Entries in category "土曜日"


土曜日. June 8, 2019

Doyoubi no yume

Home on a Saturday. I love this place. I should be doing a lot of things, but my body is refusing to move. Since I got here, I just ate, watched YouTube and slept. How productive.

Mom called me out from my room telling me to go down and eat merienda. When she heard me yawning non-stop, she took pity and told me to just sleep. I love my mother.

You know what, I love my life. I'm pretty content. I think I have all I truly need. So why bother to work hard? Because I don't want to be just this.

The Heavens had given me so much. He created me a hyper-talented, wonderful, fully-functional human being. I think I should do my part.

Just give me a few hours-or maybe a couple of days-to recharge, and then I'll bounce back up.

I want to bring my family to beautiful places while my parents can still walk. I want to bring them to different countries, eat good food in good restaurants, buy them beautiful things, etc. Sana talaga magawa ko to.

Dad is getting old and he seems to get weaker day by day. I need to hurry up. I want to be always reminded of this dream so I wouldn't forget. Again, sana talaga magawa ko to.

I missed 3 calls last Friday. Takte naman kasi, buong umaga akong naghintay ng tawag tas kung kelan di ko pinapansin yun cellphone ko, saka nyo ko tatawagan? 

But this raised my hopes high. I wish that the Heavens will give me the job that is best fit for me down to my last specification, just as how He did 6 years ago. Sana bago matapos ang June, makita ko na yun.

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Sa dami ng iintindihin, hindi ko alam kung pano ko ba isisingit ang pag-ayos sa love life kong hindi naman nag eexist. I know this shouldn't be my last priority since I do want to build my own family. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung nagfa function pa ba ang ovaries ko. Lol.

I don't know why I don't find it in my heart the need to rush even when the world is telling me that I should. I wish that the Heavens can just do all the work for me.

A few days back, bff reported that she's already pregnant. That's a fil-am beauty forming inside her belly, I'm excited to see how the kiddo will look like.

I don't really see bff as a friend, you know. To me, she's family. I used to dream that we can live as neighbors and have our children grow and become bestfriends also. She now lives in Malaysia, and I don't even have a child yet, so i don't know if that can ever happen.

Still, I wish I will get to know the kid when he/she grows up and have him/her treat me like her own Tita.


07:58 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. June 1, 2019

Evening bus and wrong-sents

I love bus rides at night. The flow is smooth and I love the feel of the night wind of my face, how the surroundings move while I sit there still.

My late friend, Cristina, had a rough life when we were in hs. She once told me na minsan daw, sumakay sya ng train, bumaba sa pinakadulong station kahit hindi naman dun ang way nya pauwi. All because she didn't want to go home yet.

I was tempted to do the same kanina. Parang ang sarap bumaba sa kung saan man ang dulo ng pupuntahan nung bus kahit malayo yun sa inuuwian ko. Wala lang. To buy time, maybe.

I did get down to the right station though. Got past the house at nagpalipas ng oras sandali sa may Angel's burger (ang sarap ng hungarian hotdog nila, btw). Matapos kumain, inisip ko pa kung lalakad pa ba ko farther away home o uuwi na.

It's easy to give in to drama twing may problema, instead of solving it as any evolved individual would. Siguro hindi pa ko evolved. Kung tutuusin, I'm not even in a bad place.

I trained myself not to give too much premium on how I feel. I know feelings change and it can never serve as a strong foundation kung dun ko ibe-base ang pagkatao ko. 

Pero siguro, hindi rin healthy kung palagi mo nalang ini-ignore yung nararamdaman mo. 

I'm confused, I'm scared, and I don't know what to do. There. I said it.

Sinubukan ko rin namang lunurin to sa positive thinking, hindi lang umubra. Siguro may mga bagay talaga na kailangan mo munang i-acknowledge ang existence bago mo ma-conquer.

Tama ba? Di ba sinabi na God, "pag mabigat na, bigay mo sa akin, ako na ang bahala." Alam ko naman pong wala pa akong ginagawa, pero pwede bang iabot ko na lahat sa'Yo to at Ikaw na ang bahala?

