Entries in category "土曜日"


土曜日. November 16, 2019

Goal

I woke up 9am. I slept around 11pm. Now, I'll be sleeping again by 12nn and aims to wake up by 4pm as I need to leave the house by 6:30pm to get to the office by 9pm with the hope that I won't end up sleeping while on-shift as my work will end the following day at 6am. Basically, my goal for the day revolves around sleep, and boy, I've never been this productive. Lol.


11:35 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. October 26, 2019

Scorpio Season

So, November's coming, alright.

Boss said my shift will be 12nn-9pm na. I have 1 more week left for the current shift tas hello new shift. How do you call this kind of shift? Is this night shift? IDK.

Club contest on Nov 8th and 15th. With my shift, it would me impossible for me to join. But when I told the boss, sabi nya I can exchange shift daw with a colleague for those 2 Fridays. Ambait talaga nun. Wala akong masabi.

-----

Home now. Niece is in Cavite. Niece's birthday in Nov 2 and we're going to Cavite then. We plan to stay at a resort right in front of sis-in-law's lolo's house. That's where they're holding my niece's party. I'm excited na sa resort.

------

Still annoyed with this dude. Just because he's making sacrifices doesn't mean I should too. Well, this girl can. I just won't. At least not when he's the one asking. Napipikon talaga ako sa taong to. Grrrrrawr.

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I want to join the contests and I want to win. Pwede ba mangyari yun without exerting effort? Gusto ko lang makipaglaro sa mga aso ko, magbasa, mag fb at tumunganga, ganern.

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I met with Mel and Andee a few days back. We had a good laugh and I've learned so much. Sabi ni Andee, "be open". And in our convo I also realized na mejo mali ata yung ginawa ko with F. Pero syempre, nagawa ko na. I guess I can just start over again.

Sabi ni Andee, single women should date. Hindi para kilalanin yung guy na dinedate mo, kundi para kilalanin ang sarili mo. This statement gave me a whole new perspective.

I'm trying to take note of the things that attract me in a guy. Sa tingin ko hindi naman ako particularly attracted sa gay men, siguro may qualities lang ako na nakita sa kanila na gusto ko. 

Katulad kay PK... sa tingin ko ang gusto ko sa taong yun is his fearlessness to approach people. Pag may bagong hire, nilalapitan nya, kinakausap nya. Lalo na yung mga tahimik at walang kausap. I think that is leadership in a way. Courage and leadership. Sa tingin ko, eto e dalawa sa mga bagay na nagugustuhan ko sa lalaki.

Was at the club meeting earlier. We had this guest who caught my attention. Kasi naman, naka unbutton yung 1st 2 buttons ng shirt nya, baring his chest.

I have a girl-friend who keeps photos of shirtless men, kita abs. Well, I have photos of men too in my phone, pero lahat naka damit. Wala lang. Narealize ko lang na between a guy na nakadamit and a guy na half-naked, mas gusto ko yung nakadamit. Lol.

-----

Mel and I is planning to put up a business. It's been a while since my last attempt.

Gusto ko nang yumaman.


09:39 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. September 28, 2019

Family x friends

Home. 12:47am so it's officially Saturday.

Puteeeek, andami kong gagawin! But before that, I need to sleep.

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I just read IG. May name at gender na pala ang baby ni BFF at malaki na rin ang baby bump nya. I forgot when was the last time I checked on her. That time hindi nya pa alam ang gender. I hope she's doing ok.

I feel like I've been busy missing my family that I forgot I also have friends.

Neri is also pregnant. What happened to that girl? I feel sad and sorry for not checking how my closest friends are.

Will be going to Bea's birthday party tomorrow (technically, mamaya). Sa totoo lang, I'm itching to make excuses and not go. I want to stay home. Spend time with my parents, my niece, our dogs, and everyone in our family. I don't know why I can't seem to satisfy this homesickness. 

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He's probably on board the ship now. I pray that the Heavens will protect that clueless gay dude from all harm.

And send him safely back here.


12:59 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. September 7, 2019

Better

Been sick for 2 weeks. So 2 weeks din akong bitchy. Di ba normal naman yun? Yung hayop nga na masama pakiramdam, pag nilapitan mo, papakitaan ka ng pangil e. Sa mga nasungitan ko, patawad.

Anyway, I'm super fine now. I started going back to the club-related tasks I'm supposed to do. Hindi ko na sinisinghalan ang mga nag me-message sakin. Hahaha. Promise, I'm so much kinder when I don't feel so sick.

