Entries in category "Monday"
"Anong gagawin mo pag nagkaron ka ng isang milyon?"
Dad asked me this question out of the blue. When your dad, old and sickly, starts asking a question like this, ang hirap hindi mag-isip ng kung ano-ano, specially since I know my dad. I was working on my garden then, wiping tears habang nagmamartilyo.
Until Dad told us why he asked. Said he had a dream daw. In the dream, he committed suicide and he met San Pedro. Pinagalitan daw sya ni San Pedro at sinabing hindi pa daw sya pwede ma deds because my brother doesn't have his own house yet, and Dad's apo, my niece, is not very ok yet. Sinabi daw ni San Pedro na Dad will win in lotto kaya he needs to live. I saw Mom's tears while Dad was telling us a story. Pero later on naging fun and lighthearted naman yung convo when we started to plan kung pano kami magpaparte parte sa 400 million pesos. Lol.
I don't really care much. I just want to have my dad for a long long time pa. But I don't mind having millions either. Sana nga totoo ang sinabi ni San Pedro. Hehe.
Nalaman ko na "Tagpi" pala ang pangalan ng aso ng kapitbahay na tinatawag kong "Pogi". Nakakatuwa na hindi sya lilingon pag tinawag mo syang tagpi pero lumilingon sya sa pogi. Alam nya kaya ibig sabihin ng pogi? Lol.
I still feel like someone who broke a leg and who is just starting to learn how to walk again. It still hurts. It does. I deleted my IG and didn't have the slightest regret. If it wasn't for the people I don't want to lose contact with, I'd delete FB too.
But what for? Soon I'll recover from this. I'm starting to entertain the possibility that maybe I'd really be better off single. There are days when I want to close all connections I have from the world just so I wouldn't see anything that involves that person.
But what for?
Iniisip ko kung magiging masaya pa ba ko ulit.
Masipag ako sa paperworks and stuff that require an eye in details. But heck, I hate manual, physical labor. Pero the weekend that passed, I've spent with hammer, saw, pliers and stuff. I was fixing the garden for my babies and future babies. In love na in love talaga ako sa mga halaman ko.
Today, I bought air dry clay. I plan to make hand-made pots for my plants na plano ko ibenta once I get a hang of things. Gusto kong magpatayo ng garden. O kaya green house.
I've been spending most of my days emersed in reading posts sa fb group na dedicated sa uri ng plants na meron ako. Nakakakilig na nandun si Jennica at nagpo post at nagko comment din. Super idol ko talaga yun. Not as an actress, but more as a mother, as a wife and as a human being in general. Check her IG and you'll understand why.
May nabasa pala ako kanina about using vetsin as fertilizers. Mabilis daw magkakaron ng pups at flowers. Excited na ko magvetsin. Sana magka flowers na ang cacti ko.
20 mins to go tas uwian na. Thank you, Lord!
Written by cinderellaareus at 03:42 PM.
Monday. Was on leave. I intended to stay at home and fix my speech. Pero kasi mejo poor talaga ko ngayon kaya ang hirap tumanggi sa libreng sine, so I went out.
Ang babaeng allergic sa wifi. Ang dami kong naaalalang tao. Putek. Dapat siguro, hindi muna ako nanonood ng love story. Nakaka-emo, Bes.
Parang ang daming promising na tagalog films lately. Excited na kong magkapera. Sana may maabutan pa ko next payday.
Hindi naman ako magastos. If it wasn't for this bogus buyer who ordered so many tas di naman kukunin, may pera sana ko ngayon. Grrr. Pero ok lang. Mabebenta ko pa naman to. Tiwala lang.
I just learned that Joan's wedding is in 25th din pala. Same date ng contest. Heck, it's too late to back out. Pero ok lang din. The venue's far and wala rin naman akong outfit.
Ang bilis mag shift ng moods ko lately. Parang gusto kong pumunta sa lugar na dead ang signal gaya dun sa 'Ang babaeng allergic sa WIFI" movie. Wala lang. Para wala ako makitang post na di kaayaaya. Madali lang naman mang unfollow ng tao. Ayoko lang.