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"Sige anak. Magingat ka."

I sent a message to my mother telling her a supposed training was cancelled so I'm going home earlier than planned. Then this reply came, only bearing a different number.

Takte, wrong sent. Sa dinamidami ng number na masesendan ko, bat sa lalaking to pa? Gusto kong mag welga at sabihing, kay mama ko sinend yan! Nagkamali lang! Hindi ako nakikipaglandian sayo! Wahhhh!

But the more I tried to explain the more I sounded guilty, so I simply replied, "mali lang," to which the guy said, "haha palusot." Grrrrrrr!

This wasn't the first time that something like this happened, and on all occasion, sadyang wrong sent lang talaga, no hidden agenda.

I don't fake "wrong-sents" just to get a man's attention. That's very childish. Surely, I used to do that when I was younger, but not anymore. Hindi naman ako na ro wrong send sa ibang tao, feeling ko tuloy, pinagti tripan lang kami ng langit nitong taong to.

Nilalapit mo lang ba ko sa lalaking to, Universe? Or nilalayo?

Hmmp, balakajan.


01:34 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. May 18, 2019

Chikara o kashite kurenai ka na

She was all smiles when we got there. The kids were happily playing, and for the next three hours, she told us their story.

Mom, Brother and I were at Edward's wake earlier. The wife and kids seem to be doing fine. I just wish that when the guests were gone and they were left by themselves, sana okay parin sila.

Based on the wife's story, mukha namang hindi all rainbows and sunshine ang kanilang love story. But then her eyes always lighted up at the mention of his name. Nakakatuwa syang pakinggan. She was such a storyteller. Habang nagkikwento sya, hindi ko nakita yung lungkot, pero ramdam ko yung kilig nya twing nire-recall yung moments nilang mag-asawa. Paminsan minsan napapansin kong napapahawak nalang sya bigla dun sa may kabaong.

Hindi talaga ako iyaking tao. Pero pag nakakakita ako ng taong ngumingiti at times when they're supposed to cry, I feel like wanting to cry for them.

When we left, Mom told the wife, "kaya mo yan," and she answered, "kayang kaya."

Kaya mo yan.

Today, I found that I enjoy listening to other people's love story. Mga totoong tao na may totoong struggle. They make me feel na talagang may love. It makes me wonder if capable din ba kong ma feel yun balang araw.

I feel sorry that Edward's wife have lost a husband. Pero kahit ganun, I still think that she's lucky. And it's not just about having a husband. I think it's about having another person na hindi mo naman kadugo, hindi mo kaano-ano, pero pinahalagahan mo at pinahalagahan ka. Tas over time, nagawa mong mahalin, at minahal ka rin.

------

My brother and I attended the same school in Elementary and hs. He's one year older, so when I joined COCC in 3rd year, all the cadet officers I had were brother's batchmates, some were his classmates even. Kerengkeng na ko even then, so majority ng lalaking officers namin, crush ko.

Ang init init kanina. I tied my permed hair in an awkward pigtail bilang naiwan ko yung tali ko sa buhok. Naglakad kami ng kaunti bago sumakay ng tricycle kaya ang lapot ko na bago kami nakarating sa lamay. Hindi na rin ako nag bother na maglipstick.

So mejo nagulat ako nung isa isang pumarada yung hs crushes ko papasok sa funerary. Yung iba, dumaan pa saglit para bumati sa kapatid ko. Takte, bakit ba hindi ako nag lipstick?!

Nung lumabas kami, nandun pa si Edmark. Syet! Ang gwapo nya pa rin. Hindi ako natutuwa na nagkatinginan pa kami. Again, bakit ba kasi hindi ako nag lipstick? Ang alam ko halos lahat sila may asawa na. May binanggit si Elfa na 2 nalang daw sa kanila ang hindi pa nag-aasawa. Yung isa lang narinig ko. Sino pa kaya yung isa?

