Entries in category "Saturday"



Sabishii
Saturday: January 19, 2019



It's 10:38. Mom and Dad went out for some medical thingy and Brother left to see a doctor on a separate hospital. Niece and Sis-in-law followed and they met for their own mini family bonding. I was left to man the house, cook breakfast for Mom and Dad and that was pretty much it. 

Tomorrow is the feast of Sto. Nino. We'll have a mini feast at home. Still debating whether to go back to Metro tomorrow or go straight to the office by Monday. My weekends have been pretty uncomplicated these days, and I really like it.

My job is foreign-language related. Though I could be getting more more money somewhere else, I think I get a pretty decent pay. I give most of my salary to my mother. My needs are pretty scarce so what's left is more than enough for myself. It's not so bad, you know. I'm just watching Korean drama at the office anyway.

It's hard to get motivated to do better when I already got everything I need. I know it doesn't cover my future, but it's hard to look into the future when you don't even know what's in there.

Hayst.

Last year, I watch a Korean drama, Go Back Couple, and it kept haunting me up to this day. The storyline is, there is a couple who got a divorce. A lot of misunderstandings were involved. They said they wish they never met. Then by some miracle, they just woke up and they were both timetravelled back to the time they met-- in college.

This kept me daydreaming of also going back. 

If you will be given a chance to travel back in time, which part of your life will you go back to?

Mine is in college. I find it pretty odd. Not in the time when I made some stupid decision in my early 20s. Not in the time when I had the best days of my life in CKC, not in time when I was a sometimes-happy-sometimes-overdramatic teenager. I don't know why I want it to be college. I think I just want to do it better this  time.

I wasn't bad though. There were 50+ students in our section when we started, and I was one of the 5 who made it out alive after 5 years without extension. I wasn't bad. I know I did my best. I don't know why I want to go back there badly.

Of course, it can't happen. And all that's left to do is move forward. It's nice to know I've got nothing to lose. What's bad is that it makes me ask, "why bother?" That's why I don't and I'm getting stagnant.

Sometimes I wish that the Heavens will just tell me what to do so that I don't have to think about it myself.

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Universe, I want to feel happier tomorrow. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:19 PM.

3 comments





Authenticity
Saturday: December 8, 2018



I've been thinking about this word for some time now. I remember I once saw a post about two people with blue colored skin, looking for someone who has the same skin color. They met and all but were never able to recognize that each was what the other had been looking for, because both were wearing a mask.

I think it's bad when people pretend to care when they actually don't, but I think it's worse when they pretend that they don't when they actually do.

If I'll be my authentic self, I'll be hugging every single person I appreciate. That is probably going to be creepy. Lol.

I have so much to thank God today.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:03 PM.

3 comments





Hedgehog
Saturday: December 1, 2018



I remember he was the one who introduced me to pritong palaka. I bet I wouldn't ever know the taste if it wasn't for him. I also learned from him that a small galunggong is also called "jiji". I was never a fan of fish since I was small, but I liked the jiji that we ate in their house. I even told my mother to cook jiji but it just didn't taste the same.

I also remember how he often stormed the house to pick a fight with my dad, his younger brother. I remember he once broke our window while causing raucous. I remember becoming big enough and brave (others might say stupid) enough to get out of the house to fight him back and tell him to stop pestering Dad. I remember the shouting. He brought his gun some time... but never once pointed it to me. I remember lola's tears. I remember shouting at tita for telling me to stop. I remember crying and saying sorry for talking back. I remember being angry, so angry.

But I also remember asking Dad to forgive him. I remember how I started to realize that he was just a child in a man's body, how he never learned how to express his love properly. I thought then that he's stupid, but also pitiful. I also remember thinking that maybe he's not really a bad person afterall.

I remember how one of his grandchildren died. Just an infant then. I remember how Dad went to his house to attend the funeral of the child and the warmth I felt in my heart when he and Dad finally reconciled.

He was the toughest man in the family. Also the most industrious. I don't remember him going to the gym, but even at an old age, he had abs to prove his daily physical labor. I remember him helping us collect the garbage. I remember him being our go-to person when there were threats of burglary in the neighborhood. He was the man-est a man can be. He was Tito Peping.

