haw!

glad its a saturday. had a very rare 9-hour sleep for the last couple of days. for someone who's been sleep deprived most of her life, its just hard not to be greatful for a decent sleep.

skipped seeing the doctor yesterday because it was raining and i was also having cramps, plus, i woke up late..or well, maybe to sum it up, i was just too lazy to leave the house.. i was actually all set then, with make up on, i even wore my LBD(yeah, LBD. and im just going to see the doctor) and stuff..only to find myself find every reason not to go out.. jeez.

i ended up lazying out. finished my "the richest man in babylon" book. man, i cant believe it took me 2 months to finish that one. but all in all, it was an awesome read. it gave me that harry potter-like effect. a non-fiction with a fiction feel in it. although its really the other way around. nakakatuwa lang. sobrang na iintrigue tuloy ako sa history ng babylon and on its downfall. ang hirap lang kasing isipin how can something so majestic fall down like that. basta. ewan. feeling ko kung may makikilala akong genie na magbibigay saken ng wish hihilingin kong makapag time travel back in time where i can see babylon's grandeur. basta nakaka amaze lang kasi. parang gusto ko na tuloy ulet magbasa ng fiction. i still got another book to read. another larry gamboa book which i hope to finish before the next payday. still thinking of what book to read next. i am itching to have my hands on that "the starfish and the spider" book but i cant find them in any bookstore =( . i found some online, but i think the shipment will be troublesome since i live in a far-off land where civilization doesnt exist (exag). sighs..whatever. 

september's up and coming. ive got a couple of weeks more to decide whether to take CRESAR or not. im not even sure if they still have available slot. sighs... naisip ko lang kasi, if i am to shell out that amount of money, dapat magamit ko talaga sya sa future. as of now, ang nakikita ko lang na purpose ko sa kanya e yung learning and additional network, etc..pero as to kung maipa-practice ko ba sya for reals, im not that sure. im thinking maybe it would be wiser if ill just enroll to an html class, graphic arts class, cooking, baking or whatver.. the only thing that bothers me is that CRESAR is a 'now or never' thing. if i miss it now there will be no 'next time' na for me.. sighs.. and hirap magdecide..

mom said, i better quit it since its just gonna eat up my weekends if i take it. she said it would be better for me if id just stay home and rest since im getting sick na. jeez..such a welcoming invitation. sa totoo lang i would just love to stay home, rest and lazy out. pero kung gagawin ko yun, then what would become of me? i dont think opportunities will knock on our door while i cozily lay in the couch. i think i will not have much chance unless i set myself out in the world. but well, of course im all talk.

see, i havent been setting myself out in the world for weeks now. ive been hiding on the "im not feeling well", "i am cutting cost", "i need to fix my things", "i need to figure things out first" and the list goes on kinds of excuses where in reality i am just being lazy. and more than being lazy, im also having doubts. on myself...on my capabilities.. and the countless what ifs.. what if i failed and not make it there after all the sacrifices? what if i worked hard to get there only to realize that it is not what i really want? what if hindi pala to worth it? what if...

when i was younger, "what ifs" had lesser control over me. i always jump off without thinking, knowing that if ever i fail, i would still have the time to recover. the time to fix things. time to make things right.. but such is not the case now because i no longer have a whole lifetime ahead of me. sighs.. ewan ko. i think im having a really bad case of analysis paralysis.

but whatever.  wish me luck..

{ 本} think rich,pinoy
{ ショー} breaking bad
{ 気分} food coma

10:30 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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