Entries in category "Saturday"



Hima
Saturday: January 20, 2018



Hima in Japanese means walang ginagawa.

Hima. 

Sa Tagalog, petiks. 

Hima. 

Spent half of the day locked up in my room doing nothing. Another half watching the pups and fixing their cage. 

Hima. 

Club contest yesterday. I love how my friends were so supportive even before and after I delivered my impromptu speech. Jer said that if I didn't go overtime, I would've placed second daw. Jay was asking me if I did it on purpose. 

OK lang naman. Mejo namimiss ko lang siguro yung training days. Pero wala rin naman talaga akong time na pwedeng i-devote para rito. Or siguro sila yung namimiss ko. For now, OK na rin siguro na ganito. 

Initially, naisip ko na kung hindi makakapasok si Jer, I'm not gonna watch the next contests na. But then Bea gurl won so I have to be there. Bea is an insightful woman. I bet she's gonna be a breathe of fresh air in the area contest. I'm excited for Elite. I hope we'll make it to the nationals too this year.

------

I wonder how the TM clubs in Cebu look like. Parehas kaya samin? Pag nagawa ko ba lahat ng plano ko, will I be able to leave everything behind and live there? Sighs. Sa ngayon, gusto ko lang magawa lahat ng plano ko. Maybe I'll just start thinking about running away after that. 

20the day of the year and I haven't done anything though. 

------

I remember bff and I having a little debate about whether one is being "paasa" or maybe nagbibigay lang sya ng pag-asa. Giving a chance vs. giving false hope. I'm not so sure which boat I am in right now. For whatever the consequences may be, I wonder if I'll be able to pay the price. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:09 PM.

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Power of five
Saturday: January 13, 2018



Woke up this morning and mom told me a happy news. Our pregnant dog, Mihan, already gave birth. I hurriedly came to her place and felt it in my heart that there will be 5 puppies there and the pure white one is my Thangs reincarnated.

There were all cute, chubby, healthy pups. I picked the one nearest to me and held her/him in my hand. White with a few patches of black and brown. I searched the rest of the pups looking for a pure white one. Found it but when I turned it to its side, there's a black patch in its ear. Not pure white. None was. So i thought, maybe Thangs is the one with a patch on the edge of the tail. I remember my Thangs was brown with a patch of white at the end of her tail. I also counted and there were only four.

Mihan was acting odd. She always get up when people visit her. It seemed like she wanted to get out. I thought it was normal for a dog who just gave birth.

It was already late afternoon when mom let her out of the cage. She immediately went under the cage and mom noticed that there's another puppy in there. Turned out Mihan indeed gave birth to a 5th puppy. I felt so sorry i didn't notice. She was cold and can barely drink milk. Thankfully, she seemed better now. I'm not really sure of if it's a she or a he. All I know is that the 5th pup is pure white.

I'm so happy. My Thangs is back. : )



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Written by cinderellaareus at 05:43 PM.

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Mini goals
Saturday: January 6, 2018



I was looking at old photos. 

I miss my long hair and those days when I still can wear body-hugging outfits.

I want to bring these back.

Dr. Atkins and I need to talk.

I also promise never to do anything stupid to my hair until it reaches a certain length and from there, parang gusto ko ng beach wave. Pag-iipunan ko to.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:49 PM.

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1:52
Saturday: January 6, 2018



I walked up to the boy and told him right in the face, "tatalunin kita."

We were around 20. He was the smartest dude in class and while everyone else were either failing or barely holding on to their precious 3.0, he was there getting highest scores and winning quiz bees.

The guy just smiled looking amused.

In my dictionary, "tatalunin kita" means "I really like you a lot kaso masyado kang magaling kaya gagalingan ko rin para hindi naman ako masyadong alangan sayo".

Fast forward last year and another boy told me the same line, "tatalunin kita". I laughed because he probably didn't have the idea on what that line translates to.

-------

Contest time again. When the year started, I told myself to get rid or avoid any distractions and focus on my goal of getting myself out of the sh*thole that I'm in. Pero nakakamiss yung adrenaline rush. Nakakamiss yung contest spirit. Ang sakit sa puso na hindi ako sasali. 

Sana ayusin nalang ng Langit lahat ng mga problema ko for me. Alam ko namang naririnig Nya. Hindi ko lang alam kung ibibigay Nya.

-------

Hindi ako dense. Pansin ko naman. Weird na mejo natutuwa pa ko. Na realize ko kasi na dalawa lang naman yan.

If you will hate me, that means, you love me.

If you don't love me, then you cannot hate me.

Jeez, what a concept. Lel. 

Minsan ang baseless din talaga ng mga pananaw ko sa buhay.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:47 AM.

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Survivors
Saturday: December 2, 2017



Yesterday was tough. One more of the 3 officers who were supposed to lead the meeting said he can't come. Luckily, our dear President came and we were back to 3.

Came at the venue realizing we didn't have our things. Just when we needed to attract guests more. Tapos umulan. Sino bang pupunta parin sa meeting kahit umuulan? Tapos nasaken lahat ng remaining gate tickets and a number of raffle tickets I need to sell in just a week. So great.

