi ko sa female officemate ko na tinatamad na kong mag sipag para ma promote. Then she showed me her recent payroll na mas mataas pala sa ineexpect namin. Bigla akong nagkaron ng motivation na magsipag sa trabaho. I still feel tired though.
Kahapon, I was expressing my frustration sa seatmate ko sa work on how I got kicked out from a group I've been active to in FB. She looked over my desk and saw the name of the group from my PC:
BL Comics Recommendations.
Biglang may pumasok sakin na call. She ended up asking her other seatmate (male) to ask what she wanted to ask me.
Female Officemate: Ano yung BL?
Male Officemate: Ewan ko... Backlogs?
When the call ended, she proceeded to ask me:
Female Officemate: Ano yung BL?
Female Officemate: Ay, yun ba yung boys love? Yung men to me—
Z: Backlogs nga.
LOL. I thought I didn't mind them knowing. Turned out that I do mind afterall. Backlogs. Jeez.
04:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
My birthday is fast approaching. Every single year, it had always been like this. Birthdays and Christmas always come bluer than most days of the year. It has become normal like this.
Currently reading Murderer Lewellyn's Enchanting Dinner Invitation. It's kinda dark. Must be the cause of the mood. I've been remembering a lot of people lately. It made me wonder that maybe the love we're being deprived of, is some sort of a punishment equivalent to the accumulation of the hurt we have caused. Okay, it doesn't relate to this manhwa, but the mood is kinda similar.
Haaaaah. Will I ever be forgiven?
Had lab rat duties today. I feel so tired. The nurse had a hard time finding the right spot to insert the needle for blood extraction. It took 5 tries until they were able to get some blood out of me. What's worse was that they left bruises in all those 5 spots. I have bruises on both arms, and on my hand, all to get just a few amount of blood. And I need to go through this again after 3 months. I really hate this. Is there a way to make my veins thicker?
It's 5am, and I just finished Murderer Lewellyn's Enchanting Dinner Invitation. Beautifully crafted story. Truly a work of art. I will never see onions the same way again.
Thanks to the author for being kind enough not to break readers' hearts at the ending. I probably won't be able to easily recover if either Lewellyn or Shavonne died.
Ok, now I guess I gotta sleep.
12:14 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Stumbled upon a manga whose MCs have the same names as the characters of the contest entry I had submitted months back. Said the winners will be announced by November. I'd thank my characters too if I'll win. If not, we will just join again. Same characters. Maybe different story. Still, it'll be nice if I can win on my first try.
Come to think of it, I've developed so many hobbies and interests in my lifetime. I usually stop doing things once I feel like I'm already good enough, then proceed to do the next thing that interests me. It's only writing that I haven't abandoned yet. Maybe because I don't feel good enough yet. Or maybe because I actually truly like this. I really can't tell for sure.
Aside from this blog, and my Toastmasters speeches, I've written very few literally pieces. This is only the third time that I'm joining a writing contest. The 1st one was in high-school. I got the 3rd place. Next was in college where I placed 2nd. Maybe I'll lose interest once I become a champion. Well, I don't know.
Wait, I also joined a poem writing contest in FB back then, and I did not win. I guess people tend to forget the times they lose, no? Maybe there's more.
I could use the prize money right now bilang ang gastos ko lately, plus, I need to pay para sa paghahati hati ng lupa ni Papa.
I'm probably having PMS as my head has been covered with dark clouds lately. I do have some motivation to write my entries for next year, but I feel too lazy to open the laptop.
In less than a month, birthday ko na. I told Mom na ang gusto kong handa e baked sushi, baked mac (no-meat, pasta, sauce and cheese only), tas lumpiang toge. She also promised to buy me cake from kumori. I really wish to advance my birthday, only for the food. I remember just a week ago, the doctor strictly instructed me to go on diet. Is this an adult rebellious phase?
04:12 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。