It's 10:59pm. I just woke up from a nap a few hrs ago. Right now, natapos ko na lahat ng need ko gawin so far. Well, except for the sched. There's something that Mentor and I haven't agreed on yet. Totoo, I'm the VPE, so it's my call to decide on this matter. But Ivan has been helping me out since I got sick. Ayokong balewalain ang opinyon nya. Ngayong magaling na ko, ngayon ko nari realize na ang salbahe ko nitong mga nakaraang araw. Sya yung madalas mag message sakin kaya sa kanya ko nalalabas yung init ng ulo ko. To think na sya pa yung laging tumutulong sakin. I'm so sorry, Mentor huhu. I feel so blessed that I have someone like him in my life na nagawa akong pagpasenyahan kahit ang salbahe ko. Kung si Gabby siguro yun, baka nag away na naman kami.

From here on, I feel positive na magiging better na rin ang mga bagay bagay sa club.

-----

Work matters...

Well, everything seems to be going well. The salary's high, work load is low and the people are super amazing.

We have a newly hired j-speaker. She's very pretty, and the men here are all over her since she came. Well, I also like the girl. I think she's nice. Feeling ko magkakasundo kami. Hindi pa sila nagkakausap nung crush ko. Sana hindi masyadong obvious ang paglipad ng kilay ko sakaling mag-usap sila ng lagpas 5 minutes. Lol.

But so far so good. I'm loving everything here. Ang bait ng Diyos na dinala Nya ko dito. Sana magtagal ako dito. Sana hindi na rin umalis yung crush ko at yung mga taong malalapit sakin. Sana makasama ko sila ng matagal.

Sighs. Ewan ko. Ilang taon na nga ko? 


11:22 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. August 17, 2019

HLG

There's something special about being out at night. Simply walking feeling the breeze. If there's an experience that can represent what freedom is supposed to feel like, maybe this could be it.

My parents were very protective when I was young. They still are, and I turned to appreciate it now, but definitely hated it when I was younger. I was never allowed to be out-of-home when night time comes. I remember when a classmate sneaked his stepfather's tricycle to go to our house. On the way there he told our other male classmate to remove his piercings so that they will look more presentable (or believable?). They then faced my parents and asked them, "isasama po sana namin si <insert my name here> para gumawa ng project".

Dad was in an exceptionally foul mood and Mom looked her angriest self that it felt like a miracle when they said 'yes'. That was only after my classmates promised to send me back home once we're done. I was so embarrassed at the hassle that I caused my classmates, and at the same time, relieved--and freed.

We went to the topmost floor of a 3-story house. Or was it 4? Basta mataas. We were at the balcony, facing the stars and the night sky, I can still feel the night breeze on my face. Freedom.

May ganda ang gabi na hindi mo makikita sa umaga. It's a time when you can bare your hearts out without fearing other people's judgment because you know the darkness got you.

I watched Hello, Love, goodbye last Friday. Dami ko lang naalala. The movie ended around 12mn. I walked acrossed EDSA, headed home and wondered whether to actually go home or just find a place to chill and think. Felt it again. Freedom.

Ang dami paring sasakyan sa EDSA kahit past 12 na. I remember the movie. Kung realistic ang portrayal at plot, ang hirap pala ng buhay sa Hong Kong. I earn fine even without flexing a muscle pero ang dami dami ko pa ring reklamo sa buhay.

...

Masaya ako. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung anong gagawin ko sa buhay ko, pero masaya ko. Okay lang naman yun di ba? Walang dereksyon?

Siguro malalaman mong tumatanda ka na pag nagtatanong ka na ng mga ganitong bagay.

...

Btw, ang gwapo ni Alden.


10:47 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. June 8, 2019

Doyoubi no yume

Home on a Saturday. I love this place. I should be doing a lot of things, but my body is refusing to move. Since I got here, I just ate, watched YouTube and slept. How productive.

Mom called me out from my room telling me to go down and eat merienda. When she heard me yawning non-stop, she took pity and told me to just sleep. I love my mother.

You know what, I love my life. I'm pretty content. I think I have all I truly need. So why bother to work hard? Because I don't want to be just this.

The Heavens had given me so much. He created me a hyper-talented, wonderful, fully-functional human being. I think I should do my part.

Just give me a few hours-or maybe a couple of days-to recharge, and then I'll bounce back up.

I want to bring my family to beautiful places while my parents can still walk. I want to bring them to different countries, eat good food in good restaurants, buy them beautiful things, etc. Sana talaga magawa ko to.

Dad is getting old and he seems to get weaker day by day. I need to hurry up. I want to be always reminded of this dream so I wouldn't forget. Again, sana talaga magawa ko to.

I missed 3 calls last Friday. Takte naman kasi, buong umaga akong naghintay ng tawag tas kung kelan di ko pinapansin yun cellphone ko, saka nyo ko tatawagan? 

But this raised my hopes high. I wish that the Heavens will give me the job that is best fit for me down to my last specification, just as how He did 6 years ago. Sana bago matapos ang June, makita ko na yun.

