Entries in category "Monday"


Monday. April 2, 2018

Asdfghjkl

When I was in college, feeling ko ang pinakapainful parts ata ng college life ko e yung bigayan ng class cards. Madalas kasi square root lang naman ng klase yung pumapasa, at dahil most of the subjects e prerequisite ng next, ibig sabihin, pag may bumagsak sa classmate ko, hindi mo na sila magiging classmates sa mga future subjects nyo.

Kung may isang bagay na hindi ako magaling, yun e seeing people go.

Club renewals over and the nomination for the next officers just started. On the same time of the year last year, naalala ko na mejo excited ako. Pero ngayon.... Feeling ko, bigayan ng classcard.

Regardless of what's right and what's wrong, i still feel like we ousted a family member and this is really breaking my heart. But what's there to do?

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A lot of things hurting me lately. Naalala ko lang yung isa sa mga principles ng Stoicism na "amor fati"... " love the life that you were given". 

Kung iisipin ko, sa tingin ko, I love my life naman. Siguro sadyang nalulungkot lang talaga ko.

Naalala ko kasi yung mga bagay na hiniling ko pero hindi binigay ng langit. Kung tutuusin, mas marami naman sa mga dasal ko yung dininig kesa sa hindi. Hindi ko alam kung baket ba ang emo emo ko ngayon. Kakatapos lang ng red days ko kaya sigurado akong hindi to pms.

Pero siguro dapat lang na finefeel ang feelings.

Lord, I'm hurting. Nakalimutan po ata akong balikan ng mga assistants mo dyan sa langit.

Hello, Lord...

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Watched "ready player one" today and i liked it so much that I'm worried i won't be able to like the movie we'll be watching tomorrow because today's movie had set the bar high.

Ang ganda ang ready player one. Panoorin nyo!

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Some days, i feel like maybe i really want to be with you.

Some days, i feel like we aren't really going anywhere.

Then most days, i feel like maybe I'm really better off alone.

...

Bakit ang complicated ng buhay pag may taong involved?


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:56 PM.

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Monday. March 19, 2018

Drama and blessed

An fb friend posted something like, "kung tutusin, lahat naman tayo blessed. Madrama lang talaga tayo."

I cannot agree more.

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Got to the office on time.

Partner helped me attend to some painful customer. The issue was resolved in the end.

When I got off the bus on my way home, Mom and Kaitlyn were waiting for me.

Sis-in-law cooked sopas and it was so good.

BFF said she'll buy a swimsuit from my swimwear line.

My beautiful cousins said they will too.

Alam ko. Blessed ako. I am greatful.

I just can't explain this unhappiness. This dissatisfaction. And disappointment.

Probably the time of the month.

Siguro din, namimiss lang kita. As much as i want to have you have a taste of your own medicine, it sucks that the thought of you hurting hurts me too. 

Sa isa sa mga paborito kong kdrama, may isang lalaking nagtanong dun sa bidang lalaki kung paano daw magiging kasing cool nya para sya rin maging popular sa girls. Ang sagot nung bida, ang cool daw e yung taong nagmamahal ng malaya. Nagmamahal na hindin nagho-hold back out of fear na baka sya yung higit na nagmamahal kesa dun sa other person.

Gets ko ung point. I think, what messes up loving e pride. Pero puteeek, ang hirap kasi nung wala yung pride. Ewan.

Sabi sa talk show na napanood ko noon, hindi mo daw masasabing nagmamahal ka kung hindi ka nasasaktan. Tingin ko hindi naman laging ganun. Hindi DAPAT laging ganun.

Kaya kanina, dumaan ako sa chap bago umuwi. Twing dinadapuan ako ng lungkot, feeling ko sinasadya lang yun ni God dahil gusto Nya kong makausap. Kanina i asked the Heavens for a love na hindi masakit.

Wala lang.

Para maiba naman.


Written by cinderellaareus at 09:44 PM.

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Monday. March 12, 2018

doomed

every time that i try to fix my speech,

i feel like it gets even worse.

...

huhu.

ayoko na.

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"umiinom si za*?!"

people's reaction every time they see me with a beer in hand.

i started drinking 15 years ago, what's up with that?

i wonder why people always assume that i dont drink, in the same way they assume that im always single.

lol.


Written by cinderellaareus at 10:45 AM.

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Monday. December 18, 2017

Birds of a feather

"Pag ikaw ang nag recommend ng movie, *&%, pinapanood ko talaga." 

This sent my eyebrows flying to the roof. See, I'm a woman too. That can't be entirely innocent. Oh please! Tsk.

