Entries in category "月曜日"


月曜日. December 30, 2019

Hi ulit

Papatapos na ang taon. Ang daming dapat gawin. Ang dami ko rin ipinag-aalala tungkol sa buhay buhay.

I just booked for my parents flight to Taiwan on Feb na sabay sa flight namin ni Mel. Bigla kong na realize na wala akong ipon and I need now 3 times of my original target budget. Lol. This is only 2 salary cut offs away. Bahala na.

Dad started exercising again para daw makapaglakad sya ng maayos pag nag Taiwan kami. When we had our family trip kasi in Intramuros, napagod sya at nagpaiwan nalang sa bench. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kukuha ng pera. Hahahaha.

When we were in college, I had this friend na ang daming issues sa buhay. We often helped her get through her life as a student, but I used to hate it when this control freak  (myself) was already pulling her hair to help a friend get through an impossibly tight situation,  tapos the friend she was helping was acting all chill pa, saying, "God will provide."

Looking back, she was indeed able to go through all the hard times with just that idea though.

All my life, I've always worked and worried my way into having things done. It made me always stressed, but I did get things done. Iniisip ko if magwo-work ba sakin ang pagigimg chill. Right now, I feel like that's the best choice I have. God will provide.

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Ang daming bagay na nag-aalala ako.

Yung work ko na hindi ko alam kung makikeep ko ba since we're still waiting for the decision of the client if they'll keep us or not. I'm not even regular yet. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong mangyayari pag hindi kami nakakuha ng favorable na decision.

Yung Taiwan trip nga.

My parents' health.

My singularity at this age. Yes, there's that too.

And then this person that I'm worried about...

yung future ng club...

kung dapat pa ba ko mag stay...

kung kaya ko bang isabay lahat ng to considering na ang dami ko na ring inaalala even without this...

...

I woke up early kanina. Mga 5am. At around 6am, bumaba ako sa may sala to find that I was alone in the house. Namalengke pala ang mga magulang ko. I took my time to enjoy the silence. I opened the back door of our house and smelled the fresh air sa garden ng tatay ko. Namunga na pala ang puno ng papaya. Yung isa, namumulaklak na. Pa chirp chirp lang din ang nga ibon at ang sarap nilang pakinggan.

Know what, hindi naman talaga ganun kasama. Ok naman talaga ang buhay ko. Sadyang mahirap lang talagang hindi mag-alala, pero kung tutuusin, ok lang naman talaga.

Siguro for once, kailangan ko ring matutunang maging chill at maniwala na God will really provide. 

May mga days na nalulungkot din ako at nao overwhelm. There were days I've spent crying because I felt unsure on what to do. Days that looked so nice on the external. But then they were. It's just that, life has so many angles pa at hindi naman lahat, naka capture ng camera.

2019 had been a happy year, but December was the most challenging part.

And it's not over yet.


03:04 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. December 16, 2019

Pang

Intramuros between '02-'07.

We were on the walls--the two of us, overlooking the golf course, waiting for Lights and Sounds Museum to open. We were poor college students without a peso under our name. We munched on Skyflakes and some candies as we wait.

Were we happy?

Why, I can't remember anymore.

-------

Our plan this weekend is to roam around MOA, visit Intramuros, and if time allows, maybe we'll go food tripping in Binondo. Brother bought 3 tickets for his family to watch Disney on Ice. Mom's not interested so we'll probably do something else around those hours. I downloaded a map of Intramuros in preparation, along with the schedules of activities happening around. Nandun pa pala yung Lights and Sounds. The heaviness in my chest is still there. I wonder if this will ever go away.

His wife is pregnant now. 


01:53 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. December 2, 2019

Junbi

Monday. My graveyard shift month at work has officially started. I forced myself not to sleep last night so that I can sleep by morning, but I only managed to stay up until 3:30am. Woke up 11:30 and I just spent the last 2 hours forcing myself to sleep.

