j-holiday today, so its gonna be a long weekend for me.
woke up feeling under the ground.
i got home almost midnight last night. met up with a former collegue. biz stuff. mom reproved as usual. she thinks im just off for the money. well, partly, i am. but more than that, i intend to expand my connection, improve my socializing skills and improve my character in general. i want to be better. right now i really feel otherwise.
spent the day cleaning the house. woke up at 9. i usually wake up earlier than that when i dont have work. fed the dogs, washed the dishes, ate and then washed the dishes again..i actually feel like cleaning the whole house.. even the neighbor's house..clean, mess it up, and clean it again. i need diversion. badly. its really hard to get thru the day without wetting my eyes.
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i have to go out tom. maybe id look for some place to move to. i am thinking of boarding some place near work. enroll to the gym to swim. etc, etc. i need some air to breathe.
sometimes its nice to do something you've never done before. something you thought you'd never dare doing. sometimes when im cooking, i look at the knife in awe.. it makes me think that maybe, some things are not really too hard. we just think that it is and stop right there. it is unless we try that we'd know if its really hard or not aint it?
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im just 1 mo away from my trip with bff. my baguio trip is up and coming too. i let bff plan the whole thing for our trip, and that other friend to whom ill be going my baguio trip with left the whole baguio trip's plan on me. i havent plan a trip before. im actually surprised that im quite enjoying it. please flash us forward to april 25.
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to say that im currently sad and lonely is an understatement.
helplessness and hopelessness sucks.
i actually feel like completely shutting the world out now.
but will that make any difference? will that help? i know it wont.
ive been like this for countless of times. the frequency doesnt make it less painful. but nontheless, knowing that it will pass just as how it did before really helps.
sometimes i wish that life has a skip button. to skip the painful part and fastforward us into the better scenes of our lives. but then it is thru these times that we learn. skip this part and we'll skip the learning process as well. i just hope that these are worth all the tears.
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still, i am not giving up.
{ 気分} brave
06:00 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
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