I'm pretty sure I'm not hurting. Heck, I don't even feel jealous. Puno lang siguro ng what-could-have-been's and stuff. I just miss the connection. It makes me a little sad. Hindi naman kasi madaling humanap ng ganun. Or baka sa mga maling lugar lang ako naghahanap.
Pero despite the sadness, I've been feeling more at peace lately. Maybe I'm already learning to gracefully let go.
Sana next time na magmahal ako, dun na sa tamang tao. Sana by then, 'tamang tao' narin ako for that person.
Written by cinderellaareus at 10:41 PM.
On normal days, I might find this creepy. Pero dahil sa mejo broken hearted ako ngayon, na appreciate ko talaga to. Hahaha.
Ang lakas ng ulan kaninang madaling araw nung paalis ako kaya hindi na ko pumasok.
Kahapon natapos ko ang tula ng pamangkin ko para sa school. Para ma motivate syang mag memorize, ginawa kong tungkol kay Spider-man yung tula dahil mahilig sya kay spider-man. Pramis, effort gawing related sa theme na "Filipino, wika ng saliksik" ang tulang tungkol kay spider-man. Kagabi, nagsimula silang magpraktis. Mukhang hindi effective. Good luck sa pamangkin ko.
Still, it's one down for me. Now speech naman. Insipirasyon, sapian mo ko!!!
Written by cinderellaareus at 09:24 AM.
"Ok lang. Sumadal ka dito." He said motioning his shoulder and I was like, "Lol, no."
My head aches and my eyes sear. Had a crying fiesta for no reason and very little sleep. I must be getting old.
Yesterday, I cleaned up my room and threw away stuff. I decided to let go of the letters I've kept since high school. Some of which were written by people who are already dead now.
"Sana itago mo 'to," I remember he once said. But this is long overdue.
TM meeting last Friday. JP gave me a whole bag of fruits so heavy that when Gabby said, "samin na kayo sumabay," hindi na ko humindi. In the end, I got home at 3am. Lol.
Was with my Instagirlfriends then. While in the car, the topic went to rated R-ish, I swear I can't understand them-probably more than half of the time.
My friends, even outside TM, are mostly around my age. And yet, at 32, I'm probably still the most nene of them all.
But is that a bad thing?
Last Friday, Jer told me, he resigned na. I thought he was joking pero sabi nya totoo daw. I remember I was also around his age when I left 1st co and the CE profession altogether. He is a CE too and it seems like he's going to do the same thing I did. It's like seeing my old self in someone else's life. I think Jer will probably do better than I did though. He's very disciplined and always strong in his resolve.
In a way, I'm envious. There's nothing I want more right now than to be free too. Without letting my family starve, that is.
Pero wait, kaya ko naman yun di ba?
Kaya ko yon! Puteeek, kaya ko talaga yon!
Wait for me, Universe.
Written by cinderellaareus at 09:07 AM.
Braving Monday with a sleepy head. It's been a long while since I had sleeping problems. I don't know what triggers this. Takte.
I went to this place I'm in now to find some quiet place to think and plan my life. I want to use the things I learned from the Harvest Master game and use it in real life. So ano na 'Te?
I feel wierd. I'm not even sleepy. Tamang lutang lang. Gawd, what's wrong with me? I few things piss me of. Ayoko na nang ganitong setup. Alam mo bang kahit sa bible nakasulat na you are supposed to protect your heart? Surely, I trained myself to quickly move on, pero di ba lahat naman ng sugat, mag iiwan at mag iiwan din ng scar.
Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong point ng meron akong acct sa isang dating site kung lahat naman hindi ko pinapansin.
Tingin ko kasi mas gusto ko pa rin yung tunay na tao flesh and bones.
Halfway July. On the 29th, it's gonna be my 5th year here at the cage. I think this month and the last one had been tough. Ayoko na ring dagdagan pa yun bad feeling so wala nang sisihan ng sarili. Maaayos ko rin to. Oh God please...
30% of the time, I think of how much I'm missing you. 30% thinking how nice it would be like to be with you. Another 30 thinking how maybe this is such a terrible idea. The remaining 10 reminding myself how I have a lot more pressing things to think about.
