Entries in category "火曜日"
Well, I'm just feeling a little down and disheartened. Maybe it's part of being human na paminsan minsan, pinanghihinaan ka ng loob. But I believe that this is just temporary. I'm still up and running. I'm still in the game. I'm not raising a white flag yet.
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Tinitingnan ko lagi yung travel pictures ng FB friend ko na si Jam. She's been to a lot of beautiful places, in countries I have never heard of until now. I want to go to those countries too, and more. And I want to bring my parents with me.
Kaya ko yun. Sana nga talaga.
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When you talk about your problems daw, you're giving them more power over you. Kaya you need to talk about your dreams.
I'm really struggling now, but I want to boost whatever little hope that's left in me.
I wish that things will get easier as days go by.
Sana umabot ng over 1000 USD monthly ang kita ko sa Facebook.
Sana kumita ako ng over 300,000 php monthly from multiple income sources.
Sana makapag abroad kami ulet.
Gusto kong dalhin ang parents ko sa Australia at Japan this year.
Sana magkaron ako ng younger boyfriend na tall, good-looking, and with fluffy, bouncy, beautiful hair.
Well, sana nga talaga.
11:48 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Nothing seems to be working. Nothing seems to be going my way.
My luck was usually fluctuating from average to above average, pero these days... tokwa, luck? What luck?
Gah.
Sa totoo lang, naiiyak na ko. Pero ano bang gagawin ko?
04:44 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Tokwa, may sakit na naman ako.
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A cousin called for a family meeting last Sunday. Tungkol sa land transfer ng lupa namin. An agent is working on it. I was the one following up with the agent before. Naawa lang talaga ako kay Tita dahil sya yung na iistress kahit senior na sya. This cousin refused to pay for their portion of the fees. Tas ngayong nag may progress na biglang nagpatawag ng meeting? I told Tita I won't come. This cousin's way older than me, pero dahil bad trip ako sa kanya, feeling ko mapapatulan ko sya. I told Mom to tell them I'm sick so I can't come.
On the day of the meeting, I did got sick for real though. That bitch, Karma. Lol.
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Monday, I'm still sick. But I needed to bring my cat to vet, register my business to orus, then update my account in online selling platforms. I hated not having the freedom back when I was an employee. Pero ang malaking difference pala ng pag earn ng money outside employment e, sure, hawak mo oras mo. Pero no matter how you feel, kesehodang may sakit ka pa, you will still need to get off your ass and work.
I usually give up halfway whenever things are too difficult, or too complicated, or too much of a hassle. But I'm backed against the wall. I have no other choice but to pull myself together. It's not so bad, but I really need to have money soon.
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Ugh, I wish for this sickness to go away already.
01:46 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Have you ever felt like your life's too long?
I'm turning 39 on the final quarter of this year. Maybe 38 is already a long-enough number of years to live.
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Ugh. I got a lot of complaints about my life, but I feel more pathetic voicing it out. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with our RDO. I was supposed to go with Dad, but we had an argument, so I decided to go alone.
Sure, I've been having real short fuse for long, but I'm sure I wasn't at fault this time. But know what, I don't really care anymore.
Once done with this whole BIR thingy, I'll be an official owner of a business that doesn't exist yet. Walang products, walang plano. Bahala na si Batman.
Ang plan B ko e to maybe go abroad and teach English in Japan. Walang teaching experience, walang idea kung anong need gawin. And I'm not even sure if my age is eligible.
Plan C is to go back to the corporate world. Hindi ako confident if makakahanap pa ba ko ng trabaho na may same rate or higher sa previous work ko. I did receive offers before, pero malayo and hindi wfh.
Ahhhh. Ano bang gagawin ko? Feeling ko, wala akong choice but to make this whole business stuff work. Hindi pa rin ako nagsisisi na nagresign ako. Siguro, ang pinagsisisihan ko lang e sana sinabunutan ko muna yung mga demonyitang kinaiinisan ko sa office. Lol.
Second career suicide ko na ito. Will I survive and thrive again this time around? Hindi ko alam.
I've always had that feeling na it's absolutely fine if I don't wake up tomorrow. But before, it was just from my fascination with dying. It's just a little different this time. Like everything feels pointless, so why bother.
But then, if it's fine to not live anymore, then maybe I can just use my life however I want without fear. After all, if death is fine, then maybe a little failure and a little pain won't matter that much, right?
