Entries in category "Saturday"



Heartless and Blue
Saturday: September 9, 2017



Ang sama ko sayo. Hindi ko naman talaga sadya. 

Years ago nung nagyaya ka, akala ko next na sasabihin mo, "open-minded ka ba?"

Tas nung sabi mong sabihan kita if magsisimba ko near sa work mo dahil ililibre mo ko, kala ko naman nang nenetwork ka.

Tapos ngayon, magyaya ka pala sa MIBF, kala ko hihiram ka lang ng books.

Ang labo kasi ng intro mo lagi. Hindi pwede sa slow at dense. Lol.

Pero E for effort ka rin e no. Never say die pa ang drama. Ganyan ka lang ba talaga? 

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"Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self."

It's been a while since I last answered a table topic.  The question can't be anymore timely. 

I joined Area Director T-Jay today in holding a meeting for some dying club he wishes to revive, the Blue TMC. Tinatamad talaga ko at mas gusto ko sana matulog nalang pero nakakaawa rin kasi Si T-Jay at nakakaawa rin yung Blue. Things went fine naman.  Nakakasad lang na wala manlang actual member nung club na nakadalo. 

I was the topics evaluator. I wasn't suppose to answer a table topic pero sinigurado kasi nung topicsmaster na lahat magsasalita. OK lang rin. Na enjoy ko naman. The topic made me remember some of the darkest days of my life. Kinwento ko sa kanila how I discovered a church inside a mall and on how I gatecrashed what seemed to be a religious meeting for couples eventhough I was alone (and single) all because I was feeling rebellious. Nakakatawa. 

But at the same time,  I realize how my days now closely resemble those days.... 

The week had been bad. On the external,  I looked fine.  Nice even. In a way,  I guess it was. Afterall, I received a few blessings and the days were generally peaceful. It's just that I can't shake this gloomy feeling inside. Eto na naman yung dark days. paano ko ba maalis hung sarili no dito. 

I'm scared. I remember when I was younger, I used to have a whole lifetime ahead of me.  I remember facing a bright future for myself with alluring options all lined up. Tapos ngayon,  putek, wala ng option.  it's like I'm already against the wall and yet life is still pushing me further back. 

I used to believe that having too many options is not healthy for people and I still do. I remember it was I who kicked mine out one by one until I was left with barely anything. Pero kasi, pag ikaw yung walang option at nagsa-suffer ng consequences, ang hirap paniwalaan na healthy yun para sayo. 

Pagkasulat ko ng entry na to, maybe matutulog na ko. Sana pagkagising ko, ayusin nalang ng Langit any lahat ng mga pinoproblema ko para sakin. 

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I took out my last ace. You didn't take the bait. 

Sabi nila, pag may masakit daw ibig sabihin may mali.

Wala namang masakit.

Siguro, finally...

wala na saken ang mali. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:45 PM.

1 comments





Saturday's pain
Saturday: August 26, 2017



Headache and red days cramps.

Thank you very much.

Would've joined gabby to club hop in camanava today but had to say no. Buti nalang din na hindi ako nakasama dahil parang hinahampas ng baseball bat yung tyan ko. Ang hirap maging babae.

There was a scheduled screening for a medical mission near our place. Patients came and customers flooded our sari-sari store. But the screening didn't happen. Nakakalungkot na porket libre ung mission e hindi na nagkaron ng decency ung organizers na iinform ang mga tao na hindi tuloy. These are sick people, for crying out loud.

This sure benefitted us, pero nakakaawa parin kasi.

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Bought palabok earlier. Im supposed to go back to healthy eating pero siguro sa monday nalang ulet. Nakakainis na ang sarap kumain. The family plans to eat out tomorrow. Id rather stay home kasi puteeek, ang sakit talaga ng ulo at tyan ko. Huhu. Sana sa bahay nalang kami kumain ng masarap.

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Was reading an article about a man's lament on the society's double standards and i think he's right on most points. He said common daw sa ladies ang mabigyan ng compliments pero may mga lalaki daw na nadededs nalang without receiving one in his entire lifetime.

Appreciative naman talaga akong tao and often express my appreciation through words. Generous ako in giving praises most of the time... Except sa mga lalaki. I don't know.