As someone who spent her childhood, teenage years and early adult life as an insomniac, hindi ko alam kung bakit takot na takot akong mapuyat these days.

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We have a new j-hire at work. He's half Japanese but has been here in the country for only 6 years. His Filipino is almost native. 29 yo dude who has many hugots, he's really funny, I like him (not romantically, he's just 29). He's into weightlifting and often goes to the gym. When I asked him what's his goal for doing so, he was like, "para makahanap ng forever".

Hindi ko gets. He wants to find a girl (he likes the morena beauty of pinays daw), and yet he stays in the gym (yung bakal gym type na tig 50 pesos bayad). I told him, walang babae dun! Lol. It's been 2 years since he was rejected by the girl he courted for 2 years din. Naawa ako sa batang to, gusto ko sya ipakilala kay Mel. She's a morena beauty, really nice woman. I know her type though. He's probably too nice for her taste, but who knows...

Naisip ko lang din, I'm probably like this dude, naghahanap sa maling lugar, ganern. I saw a meme that say something like, baka daw kaya tayo single e dahil umuuwi tayo kagad pagkatapos ng church service.

I don't even go to church anymore.


02:42 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. November 25, 2019

anti s

I was on sick leave last Thur and Fri. No one believed though that I was sick. And why is that? Lol.

Do you believe that I was sick?

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I was planning not to go, you know. Lalo na nga, my boss here is really nice, and I hate lying to people who are nice to me. Pero kasi, I KENNAT!!! I just can't miss this, you know. This event, since 2013, had been the highlight of my year, year after year, after year! Hindi ko kayang hindi pumunta! Juice colored. Huhu. I'm sorry, TL. T_T

So ayun. I went while on "sick" leave. Natatakot din akong mawalan ng trabaho, pero bahala na. Next year, my VL na ko (kung nandito pa ko). Hindi naman na siguro kailangang maulit to.

Sa totoo lang, ang daming magagandang nangyari sa taon na to. Pero ang hirap sabihin na hindi KCON ang highlight kasi feeling ko ito parin talaga. Ansaya kasi e. Feeling ko nagbabago ang pagkatao ko pag uma attend ako ng KCON.

This is the last KCON though. Next year, they'll be calling this FeastCon na. Yes, I already bought a ticket. All smiles.

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Ang daming pangyayari. Ang daming gagawin. Graveyard shift na daw ako sa Dec. Sa tingin ko, ok lang naman. Ang di lang ok e ang daming tao dun na di ko kilala. Ang daming tao, period. Sa totoo lang, bukod sa pag-asang maimprove ang love life ko e sumali ako sa TM at Feast para i-improve ang interpersonal skills ko. Yet as time goes by, feeling ko mas lalo akong nagiging antisocial. 

But, is it really so bad to be antisocial? 


10:21 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. November 4, 2019

On the way na ba

12nn-9pm shift started today. I decided to commute to and fro home in Bulacan. I left 10am. Our store was still closed and some neighbors were waiting for us to open. As I got past them, 1 neighbor said, "Gag*, di ka pwede dyan. Engineer yan." And, I was like, "Lol".

Was at gathering this weekend where I met sis-in-law's relatives. 1 relative asked me, "maganda ka naman, ba't wala kang boyfriend?" I usually have fun, playful, lighthearted comebacks ready para sa mga ganitong linyahan, pero wala ako sa mood non. When she repeated, "maganda ka naman," I just answered, "of course!" That time I was itching to say, "hindi lang ako basta maganda, matalino pa ako, well-achived, multilingual, multi-talented at marami pang iba." Nakakapikon kasi na sa dinamidami ng magandang traits at kapuri puring bagay na meron ako, lagi lagi nalang na yung wala ang napapansin ng mga taong to.

Ang weird lang, I didn't mind back in the day. Now, I do.

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There's this someone I'm seeing differently lately. 

