I want to live life with effortless ease.

EE.

I submitted a video introduction to a propective employer. Ayoko sana kasi baka kung saan nila gamitin yung video ko. When I told Mom, she said, "naku, baka gawan ka ng video na nakahubad". Lol. That doesn't scare me anymore. I mean, at this age, sa totoo lang, wapakels na. Wahaha. 

Another interview tomorrow.

It's been 2 months since I started actively job hunting. Dati akala ko 2 months na yung pinakamatagal na job-hunt duration ko. Tokwa. Ang hirap hindi mag-alala, ma depress, at mag self-pity.

Pero I remember back then, pag nadedepress ako, the more painful it is, the faster I managed to get myself out of the situation. Parang yung line na nabasa ko saying, "pure hell forces action" something.

I have goofy niece and nephew, plus, I also have Mom. No matter how bad the situation is, hindi ko naman talaga mafeel yung "pure hell" since I have them. And that also brings me a diffent kind of fear.

Being unemployed gives me fear of being unable to provide.

Loving my family gives me fear that a day will come when I no longer have anyone to provide for.

Hindi ko pa rin maintindihan yung nabasa ko sa somewhere (I think, sa bible) na fear is the opposite of love daw.

I don't know why my love always comes with accompanying fear. Mali ba yung way ko of loving.

Well, idk.

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Tita sent me a message the last time. Nangungutang ng 250K. She borrowed 150K to me the last time, hindi pa bayad yung 50 + yung promise nyang interest na 20K. I told Tita na wala akong trabaho for a year now. 

Hindi ako mahilig magpautang, but if I had an extra money, I think I'd help Tita out. My other Tita ran away with her money kasi. This Tita owns a school which was once thriving, until my other Tita withdrew the money from the school's account, and ran away with it.

Well, hindi ko naman alam ang full story.

Sabi ni Tita she'll pay her balance daw sakin soon as she gets the government subsidy sa school nila. Sabi ko kahit wag nya na muna bayaran at asikasuhin nya muna yung problem ng school, but she insisted. Well, wala pa naman syang bayad, so okay lang rin.

Haaaa.

Kahapon, bumili si mama ng ice cream para sa mga kids. Syempre kasama ako. I usually buy 3 tubs, total of 5-6 litters of ice cream para saming lahat. Pero kahapon, pinagkasya namin yung 1 tub parang sa aming 6. 

Hindi na ako sanay sa kahirapan. Lol.

Nung bumili kami ng ice cream, humirit yung nanay ko na bilhan ko daw sya ng cornetto, which I did. Alam kong ang gusto nya e yung kitkat na ice cream cone keneme, pero dahil sa alam nyang mahal, nagsettle na sya sa cornetto. I feel sorry for Mom. I wanted to buy her that kitkat ice cream and more.

Magiging maayos din ang lahat. Malalagpasan din namin to.

04:37 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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