Entries in category "Monday"



Dissect
Monday: November 18, 2017



1:40am. Got home about an our ago and i feel like overanalyzing things, so let me.

Delivered my bsp10. Got 1/3 yes. Meaning, kailangan kong ulitin. I was surprised na hindi naman masakit. I actually felt sorry for my evaluators because it looked painful for them. 

Ang weird no. Bakit hindi masakit?

Wala ung isang supposedly evaluator ko, so mentor tookover. Sya ung nag-yes. Feeling ko nga ayaw nya talaga mag yes pero ok narin kasi mukha naman akong kawawa kung 0/3 ako di ba?

Ang weird parin. Bakit hindi masakit?

Erika and Gabby said no. Erika was her cutsie nicey self and I saw how painful it was for her pero mejo kinabahan parin ako sa mata ko kasi it felt warm like it was on the verge of leaking tears. Yun lang naman talaga ang issue ko. Ayoko lang umiyak don. Tingin ko yun lang talaga.

Then Gabby was his usual self. I knew he wouldn't show me mercy. Kaya nga muntik ko ng ipa-frame ung finill upan nyang BSP7 ko before na pinasa nya. Pero pag si Gabby wala naman nung effect na tulad nung kay erika. Feeling ko nga kahit mag exchange pa sila ng sinabi same parin ang result. Hindi kasi ata talaga yun sa kung ANO ang sinabi kundi sa SINO ang nagsabi. 

Mejo natuwa narin ako na tapos na. Ni-sched ni Gabby ung repeat ko sa January pa. I have more than a month to procrastinate.

Tsaka kaya rin siguro hindi masakit kasi masaya rin ako na nandyan sila ulet.

Nandun ung 2 mentees ko. Nakakatuwa. Sana ung relationship saken ng mga batang to e maging katulad ng relationship ko sa mentor ko. Pero feeling ko masyado yatang mataas na ambisyon yun. Kay mentor kasi, lagi kong nasasabi sa sarili ko na, "jeez, how did I get so lucky?" and it's not even about what i can get and learn from him. It's more on how he treats me and makes me feel. Hindi ko maisip kung pano mararamdaman yun ng mga mentees ko for me. Iba naman kasi kami ni mentor. Pero sana manlang, kahit pano maging close ako sa kanila.

Natutuwa rin ako kay leian. Ang sweet nung taong yon. Minsan lang tumataas rin yung kilay ko kasi pinili nya ring mentor yung mentor ko. Pero normal na selosa lang naman kasi talaga ko. Pero ok na. Dahil sweet sya saken, I'm willing to share na. Basta, wag masyado close ahhh.

Feeling ko yung level ng pagiging possesive ko e pang 2 years old. Lel.

---------

Naisip ko noon na siguro maliit lang ung puso ko. Kasi paisa isa lang ako magkagusto. Nakapikon ung taong gusto ko ngayon. I noticed him before dahil sa mga qualities nya similar Kay R. Nakakainis lang na pati yung mga bagay na ayoko Kay R,  nasa kanya rin pala. Talaga bang pag parehas ng zodiac sign, magkaugali? Si Shara at si Bea Libra rin, bat parang anlayo naman ugali namin?

Parang Hindi tuloy safe.  The guy I liked before him is someone not healthy for me.  When I saw the guy again, biglang parang may danger sign. Lalo pa't namiss ko rin yung taong yun. Shoot. Don't want to go back there. I want someone I can keep. Kakalimutan ko na nga kahit ano pa preference nya e. Basta Hindi taken. Yun n nga lang nirerequire ko e. Kaya siguro konting ingat muna, until safe na.  Sabi nya tuloy lip service lang ung sinabi kong miss ko sya.  OK n rin.  Saka ko nalang iko-correct any mga misunderstandings pag safe na. 



* * * * * * * * *



Written by cinderellaareus at 03:19 AM.

write a comment





10
Monday: November 13, 2017



Number of minutes to finish this. It's a holiday and I'm at work. Not really complaining. How can I when there is no traffic jam in EDSA. Thanks, Universe!

Currently squeezing my creative juju to write my BSP10 due Friday. This was long overdue, I should've finished this ages ago. Nahihiya na ko mag beg off. Shucks, anong petsa na.