Sabi nila, meron daw 5 love languages. Eto yung different ways kung pano NEED ng bawat individual na mahalin. Iba iba daw ang love language ng kada tao. Acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, time at touch.  And alam ko dati acts of service ang love language ko. Iniisip ko now, hindi kaya "touch"?

This happened back when I got sick. When I got back to work, this dude walked up to me para alamin kung kamusta na ko. As he did, he motioned the back of his hand towards my neck to check my temperature. E hindi naman lagnat ang sakit ko kundi stomach ache. Lol. Nakakatawa lang. Pero kahit ganun, ang sweet parin. Kahit naman before, sweet talaga tong taong to.

Still, ok... ang ambabaw. Itigil na natin to. Lol.

Pero at least, natutunan ko na weakness ko rin pala yung taong sweet. Sana sweet yung mapang-asawa ko.

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Contest this Friday and the next. Ayaw mag sink in. Tamad na tamad ako lately.

Mel, the gang and I are planning to book at place overnight. Tamang Netflix ang Chill lang. Ang hirap mag match ng sched lately. Matutuloy kaya to.

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I consider our dog, Gigi, as a miracle dog. Dati kasi she was so sick she was good as dead na. But I asked for her to be restored back to health nung Feast of Divine Mercy. Ngayon bukod sa magaling na sya, anlakas lakas nya pang kumain. Kahit balahibo nya naging mas soft ang silky rin. Totoo nga siguro na binubuhos ni Jesus ang Grace Nya pag FDM.

Ang alam ko, hiniling ko rin na mag flourish ang love life ko. On the way na kaya?


10:16 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. October 21, 2019

Owari

I ended it this morning. Naisip ko nga, the best siguro kung bigla nalang mawawala. Yung wala nang usap usap. Para hindi mo na kailangan mag explain. At para may option yung taong involved na mamili ng explanation mas madaling tanggapin para sa kanya. 

Pero marami sa kakilala ko ang hindi sumasang-ayon sa ghosting.

Pero kahit ano namang means ang gamitin, in the end, kung sino ang nag sever ng ties, sya parin naman ang magmumukhang evil. Pero ano naman ang gagawin ko?

...

So ito. Balik ulit tayo sa umpisa. Minsan, iniisip ko kung mas ok na ba na ganito nalang. Ok naman ako mag-isa. Tingin ko kasi ang pinakamahirap e yung bumitaw pag nahawakan mo na. Ganun ba talaga yun? Ganito ba talaga dapat yun? Parang laging pinipilit ang sarili? Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na maalala kung ano ba yung dapat na nararamdaman pag meron kang pinapahalagahan.

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Was coloring my niece's Zootopia coloring book. There was a drawing there where Judy was hugging Nick and I found it so cute,  I took a picture of it and saved it on my phone.

Kung merong love, siguro ganito dapat yung feeling. Same feeling na nafi-feel ko pag tinitingnan ko yung picture ni Nick at Judy. Nag hanap pa ko ng ilan pang sweet photos ng dalawang animated characters na to sa internet. Sa pagkakaalala ko, hindi naman romantic ang Zootopia. Pero basta, ang cute nila.

Gusto ko ng ganito. Yung ganito.


09:00 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. October 14, 2019

Owwkey

I don't think I'm sad. If there's anything, I guess this is my entrepreneur side refusing to invest her emotion on something with less than ideal return. I guess with age, I'm getting better at moving on.

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Mom came knocking on the door of my room. I told her I'm dressing up. She said, "ah basta, papasok ako", and helped me dressed and stuff. I think Mom is missing me too.

As I drag my luggage to the bus stop, the boy in the neighborhood who saw me arrived said, "hala, kararating nya lang, aalis na ulet?"

I don't know why I can't seem to satisfy this homesickness. Even my overly maldita niece is being extra sweet every time I go home for the weekend. I wonder if I should start commuting.