...

Ang daming malandi sa mundo mo, nakakapikon.


Written by cinderellaareus at 08:51 PM.

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Monday. December 4, 2017

vortex and chill

sabi ng isa sa mga paborito kong bloggers, malalaman mo raw if tama ang decision mo depende sa amount ng peace na nararamdaman mo about it.

hindi na 'ko galit. hindi na rin ako naiinis. sabi nila hindi daw dapat nag de-decide pag ang emotions mo e nasa extreme, and i don't think im on the extreme right now. i think im perfectly chill.

the past few years had been turbulent. full of highs and lows. i think the highest of highs and the lowest of lows happened the last couple of years.

naalala ko yung sabi ni deepak chopra na pag calm daw ang waters, kahit isang pebble lang ang hinagis mo, may effect. Pero pag hindi daw calm, kahit isang empire state building pa daw ang ihagis mo, walang epekto.

a few more weeks and the year will end. i want my 2018 to be a whole lot peaceful than the previous years. the past years, i successfully shook my life. sa 2018, i want to bring back the calm.

five goals.

five goals lang ang sinulat ko for 2018 and I wrote them in the simplest manner. pero lahat ng yon naka focus lang sa iisang Ultimate Goal. Yes, capital letter talaga yung start.

I remember yang and i were talking about our favorite class in KCON when she told me about Jon Escoto's class. I didn't take that class so I had yang told me about it. yang mentioned about "vortex". eto daw yung something na nagde-drain sayo at sa happiness mo. kailangan mo daw hanapin ang "vortex" mo at unahin to work on resolving that before everything else.

i think i know what my "vortex" is. I think ive known about this all along, pero kasi, pag nakita mo sya as a vortex, mafi-feel mo talaga yung urgency na takpan yung lintek na vortex na yan, para puteeeek, hindi na maubos ang happiness mo, and maybe kabataan mo, in the process.

dun ko gustong mag-focus sa 2018. para magawa ko yun, i need to let go of a few things. this might take a lot of explaining and i hate explaining things. sana maging ok ang lahat.


Written by cinderellaareus at 03:44 PM.

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Monday. November 20, 2017

Gold-Copper-Sodium

I was given 50 raffle tix that I need to sell for our yearend party. Yung iba 100 tix kinuha so how can I complain? I learned that selling tix is not as hard as I thought though. Well, it's hard, but not so much. Ang supportive din kasi ng friends ko. (Thanksie, Schwarze! *wink wink)

....

Since kailangan ko magbenta, i asked him too.

Z: Hello R! May raffle ang club namin blah blah blah. Mayaman ka naman bili ka na!

With a liittle pa-cute here, pa-funny there and a few more hahaha's, in the end, he bought 5.

And hey, don't judge me. I need to sell the tickets!!! 

Char.

Huling effort ko na to. Pag di mo parin kinagat, Gold(Au)-Copper(Cu)-Sodium(Na)! T_T

...

...

*sa mga nakagets, credits goes to the owner.

Aminin mo, ang witty. Helium Helium Helium!


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:03 PM.

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Monday. November 18, 2017

Dissect

1:40am. Got home about an our ago and i feel like overanalyzing things, so let me.

Delivered my bsp10. Got 1/3 yes. Meaning, kailangan kong ulitin. I was surprised na hindi naman masakit. I actually felt sorry for my evaluators because it looked painful for them. 

Ang weird no. Bakit hindi masakit?

Wala ung isang supposedly evaluator ko, so mentor tookover. Sya ung nag-yes. Feeling ko nga ayaw nya talaga mag yes pero ok narin kasi mukha naman akong kawawa kung 0/3 ako di ba?

Ang weird parin. Bakit hindi masakit?

Erika and Gabby said no. Erika was her cutsie nicey self and I saw how painful it was for her pero mejo kinabahan parin ako sa mata ko kasi it felt warm like it was on the verge of leaking tears. Yun lang naman talaga ang issue ko. Ayoko lang umiyak don. Tingin ko yun lang talaga.

Then Gabby was his usual self. I knew he wouldn't show me mercy. Kaya nga muntik ko ng ipa-frame ung finill upan nyang BSP7 ko before na pinasa nya. Pero pag si Gabby wala naman nung effect na tulad nung kay erika. Feeling ko nga kahit mag exchange pa sila ng sinabi same parin ang result. Hindi kasi ata talaga yun sa kung ANO ang sinabi kundi sa SINO ang nagsabi. 