I remember back when i thought of R as a younger brother, i often tell him "ang gwapo mo ngayon" or "bagay sayo yan"... It was when i started seeing him as something more that i stopped doing all that.

Parang mali no? Di ba dapat kung sino ung mahalaga, sa kanila dapat mas pinaparamdam at pinapaalam na naaappreciate naten sila?

Years passed and i don't think i changed much. But then, at least now, i always make sure that i say thank you.

...

Nasabi ko na ba? Always bagay sayo ang naka coat. Always.

Kahit anong color ang polo underneath, bagay. Pero favorite ko yung grey polo at black coat combination. Pag di ka naka coat, bagay sayo ang pink.

I also like your hair brushed up. Bagay sayo. Ang gwapo mo. Fyi.

Mula ngayon, pag aaralan kong iexpress ang appreciation ko pati sa mga lalaki. Lalo na sa mga lalaking gusto ko.

Puteeeek. Iniisip ko palang para  na akong lalagnatin.

Chicken.

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Chatting with the boy now. R and I were like this back in the day. Nagkakagusto na ba saken tong batang to? Assuming lang. Hehehe. His bday and R's are just a few days apart. Baka kaya parehas sila ng ugali kasi parehas sila ng zodiac sign. I dont know if u believe in that. Pero tingin ko, baka wala lang. Malandi lang naman to sa group chat pero pag kami lang dalawa, hindi naman sya flirty. Instead, he talks about his dreams, his plans. Sometimes, he would also ask me to join him. But he was never flirty. Yun ung pinagkaiba nila ni R. 

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2017 ang deadline ko. Promise, after this year, hindi ko na babanggitin ang pangalan(initial) mo.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:49 PM.

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Saturday and rain
Saturday: August 19, 2017



One laid back Saturday. It's been a while since a weekend had been like this. I took a nap after lunch and woke up at around 4. Went downstairs and found mom and dad on the sofa sitting with our dog, mongee, beside them. I squeezed myself inbetweeen mom and the dog.

I love days like this. Doing nothing next to the people you love.

One day, I'm gonna build something like this too.

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We were calling it a night. I got off the car and waited for the bus. He was waiting with me. It was raining and he was just standing there getting drenched. I raised the umbrella over his head to cover us both. He took it from my hand and held it for the two of us.

We know in part, we understand in part that's why i try my best not to judge people especially since i can only see molecular portions of their story. Still, i know that this person is someone good and I've seen how he has taken care of the people closest to him. I pray in my heart that he will be taken care of and will be treated better. I really do.

Tiny role though, my part in his life... I promise, he will always have my respect...

For as long as I'm a part of it.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:24 PM.

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Dear Crush, I am good.
Saturday: August 12, 2017



One down. Isa sa mga problema ko ay natapos na.

So i served as a test speaker today for the area contest of areas 1, 3, 5 and 6. First time to be evaluated by 11 people in one sitting. May mga humabol pa nga ng evaluations after the contest. Nakauwi na ko ng bahay at lahat, meron paring humabol ng evals via messenger. Nakakaliw.

I was once a contestant too so alam ko dapat kinder ako. Pero kasi hindi ako nakapag lunch kanina at gutom na gutom na ko kaya lumilipad yung kilay ko paminsan minsan sa ibang evaluators.

One mentioned about Malcolm gladwell and assumed i read his book.

I didn't.

One assumed i am a CC and the speech i delivered was from an advanced project.

It wasn't an advanced project and im not yet a cc.

One called me Cha.

Another called me Sha.

Another one didn't even know my name and called me "the toastmaster". Weird.

One kept on gesturing towards where i WAS and never hitted my actual place.

I would be more understanding if i wasnt so hungry.

Natutunan ko na being evaluated by that many people pala was no joke. My head started pulsating after the 5th evaluator. 

Pero sulit naman. Nandun kasi yung crush ko. Bakit ba nagiging sulit lang ang kahit anong hassle pag may lalaking involved no? Lol.

Anyway, he was my first Toastmaster crush back when i wasn't a toastmater yet. Yang and i first saw the guy the first time we visited a TM club as guests. I didn't join that club but i remember, he was the GE then, and i was mezmerized.