Oh God, I need sleep.
Change of heart:
Written by cinderellaareus at 11:52 AM.
they say that absence makes a heart go fonder...
I guess I've underestimated my capacity to forget. Sino ka nga ulet? Lol.
Been on an eating fiesta since the day after our 007 party. Need to go back on eating moderately if I'd like to look like a normal human being. Another black tie event in a month now. Pwede namang hindi umattend. I just want to support Gabby. Besides, I might be needing more nice pictures in the future.
Today, I learned that the language in Maldives is called Dhivehi. It's kinda interesting how there so much more out there in the world that I am yet to see and discover.
Maybe I can also visit Maldives one day.... Wait, why not? : )
Written by cinderellaareus at 04:01 PM.
Traffic kasi. Inaayos kasi yung kalsada samin kahit hindi sira. Para hindi uminit ang ulo ko, I turned on the data of my fone. Umiinit din ulo ko sa Facebook kaya nag register nalang ako sa dating site na sinuggest ni bff kung saan nya nakilala yung fiance nya. Tamad na tamad pa ko mag ayos ng profile nung una. Kasi naman wala akong idea ano ba ginagawa sa dating site. Tas sabi bff, filter daw ng search. Hanap ka ng trip mo. I-like mo. Tas pag ni like back ka, ayun na. I don't have an idea yet what "ayun na" means, but when I started searching, ay sheeeet! Dami rin palang gwapo! Hahaha. Kaya tyinaga kong ayusin ang profile ko at nag upload pa ko ng matino tino kong pictures. Ang landi lang. Lol.
Written by cinderellaareus at 10:51 PM.
Sabi sa librong nabasa ko, lahat ng tao daw, pinanganak na bisexual. Yung society lang daw ang nag brainwash saten to have preference for the opposite sex.
I never liked a girl romantically, so I don't really know if this is true.
Pero pag nakikita ko si Chris Evans at Chris Hemsworth,
Siguradong sigurado akong babae talaga ko. Hahahaha!
Puteeeek, ang gwapo gwapo, ayokonah!!! T_T
Written by cinderellaareus at 08:34 PM.
When I was in college, feeling ko ang pinakapainful parts ata ng college life ko e yung bigayan ng class cards. Madalas kasi square root lang naman ng klase yung pumapasa, at dahil most of the subjects e prerequisite ng next, ibig sabihin, pag may bumagsak sa classmate ko, hindi mo na sila magiging classmates sa mga future subjects nyo.
Kung may isang bagay na hindi ako magaling, yun e seeing people go.
Club renewals over and the nomination for the next officers just started. On the same time of the year last year, naalala ko na mejo excited ako. Pero ngayon.... Feeling ko, bigayan ng classcard.
Regardless of what's right and what's wrong, i still feel like we ousted a family member and this is really breaking my heart. But what's there to do?
A lot of things hurting me lately. Naalala ko lang yung isa sa mga principles ng Stoicism na "amor fati"... " love the life that you were given".
Kung iisipin ko, sa tingin ko, I love my life naman. Siguro sadyang nalulungkot lang talaga ko.
Naalala ko kasi yung mga bagay na hiniling ko pero hindi binigay ng langit. Kung tutuusin, mas marami naman sa mga dasal ko yung dininig kesa sa hindi. Hindi ko alam kung baket ba ang emo emo ko ngayon. Kakatapos lang ng red days ko kaya sigurado akong hindi to pms.
Pero siguro dapat lang na finefeel ang feelings.
Lord, I'm hurting. Nakalimutan po ata akong balikan ng mga assistants mo dyan sa langit.
Watched "ready player one" today and i liked it so much that I'm worried i won't be able to like the movie we'll be watching tomorrow because today's movie had set the bar high.
Ang ganda ang ready player one. Panoorin nyo!
Some days, i feel like maybe i really want to be with you.
Some days, i feel like we aren't really going anywhere.
Then most days, i feel like maybe I'm really better off alone.
Bakit ang complicated ng buhay pag may taong involved?
Written by cinderellaareus at 07:56 PM.