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Months ago nung may nakasakay akong dude sa bus. He looked familiar, pero hindi ko maalala then kung saan ko sya nakilala. Nagtataka pa ko kasi tingin sya ng tingin sakin. By then, I was like, "mangungutang kaya to?" Lol.

As the bus ride progressed medyo na figure out ko na rin kung sino sya. Another one from my cadet officers in hs. Tanda ko crush sya na bff dati. Batchmate ni Kuya, but I'm sure they were not close because this dude was from higher section. 

To make sure na sya yun, I sat next to him nung bumaba yung katabi nya. Confirmed. Sya nga. I remember he used to be this lanky, a little nerdy, dude in hs. Ngayon mejo muscle muscle na sya with a handsome haircut kaya di ko sya nakilala.

Yesterday, the dude added me on Facebook...

So ngayon, iniisip ko kung ano bang magandang ipangalan sa mga magiging anak namin sa future.

Charot.

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Minsan mas ok din na yung nagugustuhan mo e yung malalayo. Yung maliit lang yung possiblity na makita mo ulet.

Para hindi masakit kahit di mo makuha.

Hindi masakit kahit makuha pa ng iba.


11:04 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. May 18, 2019

Doyou

3:22AM. It's now a Saturday and I just got home.

We had a good 6 hrs at the spa. Loved the full-body massage, feeling ko handa na akong kalimutan lahat ng non-negatiables ko sa lalaki, basta marunong syang magmasahe. Char.

-------

"Wala akong pakialam kay, &@$£&÷". He said this himself. Pero bakit parang iba sya when she's around? Fun, free, spontaneous. With me, he's usually rigid. Well, not that I care, okay. Naisip ko lang naman.

He still reminds me of R. Siguro parang multo talaga ang perslab. Bigla bigla nalang susulpot yung mga alaala nila sa mga taong nakikilala mo. I'm pretty sure it wasn't love. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ba naaalala ko parin tong taong to.

Sa tingin ko may tanong lang ako na gusto kong masagot...

She's so much like me, isn't she?

Then why didn't you just pick me?

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Kung kailangang magbabayad ng piso kada banggit sa pangalan mo,  nakaipon na siguro ako ng lagpas isang libo. Nabilaukan ka ba or nasamid kanina? Ikaw kasi ang aming pinag-uusapan.

There are people who truly care about you. Matalino ka, alam kong alam mo. Pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit sinasadya mo silang pawalan ng halaga. Nanghihinayang ako for you. Feeling ko, nabigyan ka ng diamond, tas gamit ang glue gun, dinikit ko lang sa pader. Nadaanan ng mga bata, nahulog at natapaktapakan. Alam mo ang halaga ng diamond, pero hindi mo parin iningatan.

Kilala kasi kita. Alam kong hindi ka nakikinig sa katwiran. Iniisip ko kung ano bang pwede kong gawin sayo?

---------

So I'm back to the senate. Char. No, I'm back to being a club officer. One of the nominees tied with me, pero nanalo kasi sya as Presi so he's getting the higher position. Nalulungkot ako na hindi nanalo si Jay, pero hindi rin ako thrilled na officer na ko ulet. 

Pero sa ngayon, ang mga problema ko bukas e bukas ko nalang din pro problemahin.


04:02 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. May 11, 2019

Tulog. Gusto ko ng tulog.

10:08pm now. Was at Elvin's party earlier, I feel like I'm on food coma. Promise, last na eating splurge na to. I want to do something about my weight already.

APE yesterday. Nothing changed. I still hate it. I learned though that I'm already 17kilos aways from my usual weight. 17 effin kilos. Ayawan na.

Jay's speech last night was about SMART goals and it somehow motivated me to change some things. Naisip ko rin yung nabanggit ni Tim Ferriss sa book nya before. I mean, look at Tim Ferriss. He's practically a real-life Tony Stark, minus the science fiction. Why not have it all? Magpapapayat na talaga ko!

I've decided to start commuting back home for the next 2 weeks so that I can have better food option. I've been sick since the week started and I haven't been sleeping since. Well except yesterday. It was the first in 4 days that I ever slept. I wonder what's wrong with my body.