Simple, effortless at ang gentle tingnan at pakinggan. After a few research (aka online stalking), nalaman ko na, wow, maka Diyos din sya. Smart, magaling na speaker tapos maka Diyos pa. Super perfect! Only, nalaman ko rin na merong konting problema....

Married sya. Hahaha. Magpapamember sana ko sa club nya nun kaso exclusive daw club nila and hindi open to all so i ended up in my club now.

And so, ayun nga, contest. Kita ko yung name nya sa contestants and i was like, "OMG! Yung crush ko!"

Tagal ng hinintay ko, men... 3rd to the last speaker sya e. Pero sulet. Sarap nya parin pakinggan. Ang gentle. Parang ang bait. I was like, "i-uwi ko na kaya to?" Hahahaha... Hayyyyy crush.

Nakakatawa na for the last 5 years, consistent ako. Laging sa dalawang klase lang ng lalaki ako nagkakainteres. Kundi bading, married. Haha. Pero sigurado akong wala akong gagawin, because i am good.

I am good.

I am good.

I am good.

Powerful daw ang words at pag paulit ulit mo daw na sinabi ang isang bagay, malaki ang chance na magka totoo.

I am good.

I am good.

I am good.

-------

I asked LA to invite crush to be our GE in one of our following meetings. But he'll be competing with gabby and we have to keep our aces on our sleeves as Gabby said, so baka matatagalan pa. Ok lang. 

Division contest in a few more weeks. I'm pretty sure Gabby will win, pero excited parin akong makita si crush ba bigyan sya ng good fight.

Also, kanina, kahit mahiyain akong tao, i asked crush for a selfie. Keribels. Hindi nya naman ako laging makikita e. Kakainis lang ang pangit ng kuha. Hindi ko tuloy mapost at nang maitag ko sya sa fb (yes, na-add ko yung crush ko sa FB!!! Gosh, I'm so brave...). Kakaunti lang ang picture ko na kasama ang someone na crush ko. Takte pa, kahit isa yata walang maayos dun.

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In-injan kami ni jay at jer so it was just LA and I. We ate our super late lunch after the contest and had our lengthy kwentuhan. I'm so happy that LA was there. Kung wala siguro sya, baka umiyak nalang ako dun. Hahaha.

I told LA of this dude who's a TM from another club. I needed to ask her if it's normal for that dude to constantly chat with another TM. Hindi daw. I told her how the dude is off limits and my reason on why i plan to keep him around.

I know it's hard to accept my unconventional reasoning. I'm just glad that instead of being preachy and all, LA always seem to understand. She's such a wonderful human being.

-------

So yun... 1 down. Isa nalang ang problema ko. BSP9. Oh help me, Lord.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:29 PM.

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Mga kumpisal
Saturday: July 22, 2017



Chatting with my girl friends and i found it amusing how we have the same opinion about the men present in our common circle right now.

You see, i never had a sister. That's why i love having girl friends around. They are the sisters i never had.

-------

So LA and I had a mini food stop after the meeting.

Kwentuhan. Chika chika. Etcetera.

Then she mentioned a dude that she noticed earlier sa meeting.

"Ay, napansin ko rin yun," i said.

When she said "shucks" thought she meant, "shucks, parehas tayo ng taste," until she followed,

"Type mo? Naku baka bading."

Ay, grabe sya...

Laugh trip.

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A friend was depressed a few days back so i was surprised to find out that she had completely bounced back na. All because she received a pm from some dude she's been eyeing for some time.

I know. I'm the same. I'm a woman too.

I, too, was a little bit depressed earlier until this message came. Minsan naiinis ako sa kung pano mo ko napapasaya.

I find men's effect on women both fascinating and infuriating. Nakaka amaze na isang simpleng message from a guy na special sayo e kayang i-turn ang super low days mo around and make u all bouncy. Infuriating din, kasi nakakainis na may taong may ganung power over you di ba?

I just retreated from a battle and im still wounded. I know it's not wise to get back fighting when you're not yet on your best self. At alam ko rin na hindi reliable ang nararamdaman ng mga taong fresh pa ang sugat. Siguro, chill muna.

Hindi naman ako dating ganito, pero parang ngayon, takot na ko.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:44 PM.

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So yeah...
Saturday: July 22, 2017



And i sabotaged once gain my own love life.

Thank you very much.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:29 PM.

