Entries in category "月曜日"



Min
月曜日: September 26, 2022



I lost my cat, Mini, today. Just a week ago, a workmate lost a mother. I know it doesn't compare, but that doesn't invalidate the grief I feel for my lost pet.

From 7, my cats are down to 5. 

Kanina, Mom was planning to just throw Mini away dahil umuulan at mahirap maghukay. Gets ko. Ayaw ko ring mahirapan sila mama at papa, so I proposed that they find someone na maghuhukay then I will pay. But as I was proposing, I started crying, kaya nag panic yung nanay ko. She immediately told Dad, " ilibing nalang natin at nag-iiyak na yung anak mo." I feel sorry na kailangan nilang mahirapan dahil dito. Kung wala akong pasok, I would've dig Mini's grave myself. I surely love my cats, but of course, I love my parents more.

I wish I'll never lose another cat. And I wish, I can have my parents forever.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 08:33 AM.

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Mafuyu
月曜日: September 19, 2022



Gusto ko ng kotse na kulay orange. Pag nakabili na ko, papangalan ko yon ng Mafuyu. Yung character na vocalist sa anime na Given.

9 minutes, at off na ko.

Ang cute ng Here U Are na manhua. I'm almost finished.

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Officemate's mom is sick of liver cirrhosis. I've been reading about it since she left halfway her shift today. Said her mom was in pain again. She no longer has a dad. I've read that there are stages to this disease. And if I remember the symptoms that she told me her mom has, it seems like her mom is on stage 3. Sana maging okay lahat for her.

I've been checking for supplements to buy to prevent my parents for having the same sickness. Nakakatakot mawalan ng magulang. Sana magsurvive at gumaling na ang mama ng officemante ko.

I want to buy more shoes and clothes... but I feel like I need to save more money to ensure that I can provide for whatever medical needs my parents will have in the future.

Universe, penging net passive income na 1 million pesos monthly!



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Written by cinderellaareus at 05:59 PM.

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adokenai de nani ga warui
月曜日: September 5, 2022



Doc: kelan po ang huling sexual activity?

Z: wala po

Doc: virgin?

Z: softly nods.

One of the many reasons why I hate APE. Gah!

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Day one of not having Robert around. So peaceful. Everyone happy. Sabi ko magpapa cake ako pag umalis na sya sa company. E di naman talaga sya aalis, so walang cake.

Nakakaawa rin e no. I mean, if I were him, ang lungkot siguro having people celebrate your absence, no?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:47 PM.

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Kawai Deai
月曜日: August 22, 2022



Was sitting with a mother-child tandem in a bus on the way home last night. The kid was a toddler. The mother allowed the child to sit next to me, while she hung the other half of her butt on 2-seater bus chair. I let the kid play with the keychain attached on my bag (more like ignored her while doing so). She leaned her head freely on my arm. Sarap ng pagkakasandal nya sakin, parang gusto nya nang magpalit ng nanay. Lol. We didn't talk, nor look at eachother the whole time, and yet, when the mother decided to transfer seat, the kid was like "babye na ha", and waved at me.

I don't like kids in general, but I find this encounter quite cute.

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I asked TL to move my rest days this week dahil hindi ako nakapasok last Monday. Knee pain. I must've injured my knees somewhere. I refused to believe that this is rayuma. The joints of my hands are also hurting. Coincidence lang siguro. Again, hindi ito rayuma. I refuse to believe so. Must be pilay. Yeah, must be that, right?

Will be ending my 6-day straight work-week today. I plan to go to Healthy Options to buy something that will cure this annoying joint pain. Nearest branch is Trinoma. Nakakatamad magbyahe.

Friends were asking to meet all the time. Sa totoo lang, tamad na tamad akong umalis ng bahay. I want long sleep, good rest, and a lot of time to read and watch BL.

I just finished watching "Utsukushii Kare". A live-action Japanese BL series. Watched it on Cloud Workspace browser, technically Netflix Japan. Not available in PH version. Got nosebleed in trying to understand without English sub. Still found it so good, I decided to watch it again in Bilibili. Ah, I love this series so much!

Few days back, sa Magpakaylanman, ang kwento e about a woman who found out that her husband was cheating on her with another man. I asked a female officemate who was recently divorced kung mas masakit ba na nag cheat yung asawa mo with a man, kesa kung sa babae. She said, oo daw, dahil nakakainsulto. 

I thought about it, at naisip ko na being the hopeless fujoshi that I am, if that happens to me, I might actually end up supporting them, and ask for their cute pictures together. Arg. Hindi healthy to no?

I should kick my butt off and meet new people. Gah, nakakatamad.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:53 AM.

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Numb
月曜日: August 8, 2022



I've lost a cat last Saturday. Despite the ideal pet environment, he still died. I was busy taking care of my other cat who just had a surgery. By the time that I noticed that my other cat was sick, it was already too late. I thought he'd survive. He didn't. I don't know how you call this feeling. Is this guilt?

I was crying when I brought him to the clinic that day. But when I got a text message from Mom by the afternoon that my cat was already dead, there was a twisting pain in my chest. But I didn't cry. I couldn't. The twisting pain is still here, yet I'm still not crying. It's like an emotional constipation. The poop is there, and your stomach hurts, but it won't come out.

Today, I had a meeting with my TL, Account Manager, and SME regarding the my jump aux escalation. I asked them who escalated me, and they refused to answer. But it's pretty obvious because they held their meeting with Robert before mine. I've told my officemates about it, and they were very angry with Robert. When I was leaving as my shift ended earlier, nakakwentuhan pa namin yung ibang nasa night shift, and they too were opposing Robert.