---------

Sa dami ng iintindihin, hindi ko alam kung pano ko ba isisingit ang pag-ayos sa love life kong hindi naman nag eexist. I know this shouldn't be my last priority since I do want to build my own family. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung nagfa function pa ba ang ovaries ko. Lol.

I don't know why I don't find it in my heart the need to rush even when the world is telling me that I should. I wish that the Heavens can just do all the work for me.

A few days back, bff reported that she's already pregnant. That's a fil-am beauty forming inside her belly, I'm excited to see how the kiddo will look like.

I don't really see bff as a friend, you know. To me, she's family. I used to dream that we can live as neighbors and have our children grow and become bestfriends also. She now lives in Malaysia, and I don't even have a child yet, so i don't know if that can ever happen.

Still, I wish I will get to know the kid when he/she grows up and have him/her treat me like her own Tita.


07:58 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. June 1, 2019

Evening bus and wrong-sents

I love bus rides at night. The flow is smooth and I love the feel of the night wind of my face, how the surroundings move while I sit there still.

My late friend, Cristina, had a rough life when we were in hs. She once told me na minsan daw, sumakay sya ng train, bumaba sa pinakadulong station kahit hindi naman dun ang way nya pauwi. All because she didn't want to go home yet.

I was tempted to do the same kanina. Parang ang sarap bumaba sa kung saan man ang dulo ng pupuntahan nung bus kahit malayo yun sa inuuwian ko. Wala lang. To buy time, maybe.

I did get down to the right station though. Got past the house at nagpalipas ng oras sandali sa may Angel's burger (ang sarap ng hungarian hotdog nila, btw). Matapos kumain, inisip ko pa kung lalakad pa ba ko farther away home o uuwi na.

It's easy to give in to drama twing may problema, instead of solving it as any evolved individual would. Siguro hindi pa ko evolved. Kung tutuusin, I'm not even in a bad place.

I trained myself not to give too much premium on how I feel. I know feelings change and it can never serve as a strong foundation kung dun ko ibe-base ang pagkatao ko. 

Pero siguro, hindi rin healthy kung palagi mo nalang ini-ignore yung nararamdaman mo. 

I'm confused, I'm scared, and I don't know what to do. There. I said it.

Sinubukan ko rin namang lunurin to sa positive thinking, hindi lang umubra. Siguro may mga bagay talaga na kailangan mo munang i-acknowledge ang existence bago mo ma-conquer.

Tama ba? Di ba sinabi na God, "pag mabigat na, bigay mo sa akin, ako na ang bahala." Alam ko naman pong wala pa akong ginagawa, pero pwede bang iabot ko na lahat sa'Yo to at Ikaw na ang bahala?

---------------

"Sige anak. Magingat ka."

I sent a message to my mother telling her a supposed training was cancelled so I'm going home earlier than planned. Then this reply came, only bearing a different number.

Takte, wrong sent. Sa dinamidami ng number na masesendan ko, bat sa lalaking to pa? Gusto kong mag welga at sabihing, kay mama ko sinend yan! Nagkamali lang! Hindi ako nakikipaglandian sayo! Wahhhh!

But the more I tried to explain the more I sounded guilty, so I simply replied, "mali lang," to which the guy said, "haha palusot." Grrrrrrr!

This wasn't the first time that something like this happened, and on all occasion, sadyang wrong sent lang talaga, no hidden agenda.

I don't fake "wrong-sents" just to get a man's attention. That's very childish. Surely, I used to do that when I was younger, but not anymore. Hindi naman ako na ro wrong send sa ibang tao, feeling ko tuloy, pinagti tripan lang kami ng langit nitong taong to.

Nilalapit mo lang ba ko sa lalaking to, Universe? Or nilalayo?

Hmmp, balakajan.


01:34 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. May 18, 2019

Chikara o kashite kurenai ka na

She was all smiles when we got there. The kids were happily playing, and for the next three hours, she told us their story.

Mom, Brother and I were at Edward's wake earlier. The wife and kids seem to be doing fine. I just wish that when the guests were gone and they were left by themselves, sana okay parin sila.

Based on the wife's story, mukha namang hindi all rainbows and sunshine ang kanilang love story. But then her eyes always lighted up at the mention of his name. Nakakatuwa syang pakinggan. She was such a storyteller. Habang nagkikwento sya, hindi ko nakita yung lungkot, pero ramdam ko yung kilig nya twing nire-recall yung moments nilang mag-asawa. Paminsan minsan napapansin kong napapahawak nalang sya bigla dun sa may kabaong.

Hindi talaga ako iyaking tao. Pero pag nakakakita ako ng taong ngumingiti at times when they're supposed to cry, I feel like wanting to cry for them.

When we left, Mom told the wife, "kaya mo yan," and she answered, "kayang kaya."

Kaya mo yan.

Today, I found that I enjoy listening to other people's love story. Mga totoong tao na may totoong struggle. They make me feel na talagang may love. It makes me wonder if capable din ba kong ma feel yun balang araw.

