Entries in category "Saturday"
Why, I'm back to writing almost everyday. Lol.
I just want to organize my feelings because it can be disorienting when you feel so many things. I remember I was INTP in myers-briggs. I wonder if I'm an INFP now. Lol, I doubt that. I scored only 4% in Feelings then against Thinking then. Ganun ka landslide.
Anyway, ayun. Same as last week ulit ang Saturday ko. Sleep, eat, take care of my plants, repeat.
May head is still aching. I hope this is just a simple fever and not eyesight related because I just changed my eyeglasses and I can't afford a new one. Lord, pengi pera!!! Huhu. I wonder magkano kaya magbenta ng kidneys nowadays. Lol.
I got Anthony's evaluation for my speech today via FB. I agree to all his points because I've noticed it too. Hindi ko lang alam kung pano ko iaapply. Dapat siguro inaasikaso ko na ang pag-ayos ng speech ko. Sana naman maging maayos ang lahat. Hindi ko pa nafi-figure out kung pano, pero sana maipanalo ko to.
Tita Nora's surprised birthday party tomorrow. If I can wake up early, maybe I can drop by sa Feast and then lipad nalang right to the venue. Namimiss ko nang magsimba. Namimiss ko na mag-feast. Nakakalungkot lang kasi magsimba mag-isa. Weird because back in the day, I didn't mind. Indeed, I'm getting old.
I filed a leave on Monday so it's a long weekend for me. I dont mind going to work the following day kahit holiday since I know na walang traffic then.
Kung may pera ako, pupunta ako sa Farmers garden to shop for plants. But for now I'd suit myself in collecting pebbles siguro for soil mix. Besides, I also have a speech to fix pa nga pala.
Written by cinderellaareus at 07:44 PM.
My head aches. I should be sleeping.
Wala lang. Please let me write. Ang cutie pie ng crush ko. Paano ko kaya to maiuuwi samen? Ahaha.
I need to straighten may hair na. Lord, pengi pera!
I finished writing my speech a few minutes before my shift ended. Actually hindi nga natapos. I had to edit pa while the program was ongoing. Then I just read it lang kanina. I think it's not so bad. Still not good enough to win either. Kung ako lang, ok naman na ko basta mairaos ko lang to. Pero kasi...
1. Kailangan kong mapatunayang hindi malas ang cacti ko (Oo, number 1 talaga).
2. I want to celebrate my victory with everyone from the club para masaya kaming uuwi sa 25th.
3. Para magmukhang ok ako? Well, ok naman ako. Gusto ko lang yung pwede kong ibandera like, "hey Universe, ok lang ako!!!" Ganun.
Ok lang naman talaga ko. Ang leaky lang ng mata ko lately, pero ok lang talaga.
Ano bang gagawin ko?
I had a slot for Sir Dean's seminar with Yang's help. We were asked to write our plan. I didn't know I have one until I wrote it. Ang tagal pa ng October. Hindi na ko makapaghintay. But to wait or not, time will pass anyway, so I might as well do something while waiting?
Shet, ang cute talaga nung crush ko. Tas Catholic pa sya. Wala naman akong issue sa ibang religion, pero kung hihingi rin lang ako ng lalaki sa langit, syempre gusto ko yung same religion saken. Tas single daw.
Sa lahat ng heartbreaks na dinanas ko... pagkakataon mo nang bumawi, Universe.
Written by cinderellaareus at 02:02 AM.
Z: pangit ba?
Bro: hindi naman
Z: Sabi ni Mama pangit daw
Bro: kasi uso yung ganyan ngayon e. Yung mukhang timang.
Grabe, hindi ko kinaya ang pagka savage ng kapatid ko.
It was raining kanina. I wanted to wear something comfy so I went for a maxi dress (actually a long gown) and a pair of rubber shoes. Despite my mom and bro's comments, my ridiculous outfit reached the mall...
