Entries in category "月曜日"


月曜日. April 22, 2019

relax, Heart, relax

So, lumipas na pala ang holy week? Hindi ko man lang nadama. Tomorrow will conclude my work week. I took 3 days leave, then the following week will be Japan's golden week, so I have a total of 13days off work. On Friday, we will fly to Cebu.

a lot of things worry me, so I need to write. Gabby just confirmed that they won't join us in our Cebu tour after the conference so it's just gonna be Jay, LA and I. One of the places we plan to go to is Kawasan falls. Jay is planning to go on an extreme adventure, while LA and I decided to stay at the safe part of the falls. But now that Gabby and the rest of the gang is not joining, I kinda feel sorry for Jay, so I told LA, let's do it too--that extreme adventure thingy. I've been reading blogs about this for about an hour now, and my stomach is already twisting. Juice colored!

I know Jay can manage on her own. Naisip ko lang,baka mas masaya if sama sama nalang. But aside from  that, I think a part of me really wants to try... you know... conquer fear and all that shit.

The last time I conquered my fear was when I agreed to mount on a zip line. Na trauma lang ako pero hindi naman naimprove nun ang pagkatao ko. So why go with this extreme adventure thingy? Lol. I dont know too. Maybe I just don't feel like sitting in the sideline while Jay is doing all the "fun" stuff. Lol. Will this be really fun? Maybe...

There are two things I'm very much afraid of:

1. heights

2. riding a motorcycle

Both I need to endure when we go to Kawasan. Patnubayan sana ako ng Langit.

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I lived for nearly 34 years now, and one of the things that I learned in this age is that relationships are built not as much through the good times as it is in the bad. That the ones who managed to build really good relationships were those who held on through the bad times until things are not so bad anymore.

I sometimes feel like my heart is not built to handle conflicts...

Will this be worth holding on for?


03:28 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. April 8, 2019

Yopparaku

Whenever relatives invite Brother to take a shot on a drinking session, he always refuse. That makes them conclude that I also don't drink. Or maybe because I am a woman. I don't know.

Today, I bought the cheapest chardonnay I found at the grocery. Bought 4 cans of sanmig light and a sapporo. Nope, I'm not depressed. This is not one of those mandatory drink-your-heart-out sesh one will do whenever they're brokenhearted. I am not. I just feel like drinking, and I do need a good sleep (alcohol can help one sleep better, right?)

On October, I'm turning 34. When I was younger, I feel like life was moving slow. Like when I couldn't wait to start using ballpen when I was in grade 1, or when I couldn't wait to have nicer penmanship like those high school kiddos, or when I was excitedly waiting to graduate from hs and go to college.

I feel like days get faster as you get older. It's like yesterday, I was 28... and then, boom! 34 na ko. That swift.

...

I still remember that person sometimes. It feels stupid, you know. He's no longer available and never will be. Our time had long been up. 

How will you differentiate what you feel from what you *think* you feel? I'm not really good at this. Labeling feelings.

...

Maybe I'm just lonely.


09:52 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. March 25, 2019

Hanashiaimashou

Whenever I want to talk to you, I write here instead. What's up with that?

I was watching KMJS last night. They featured a love story where a woman met her forever sa pila ng tubig (poso). Natawa lang ako sa part na sinadya nung girl na mag-igib, kuntodo ayos and all, para makita yung guy. Tapos sabi nung nanay nya, "bakit ka mag-iigib, e ang dami dami nating tubig?"

I only have a few excuses left to talk to you. Can we just be together already? Lol.

I've just been learning 'cunning' recently. True blue late bloomer. I did like men even back when I was little, but there were so many things I liked that my attention were all over the place. Hindi talaga ako natutong magpapansin. The very few men who ever noticed me were all men close to me. Probably those who have a thing for weird, nerdy women. Lol. 

Some may say that mine is an age too old to still be single. But I feel in my heart that I'm just right where I'm supposed to be. Had I gotten married earlier, I would have gotten myself into trouble, because I know that emotionally, I still wasn't ready. But I'm starting to learn things now, and even the way my heart behaves seems to be changing. 

Maybe emotional maturity is already starting to catch up with my age. Finally.


08:45 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. March 18, 2019

And you are different

So ayun. Medyo tinatamaan ako ng lungkot lately. One of those times when you wish you can invite a friend for a chat over coffee kaso di mo magawa kasi lahat sila may asawa na.

Okay, that's not entirely true. Pero almost.

Iniisip ko kung time of the month ba to. I'm haunted by unwanted thoughts lately, uselessly driving myself crazy over something that might not even be true.