I feel sorry that Edward's wife have lost a husband. Pero kahit ganun, I still think that she's lucky. And it's not just about having a husband. I think it's about having another person na hindi mo naman kadugo, hindi mo kaano-ano, pero pinahalagahan mo at pinahalagahan ka. Tas over time, nagawa mong mahalin, at minahal ka rin.

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My brother and I attended the same school in Elementary and hs. He's one year older, so when I joined COCC in 3rd year, all the cadet officers I had were brother's batchmates, some were his classmates even. Kerengkeng na ko even then, so majority ng lalaking officers namin, crush ko.

Ang init init kanina. I tied my permed hair in an awkward pigtail bilang naiwan ko yung tali ko sa buhok. Naglakad kami ng kaunti bago sumakay ng tricycle kaya ang lapot ko na bago kami nakarating sa lamay. Hindi na rin ako nag bother na maglipstick.

So mejo nagulat ako nung isa isang pumarada yung hs crushes ko papasok sa funerary. Yung iba, dumaan pa saglit para bumati sa kapatid ko. Takte, bakit ba hindi ako nag lipstick?!

Nung lumabas kami, nandun pa si Edmark. Syet! Ang gwapo nya pa rin. Hindi ako natutuwa na nagkatinginan pa kami. Again, bakit ba kasi hindi ako nag lipstick? Ang alam ko halos lahat sila may asawa na. May binanggit si Elfa na 2 nalang daw sa kanila ang hindi pa nag-aasawa. Yung isa lang narinig ko. Sino pa kaya yung isa?

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Months ago nung may nakasakay akong dude sa bus. He looked familiar, pero hindi ko maalala then kung saan ko sya nakilala. Nagtataka pa ko kasi tingin sya ng tingin sakin. By then, I was like, "mangungutang kaya to?" Lol.

As the bus ride progressed medyo na figure out ko na rin kung sino sya. Another one from my cadet officers in hs. Tanda ko crush sya na bff dati. Batchmate ni Kuya, but I'm sure they were not close because this dude was from higher section. 

To make sure na sya yun, I sat next to him nung bumaba yung katabi nya. Confirmed. Sya nga. I remember he used to be this lanky, a little nerdy, dude in hs. Ngayon mejo muscle muscle na sya with a handsome haircut kaya di ko sya nakilala.

Yesterday, the dude added me on Facebook...

So ngayon, iniisip ko kung ano bang magandang ipangalan sa mga magiging anak namin sa future.

Charot.

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Minsan mas ok din na yung nagugustuhan mo e yung malalayo. Yung maliit lang yung possiblity na makita mo ulet.

Para hindi masakit kahit di mo makuha.

Hindi masakit kahit makuha pa ng iba.


11:04 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. May 18, 2019

Doyou

3:22AM. It's now a Saturday and I just got home.

We had a good 6 hrs at the spa. Loved the full-body massage, feeling ko handa na akong kalimutan lahat ng non-negatiables ko sa lalaki, basta marunong syang magmasahe. Char.

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"Wala akong pakialam kay, &@$£&÷". He said this himself. Pero bakit parang iba sya when she's around? Fun, free, spontaneous. With me, he's usually rigid. Well, not that I care, okay. Naisip ko lang naman.

He still reminds me of R. Siguro parang multo talaga ang perslab. Bigla bigla nalang susulpot yung mga alaala nila sa mga taong nakikilala mo. I'm pretty sure it wasn't love. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ba naaalala ko parin tong taong to.

Sa tingin ko may tanong lang ako na gusto kong masagot...

She's so much like me, isn't she?

Then why didn't you just pick me?

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Kung kailangang magbabayad ng piso kada banggit sa pangalan mo,  nakaipon na siguro ako ng lagpas isang libo. Nabilaukan ka ba or nasamid kanina? Ikaw kasi ang aming pinag-uusapan.

There are people who truly care about you. Matalino ka, alam kong alam mo. Pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit sinasadya mo silang pawalan ng halaga. Nanghihinayang ako for you. Feeling ko, nabigyan ka ng diamond, tas gamit ang glue gun, dinikit ko lang sa pader. Nadaanan ng mga bata, nahulog at natapaktapakan. Alam mo ang halaga ng diamond, pero hindi mo parin iningatan.

Kilala kasi kita. Alam kong hindi ka nakikinig sa katwiran. Iniisip ko kung ano bang pwede kong gawin sayo?

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So I'm back to the senate. Char. No, I'm back to being a club officer. One of the nominees tied with me, pero nanalo kasi sya as Presi so he's getting the higher position. Nalulungkot ako na hindi nanalo si Jay, pero hindi rin ako thrilled na officer na ko ulet. 

Pero sa ngayon, ang mga problema ko bukas e bukas ko nalang din pro problemahin.


04:02 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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