We got there with screaming bladder so we hit the comfort room first. The line was long so mom went to the senior citizen area, then urged me afterwards to use it too. The guard motioned asking if I'm pregnant (because I was using the priority CR) and Mom nodded. I don't know kung kanino ako mas maiinis: to my mom for lying or to the Manong Guard for actually believing her.
This same dress I wore during the officers' installation. My pictures all looked so bad I didn't dare post any of it on my social media accts. I remember Mentor telling me not to wear that dress again...
Oh, guess who saw me at the mall wearing that dress kanina. Lol.
Brother's bday now over. The series of birthdays in my family's calendar ends here. The next will be months from now pa. Mine in October and then Kaitlyn's in Nov. Makakapag diet na rin ako...
Or maybe not.
Vikings with my girls, Nini and Sha, on 11th next month and then Tita Nora's 60th at Elyong's on 19th. Kung hihintayin ko pang maubos ang celebrations, hindi na siguro ako makakapag diet.
For the nth time, I looked at the picture. Promise mas maganda pa ko. Sabi nila matalino daw. Well, hindi man ako nag cum laude pero kung talino rin lang, sigurado akong kaya kong makipagsabayan. Iniisip ko nalang, siguro mabait. Wala naman talaga akong laban kung mabait.
Still, ok na. Wala namang kasalan yung babae. Wala rin sigurong reason i-bash. Kung nagkakilala kami, baka naging close pa kami. Nagbabago lang siguro talaga ang damdamin ng mga tao.
Ok na. I'm moving on na.
Written by cinderellaareus at 11:26 PM.
Umulan kahapon pagkatapos ng workhours ko. Buong araw na masakit ang ulo ko at mejo nilaglagnat pa. Bukod don, masakit pa yung tiyan ko. I had every reason to skip our TM meeting and there was a battle inside my head whether I will attend or not. In the end I found myself riding the bus, telling the konductor to drop me off in Kamias, then rode a jeep and got myself to our meeting's venue.
It was my last meeting as our VP Ed and as an officer in general. Can't miss it, I had to bypass all my excuses. Kahit ulan at sakit ng tiyan, hinamak ko. Ganito rin kaya ako magmahal? Cheret.
Good morning, Tabby! It's 11am. Kagigising ko lang. There's a lot of things to do. Today, I will bring my baby girl, Gigi, to the vet. Her eyes started to look foggy, we suspect she has cataract. We have 2 more dogs who have the same problem. I would love to send them to the vet too and I could. Only, Mom told me that if I do, those 2 might fight until they kill eachother once their eyes hurt from the operation. I'd rather have them blind than dead.
I few years back, Mom offered to send me back to school to study to become a vet myself so I can take care of our dogs. I loved the idea but I wasn't able to go with it because I was laden with my excuses. I wish I can just wake up one day tas, poof! Vet na ko!
Tomorrow's Father's day. Next week's Mom's birthday week. Mom's birthday celebrationsssss started a few weeks back and will continue probably until the month ends. Our queen can't have just one birthday celebration indeed.
Kailangan ko na mag diet. I tried IF. Didn't work. I'm back to Atkins for 2 days now. This remains to be the most effective for me so far. I'm already 10 kilos away from my weight 5 years ago. 10 kilos!!! Yoko na, penging blade! T_T
A few changes once July comes. Today I woke up with a few members' messages asking about their speeches. Someone even requested to be scheduled for a speech yesterday. There's so much to relay to the next VP Ed. I really forgot how to be an ordinary member. This might get a lot of getting used to.
Yung crush ko from other club, dumalaw samen kahapon. Tagal kong nastuck sa venue after the meeting, hindi ko manlang kinausap. Hindi ko naman lalandiin, gusto ko lang makilala. Kaso ang sakit nga kasi ng tiyan ko. Huhu.
He's cute pala sa malapitan and mukhang mabait. Single kaya yun? Ang hirap kumilos pag masyadong malayo, sana mag member nalang sya samin.
Written by cinderellaareus at 11:28 AM.
