woke up at 6 and forced myself back to bed.

woke up every hour afterwards and forced myself back to bed again. i just finally woke when it was almost 12 because my body's already aching for staying in bed too long.

they say sleeping and eating are the symptoms of the lonely.

--

i commited my next 3 sundays to some servants' training at the feast. tinatamad ako pumunta bukas. i dont feel like leaving the house. i dont feel like leaving the bed, i feel like im displaying a behavior of a broken hearted teenager and i am in no way broken hearted.. a bit broken, maybe. i know im just running away from life. i am usually more responsible than this.

ive made a mistake. sure ive learned along the way..but still, im having a hard time fixing my life back. but i dont want to be hard on myself. i just want to focus on finding a way to solve all this. skip the 'finding who to blame' part. im taking the responsibility for my own actions, but i refuse to blame myself. i decided i deserve the same amount of respect that ive been giving away. still, nandun parin yung feeling na sana hindi ko ginagawa lahat ng to ng ako lang. 

i know i need to pick myself up soon. hindi naman ako hihintayin ng mundo habang 'too depressed to function' pa ko. aandar ung mundo kahit wala ako. aandar ang oras at tatangayin nito with it yung mga opportunities na dapat sana nakuha ko kung hindi lang ako nagmumukmok sa sulok at naghihimutok dahil lang sa hindi ko nakuha yung gusto ko. i need to be more grown up than this.

naalala ko lang yung sabi ni arg dati. yung "i didnt fail a thousand times, i just found out 1000 things that dont work.." or something.. sana next time na tanungin nya ko if may business na ba ko e masagot ko na sya ng "oo"...

09:55 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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