But then LA came. Then Jolo. Then Jay. Then Jeric. And suddenly, things weren't so bad anymore. Sa tingin ko, ok lang naman mapunta sa mga tough situations as long alam mo na kahit pano, may kasama ka.

During table topics walang nag volunteer so us 3 girl officers ay nag "maiba taya" to pick kung sino mag vo volunteer. Jeez, we're so mature. Lel. Pero ang responsible namin, di ba? In the end, pareparehas kami nag table topics.

Na amaze din ako sa generosity ni LA. I can't thank her enough. As for Jay, I understand why she can't be as giving financially because she has 2 kids to feed, but I love how she more than compensated through service and moral support. The day may be tough but I was so happy and greatful that I was able to share it with these wonderful people.

Mejo masama rin ang loob ko na malaki yung ginastos ko para mameet namin yung consumables. Pero pag nakikita ko si LA na hindi man lang nagreklamo, nahihiya tuloy ako. Lel.

Tough days bring blessings. I can't agree more.

Nakasulat daw sa fabrics ng Universe na the more you give, the more you receive. I pray that LA will be given blessings until it overflows. Especially in health department because she's having it tough on that lately. Siguro sa love life din (ako din po, Lord, please! Lel). I pray the same for Jay and for everyone who responded when I asked them to order more. Tough times bring the best in people and I just realized I am surrounded with the most wonderful ones.

In the end, we survived. Thank You, Heavens.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:28 PM.

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Kira kira
Saturday: November 25, 2017



キラキラ。

He was up at the stage with guitar in his hands, shining. 

When he sang, anlamig.

Kung tutuusin, hindi naman ako musically inclined since I'm more into literature. 

Pero nakaka amaze talaga yung mga tao who pour their hearts out into what they do, they exude with so much passion and are so good at it that they're glittering. 

On top of that,  he's tall, dark and kind of cute. 

After so much inner battle, I told Yang. 

Z: trip ko yung anak ni Bro *****. Pero mukhang bata pa yun no? 

Y: uu

Z: as in sobrang bata? 

Y: college

Z: ah OK. Joke lang. 

Ffft. He looked so much an adult though. 

-------

2 days left and I'm back to the cage. 

Boy, I want to cry. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:41 PM.

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I don't know
Saturday: November 18, 2017



So where did my Saturday go? 

It's 11:03pm and I'm yet to pack my stuff. Just bought a luggage worth 6k for the price of 1.5. Not bad, right? 

KCON in a few days. Excited naman ako pero tinatamad akong mag empake. Hindi ko rin nilu-look forward na matutulog ako sa ibang kama. I need at least 4 pillows to sleep. Will they give me 4 pillows?  Should I bring my own? Dalhin ko narin kaya yung bed ko? Dapat siguro ang kaartehan e binabagay sa budget no? Asdfghjk. 

-------

Saw that kuya aleks served as a judge for a spoken-word poetry contest. Hanggang ngayon ang galing nya pa rin. I remember all his works back in college. Ung short story nya na  "Senyal", yung stageplay na sinulat at dinirect nya na "ambon ng kristal". These were not good peices. Heck, these were superb pieces. I saw that he made more plays way after college. Syempre hindi ko napanood. Bakit ba wala ako sa mundo ng taong to? On top of that, he's a licensed ECE. 

Pag nangarap ka daw at Hindi ka kinabahan, Hindi daw high enough yung pangarap mo. 

Pag nangarap ka daw at Hindi ka kinabahan kahit sobrang taas na, delusion daw kasi yun. 

Pero pag nangarap ka at kinabahan ka. Then, you're in the right place daw. 

I know the world I'd like to be a part of. Nagwawala talaga yung puso ko pag naiisip ko yun. Pero ano bang gagawin ko? 

Dapat siguro hinahunting ko si kuya aleks kaso nahihiya ako. 

Chicken. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:35 PM.

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Sow confusion, reap confusion
Saturday: October 28, 2017



"Minsan kasi akala mo lang hindi mo mahal."

I raised an eyebrow when someone told this to me. Truth is I'm pretty much clear on how I feel, I just don't talk about it.

...

"So anong reaction mo," you asked. I would love to give you a mega eyeroll to the max, you dense moron. Kainis ka.

I was pissed off. If this was the reaction you're after, then you win. But of course, you will never get the luxury of knowing. 

You started all these yet there you were, you couldn't even bear looking when I was with this other boy, and for the record, it wasn't ochestrated.

...

When not in battle mode, I'm always on the defensive side. Weapons of choice: denial and pretense. Weird how I kept on doing this for the past decade even if I know that it doesn't really work.

Why not try honesty and sincerity instead, Z? Maybe you'll end up getting a different result.

...

..

Nah, too much work. Besides, hindi ko rin naman yata mapapangatawanan pa. I'm pretty messed up on my own, why bring someone along?

But if I will be asked if I'll be okay with you ending up with someone else, I'm certain that my answer will be 'no'.

But then...

Well, be it.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:35 AM.

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Thoughts from a bad day
Saturday: September 30, 2017



1:11am. Make a wish.