A lot of things running in my head. Ang hirap magfocus. Most of my time these past few days, I've spent playing fashion story. Oh, how productive. The start of the week last week was action packed and then mostly ended with a lot of physical labor. This week is a whole lot "hima" then next week, action packed ulet! Excited na ko sa KCON. I booked for a place to stay 2 days 3 nights. It's been a while since I last slept on a bed that is not my own. My body might need some time to adjust. Still, keribels. Asked yang na mag baywalk kami. I miss the sea—I mean—bay!

Past few days were fine. Wala namang wow factor pero keri lang. There was a medical mission near home last sat so maraming customers. The mission was hosted by the same university where I had a speaking gig last Tue. Feeling ko etong university na to ang theme ng week ko. Umuulan at umiinit this weekend. Tamad na tamad akong magpayong kaya mejo nilagnat pa ko.

Mom had kuya buboy make a new bookshelf for me. This is our third bookshelf at home and I own about 98% of the books. Kung ibebenta ko siguro books ko in their origal prices, baka ang yaman ko na. But of course, I won't. Placed the rest of my books on the bookshelf last Sunday. Ended up with a sneezing fit. Ba't ba ang dami kong health issues?

Ok. I think I exceeded 10 minutes.



* * * * * * * * *



Written by cinderellaareus at 08:19 AM.

write a comment





buhay. life.
Monday: October 23, 2017



Minsan, ok lang naman.

Pero putek, minsan may mga araw talaga na gusto mo nalang magpakalayu-layo at iwanan lahat.

----

sa tingin ko madalas naa-underestimate ng tao ang ability nilang baguhin ang sarili nilang buhay.

sa tingin ko naa-underestimate ko ang ability ko na baguhin ang sarili kong buhay.

Hay buhay.



* * * * * * * * *



Written by cinderellaareus at 02:52 PM.

write a comment





Boundaries and things
Monday: September 18, 2017



It was past bedtime and everyone was upstairs. I was looking down amused, seeing a number of cockroaches scattered on our kitchen floor. The one nearest my feet hurriedly moved away from me. I stopped walking and wondered if this cockroach had an idea that i didn't have the slightest intention to kill it. I was just walking.

-------

Third day of my super long weekend. It was raining earlier and i loved it. Mom cooked champorado for breakfast and adobong pusit for lunch. Two of my favorites. And yesterday, we had ice cream. Tomorrow, Tuesday, movies on cinemas around our area will be free for senior citizens. I will be joining Mom and Dad to watch a movie. I am happy.

-------

Someone once told me, "wag mong pilitin ang sarili mo. Siguro may panahon para sa mga bagay bagay." It's been more than a decade and I've kept these words with me. The entire week last week, I put it into practice. I ate what I wanted in the amount that i wanted. I didn't force myself to be "productive". I, in fact, just watched movies daily. I was supposed to takeover a speaking slot for our meeting last Friday and for this I allotted barely half an hour of preparation. Kasi nga, walang pilitan ng sarili. Good thing, we ended up cutting off 1 slot. I still made myself do at least 30 minutes exercise daily but only the type that I can sustain.

I usually beat myself up, you know. I've always strived to keep up to my own standards. Now, for once, I want to try that 'walang pilitan ng sarili' thingy and practice self-love. I want to see how this will work for me.

I've been trying stay away from people and activities that demand a lot from me lately. They will have to wait. I am more important than my tasks. I am more important than my responsibilities. If anyone or anything will force their way, they will have to go.

My journey in learning how to set boundaries had been long and excruciating. I just realized though that the boundaries I've set is not protective enough for my interest and wellbeing.

Now I'm set to build an even better one and I'm prepared to lose a few people for this.

I have high respect for the lives of cockroaches. Maybe I have to have an even higher one for my own.



* * * * * * * * *



Written by cinderellaareus at 06:19 PM.

write a comment





Silence and Home
Monday: August 28, 2017



Was trying to do meditation. Hindi naman talaga ako marunong. What i did was turn off the light, set the alarm to 30 mins and try not to think of anything. Mahirap palang hindi mag-isip pero kahit pano, at least for 30 minutes, nag slow down ang pag iisip ko.

Habang patay ang ilaw at dama ko ang hangin galing sa electric fan, naalala ko yung time na nasa manila bay (baywalk?) Kami ni jenna.