Just got home. It's 1:15am.
Dad was waiting for me at the bus stop earlier. When I got near Dad, I noticed that a dog was waiting with him. The dog got up when it saw me and touched his nose on my hand like a kiss. The dog walked me mula sa kanto hanggang malapit sa bahay namin, occasionally stopping to wag its tail and jump up and down excitedly at me. I don't know whose dog it is and I don't know kung bakit feeling close sya sakin. It's pathetic that since I've watched "a dog's purpose" feeling ko lahat ng aso, reincarnation ng baby Thangs ko. Huhu. T_T
The day was long, but it was kinda nice. I got to spend it with people I love spending time with. I wasn't able to follow today's agenda, pero sabi nga nila, kung na enjoy mo naman, hindi daw waste of time ang tawag dun.
I'm turning 33 by Oct, pero feeling ko, hindi ko parin nakikita yung sarili ko as an adult. See, sinusundo at hinahatid pa nga ko ng nanay at tatay ko to/from the bus stop whenever I go to or go home from work.
Gusto ko lang mag try ng something na mejo adult pero hindi naman yung tipong makakadamage ng innocence ko. While on the way braving the traffic jam, napagkwentuhan namin yung tungkol sa gay bars at Pegasus. I'm curious. If my girl friends will come with me, I want to join G one time in places like these, as long as hindi masyadong mahalay. I am serious about maintaining my innocence until I get married. Lol. Ayoko lang naman talaga na downright nene parin ako at this age. Feeling ko nga, magiging masaya to.
G was making kwento about what one can see in Pegasus. While I and the equally nene, M, was thinking how it must be painful for the girl, I saw a glimpse of J busying himself with his phone. He's a religious Christian guy. Heck, he doesn't even drink. Iniisip ko kung makasalanang makasalanan na ba ang tingin nya samin. Lol.
Wag mo daw bitiwan ang bagay (tao) na ayaw mong makitang hawak ng iba.
A side of me says, "Hell, no! I'm not gonna hand you over!" But a more reasonable side says, "you don't own him". If hindi ako ang babaeng best for him, I don't want to deny him of a chance to get closer to a girl na baka nga mas bagay sa kanya. Jeez, I'm so matured... I wonder if this is even serving me. Arg!
But I think I'll be fine. Iniisip ko rin kasi na maybe a guy like him won't like someone na mas malakas pa uminom sa kanya, openly kerengkeng at nagbabalak pang pumunta sa gay bar. And I'm not even mentioning the age difference here.
Uhmp. K fine. Point taken.
Written by cinderellaareus at 01:59 AM.
Sunday pala ngayon. My brains felt like it's Saturday. I don't have work tomorrow, I'm going on vacation.
The weekends had been long. Yesterday, I killed 10k plus to fund my business. Yehey, wala na naman akong pamasahe. Lol. Naalala ko bigla lahat ng may utang saken. Haha.
Today, I spent the day taking pictures of my products for fb marketing. I didn't know taking pictures could take this much time. I'm not even halfway done.
I also met with a customer earlier and I realized, meron rin pala akong trust issues. Lol.
Teka, tinatamad na ko magkwento.
11:18pm. I'm sleepy, but my room's a mess. Taking photos requires so much props, I wonder if I should just hire a photog for my own sanity.
Eto na naman tayo. Namimiss na naman kita. Iniisip ko kung kelan ba nagsimula 'to because the last thing I remember was that I'm into someone else. Parang walang transistion. Basta bigla ka nalang sumulpot.
When the year started, I tried writing a daily journal containing the list of the things I'm thankful for and the list of the things that I wish for. Ibang pangalan pa ang nasa list of wish ko dun. As far as I can remember, I didn't see you the same way then.
But I noticed though that you're name was always written in my thank you list. Nakakainis na sa tamad ko magsulat, walang details kung bakit ako thankful sayo. Basta nandun lang ang pangalan mo. Ang weird na hindi ko rin talaga maalala.
