Entries in category "月曜日"



Ni juu ni
月曜日: June 23, 2020



11:31pm. Hindi naman maganda ang mood ko kaninang umaga pero ngayon parang ok na.

Birthday ng mama ko bukas kaya naka leave ako. Bibili ako ng mamahaling cake bilang nakatipid naman kami ngayon dahil hindi na kailangan mag buffet.

Pero more than anything else, I am grateful for the life of my mother.

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Hindi ganun kabusy sa trabaho ngayong araw. Busy ata si Divya kaya di nakapag assign ng tickets. Pero di ko parin natapos lahat ng english tickets ko dahil late na naibigay. Nakalimutan kasi akong bigyan ni TL. 18 tickets today. Hindi naman talaga yun konti, pero mejo hindi ako satisfied pag hindi pumapalo ng bente ang tickets ko. I have this workmate na kasama ko sa japan team na nakakatapos ng over 40 tickets sa isang araw. Nakakapag chika chika pa sya nyan, samantalang ako, haggard na haggard na sa bente. On top of that, andami nya pang nakukuhang csat. Wala lang, ang galing lang. Talent kaya yun?

I keep my notes organized at work. Meron din ako templates para sa emails, chat and whatnot. Nag shortcut key rin ako sa notepad para madaling buksan, at may key words lahat ng items sa note ko para madaling i-search... ano pa kayang kulang? paano kaya maging productive at efficient pero kalmado pa rin no? This officemate is far from being calm though. Pero kahit na, ang galing nya parin.

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A friend sent me a message yesterday asking me why i didn't renew sa elite. Later on, the friend offered to pay for my renewals. Funny because this was the 2nd time that someone offered to pay para mag renew ako. Iniisip ko kung mukha ba talaga akong mahirap. Lol.

Few months ago, this same friend also offered to pay for my joining fee to some club-related event na nakalimutan ko na kung ano. This time again, I declined. Hindi naman ako ma pride na tao. I'm comfortable in receiving people's generosity. Kaya lang naman ako nag decline, kasi ayoko talaga. Mejo na konsyensya rin ako ng very slight kasi baka kaya willing sya magbayad ng renewals for me e dahil need pa nya ng more members sa club nya. In a way, I really felt sorry.

It's not really an issue with money. Sa totoo lang, excited na kong matapos ang month na ito para makalaya na ko mula sa club. I want to feel like I own my time again. Ayun lang naman. I still plan to go back. Maybe on the same club. Maybe on a different one. Hindi ko pa naiisip. Basta sigurado ako na gusto ko parin maging world champion balang araw. 

Pero sa ngayon, gusto ko muna maging malaya.

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Tinext ko si meguri kanina. Nagpahelp sa japanese email ko for work. Nahihiya na kasi ako magtanong sa mga kasama ko sa trabaho. As always, mabilis naman syang nag reply. 

Dati kong boss si meguri. Nasusungitan ko nga to dati kasi naiirita ako noon at nakukulitan sa kanya. Pero ngayon, even years after he left the company, hanggang sa ako rin, nakaalis na, andyan parin sya, always ready to help. Isa sya sa biggest blessings na binigay sakin ng langit. Minsan feeling ko angel talaga sya na nalaglag lang dito sa lupa. Nakakatuwa na nabigyan parin ako ng mga taong tulad nya sa buhay ko kahit ang totoo nyan, mejo masama talaga yung ugali ko. Lol.

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Napupuyat ako kahahanap ng bibilhing knitting yarn sa lazada. Kabibili ko lang sa sm, palengke at bookstore. Ni hindi pa ko marunong mag knit. When I told bff I'm learning how to knit, she was like, "di ba tinuro satin yan nung highschool?"

Medyo na confuse ako, I felt like I had an amnesia because I have absolute zero recollection on learning crochet. Then I remembered na excempt nga pala ko sa home economics nung hs. 

I want more yaaaaaaarn!!! T_T 

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Hindi perfect ang mga pangyayari nitong mga nakaraang araw. Pero araw araw, laging merong pwedeng ipagpasalamat. 

Salamat, Universe.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:25 AM.

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Anx
月曜日: April 27, 2020



Feeling ko ang harsh ko nitong mga nakaraang araw.

Allergic na allergic kasi ako sa mga messages these days. Pero a few days back, hinarap ko na. I told them what I had to say. Didn't bother to sugarcoat. Okay naman at first. Pero ewan ko.

I hate explaining myself, you know. I hate having to justify my choices. I hate having to choose between being nice or maintaining my self-respect by saying 'no' when I want to. I believe that one should always choose self-respect, and it's always a struggle.

Sometimes I just want to cut these people off para mas madali. Pero patas ba yon?

-----

I'm feeling anxious about work.

"For our account, to be able to extend our contract in Ta***a for 5 years or so pa."

This was my #27 sa listahan ng hiling ko sa langit nung Feast of Divine Mercy. Sana pakinggan Niya.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:02 AM.