Haaaaa! Whatever. If this is already rock bottom, then there's nowhere to go but up, right?
02:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I hate that bitch. I want to pull her hair off and smack her face on concrete wall until she loses all her front teeth.
Not good. Hindi dapat ganito. If my goals can be achieved with a quiet mind, then I got to get all this hatred off my system.
Hayyst. Konting tiis nalang.
I sent my resignation letter last Sunday. Effectivity was supposed to be February 15. Nakiusap boss ko na until end of Feb nalang, but in exchange, he'll let me go on wfh the entire February. Pumayag na ko. Pero sa totoo lang, gusto ko na mag immediate resignation.
Hayyst.
Takot ako. Sobra. Pero kasi, ayoko na talaga.
Sana gabayan ako ng langit.
10:40 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Skipped work. The world spins every time I try to get up. Good luck sa pagbalik ko sa office bukas.
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I so badly want to resign, I want to cry.
When Ian was planning to resign back then, I remember telling him na pag tyagaan nya nalang dahil mahirap humanap ng work na kasing laki ng sahod namin... and then, shoot! I found myself convincing myself of the same thing.
Hayyy. Lord, ano bang gagawin ko?
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I re-read Harada's "Happy Kuso Life" manga. Out of the mountains of BL mangas I've read, this is my top favorite. I went to Japan last May for HKL3 exhibit. I bought the official photo book. I keep the photobook in bubble wrap. And whenever I'm feeling down, I look at it, and I don't feel so down anymore.
I want to go back to Japan to buy HKL1 and HKL2 photo book, and buy all the available volumes of the actual manga. Volume 5 was just released months back. I want to go back to Japan. Can I really afford to resign? Oh God, ano bang gagawin ko?
I want to create a battle plan but I'm too sick to think. But then I'm still reading a manga though it's making me dizzy, I'm really hopeless.
God, help me. Please...
06:13 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I got a chat yesterday from the new account sa gc kung saan naka add yung manager ko. Hinahanap nila ako as I was supposed to report to work with them that day daw. I didn't know. Ora oradang alsabalutan. I cleared my desk and went on a half day para makapahinga kahit paano. Dapat papasok ako today dahil sat- sun na ang off sa new account. Humirit akong mag leave dahil kagagaling ko lang sa sakit, and working for straight nine days didn't sound like a good idea. Nakakahiya man, pero ang day 1 ko sa work, I spent with a leave already. Oh well.
Kinamusta ko yung kasama ko na nakalipat na sa new account. Magada daw dun, mababait ang mga tao, maraming trabaho, at bawal malate. Can't say I'm thrilled. Kagabi, napanaginipan kong lumipat daw kami sa malaking bahay. It's so big that when I call out for my mother, she can't hear me across the many rooms. Nung nagising ako, I felt relieved that we're still on our old house. I wonder if I'll be fine sa new account. Well, not that I have a better choice. Alam ko na right now, its the best choice for me. I'm grateful. A little apprehensive, yes, but grateful.
I'll miss the super chill environment sa dati kong account. Still, I hope maging maayos ang lahat sa bago kong account. Sana ma enjoy ko ang stay ko dito, and I hope I'll get to meet and have fun with interesting people.
01:20 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Two days and I'll be back to the office. Kung ako ang masusunod, gusto ko nalang mag stay sa bahay. Pero alam kong hindi commute ang dahilan why I dread going to work. I also felt this way even back when we were working from home. But don't get me wrong. I'm truly grateful for this job.
The last 8 days, I've been spending feeding, cleaning, and giving meds to my cat. She finished her antibiotics last Sunday, so now we just need to wrestle for the ear medicine. It's so much easier than the oral one, but not entirely easy.
This morning, I accompanied Mom to walk the puppies. It was more like we walked while carrying the dogs. They're still not used to going outside.