I wonder if that's the purpose of getting married or being in a relationship- having someone to sit down with when you want to stop yourself from overthinking.

--------

I read his vow. I tried watching the video itself, but poor internet connection prevented me from doing so. Looks like he didn't change so much. Except for his voice. I no longer remember his voice but I'm pretty sure he didn't sound like that. His thinking seems to be the same though and I can't help but see the wife with curiosity. Looks like she doesn't mind that he thinks that way at all. 

Between Maria Clara and Gabriella Silang, I'm more of the former. I feel like in a relationship, moreso in a family, the man should be the one to lead. How can he do that if he's always afraid and doubting himself?

Or are my expectations too big?


01:02 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. March 11, 2019

Title nashi

Hello, World! It's a Monday and I'm gonna be back to work tomorrow. Things were going great until I heard things I didn't want to hear.

Not love life related:

"Do not take things personally."

I've known this line for a long time. Nakakainis pag may nararamdaman kang mga bagay na ayaw mong maramdaman. Surely, you can just push the feelings aside and pretend you're not feeling them, pero putek... alam mo yung feeling na najejebs ka pero pinipigilan mo? Parang ganun yun e. Healthy ba yun?

I asked the Heavens to make me stop feeling this way... tapos, Dude, instantly gratified sya by the Universe.

Some sort of bad news arrived. Partner sent his resignation and it was immidiate. I'm all good. I can manage alone. It's just that I'll be needing to take leaves from time to time and now that will be harder since my work requires having at least 1 person to be present. Now that 1 person means me. No one else. Thank you very much.

Pero ok lang din. Teamlead said we'll talk about my leaves tomorrow. Bahala na ulet. I'm bonded until June. I can't just disappear. Bukod don, wala parin talaga akong maraming pera para mabuhay nang hindi nagtatrabaho. So again, bahala na.

--------

Love life related:

Ayoko na rin talagang i-entertain ang drama. Ayoko na rin patulan ang jokes ng Universe na hindi naman nakakatawa. Takte, nasa isang side ako ng taal, tas yung kasal nya nasa kabilang side lang. Whattheeff. Pero sige. Ok na. Patahimikin na naten ang mga taong lumagay na sa tahimik. Sa tingin ko kaya lang ako ok kasi may nagugustuhan akong iba. 

--------

The other:

So there is this boy I've been eyeing lately. He's quite innocent in many things, but really matured when it comes to understanding. I like how he's such a good man and on how he's always working to be better. I've known him for quite some time. About 3 years na siguro. Ewan ko.

Natuwa lang kasi ako sa kanya the last time na magkita kami. Nakakatuwa yung reaction nya pag nahihiya sya and I like how I can laugh all our awkward moments off. 

I like listening to his plans. Or yung mga bagay na nilu-look forward nya sa future. Or the things he's passionate about at the moment. Sometimes I wish I can go all out and support him, pero syempre pe-preno ako to ask, "bakit, why, bakit"? Hindi tayo mag jowa, are we friends? Lol. Sa aming dalawa, walang ni isang bumanggit ng salitang 'friends' for these past three years. Takte, we're not friends.

Or are we? Ewan ko. Sana pwede ko nalang itanong. Tas kung ano man ang sagot, no hard feelings, ganun. Lol. Ewan.

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April 28 this year ang Feast of Divine Mercy. Sabi ibubuhos daw ni Jesus ang floodgates ng Kanayang Awa sa araw na yun. If the Heavens will allow me, hihingi ako ng love life, syempre. Pero bukod dun, I want to ask Jesus for healing. Our dog, Gigi, is still sick. Hindi ko alam kung aabot pa sya sa Feast of Divine Mercy.


09:23 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. February 25, 2019

プリナップ

So I watched the vid, alright. Sure there was tightening in the chest and when the boy moved his face towards the girl's, teasing for a kiss, I felt like wanting to punch the wall.

But that was all. Halfway the video, my eyebrows are flying as to why his hairstyle has to look like that.

Ok na. Ayoko narin. K tnx bye.

---------

Absolute zero sleep last night. It's 8:48. I should be catching up some sleep.


08:52 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. February 18, 2019

Sloth

I miss the time when I feel so ready and confident. Parang math exam. Parang engineering mechanics. Nakakamiss.

So I just turned down a gig offer that would have earned me money. The last time I accepted the same job, I earned for 3 hours what I could've earned for a week. Kung kelan I could use having more money.