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Men and stuff
月曜日: April 20, 2020



Ang gwapo ni Attorney. Natataranta yung mga babae. 

Tas si Mr. Chill, may workout vid. Nagkakagulo yung nga kakilala nyang bading. Ang daming mejo mahalay na comment, pero mabait si Mr. Chill. As usual, kalma lang sya. Alam mo, hanggang ngayon, para sakin ang perfect parin nitong taong to. Kaso, ayun nga, nagkahiyaan na e.

Then, R and the wife. Keri lang. It doesn't hurt one bit now. I just read from the wife's post that he forgot an important date. He wasn't like that when he was with me. Pero pwede rin na that's just a side effect of marriage. Ok na. Lubayan na natin sila.

Then, the master. Hands off na ko dito. He's better off with that nice kiddo his age. I seriously don't want to get in the way.

Tas si M. Alam mo, ang yaman neto at ang cute ng pets nya. Haha. But when we went out years ago, awkward, with kuliglig in the background. To think andami naming common interests. Hindi ko rin alam.

Ang daming lalaking ok no? Yung single, tas straight. Siguro, if kikilalanin ko yang mga yan isa isa, at least isa man lang dyan mahuhulog ang loob sakin. Tas yung mga hindi mahuhulog, siguro pwede kong maging mabuting kaibigan, di ba?

Naiirita na kasi ako sa taste ko. Sablay e. 

------- 

Yung hiniling ko sa Divine Mercy last year e maextend pa ang buhay nung aso kong super sick nung nga panahon na yun. Almost 1 year din na naextend ang buhay nya, kahit papano.

This year, bukod sa pagkawala ng COVID, hiniling kong makapag buo ng sarili kong pamilya. Next year. Agad agad. Lol.

Ibibigay kaya ng Langit?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:57 AM.

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Bagyo
月曜日: April 6, 2020



Installed na ang softphone.

Puteeek, adaming calls.

May Japanese call pa ko kanina.

Halfway palang ng shift pagod na ko.

Ipinagpapasalamat ko lang talaga na nadyan si PK. Ano kayang gagawin ko pag wala yung taong yun?

Kaya kahit ang maldita nun, love ko yun.

Sana wag na sya umalis forever.

....

Yun lang. Super quick rest bago bumalik sa digmaan.

Jaa!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:53 PM.

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TYSTC
月曜日: March 23, 2020



A doctor I'm acquainted with posted a notification for his patients saying he won't be able to give online consultations anymore as he will be going on a 24-hr hospital duty.

My tears are falling as I type this. I don't know. I feel like Doc A is going to a battle with no guarantee that he'll be going home alive. Will he die? I feel so sorry. I'm so sorry. While I'm here, safe at home, there are people who are risking their lives in the call of duty amidst the pandemic.

Heavens, isn't this enough already?

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I have a colleague who just left the company. Her new employer had extended her supposed start date due do the lockdown. She's now wondering what would happen to her if this community-wide quarantine continues.

I read somewhere that there are downsizing happening in some BPO. There are companies from Europe who are closing down due to this COVID situation and are due to open until further notice. I wonder what will happen to those people who have lost their job now that we're all in crisis.

I feel grateful that the company I'm with is still up and running. That despite the lockdown, they've tried their hardest to send our PCs to our homes. That they're keeping the business afloat.

I am grateful. I will always remember this, company#4. Thank you.

------

Sana ok lang ang lahat ng mga taong mahalaga sa akin.

Sana manatiling safe si Doc A habang nagliligtas sya ng buhay. He's a good doctor. He's a good person. Please protect him and his family. Heavens, please. Protect all of our doctors, nurses and everyone who are saving lives at the expense of their own. Awat na po sa casualties. God, tama na po.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:46 AM.

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156
月曜日: February 24, 2020



It's almost 2AM and I haven't slept yet. I'm supposed to wake up in 2hrs. Accompanying Parents to the Doc to have Dad's eyes checked in a public hospital in QC. Maaga daw aalis dahil mahaba ang pila. Mas gusto ko sana matulog nalang.

The day went with me cleaning my room. I'm not finished yet. I thought my days will be hayahay but the Universe planned differently. Hopefully, by Tuesday, my room will no longer look like a damp site.

Few days and I will be back to work. 1 day to my 9-6pm sched. I have no idea what my March sched will be. Bahala ka na sakin, Universe. Inaalala ko lang yung mga ganap sa office. If panggabi ako tas may team building, paano kaya yun? Hindi matutulog?

I read the groupings from the email. Nabasa ko rin yung nakasulat na toka toka rin pag dating sa chores like cooking and dishwashing. When I told Mom about it, she was like, "sabihin mo sa kanila, hindi ka pwede maghugas ng plato. Yung kamay mo..." referring to my allergies. Jeeesh. Sana luto nalang mapunta sa group namin. Yun nga lang, hindi rin ako marunong magluto. Iniisip ko rin ang pagkain. Hindi ako kumakain ng hayop. Sabaw sabaw nalang siguro. Sighs ulit.