Mejo natuwa narin ako na tapos na. Ni-sched ni Gabby ung repeat ko sa January pa. I have more than a month to procrastinate.

Tsaka kaya rin siguro hindi masakit kasi masaya rin ako na nandyan sila ulet.

Nandun ung 2 mentees ko. Nakakatuwa. Sana ung relationship saken ng mga batang to e maging katulad ng relationship ko sa mentor ko. Pero feeling ko masyado yatang mataas na ambisyon yun. Kay mentor kasi, lagi kong nasasabi sa sarili ko na, "jeez, how did I get so lucky?" and it's not even about what i can get and learn from him. It's more on how he treats me and makes me feel. Hindi ko maisip kung pano mararamdaman yun ng mga mentees ko for me. Iba naman kasi kami ni mentor. Pero sana manlang, kahit pano maging close ako sa kanila.

Natutuwa rin ako kay leian. Ang sweet nung taong yon. Minsan lang tumataas rin yung kilay ko kasi pinili nya ring mentor yung mentor ko. Pero normal na selosa lang naman kasi talaga ko. Pero ok na. Dahil sweet sya saken, I'm willing to share na. Basta, wag masyado close ahhh.

Feeling ko yung level ng pagiging possesive ko e pang 2 years old. Lel.

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Naisip ko noon na siguro maliit lang ung puso ko. Kasi paisa isa lang ako magkagusto. Nakapikon ung taong gusto ko ngayon. I noticed him before dahil sa mga qualities nya similar Kay R. Nakakainis lang na pati yung mga bagay na ayoko Kay R,  nasa kanya rin pala. Talaga bang pag parehas ng zodiac sign, magkaugali? Si Shara at si Bea Libra rin, bat parang anlayo naman ugali namin?

Parang Hindi tuloy safe.  The guy I liked before him is someone not healthy for me.  When I saw the guy again, biglang parang may danger sign. Lalo pa't namiss ko rin yung taong yun. Shoot. Don't want to go back there. I want someone I can keep. Kakalimutan ko na nga kahit ano pa preference nya e. Basta Hindi taken. Yun n nga lang nirerequire ko e. Kaya siguro konting ingat muna, until safe na.  Sabi nya tuloy lip service lang ung sinabi kong miss ko sya.  OK n rin.  Saka ko nalang iko-correct any mga misunderstandings pag safe na. 


Written by cinderellaareus at 03:19 AM.

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Monday. November 13, 2017

10

Number of minutes to finish this. It's a holiday and I'm at work. Not really complaining. How can I when there is no traffic jam in EDSA. Thanks, Universe!

Currently squeezing my creative juju to write my BSP10 due Friday. This was long overdue, I should've finished this ages ago. Nahihiya na ko mag beg off. Shucks, anong petsa na.

A lot of things running in my head. Ang hirap magfocus. Most of my time these past few days, I've spent playing fashion story. Oh, how productive. The start of the week last week was action packed and then mostly ended with a lot of physical labor. This week is a whole lot "hima" then next week, action packed ulet! Excited na ko sa KCON. I booked for a place to stay 2 days 3 nights. It's been a while since I last slept on a bed that is not my own. My body might need some time to adjust. Still, keribels. Asked yang na mag baywalk kami. I miss the sea—I mean—bay!

Past few days were fine. Wala namang wow factor pero keri lang. There was a medical mission near home last sat so maraming customers. The mission was hosted by the same university where I had a speaking gig last Tue. Feeling ko etong university na to ang theme ng week ko. Umuulan at umiinit this weekend. Tamad na tamad akong magpayong kaya mejo nilagnat pa ko.

Mom had kuya buboy make a new bookshelf for me. This is our third bookshelf at home and I own about 98% of the books. Kung ibebenta ko siguro books ko in their origal prices, baka ang yaman ko na. But of course, I won't. Placed the rest of my books on the bookshelf last Sunday. Ended up with a sneezing fit. Ba't ba ang dami kong health issues?

Ok. I think I exceeded 10 minutes.


Written by cinderellaareus at 08:19 AM.

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Monday. October 23, 2017

buhay. life.

Minsan, ok lang naman.

Pero putek, minsan may mga araw talaga na gusto mo nalang magpakalayu-layo at iwanan lahat.

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sa tingin ko madalas naa-underestimate ng tao ang ability nilang baguhin ang sarili nilang buhay.

sa tingin ko naa-underestimate ko ang ability ko na baguhin ang sarili kong buhay.

Hay buhay.


Written by cinderellaareus at 02:52 PM.

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