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Mr. F looks like Presi in picture. He can cook and he doesn't make me feel like an alien when we converse in English. I like how he's easy to talk to. Also, I realized, I think men with goatee are cute.

I wonder if I should stop telling people I'm vegetarian. Para di sila nag eexpect na payat ako. Lol.

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Ok, I'm a bit sad.


07:25 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. October 7, 2019

San juu yon

I bought an electric lunch box yesterday. Pwede mag init ng food, mag steam at magluto ng itlog. Gusto ko na kasi maging healthy. At bilang vegetarian na ko, hindi naman kasi talaga ganun ka accessible ang mga pagkain, though I still eat animals without backbone (ie, shrimp, squid, crab).

So nagpunta ako sa palengke kagabi. Aliw ba aliw ako sa palengke. Isang tali ng kangkong, nabili ko ng 5 pesos. 2 tali ng okra, sampum piso. Bumili rin ako ng 1 pack ng sili. Sa halagang bente pesos, may 2 meals na ko.

Bumili rin ako ng isang tray ang itlog. 30 pcs for 195. Hindi ko akalaing pwede palang mabuhay nang ganito lang kamura. Bukas, babalik ako ulit sa palengke.

Gamit ang electric lunch box, maglaga ako ng okra, kangkong at itlog. In 15 minutes, may hapunan na ko. 

Sa grocery, bumili ako native suka probinsya levels. Ang sarap, Bes. Nilagyan ko ng sili at toyo. Dun ko sinawsaw yung okra at kangkong. Winner talaga. Wala pa atang 50 pesos ang halaga ng hapunan ko ngayon, pero parang 5 star hotel ang lasa. Wala pang ka effort effort yan.

Ang downside lang e, eto, ang dami kong huhugasan. Sighs.

Wala lang.

So this is how 34 looks like. This is actually good.

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Tita Pet gave a flower paper weight and an hour glass.

Si Wendy, binigyan ako ng lipgloss from Japan.

Si Sir Jek, Happy Birthday chocolate pop from Goldilocks.

Si Crush, bukod sa pasalubong nyang marmol key chain from Romblon, binigyan rin ako ng ethnic sling pouch na kamukha nung lagi kong dalang bayong pouch.

Ang si sweet ng nga tao sa paligid ko, gusto ko sila i-hug isa-isa... kaso parang ang creepy ko naman pag ginawa ko yun. Lol.

Kung hindi ako praning, siguro sweet akong tao. 


10:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. September 9, 2019

Kaya ba

"P* is gay."

I overheard someone say this at the office. While I was stressing myself thinking, "shit, bading na naman," bigla kong narealized na, "hey! Crush lang naman. Hindi ko naman sya pakakasalan." Lol.

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Today, I learned that Pe**y's leaving na. By December daw, si P* naman. Marami pa daw ibang aalis. Kapapasok ko lang sa co na to, sila naman aalis na. Nakakalungkot. Pero naisip ko na hindi pa ko regular at marami pang pwedeng mangyari. So... I don't know. Bawal malungkot?

Hayst. Ang daming existential questions. I remember Tim Ferriss said we should ask better questions. Ano kayang magandang tanong...

"Universe, I want to build my own family with a wonderful, loving husband na gustong gusto ko at gustong gusto din ako. Anong pwede kong gawin to make this happen?"

Tim Ferriss, is this a good enough question?

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Kahit tamad na tamad ako I started responding to messages from various dating apps. Kasi anong point ng may dating app accts ka kung hindi mo naman ine entertain ang mga nakikilala mo don? A lot of my friends found their boyfriends--husbands even--sa mga dating apps. So siguro, wala namang mawawala. 

Hindi ba pwedeng yung crush ko nalang?

Lol. Kung sakali bang hindi sya bading, magkakagusto kaya sakin yun? He's 6 years younger. Idk.

Let's ask better questions.


08:55 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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