Yesterday was nomination night for our club and I was nominated for the VPE position. I'm not alarmed. I don't think I'd win anyway.

Sa ngayon, I just want to stay chill while trying to figure out what to do with my life. It's not all bliss, but I'm still thankful because I know not all people have this same luxury.

Ano bang gusto kong gawin?

Right now, I think I just want some sleep.

------

I had a strange dream last night. There were 3 of us in the dream, ako, si Injan, and another girl, I can't remember who. One of the two was a ghost in dream. I can't remember if it was Injan or the other girl. Tas biglang nawala yung ghost na kasama namin (I think it was Injan), so I asked the other girl what happened. The other girl told me she's going to tell me a secret so I listened intently. 

The secret was....

Well, kaya daw nawala yung ghost kasi may dumaan na airplane. The airplane blew the ghost away daw. Hintay lang daw for a few days or so tas babalik na daw yung ghost.

The eff with that dream.

I haven't been hearing a lot about Injan for a long time now. I wonder if that person is okay...


10:33 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. April 28, 2019

Koi to kataomoi

"Flirt si *** no?" a friend asked. I've known the guy for three years, so there's no way I wouldn't know. 

I've met a number of flirty men. They're fun, but if you're looking for something real, they should be avoided at all cost. One thing I've learned about flirty men though is that one way to know if they truly like a girl is when their actions match their words.

With that, I think our Mr. Flirty here seems to like this girl he flirts a lot with. It's just that, he's close to me so it seems like it's giving the girl the wrong idea. So I need to be all friendly to the girl so she will know we're all cool. Ano kayang kahihinatnan ng lovebirds na to?

And Lord, yung sakin po, nasan na?

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We were at the pool earlier. Someone took a video while ***** is pushing me up and out of the water just to annoy me. It was embarrassing but my friends were laughing and I found the whole thing really funny (though I'm hoping against hope they won't post the video). I was all cool.

With that J asked L, "Buti hindi napipikon si Zah kay ***** no?"

To which she answered, "mahal ni zah si *****."

...

I didn't expect that L will interpret it that way. I'm not sure though if she's wrong. I don't know much about loving. I mean, how would I know?

--------

So here's the situation:

There are these 2 guys I like...

And they like eachother.

Yes, 2 GUYS. Yes, EACHOTHER. You get the picture.

But I'm all cool because I've moved on from this. But see, crushes don't really disappear, you know. They usually just sleep until something triggers them to wake up. I know my triggers and I've been avoiding them for a long time now. It's just that, I'm in Cebu. I just want to enjoy. Surely, I love being with my friends, pero iba parin ang saya when you're swept with the romantic angle of the situation at kung may lalaking involved. Lol. Is it just me?

You have to know these though: 

These men are people are care about, and even if one day, the crush will die down, they will remain to be my persons. And no, even if I'll be given a wish, I wouldn't ask for any of them to end up in my arms (I'll probably wish for money instead). That would mean the other will be left hurting and I don't think want that so... I don't think I need anything, really...

Kasi naman, Universe, Just send the right man for me already.


12:47 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. April 20, 2019

Okane chodai

Noong unang panahon, inutusan ako nang nanay kong pupunta sa palengke at bumili ng paninda para sa aming tindahan.

Gaya ng bilin ng nanay ko, dumerecho ako sa grocery at isa isang inilagay sa push cart ang bawat items sa listahan ng pinapabili ng nanay ko. Nung matapos ako, puno na yung cart, kaya pumunta na ko sa counter.

Z: magkano po?

C: *shwee shwee shwee* (nagbaby talk si Ate)

Z: *hands 2- 500 peso bills despite having no idea what the cashier said*

C: *stares*- Ma'am, two shwee shwee shwee po.

Z: *hands 2 more 500 peso bills, thinking the cashier meant 2000*

C: *stares some more* 200 lang po, *looks at the money and smirks*, kukunin ko yan.

I rarely go to the market. I didn't know it's possible to fill the entire cart and pay only 200. I brought mostly chips. Ang mura lang pala ng chichirya sa palengke.