I don't know why, but I dont feel angry at all. I defended myself during the meeting, but that was about it. I didn't feel angry. I didn't feel anything. Well, I did feel a little scared that my other officemates will believe him, and they will get to hate me. When my officemates displayed their support, I thought I'd feel happy, or at least relieved. I didn't feel any of these at all. I don't feel anything. Why?

I don't know. Is this grief?

Human emotions are so complicated.

I wonder when will I have my feelings back.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:51 PM.

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801
月曜日: August 1, 2022



I just learned the name of this gay dude I had a little crush on. It made me happy that he knew my name, though that was probably because my seatmates and I were always noisily calling eachother. 

From what I heard, his boyfriend was our former TL whom I hated (the one who brought us to the PDT queue). I also heard that the bf was a scammer. I don't know for sure. I just hope he's taking care of my little crushie, and he's not scamming him also. Otherwise, he should just give him to me. Haha!

Off tomorrow. I want to have a long sleep, but I need to bring my cat to vet. The following day, I have an early schedule for a diode session. I'll be on leave on Thursday,  so at least I have one full day to rest. Rest, meaning, read BL the entire day. Lol.

I think I started liking gay men when I learned that a major crush was gay. That was in 2014. The guy was quite a looker, and a total catch. He's a foreigner who can speak perfect Tagalog. I've seen him a few times on tv. We've become a little closer, I sometimes go to his condo. His boyfriend then was a young doctor, who was also very good looking.

I wonder if there's something wrong with my head. My heart always goes badump badump whenever I see gay men. I find them so cute, I want to pat their head like a cat.

Cat, by the way, is "neko" in Japanese. Neko is also a term used interchangeably with the word, "uke", which is the term for the bottom position in a gay sex. Just a little trivia. Hahaha!

Also, with 801, 8 can be read as "ya", then 0 as "o" , and 1 as "i", will give you "yaoi". 8/01---> it's yaoi day today, but I still rather call it BL para mas disente. Lol.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:47 PM.

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Shinigami no sei ka
月曜日: June 27, 2022



Another death from someone I know in Toastmasters. Parang kamamatay lang rin ng kakilala ko from another club just weeks back. It's sad and scary. Death.

I went on SL today as I injured my feet last night. I was drying my glass lunch box when it slipped from my hand and landed on my feet, shattering broken glasses around me. By the time I noticed, my feet were already bleeding.

I managed to sleep longer and even had an afternoon nap today.

I haven't been feeling well these days. I think it's really convenient to become a woman, because when you feel a little suicidal, you can always blame it on PMS.

I'm trying not to think too much. BL manga used to keep me sane. It's probably still keeping me sane. I just feel a little... I don't really have a word for this feeling.

One of the earliest poems I've read when I was young (about 8, I guess) was about death. The words were painfully beautiful, I remember wanting to write like that.

Isn't it odd how humans are drawn to glum things like death and unrequited love? Surely, there's some inexplicable beauty in them, but isn't it about time for you to outgrow all these already, Z?

Nah... I really shouldn't think too much.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:35 PM.

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5 hearts
月曜日: May 30, 2022



I shook hands with a stranger in the bus this morning as he was introducing himself. He didn't look bad. He's an accountant daw.

Then, nakasabay kong umuwi yung cute kiddo from PDT kanina. Mejo mahaba habang lakaran kaya nakapag kwentuhan ng bahagya.

Siguro 5/5 hearts ang love horoscope ko today.

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Nakalimutan kong mag book ng vet tomorrow. 

I need to finish a contest entry na deadline din bukas. I don't know my chances of winning, pero excited akong maipakilala ang mga characters ng kwento ko sa ibang tao. I'm really struggling with the ending. Sabi na nga ba dapat sa ending nagsisimula.

Ang daming gagawin. Maglilinis pa ko ng kwarto ng cats bukas. Gusto ko ng yaya. T_T



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:25 PM.

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Tsukareta
月曜日: May 2, 2022



Started RTO yesterday. My arms and body are hurting from carrying my work laptop and monitor from Bulacan to QC. I'm on my day off today and tomorrow. Starting next week, my rest days will be Tuesday and Wednesday. I miss my Thur-Fri off.

My elder cats seem to have missed me a little. My male cat, Hamanya, rushed towards me upon hearing my voice when I got home. And Nicai, allowed me to cuddle her a little longer than usual. Iya had always been sweet and needy, so nothing seem to have changed. And then the kittens were totally indifferent about my absence. 

I miss my cats. I usually cuddle and play with them during breaks when I was working from home. My male cat seemed to be having sepanx, Mom said he kept looking for me in our room where I used to work.

On Wednesday, I'll be back to work. I'm not thrilled. Oh well. Must be nice if I meet someone. I miss having one-sided crushes. Lol.

We have a lot of new hires we've never met before. A few of them were chatting with me via Teams and Messenger. I've met one yesterday. I can't see his face because of the mask, but his eyes look nice, and his brows were beautifully thick. I've checked his FB before, I know his face is beautiful. Sobrang bata nga lang. We just exchanged a few hello's. Anlayo rin kasi ng seat nya.

Bawal sa company namin makipag jowa among co-workers. Still nice to have an eye candy though.

Gah, all the sacrifices of having to commute and wake up early again will all be worth it if only I'll meet someone! Seriously. 

If face to face meeting will resume, I'll go back to TM. Partly in the hope of meeting someone, partly because I also want to spend time with like-minded people, meron or wala mang malisyang involved.

Just woke up from a nap. I didn't expect to feel this worn out after my first commute to work in 2 years.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:20 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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