Siguro sa mga little favors, or baka yung mga times na napangiti ako sa simpleng banat mo. Siguro yung presence. Maliliit na bagay na nag accumulate at maging fondness, na nag grow into liking and then developed into what it is right now.
Sabi nila, love is an action word. Ngayon naiintindihan ko na.
Namimiss na kita.
Low drama akong tao. Ayoko naman talaga ng mga mushy na bagay. Pero sa tingin ko, kung aalisin ang feelings at iiiwan ko lang ang logic, convinced ako na we can make a good pair.
May mga tao who seek a love that will make their hearts skip a bit. Where they can feel the high, the adrenaline rush. With their hearts pounding inside their chest, and butterflies in their stomachs.
Pero hindi naman kasi ako adventurous the tao. I prefer calm over adrenaline rush. I'd rather have stillness and peace, than hear the crazy pounding inside my chest. Silence, calm, comfort, home.
I think, what I seek is a love that feels like home. Sa tingin ko, that was what I found in you...
Pero baka hindi rin. Ewan ko.
Ok lang rin naman.
I'm fine naman on my own.
Sa tingin ko, sadyang namimiss lang kita.
Written by cinderellaareus at 11:52 PM.
Mom bought me a swivel chair from a junk shop a few days back. After having it cleaned, they put it inside my room. I hate seeing my miniscule room this crammed up, but I really love how comfy the chair is so i cant really get rid of it. Besides, Mom bought it for me.
Today, i spent most of my day sitting on the said chair yawning. A real patatas through and through.
Because of the drinking shesh with the girls plus gabby and ivan fri night that lasted until 2am, it was almost 4 when i got home and was able to sleep past 5. By 9am, the sun was all up and it's too bright so i wasn't able to sleep any longer. Feeling ko umandar lang ang araw ko today nang half asleep ako.
It's Lola's birthday today. She just turned 92. She changed so much from the last time that i remember her. She just lives next to us, but it's been a long while since i last visited her. She doesn't seem to recognize me and my brother. I'm not even sure if she can still speak at all. I wonder how people as old as Lola feels. Dumadating din siguro sa tao yung point na they're too old to even feel no? Well, i dont know.
Sana kung umabot man ako sa twilight days ko, sana by then, nakapag ipon na ko ng magagandang memories na pwede kong balikan. At siguro maraming pera na rin to live decently. Sana by then hindi ako nag-iisa. Jeez, feeling ko kailangan ko nga talaga mag-asawa.
Will be meeting people from the club again tomorrow. Probably my last execom. I wonder how it would be like to be an ordinary member. Sana hindi masyadong nakakalungkot ang mga changes. Sana magkaron din ako ng courage and sipag to use the extra time i have to work on my goals and dreams. Sa totoo lang, minsan feeling ko hindi naman fear ang kalaban ko kundi laziness.
Inaantok na ko, pero tinatamad akong matulog.
Written by cinderellaareus at 10:44 PM.
I was feeling so bad yesterday that i visited the chap twice and lighted 4 candles.
Everytime i ask something from the Heavens, I often say "ok lang po kung hindi mo ibigay, basta..." Kahit na most of the time, hindi naman talaga ok. Siguro may part saken na ayaw pangunahan ang Langit, but I think maybe the Father would rather have my honesty.
Lord, hindi po ok kung mawawala sya saken at mapupunta sya sa iba, so please don't make it happen.
There. Said it.
TM night yesterday. I was hoping to have a drink with the girls to at least flush off the bad feelings. Good thing, i didn't have to ask because bea invited and said it's her treat. We drank and ate at Nommu and Doc Trina was even with us. Nakakatuwa. I love these people.
The only thing that makes me sad about not being an officer anymore is that i wont be able to have an excuse to hang out with them, but then maybe that doesn't have to happen because I'm still a member and they're still my friends. Di ba? I think I'm starting to find that relieved feeling i was hoping to feel before.