He left us today. He's the first to go among Dad's many siblings. I was saying my condolences to my orphaned cousins, but I don't know. I don't think there will be any word that could soothe a grieving child's heart. If it had been Dad... oh God... I don't know.

Rest in peace, Tito. Salamat sa lahat ng tulong mo. Sa paghatid mo sakin papasok sa trabaho when Mom and Dad were in the province. Our memories were not all bliss, but I'm glad, we were able to work things out. Between you and me, between you and Dad.

I pray that my cousins will find the peace and comfort they need at a time like this. I don't know what to give. Heavens, please... 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 04:14 PM.

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Bleak
Saturday: November 24, 2018



Malabo, malabo, malabo talaga. O sya, wag na nga lang.

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Man, I can't believe this. Last day of kcon na tomorrow. Tas back to real world na. I'm not really sad. I miss my niece, Mom, my plants, my room, and so on. Tsaka... gusto ko na rin simulang ayusin ang buhay ko.

I'm glad I came. I'll just miss the songs and the lights.

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One of my classes was about raising selfless children in a self-entitled world. I took it basically for my niece because I'm afraid she'd grow to be maldita since she's a little too well-loved and spoiled. While listening to the talk, it turned out that my brother and sis-in-law seem to be doing quite a good job.

I want to also apply the things I learn to my future kids. Sabi nila binibigay daw satin ng Universe ang mga bagay na gusto natin kapag totoong handa na tayo. See, I don't dream to become a mother. I dream to build my own family. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung paano magkakatotoo yun. I know my limitations. I know my handicap. Something I don't know how to overcome. But the Heavens had shown me miracles before. I can't see why He wouldn't do that again this time or in the near future.

Dean Pax showed us a video about a butterfly who was never able to fly for the rest of it's butterfly life. Because a man, out of his kindness, tried to help the butterfly get out of its cocoon by cutting it. The man thought that the butterfly needed help because it took the butterfly so long to finally get out of the cocoon and it seemed to be having a hard time to get out. It turned out that to be able to fly, the butterfly needed to go through all those slow and painful process.

My journey as a caterpillar has been long and excruciating. I don't even know if I'm already at my cocoon stage. But if the Heavens is indeed preparing me for this, then maybe when that day comes, I will be an amazing mother and an amazing wife.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:53 PM.

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Joy
stickied:
Saturday: November 10, 2018



I found this on the timeline of an fb friend who is a cancer survivor. I love it so much, I'm making this a sticky post.

"We have the right to our joy -- sick or healthy; with children or no children; with partner or no partner. Seek it! Find it! And have a joyful life no matter how much you make or don't make."

May we all find joy in every day of our lives. Goodnight. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:34 PM.

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Damage
Saturday: November 10, 2018



I was all fine, you know.

I shouldn't have asked.

...

I just miss talking to you, g*go.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:08 AM.

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0715
Saturday: August 18, 2018



Why, I'm back to writing almost everyday. Lol.

I just want to organize my feelings because it can be disorienting when you feel so many things. I remember I was INTP in myers-briggs. I wonder if I'm an INFP now. Lol, I doubt that. I scored only 4% in Feelings then against Thinking then. Ganun ka landslide.

Anyway, ayun. Same as last week ulit ang Saturday ko. Sleep, eat, take care of my plants, repeat.

May head is still aching. I hope this is just a simple fever and not eyesight related because I just changed my eyeglasses and I can't afford a new one. Lord, pengi pera!!! Huhu. I wonder magkano kaya magbenta ng kidneys nowadays. Lol.

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I got Anthony's evaluation for my speech today via FB. I agree to all his points because I've noticed it too. Hindi ko lang alam kung pano ko iaapply. Dapat siguro inaasikaso ko na ang pag-ayos ng speech ko. Sana naman maging maayos ang lahat. Hindi ko pa nafi-figure out kung pano, pero sana maipanalo ko to.

Tita Nora's surprised birthday party tomorrow. If I can wake up early, maybe I can drop by sa Feast and then lipad nalang right to the venue. Namimiss ko nang magsimba. Namimiss ko na mag-feast. Nakakalungkot lang kasi magsimba mag-isa. Weird because back in the day, I didn't mind. Indeed, I'm getting old.