I just got home. Today was not particularly good. It was bad. At karamihan ng hindi magandang nangyari, kasalanan ko.

I was watching a movie with a super long title. I forgot. Basta dun sa movie, nagpa delete yung babae ng memory nya dun sa lalaki. Nung nalaman ng lalaki, pinadelete nya rin memory nya sa babae. Kaso halfway nung procedure, na realize nya na mahal nya pa yung babae at ayaw nya nang ipabura ung mga memories nila, kaso too late na. Teka...enough ayoko maging spoiler.

Pero basta ganun. After erasing their memory nagkakilala parin sila e. Basta may recorded tape ng messages nila before sila magpadelete ng memory. Tas narinig nila ung recorded tape ng isat isa. Science fiction lang naman na pwede mo ipa delete ang memory mo pero pakiramdam ko, isa ito sa mga panaka painfully realistic na movies na napanood ko.

Magmamahal ka. Masasanay ka sa presensya nya.

Tas bigla mawawala yung magical feeling, bigla kang  ma bo-bored at darating sa point na aayaw ka na.

Hindi lang naman sa romantic love to totoo. Kahit sa friendship.. Kahit sa family. Siguro nga totoong Love is a decision. Maybe love is deciding to stay even if you don't feel like it anymore.

May mga ugali akong hindi kagandahan. Yung super konting tao na piniling mag-stay even after makita yung side na yun, sobrang pinagpapasalamat ko. Pero sa kung hanggang kailan sila mag iistay, hindi ko alam. Sinabi ko noon na the Universe bends in our expectations. Truth is, i dont expect people to stay. People rarely do. That's why i learned to be detached. To not have both feet in. I always left one out, ready to flight.

Safe? Or duwag? I dont know.

Siguro magiging madali ang maraming bagay sa buhay, or maybe yung buhay itself, kung walang taong involved.

Love is for the brave. Iniisip ko kung ano bang chance ng mga taong chicken na katulad ko.

----------

Ang dami daming hindi magandang bagay na nangyayari. Minsan ang sarap mamundok. Ang sarap pumunta ng outerspace.

A week from now, 32 na ko. Sa 32 years ko sa mundo, natutunan ko na pag nagsisimula ka ng mainis, nagsisimula ka nang mangialam. At pag nagsimula ka nang mangialam, nagsisimula ka ng magmahal.

Maliit palang ako, gusto ko na ng peace. But it's not like, I LIKE peace. It's more like, i NEED peace. Kaya ayoko ng confrontations, ayoko ng gulo. At sobrang maliit ang tolerance ko sa mga tao who make me feel bad about myself, or them, or anything. Yung mga gumugulo lang sa utak ko.

Pero kasi, kung saan may tao, nandun ang conflict, nandun ang gulo. At ang only way lang yata para makamit mo ang peace ay ang lumayo ka sa tao. Bakit ba ang complex magmahal? Bakit ba ang complex magpahalaga? 

Sa ending nung movie, sabi nung lalaki, "wait". Sabi nung babae, bakit daw. Para saan. Isa lang daw syang messed up na babae na naghahanap ng sarili nyang peace of mind something. Na darating daw ung panahon mabo bore lang rin sya ulet dun sa lalaki kasi ganun lang daw talaga sya.

Then the man replied, 'okay'. Gusto ko rin makahanap ng sasagot ng 'okay'.

Siguro ang success ng relationship ay hindi nakasalalay sa kung gaano katindi ang pagmamahal nyo sa isat isa kundi sa tibay ng resolve nyo na magpatuloy kahit na feeling nyo e ayaw nyo na.

Sana makahanap ako ng taong kayang magpatuloy kahit feeling nya ayaw nya na. At sana pag nakita ko sya, ako rin, kaya nang magpatuloy kahit feeling ko, ayoko na.

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TM meeting earlier. The only pangtanggal badtrip of the day. Nothing remarkable, but at least I was able to spend time with people i care about. For me, that's more than enough. Also, one of our newest members approached me to ask me to be her mentor. There goes my 3rd mentee. I wonder how people choose their mentors. Still, nakakakilig parin talaga pag ikaw ang napili. Pero at the same time, nakakakaba. I was blessed with a wonderful mentor. Hindi ko maisip kung pano ko mabi-build yung relationship ko sa mentees ko gaya ng relationship na meron kami ng mentor ko. Lalo na nga na mejo takot parin talaga ko sa tao. Still, gagawin ko parin yung best ko. 

Won't be attending our meeting on 6th. Following meetings after that, busy na sila Gabby. Mukhang matagal tagal kaming hindi magkikita. Nakakalungkot din.

Laugh trip kanina, i accidentally sent my message for Mom to J. He sent the screenshot to our Officers group chat. I rarely explain myself because explaining makes me feel as if I'm lying even when I'm not. But because it's super funny, nag mega explain na ko. May point kasi e. Ang layo nga naman ng Mama sa J so pano ko ma eexplain na nawrong send ako. Haha. Pero promise, wrong sent lang talaga, walang halong malisya.

Tanda ko ganito rin kami nagsimula ni R. Feeling ko, dapat mag-ingat na saken si J.

Charot.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:47 AM.

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