Have you ever felt like your life's too long?

I'm turning 39 on the final quarter of this year. Maybe 38 is already a long-enough number of years to live.

-------

Ugh. I got a lot of complaints about my life, but I feel more pathetic voicing it out. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with our RDO. I was supposed to go with Dad, but we had an argument, so I decided to go alone.

Sure, I've been having real short fuse for long, but I'm sure I wasn't at fault this time. But know what, I don't really care anymore. 

Once done with this whole BIR thingy, I'll be an official owner of a business that doesn't exist yet. Walang products, walang plano. Bahala na si Batman.

Ang plan B ko e to maybe go abroad and teach English in Japan. Walang teaching experience, walang idea kung anong need gawin. And I'm not even sure if my age is eligible. 

Plan C is to go back to the corporate world. Hindi ako confident if makakahanap pa ba ko ng trabaho na may same rate or higher sa previous work ko. I did receive offers before, pero malayo and hindi wfh.

Ahhhh. Ano bang gagawin ko? Feeling ko, wala akong choice but to make this whole business stuff work. Hindi pa rin ako nagsisisi na nagresign ako. Siguro, ang pinagsisisihan ko lang e sana sinabunutan ko muna yung mga demonyitang kinaiinisan ko sa office. Lol.

Second career suicide ko na ito. Will I survive and thrive again this time around? Hindi ko alam.

I've always had that feeling na it's absolutely fine if I don't wake up tomorrow. But before, it was just from my fascination with dying. It's just a little different this time. Like everything feels pointless, so why bother. 

But then, if it's fine to not live anymore, then maybe I can just use my life however I want without fear. After all, if death is fine, then maybe a little failure and a little pain won't matter that much, right?

Haaaaa! Whatever. If this is already rock bottom, then there's nowhere to go but up, right?

02:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

コメントを書く