Tama ba? Baywalk nga ba ung malapit sa luneta? Tinatamad ako mag google.

Anyway, kunyari baywalk nalang sya. So, college ako non. Strict parents ko eversince. Tipong dapat, right after ng klase, uwi kagad. Pero that day, tumakas ako. Nagyaya kasi si jenna na abangan namin ang sunset sa baywalk kaya kinalimutan ko ang galit ng nanay ko at sumama ako sa mga kaklase ko.

Sulet. Ang ganda talaga ng dagat. Paborito kong klase ng dagat o ano mang katawang tubig e ung HINDI perpekto. Hindi parang beach sa boracay or el nido. Gusto ko ung ganda na may halong gulo. Gaya nung sa manila bay. Or yung port na daungan ng barko. Parang ung osaka bay na lagi naming pinupuntahan ng bisikleta kong si Mandy.

Nung araw na un, inabangan talaga namin na tuluyang bumaba ung araw hanggang matabunan na sya ng dagat. Yun yung goal. Kaso nung sobrang konti nalang ang natitira sa araw, biglang may dumaan na barko. Humarang sya mismo dun sa harap ng araw. Mega hintay kami pero OA sa bagal ung barko. Parang pusang buntis na may habit na tumawid kung kelan may sasakyang dumadaan. Tas pag alis nung barko, wala na, hindi na namin na witness ang tuluyang pagbaba ng araw.

Pero ok lang. Hindi parin ako nagsisi. Sulit ang galit ng nanay ko sakin kasi ang ganda ng dagat. Ang ganda ng araw. Ang sarap ng hangin na humampas sa mukha ko at kahit ung mga parang ipis na gumagapang sa batuhan malapit sa dagat, na appreciate ko.

Yun yung naalala ko kanina habang sinusubukan kong mag meditate at ramdam ko ang hangin sa mukha ko galing sa electric fan. Bukod sa pagmamahal ko sa dagat at hangin, narealize ko na mahal ko rin ang katahimikan.

Naisip ko rin...

Gusto ko makasama sa baywalk ung taong magiging importante saken. Gusto kong abangan namin ang sunset at sabay na ma upset pag biglang may dumaang barko. Mag kwe-kwentuhan, mag-iinisan, at pag naubusan na kami ng mapag kwekwentuhan, tatahimik. Gusto kong ma spend ang silence na gaya nito kasama ang taong mahalaga sa akin. Silence kasama ng taong tinuturing kong... Home.

Know what, self-sufficient akong tao. Sakali mang hindi ako makahanap ng mapapang asawa, sigurado ako magiging ok parin ako. Pero siguro.... Siguro lang ha... Kung matatagpuan ko yung taong gugustuhin kong makasamang damhin ang katahimikan sa baywalk....

Sa tingin ko.... Talagang aalagaan ko.



* * * * * * * * *



Written by cinderellaareus at 10:06 PM.

3 comments





memories and stuff
Monday: July 31, 2017



around summer 2003. our dog, shaider, just died and so tito danny gave us a new dog. a small brown puppy i named piggy boy. mom told me to let the puppy out so that it can pee or something else. my baby cousin, kenken, who lived next door, saw me with the puppy so he came to us to make usyoso.

"ate, anong pangalan ng tuta?"

"pig"

"hi pig! hello pig!"

ate cel, the mother, heard the whole thing and made a scene. she angrily went to where we were and said,

"hoy! bakit mo tinuturuan ng mali ang anak ko? hindi pig yan, anak, dog yan!"

i almost died laughing.

----

i remember you, you know. in the same way that i remember you every time that im not thinking of anyone else.

the last time, i saw that you have all three sets of hp books na from different publishers. we used to save every peso to buy a single one, ngayon may collection ka na at hard bound pa.

ipa-publish na rin pala yung book mo. at soil talaga napili mo... related sa PS naten. at ang kaisa isang subject na nagwasak sa puso ko. tanda mo pa ba ang buong kwento?

kamusta ka na?

kamusta ka na nga ba?

sabi may kakayahan daw ang brains naten na gawing better ang memories naten sa mga tao than what it really was. ineexagg daw ng utak naten ang mga alaala. well, siguro nga. hindi narin naman mahalaga.