"Z**, hindi nga, may gusto sayo si ***"
"Pano pag ligawan ka ni ***, Z?"
The boy and i had been talking. He reports what's happening to his life and his plans, and I do the same. If he doesn't stand a chance, he should've been rejected a long time ago. But to date, he had never received a single rejection from me. The guy's smart. I'm pretty sure he gets that. If he really likes me, he should've told me already.
I received an invitation to be a guest speaker in some university. My intestines were screeming "No!" But my fingers typed, "Sure. Please send me the details."
I didn't do so well the last time I became a guest speaker in this other University, that I don't really feel confident that I'll be able to pull it off this time. Still, I want to give it a try para no regrets. Sabi ni Jay, she'll help me day. I love that girl so much, I'm really happy. Still, I just wish the she could just lend me her public speaking skills even just for a day because this whole idea is making my stomach churn already.
I feel a whole lot better now but I don't understand why I still can't eat.
Written by cinderellaareus at 11:22 AM.
Woke up in the silence of our house.
Wala nga pala si Kaitlyn. Sinundo ata sila kaninang madaling araw ng kanyang lolo't lola.
It was just Mom, Dad, me and the dogs.
It was almost lunch when I woke up. Dad cooked.
I was supposed to leave 1230 if i wanted to get to our speak & swim venue at 3 o'clock, but mom was sitting at our sofa playing pet rescue. She asked me to help her finish a level. I failed, but love playing and just sitting next to Mom like that.
At about 2, Mom decided to bathe the pups so i locked gigi up the store and let the pups roam around the sala while Mom bathes them one by one. I watched them run and play and bully each other.
I love moments like these. In silence and simplicity, spending time with people (and animals) i love.
In the end, i left the house at 4 and got to the venue past six.
Got to the venue. Ok naman. Mejo na disappoint ako kasi na bring up na naman yung election. Sobrang off ako sa workplace, clubs, etc na mapolitika and it pains me seeing us transforming into one. Mejo naiinis na ko.
I was just so relieved when Bea came dahil with Bea, for sure ang topic, love life.
After non, mukhang humupa naman na. Until Jer came up to me convincing me again to run. I had to shut him off.
Sa tingin ko, hindi naman mapolitika si Jer. Bothered lang sya na hindi na ko mag o officer. Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ba talaga ang issue e meron namang nomination. I'm getting sick of this, really. I wish that the election will be over already.
I'm also starting to feel sorry for the boy. Ang hirap kasi to talk with and smile at him kung kasali ako sa nagko-conspire para iba ang manalo at hindi sya. Besides, it's just 1 term. I'm sure the club won't just shatter in a year and it's just one person! There are 6 positions left that a few good members can fill. Kailangan ba talaga namin gawin to? Nakakawalang gana.
Oo nga pala, hindi pa nga pala ko renewed.
Hitched a ride home sa car ni Bea. Before we go, MaAnn showed us around sa Victoria tower. It was so nice. Looking at the model units made me want to get married and build a family.
Habang tinitingnan ko yung rooms, iniisip ko nga kung magugutuhan nya. Alam kong anlayo pa namin dun. I dont know if magiging even a step nearer man lang kami dun. Siguro sadyang futuristic lang ang mga babae.
-ano bang magandang nadudulot sayo na may alam kang isa pang language?
-wala. Pwede ko lang ipagmayabang na trilingual ako.
-balak ko kasi mag-aral ng Chinese
-maganda yun kasi sasakupin na tayo ng China.
-oo nga, unahan na naten sila.
-tama! Magtayo tayo ng language school!
-maganda yata magtayo ng Language school.
I'm pretty sure, narinig nya.
Iniisip ko kung may patutunguhan ba talaga kami ng taong to.
Kasi kung hindi rin lang e bago ko pa simulang planuhin ang future ko kasama sya, kailangan makahanap na ko ng iba.
Promise, ang hirap maging babae.
Written by cinderellaareus at 01:14 AM.