Nangamusta ako sa mga kasama ko na nakalipat na sa kabilang account. Nalaman ko na kaya pala hindi pa ako nakakalipat e dahil mag contract pa ko sa current account until end of June. So mukhang sa July pa ko. Nalaman ko rin na 2 lang kami sa SAP JP team. The other one is a girl na galing sa JP SD team. Sabi ng mga kasama ko, mabait daw. Kinakabahan nga daw yung girl na baka hindi daw kami magkasundo. Kasi daw mas madali daw kasi makipag friends friends sa lalaki kesa sa girls, dahil it takes time daw na maging close sa babae. I actually feel differently. And sa totoo lang, hindi ako comfortable sa mga babaeng "one of the boys" type. Siguro dahil hindi ako makarelate. I'm actually more comfortable with girls. Still, sana magkasundo kami at maging close. Afterall, dalawa lang kami sa SAP JP team. Sinabi ko sa kasama ko na sabihin sa girl na parehas lang kaming kinakabahan. Sana nga mabait sya. At sana maging super close friends kami. Sana maging friends ko rin yung ibang mga makakasama ko. I know life at work will be so much bearable if kasundo mo ang mga kasama mo.
Sa totoo lang, wala akong kagana ganang bumalik sa work. Well, wala rin sigurong gana sa buhay in general. Yung tamad mode ko is at its peak. Still, gusto ko paring maging great human being, and live an incredibly happy and fulfilling life.
Sana ipadala kami sa Japan for 6 months para sa training. Para makapasyal ako at maka attend sa BL-related events easily.
Sana mabait lahat ng kasama ko sa work at maging happy kami na magkakasama at maging close sa isa't isa.
Sana kumita ako ng one million pesos monthly, happily, easily, effortlessly.
Sana magkaron ako ng gwapo at sexy Japanese boyfriend na inlove at loyal sakin. Hahaha!
Hayst.
Makapagbasa na nga ng BL.
10:04 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Kung totoo ang swerte at malas, pakiramdam ko, hindi ako swerte sa month na ito. Una sa lahat, yung matatanggal na ang JP team ng account namin, at heto at hinahanapan kami ng bagong account.
Pang 1.5, nagkaron ng announcement na the following week after ng interview namin with the other account e transition na daw namin sa new account. I was so worried dahil tatama sa VL ko, pero luckily, hindi natuloy. And bad side e, hindi ko parin alam ang kinabukasan ko sa company namin, kung makakapasok ba ko sa new account o hindi.
Pangalawa, nabasag yung water bottle ko 2 days ago.
Pangatlo, nagka pigsa ako a week before ako mag Japan.
Pang-apat, yung power shutdown sa NAIA na kung nausog lang ng onti e nadamay sana yung flight ko. Siguro, swerte to in a way. Sana nga talaga. Please, Lord.
Panlima, pumunta ako ng hospital today, hoping to be prescribed with antibiotics and pain killer para nga sa pigsa. Pero ayun, nakita ko yung sarili ko na nasa operating room at nakikipag negotiate na baka pwede naman na after na ng trip ko sa Japan nila ako operahan. Hindi daw pwede. Huhu.
Luckily, sabi ng doctor, pwede pa rin naman daw akong mag Japan. Grabe, ang daming kaganapan na muntik muntikan na akong pigilang mag Japan. Juice colored.
Ang sakit ng surgery ko kanina. Sabi ng doc minsan daw talaga hindi tumatalab ng maigi ang anesthesia kung swollen yung area. Dama ko yung first 2 hagod ng hiwa sa balat ko. Mejo dama ko rin ng onti yung pagtahi nila at pagbuhol. Dahil di naman expected na ooperahan ako, ako lang mag-isa ang nagpunta sa hospital. If Mom was there, baka natulala yun sa dami ng dugo at sa panay "awooo awooo" ko from so much pain.
Epic tong experience na to. But I'm glad that I'm still alive. Thank you Universe.
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Sana matuloy ang Japan ko. Tokwa, isang linggo nalang, ang dami pang nangyayari. Mag eempake dapat ako ngayon, kaso nakita ko yung dugo na nag leak sa supposedly waterproof na dressing ng sugat ko. Kailangan ko ata muna magpahinga. Bukas, luluwas ako to get my laptop sa office. Pinayagan ako mag work from home. Tas yung actual schedule ng wfh ko e next week, so parang na extend. In a way, hindi naman siguro ganun kamalas ang buhay ko.
Pero sana dinggin ng Diyos ang dasal kong matuloy sa Japan as scheduled, and makauwi rin as scheduled, safely, sa piling ng mga mahal ko sa buhay. Sana manatili akong safe and happy before, during, and after the trip. Sana may ma meet akong pogi. Haha.
Basta, sana maging ok lahat.
03:10 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