--------

I sold some of my stocks a few days back. Napa-praning kasi ako sa pagpunta namin sa Cebu. Baka wala na kong maipamasahe pauwi. I have no idea how much I will need when I get there. Iniisip ko kung gaya ba nung pag go-grocery ko sa palengke, na o-overestimate ko lang ba ang kailangang budget?

Maybe I need to travel a little.

Gusto ko rin naman magtravel. Pero sa ngayon, gusto ko talaga munang yumaman.


10:38 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. April 13, 2019

Matteru aida

I'm supposed to leave early today, but things happen. So now I lie in bed, waiting for the cue for me to pick my bags and get out of here.

I have books to read, contracts to review. I should me making full use of my time while waiting, but I feel a little lazy.

Ang init ngayon sa Mandaluyong. Nag swap na ba ng position ang Earth at Mercury? Hindi ako informed.

-------

There was a talk I once heard about how one should seek to get used to the awkward moments in life. It's odd you know... how I always find married or gay guys easier to talk to than single heterosexual men. Especially once you start seeing them differently.

Was watching "The Adjustment Bureau" yesterday and I can't help but get fascinated with Emily Blunt and Matt Damon's chemistry. I particularly like the way their character converse. Light, fun and flirty. I wonder if conversations like that can happen in real life.

I love good conversations. Maybe everyone does. Online conversation is nice, but I think nothing beats real life convo. 

And we have that, don't we? Chemistry... and once I get past this awkwardness, maybe we can have good conversations again.

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I was watching some old live feed from a relationship coach in fb. The coach was answering the question, "how will I know if he's the one?" She mentioned about a scientific study that says that on the average lifespan, a person can meet at least 8 "Potentials".

"Potential" means someone who has the raw materials needed to become your the One.  He's someone who has the same values and is heading to the same direction as you do. 

EIGHT. And there could be more!

So, okay, let's see...

I met Potential no. 1 in 2002. Potential no.2, 2013. Potential no.3, 2016... Potential no. 4.... I think I haven't met him yet. 

So I met 3 Potentials already  I have at least 5 more! Asan ba tong mga taong to? Lol.

...

I'm a person of theory. I'm always fascinated with ideas, but never with the actual implementation. Ideas are harmless... but they're just that. Ideas.

------

Oh wait, here's the cue! I'm off! 

Tbc..


10:27 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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土曜日. March 24, 2019

HO

I don't know if there's a scientific explanation on this, yung pag pinagsabay mo ang alak at mint candy, mas malakas ang magiging effect ng alcohol?

Had a little inuman shesh/bonding/meeting with the gang, so today, I woke up and attended the training with a skull-cracking headache.

Namiss ko to. Alcohol and conversations is my favorite mix. The ladies and I are planning for another inuman shesh next Friday. Ang tagal ko nang gustong makipag inuman, gulapay levels. Lord, pengi pera, please.

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Jer saw that Bea's boyfie was working on some stock market-related sheesh on his laptop. We flooded questions on him afterwards, and Bea beamed proudly.

Ang cute ng mag jowang to. I feel so happy for Bea. I think it would be great kung sila na ang magkakatuluyan. I wholeheartedly support these lovebirds.

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If there's something I've learned in the love front as I grew older, siguro yun e yung "little things matter." Ang fragile ng puso ng taong nagmamahal, that's why you have to be extra careful. If you feel like your person is seeking assurance that he's the only one, then by all means, give it to him. Mind games are only for children and inducing jealousy is only cute in koreanovela. In real life, these things can set you apart little by little until the rift grew to a point na hindi nyo na kayang i-reconcile.

Gusto kong tandaan ang lesson na to in case magamit ko in the future. *wink wink*

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Sending Gigi back to the hospital on Thursday. I'm happy that the cage allowed me to take a leave. Thank you, Lord.

Our fur baby might be needing to undergo an operation. Sana ma accomplish lahat ng kailangang gawin on Thursday because I'm starting to feel bad about having to take a leave already.

Gigi looks so much better now. Sana tuloy tuloy na.


01:06 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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