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Mga munting katotohanan na hindi mo sinasabi
Saturday: July 22, 2017



Club contest over. Hindi ako nanalo, na disqualified pa ko. Overtime.

Ok lang naman. Nakakatawa lang na sasali rin pala ang mentee ko sa isa pang category tas sya rin na overtime.

Ayoko talaga ng natatalo pero this time, ok lang talaga. Nalulungkot lang ako na hindi ako magkakaroon ng excuse para makasama ka.

Pero kahit yun, ok na rin talaga. Pero syempre, gusto pa rin talaga kitang kasama.

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Alam mo ba yung hunch? Yung madalas tinatawag nateng "kutob". Common yun sa nga babae including me. I remember back in the day when cellphones weren't a thing yet, i would always know if bff was visiting our house because of this hunch. Same goes if it's nephil or anyone i have strong connections to.

This hunch also makes me foresee the outcome of things. I remember very well the times when i thought i won't get something i badly wanted and i felt this pull in my gut then ended up getting that thing despite the apparent impossibility.

There is also that other kind of pull where I'd get the opposite. I don't remember this ever failing.

Just a few hours ago, i felt a pull. A pull i recognized as that of defeat and i have a bad feeling about this.

Has anyone felt something like this before? If you're able to fight the hunch and get the opposite of what it's telling you, please, please, let me know.

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Then i watched the other boy slipping away.

There i was pretending i don't really care.

I hate lying. If you lie in your actions, then that's still a lie. I wish i have the courage to act the truth out though.

I already told the Heavens that i don't want to lose you.

Kaya sige, bahala na.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:10 AM.

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Volcano
Saturday: July 15, 2017



The 1st day of my bakasyon grande just ended. My body chemicals are probably messing up with my moods once again and i feel like a volcano ready to erupt at the slightest provocation.

You're better than that, z.

A lot of things upset me lately, and really, sometimes the things that affect you the most, you find hard to talk about.

------

Took a half-day leave yesterday and a whole day leave today. Monday's a j-holiday so that's 4.5 days of freedom. I want to plan. Rebuild and redesign my life, myself, and then create something so much better.

I spent my half day leave in taguig yesterday to buy products for business. Will be meeting tita once again by Sunday and hopefully a few more potential customers.

Since i was going to pass market market anyway, i decided to walk around a bit. Market market is the worst place go when you're on diet. But hey, i managed to get out of there without eating anything nakakataba.

5 days on diet and i can now slip off my pants without undoing the zipper and button. Applied the same pattern i used 5 years back and it seems like it's just as effective. If i manage to do this for another week, i plan to switch to a healtier version of this by the following week. I wonder if this is the cause of my volcanic attitude lately.

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Spent the day today cleaning my room. Not yet done with it so Saturday will probably be another cleaning day. I also plan to fix my body clock by going to bed at 9 and waking up at 4, securing a 7-hours sleep. It's 12:21am now, so as you can see, I'm failing miserably on this. I did go to bed at 9 though. I intend to wake up at 4am still. Hopefully later tonight, magawa ko na matulog ng 9.

Might be meeting my cousins on Sunday, tita bebeng's daughters. They are artista level beautiful ladies. We're not really close but they are super nice bunch so hopefully maging madali for me to set the friendly, sisterly vibe since ako yung ate. Hindi kasi pwedeng ako yung awkward di ba? Jeez.. Naiistress ako.

Eversince naman mejo socially awkward talaga ko. But my parents taught me to be polite and i think it's impolite to meet people and just sit there not talking. You have no idea how this is so much of a torture for me though. Pero usually sa una lang naman ganun. Besides, the times that i tried to combat my social awkwarness turned out okay naman 100% of the time, so laban lang!

-------

12:56 am. Can someone teach me how to sleep?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:52 AM.

2 comments





The hippie
Saturday: July 8, 2017



I wonder if it's really that bad. My usual get up.

Mind you, i was just wearing a collared blouse over a top.  : (

BTW, this came from a married dude who, at 9:43pm, is chatting with another woman (me) telling her how she stikes as a deeper person, "someone who has depth but decided to try to keep it easy".

Praning lang ba ko or nakikipag landian ba saken tong taong to??

....

Hmmmm...

Ok, hindi naman siguro...

Relax, z...



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:21 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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