Back in the day, I was all, "do something that scares you" and shit. Right now, ayoko na mastress. I wonder if slacking off like this will do me any good.

------

My body is telling me I need rest. I'm not even tired. I wonder when did I lose my motivation to strive harder.

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Puteeek. I feel so bad. Sayang yung pera! T_T


02:15 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. February 18, 2019

Asanebo

Hello Monday!

I'm supposed to wake up at 3am today to get to the office before 7am. Great, I just woke up. It's 7:14.

I spent the day yesterday sleeping everywhere I went; at Tito's couch, bus seats, our sofa and so on. I'm used to having very little sleep. I don't know why I felt so sleep deprived.

It was a bonding weekend with the girls. We booked a place around QC where we just slept, ate and watched movies. I didn't know that two of our guy friends will join us. The clothes I brought were thin and short and I brought very few bras. I just find it funny when the guys left for awhile for the day's engagement, Bea was like "tatanggalin ko na yung bra ko." Lol.

Gay guys they may be, but I guess I'm not the only one who still see them as men.

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If I had known that people will ask about you in the future, I wouldn't have immortalized you in my speeches. That's one regret I have. I wonder if I should just deny your existence  just so people will stop asking questions. 

I just want you to leave my life silently, completely and without causing me so much hassle.

If being given a choice between the easy and the difficult, which one will you choose?

I will always, always choose the most convenient. 

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"Wag mo na asarin si Z, marupok yan."

He said the same thing back when we were with Sasi. I wonder what makes him think that way. I also wonder if he's right. Right now, I don't think so.

Surely, I get easily fascinated. But as to liking, there are very few people I've ended up liking for these past 3 years. Well you can't add Park Si Hoo, Lee Min Ho, Gong Yu, Lee Seung Gi, Taron Egerton, Tom Holland, Chris Hemsworth,  Chris Evans, Tom Hiddleston, (the list is too long), and the others to that. They're not real people.

The real people I liked are very few. I think I only had two.

And they like eachother.

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18 days before bff's wedding. Man, how did I get this fat? I tried my gown on last night. It barely fit. I looked pregnant. Lol. Who cares. My beautiful skin can more than compensate. 

Who am I fooling? Lol.

Bff chose violet for me. The rest of her bridesmaids will be wearing Lilac. When I complained why I wouldn't get to wear the same pretty color, she just said, "maputi ka naman."

Though the color looked quite nice, I think bff failed to consider that she will be sending me to the resort the day before the wedding and I'll be swimming my hearts out and by the time her wedding came, malamang negneg na ko. Sana hindi ako magmukhang inihaw na talong. Lol.

Sa totoo lang, ok lang naman. My entire family will be there. I'm  too excited to care much about how I'd look like. And besides, bff said walang masyadong single na lalaki dun, so ok lang. Ang sarap lang kasing mag reklamo just to annoy the people close to your heart, lalo na't alam mo na di naman sila magagalit. I remember during Nini's wedding I told her na gusto ko yung gown ko nakatago yung braso ko at di kita legs ko. She complied down to my last specification.

I'm happy that my friends found amazing men to be their forever partner. Someone once asked kung hindi daw ba ako naiinggit and the answer is no. I often wonder if that's normal, but I'm glad I'm not.

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Someone was lecturing me about clarity just a few weeks ago. 

I hate questions and clarity requires so much asking and I hate that. Pero alam ko rin na without it, I'll blindly let the days drag by without knowing exactly where I want to go. It's like living life just to get over it until it's actually over. Masaya ba yun? I remember what Aggy said during the Anything-goes: have a goal, but keep an open mind. Siguro dapat ganun.

Do your best, and then let go.

.

.

Okay, it's time to ask questions. Boy, I'd rather sleep.


08:29 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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月曜日. February 4, 2019


She was a little clingier than usual when I got home a few days back. I thought she's just demanding for scratches so I gave her some. I noticed how she wailed when I told her to creep out from under the bed. By the following day, the wailing came more often and she started to eat sparingly.

Our Mongee is my late dog's only offspring. She's the family's favorite and we consider her as our bunso. Earlier, Mom called that Gigi is getting worse. She called our family vet, but he just had an operation in his stomach daw so he couldn't come. We will have to find another doctor.

August 26, 2016 was the date that my baby Thangs left me. Everytime that any of our dogs get so sick, I will beg the Heavens for mercy. They ended up dying still.

Pag feeling mo hindi ka naman pakikinggan ng Diyos, kanino ka magdadasal?

Sana pag uwi ko, buhay pa si Giloid.


10:46 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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私の名前はZです。


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