----

had our neighbor straighten my hair last sat. sabi ko lagyan nya ng body para hindi mukhang walis. ginawa nya naman. pero eto, mejo mukhang walis parin, pero keribels. 6 months from now, ipapa kulot ko to. sana'y mapatawad ako ng buhok ko sa madalas kong panglalapastangan sa kanya.

----

kailangan kong gumawa ng speech. ang daming TM-related activities hindi na makasabay ang wallet ko.

paminsan minsan naalala ko ulet yung taong kinakalimutan ko pero siguro ok na yon.

sa ngayon, gusto kong mag focus sa pag ayos ko sa buhay ko.



* * * * * * * * *



Written by cinderellaareus at 03:00 PM.

write a comment





birds
Monday: July 24, 2017



-type mo rin ba?

-nope

-ayos! therefore, di sya bading.

.

.

grabe sya.

had this convo with a girl friend last night. naaliw ako sa pagka action-packed ng lovelife ng mga single friends ko recently. and i love how they're so kerengkeng. birds of a feather flock together indeed.

i miss flexing my flirting muscles. im getting really bored with this self-imposed hiatus.



* * * * * * * * *



Written by cinderellaareus at 03:51 PM.

write a comment





Running and overflow
Monday: July 10, 2017



Been feeling low since this morning. For one, i have terrible colds and runny nose and my head's aching a bit. Hassle mag sick leave sa cage so id rather crawl and die there.

Not in my best mood too. Bad trip kasi ung ang sakit ng ulo mo tas ang ingay ng cellphone mo. Weeks, pare, weeks. At kahit once hindi ko sinagot tawag mo, text mo at pm mo... Hindi parin ba clear?

Dad warned me of this boy. Dad rarely do that, so i know i have to listen. If only it won't be so much of a hassle to change number...

Yung gusto ka, hindi mo gusto. Yung gusto mo, hindi ka gusto. Quits lang naman. At least, mabait saken yung gusto ko.... Ay wait, minsan lang pala. Haha! But really, pramis, eto na yung pinakamabait na way na alam ko.

---------

A lot of things scare and confuse me so much lately so i went to the chap para maka heart to heart talk ang Langit. Nakakahiya na naaalala ko lang Siya at humahaba lang ang mga dasal ko pag may kailangan ako.

Minsan ang sarap yugyugin ang Langit at kulitin Sya na ibigay sayo ang gusto mo. Agad agad. Now na. Pero nalaman ko na ang peace pala matatagpuan lang pag natutunan mo nang mag let go.

Gagawin ko po ang lahat ng kaya ko in my power. As for the rest, Heavens, bahala Ka na...

"i didn't give you fear." This was what i heard inside my head as i was leaving the chap. Nakikipag usap din pala ang Langit or guniguni ko lang ba? It doesn't matter.

Hindi ko alam kung ibibigay ng Langit yung hinihingi ko, pero yung peace na binigay Nya sakin today, sapat na. Sobra sobra pa.



* * * * * * * * *



Written by cinderellaareus at 09:43 PM.

2 comments





5mins quick jot
Monday: July 3, 2017



A lot of things.

-Hindi kinaya ng puso ko ung kilig dahil sa lovelife ni LA. Lakas maka teary-eyed. Kinilig ako please.

-So, Universe, ako kelan?

-naaning na ko sa system maintenance sa cage. Malapit na magwala ang mga customers.kelan ba to maayos? Huhuhu!

-puteeeek, wala pa kong speech! Gusto ko na maghyperventilate.

-meeting tita with her churchmates on sunday to sell my stuff.these people don't have issues with money. Oh please, z, dont mess this up.

-mom will be joining me.she's a sales talk genius. Yiy!

-buti nalang ang puso, malayo sa bituka. *wink wink*

-humihikbi man nakakangiti parin.

-thanks ha, Universe. *hart hart*



* * * * * * * * *



Written by cinderellaareus at 09:35 PM.

write a comment



« Newer · »
C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

about me

my name is z

navigate

Home
Archive
Profile
Gallery
Friends
Friendsof
Favorites

credits

template|| Up4Grabs
image 1 ||www.neatorama.com
image 2 || deviantart
blog host|| Tabulas
content || cinderellaareus


layout design : izaia_zah






reliable Counter
Web Hits Stat