I don't want to cause any hassle to these people. Ito talaga yung reason kung bakit ayoko sa lumabas kasama ng mga tao na hindi ko pa masyadong ka close. Ang dami ko kasing issue sa buhay.

Ewan. Saka ko na siguro to proproblemahin.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:14 AM.

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Band aid
月曜日: February 17, 2020



I just revived my dating profile in various dating websites. Sabi nila, when you lose a person daw tas hindi ka nag move on dahil feeling mo wala ka nang makikilalang tao who will make you feel the same way, scarcity mindset daw yun. I hate scarcity mindset.

Hindi naman talaga applicable sa situation. I didn't lose anything. I'm just sad. Putek, may na swipe right pa ko na kamukha nya. Lol. This is silly.

I'm naturally detached. Nadi disorient din ako sa mga emotions na unuasual sakin or kaya yung mga extreme. Madalas hindi ko na ine examine kung ano bang na fi-feel ko. Lol, ni hindi ko alam ang difference ng tamang fondness lang sa romantic attraction. Hindi na rin ako pupunta sa topic ng love kasi masyado yung higher level para sakin, tipong papunta ng outer space. Kaya ngayon na nalulungkot ako ng dahil sa isang tao, nako confuse ako... pero teka, ano bang point?

Maybe I just need to meet more people.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:03 PM.

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SSS
月曜日: February 17, 2020



So I just went to a government office to day in the hope that I can have the rest of my leaves covered. The doc there said, kung hindi ka sick, you're not entitled to it. Vinerify ko pa sa actual officer kasi bago lang naman daw dun si Doc. Syempre nakipag argue pa ko. Mukhang natakot naman sila sa taray ko at binigyan ako ng options. Nowhere near good ones though. In the end, they suggested that I call the main hotline.

Nakakapagod ipaglaban ang sarili mong benefits. Iisip nalang ako ng way para kumita ng pera habang naka tengga ako sa bahay.

Sinong may kailangan ng kidney?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:54 PM.

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Hi ulit
月曜日: December 30, 2019



Papatapos na ang taon. Ang daming dapat gawin. Ang dami ko rin ipinag-aalala tungkol sa buhay buhay.

I just booked for my parents flight to Taiwan on Feb na sabay sa flight namin ni Mel. Bigla kong na realize na wala akong ipon and I need now 3 times of my original target budget. Lol. This is only 2 salary cut offs away. Bahala na.

Dad started exercising again para daw makapaglakad sya ng maayos pag nag Taiwan kami. When we had our family trip kasi in Intramuros, napagod sya at nagpaiwan nalang sa bench. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kukuha ng pera. Hahahaha.

When we were in college, I had this friend na ang daming issues sa buhay. We often helped her get through her life as a student, but I used to hate it when this control freak  (myself) was already pulling her hair to help a friend get through an impossibly tight situation,  tapos the friend she was helping was acting all chill pa, saying, "God will provide."

Looking back, she was indeed able to go through all the hard times with just that idea though.

All my life, I've always worked and worried my way into having things done. It made me always stressed, but I did get things done. Iniisip ko if magwo-work ba sakin ang pagigimg chill. Right now, I feel like that's the best choice I have. God will provide.

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Ang daming bagay na nag-aalala ako.

Yung work ko na hindi ko alam kung makikeep ko ba since we're still waiting for the decision of the client if they'll keep us or not. I'm not even regular yet. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong mangyayari pag hindi kami nakakuha ng favorable na decision.

Yung Taiwan trip nga.

My parents' health.

My singularity at this age. Yes, there's that too.

And then this person that I'm worried about...

yung future ng club...

kung dapat pa ba ko mag stay...

kung kaya ko bang isabay lahat ng to considering na ang dami ko na ring inaalala even without this...

...

I woke up early kanina. Mga 5am. At around 6am, bumaba ako sa may sala to find that I was alone in the house. Namalengke pala ang mga magulang ko. I took my time to enjoy the silence. I opened the back door of our house and smelled the fresh air sa garden ng tatay ko. Namunga na pala ang puno ng papaya. Yung isa, namumulaklak na. Pa chirp chirp lang din ang nga ibon at ang sarap nilang pakinggan.

Know what, hindi naman talaga ganun kasama. Ok naman talaga ang buhay ko. Sadyang mahirap lang talagang hindi mag-alala, pero kung tutuusin, ok lang naman talaga.

Siguro for once, kailangan ko ring matutunang maging chill at maniwala na God will really provide. 

May mga days na nalulungkot din ako at nao overwhelm. There were days I've spent crying because I felt unsure on what to do. Days that looked so nice on the external. But then they were. It's just that, life has so many angles pa at hindi naman lahat, naka capture ng camera.

2019 had been a happy year, but December was the most challenging part.

And it's not over yet.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:04 PM.

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"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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