I filed a leave on Monday so it's a long weekend for me. I dont mind going to work the following day kahit holiday since I know na walang traffic then.

Kung may pera ako, pupunta ako sa Farmers garden to shop for plants. But for now I'd suit myself in collecting pebbles siguro for soil mix. Besides, I also have a speech to fix pa nga pala.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:44 PM.

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0136
Saturday: August 18, 2018



My head aches. I should be sleeping.

Wala lang. Please let me write. Ang cutie pie ng crush ko. Paano ko kaya to maiuuwi samen? Ahaha.

I need to straighten may hair na. Lord, pengi pera!

I finished writing my speech a few minutes before my shift ended. Actually hindi nga natapos. I had to edit pa while the program was ongoing. Then I just read it lang kanina. I think it's not so bad. Still not good enough to win either. Kung ako lang, ok naman na ko basta mairaos ko lang to. Pero kasi...

1. Kailangan kong mapatunayang hindi malas ang cacti ko (Oo, number 1 talaga).

2. I want to celebrate my victory with everyone from the club para masaya kaming uuwi sa 25th.

3. Para magmukhang ok ako? Well, ok naman ako. Gusto ko lang yung pwede kong ibandera like, "hey Universe, ok lang ako!!!" Ganun.

Ok lang naman talaga ko. Ang leaky lang ng mata ko lately, pero ok lang talaga. 

Ano bang gagawin ko?

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I had a slot for Sir Dean's seminar with Yang's help. We were asked to write our plan. I didn't know I have one until I wrote it. Ang tagal pa ng October. Hindi na ko makapaghintay. But to wait or not, time will pass anyway, so I might as well do something while waiting?

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Shet, ang cute talaga nung crush ko. Tas Catholic pa sya. Wala naman akong issue sa ibang religion, pero kung hihingi rin lang ako ng lalaki sa langit, syempre gusto ko yung same religion saken. Tas single daw.

Sa lahat ng heartbreaks na dinanas ko... pagkakataon mo nang bumawi, Universe. 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:02 AM.

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Max
Saturday: July 21, 2018



Z: pangit ba?
Bro: hindi naman
Z: Sabi ni Mama pangit daw
Bro: kasi uso yung ganyan ngayon e. Yung mukhang timang.

Grabe, hindi ko kinaya ang pagka savage ng kapatid ko.

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It was raining kanina. I wanted to wear something comfy so I went for a maxi dress (actually a long gown) and a pair of rubber shoes. Despite my mom and bro's comments, my ridiculous outfit reached the mall...

We got there with screaming bladder so we hit the comfort room first. The line was long so mom went to the senior citizen area, then urged me afterwards to use it too. The guard motioned asking if I'm pregnant (because I was using the priority CR) and Mom nodded. I don't know kung kanino ako mas maiinis: to my mom for lying or to the Manong Guard for actually believing her.

This same dress I wore during the officers' installation. My pictures all looked so bad I didn't dare post any of it on my social media accts. I remember Mentor telling me not to wear that dress again...


Oh, guess who saw me at the mall wearing that dress kanina. Lol.

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Brother's bday now over. The series of birthdays in my family's calendar ends here. The next will be months from now pa. Mine in October and then Kaitlyn's in Nov. Makakapag diet na rin ako...

Or maybe not.

Vikings with my girls, Nini and Sha, on 11th next month and then Tita Nora's 60th at Elyong's on 19th. Kung hihintayin ko pang maubos ang celebrations, hindi na siguro ako makakapag diet.

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For the nth time, I looked at the picture. Promise mas maganda pa ko. Sabi nila matalino daw. Well, hindi man ako nag cum laude pero kung talino rin lang, sigurado akong kaya kong makipagsabayan. Iniisip ko nalang, siguro mabait. Wala naman talaga akong laban kung mabait.

Still, ok na. Wala namang kasalan yung babae. Wala rin sigurong reason i-bash. Kung nagkakilala kami, baka naging close pa kami. Nagbabago lang siguro talaga ang damdamin ng mga tao.

Ok na. I'm moving on na.

Next, Universe!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:26 PM.

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"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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