hey. i feel like its been a while. how are you?
my recent days had been filled with highs and lows. daig ko pa ang bipolar kung mag change mood. but at the moment, i guess, im feeling neutral.
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i signed an assessment paper for my regularization kanina. 6 months na pala ko sa work ko on the 29th. ang bilis bilis ng mga araw. hindi ko manlang namalayan. next month, 1 year na matapos kong umalis sa 1st co ko.
feeling ko ang dami daming nangyari pero wala paring nangyari sa buhay ko. siguro meron naman. pero ano na? now what? wala man lang akong back up plan. ang mas masama pa, wala akong plan at all.
ang totoo nyan, dahil settling type naman talaga ako, i really would love to stop hopping around. ok naman kasi dito. wala nga lang masyadong ginagawa. tipong manghihinayang ka sa brain cells mo. sa 5 years mo sa kolehiyo. sa pagsusunog mo ng kilay maipasa lang ang mechanics. dito kasi kahit ipagmayabang ko pang mataas ang grades ko sa algebra, triginometry, differential, integral, at engineering calculus, advanced math, engineering mechanics, statistics, strength of materials at theory of structures e walang epekto. walang bearing. wapakels, walang makikinig. ano nga namang kinalaman ng lahat ng to sa speech recognition at pdf softwares?...syempre wala.
gusto ko pa bang maging engineer ulet? or lilipat lang ulet ako sa ibang jap language related job? pero kung gagawin ko yun, bat pa ko aalis? kung mag eengineer naman ako, kung gusto ko ng sahod na gaya ng sahod ko now, kaylangan ko pang mag abroad. ayoko mag abroad. or at least ayoko magtrabaho dun. my family's here. my dogs are here. most of my friends are here. plus, yung panata wednesday ko.. yung feast.. si fr. M, bro bo..yung R A V E.. gusto ko dito.. haayy..ayoko na magisip.
bahala na. i still have six months more. i promised the qm a 1 year stay and i want to keep my word. my credibility matters to me. so, six months. i need to think, plan and act. sighs.. ano bang mangyayaring masama kung mag iistay nlng ako? hindi ko rin alam. bahala na. stay or leave, mag iisip ako. hayyys.
the TL told me kanina na if i intend to leave dapat ako na rin daw humanap ng papalit sa sarili ko. siguro n foresee nila to kasi ganito yung trend. i really feel sorry for them on this part. but, well, maybe i can help. we will see. 6 months..
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the world offers a vast possibilities.. nakakatuwa dahil kahet madalas e idle lng ako, nararamdaman ko parin yung flame. yung hunger for greatness. yung hope na in time, makukuha ko rin yun. greatness..
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lovelife update:
J greeted me on skype this morning calling me "honey bunch". i just asked him a favor yesterday and he im'd me to report about it. its always easy to ask favors from J , and with his "tabi tayo" jokes, "dahil sayo" jokes and now the most recent "honey bunch" joke, i wonder if his jokes are somewhat half meant. hmmm.. but i guess, i lived long enough to know na hindi porket mabait sayo e may gusto na sayo. tama, si J yun e, tapos ako to. kaya hindi naman siguro.. plus, i know J. hindi sya torpe type. kung may gusto sya, magsasalita sya. kaya malamang, hindi nga. so, erase.
-----erase-----
yesterday, opis crush wanted me to watch some vid na may daga sa simula or something, tipong makapang asar lang.
"panoorin mo yung video, send ko sayo yung link. may facebook ka ba?" --opis crush
"e kung iadd mo kaya muna ko sa facebook?"-- me. pero syempre, nasa isip ko lang sinabi tong sagot ko.
mabait si opis crush at madali lang naman iclick yung "add as friend" button, hindi ko lang alam kung baket hindi ko ginagawa. tipong wait till you rot ang drama.
hay. tama na nga ang kalokohang ito. hindi ko alam kung kelan naimbento ng hypothalamus ko ang "one crush only" policy na to. after college siguro. hindi ko na matandaan.
pauso.
feeling ko hindi ako makapag palit ng crush at will lately. taeness. whatever.
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this year, i am aiming for a balanced life. career, self, spiritual, financial, social life, family tapos lovelife. yung ibang part naman tingin ko kaya pang i balance, pero yung lovelife kasi taeness. parang paikot ikot lang. parang taling buhol buhol. dapat siguro subukan ko rin tingnan yung interesado naman saken. so, si parrot? or yung stalker??waahhh!!! ayawan nalang!!
<chusi ka pa te?>
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itutulog ko nalang ang mga kalokohang ito.
10:07pm. goodnight.
10:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
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