The kid in the neighborhood died today. He's probably late teens or early 20s. He used to help us get my cat, Hamanya, off the neighbor's roof. Hindi kami close, but he seemed like a good kid. He was tall and not bad looking.
Kaninang madaling araw daw bumangga yung motor nya sa poste. Mom overheard his elder brother crying while calling out their mom's name. Probably around that time. I saw some monoblock chairs getting arranged on their front yard. Sabi ni Mama, kahapon lang e nag linis yung batang yun ng bakuran nila.
Ang bilis ng pangyayari.
Hindi kami close, pero ang depressing parin ng atmosphere.
His mom's quite easygoing. She's often having drinking sessions sa bakuran nila hanggang madaling araw. That kid was the one she used to rely on, running errands for her. I wonder how she felt losing her son. Nalungkot kaya sya? Umiyak ba sya? Will she absent-mindedly call his name tomorrow morning to make him run errands, forgetting he's already dead?
Bakit ang fragile ng katawan ng tao?
07:03 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Slept 10 hours today. My eyes have been acting weird, I can't really stay up at night anymore.
Kagabi, bumaba ako sa first floor ng bahay namin few minutes before midnight kung kelan walang tao. Epic yung goosebumps at chills. Kumanta na ko ng worship songs, pero hindi parin nawala. Kailangan ko na siguro magsimba.
Palm Sunday in a few days. Magsisimba naman siguro kami.
My nephew's birthday celebration also happens this month too. This hermit is excited to see more people.
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I have a lot of issues with my body lately. Una, sumasakit ang mata ko around 11PM, forcing me to sleep early at hindi na ko nakaka cellphone. I also need to wear my eye glasses all the time these days due to eye discomfort. I don't usually wear eye glasses at home. Tapos, I can't eat past the point of feeling half-full. I'd have breathing problems if I do. I only eat half of what I usually eat these days. Hindi ko naman ikinapayat. Well, I think eating less and sleeping more will benefit me in the long run, but then I also have this other issue with no benefit at all. I have this rash on my back that looks like shingles. Masakit sya. It's healing and nearly gone now, but the pain is still there.
Other than that, I'm pretty content with my life. Actually, EVEN with that, I still feel content. I do need money like everyone else, pero naniniwala ako na money will come. MONEY IS COMING. Also healing. Also love.
05:19 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Namimiss ko nang kiligin.
14th month of being tambay. Kelan ba ko huling nakakita ng lalaki? Lol.
Yung kuya joyride car na pasado sa type ko 5 years ago, but not now.
Yung cute JP hottie na kumindat pa sakin dun sa resto sa Japan kung saan kumain kami with the TMs in Tokyo.
And that guy. Ugh.
And that other guy. Ugh ulet.
Buhayin ko kaya yung dating profile ko? Kaso wala akong bagong picture. I'm trying to grow my hair, but 8 months since I cut it, pero wala pa atang 2 inches ang hinaba. Also, pano pag tinanong ako about my work, ano sasabihin ko? Tambay? Di ba nakakahiya.
This is the longest I've been unemployed. I think of things like, pag nagka work na ko, I'll join this speed dating event in Makati, or try aerial yoga, or join Toastmasters again, yada yada.
Para bang I'm putting my life on hold until a certain condition is met. I don't like putting my life on hold, because tomorrow is never guaranteed.
I follow this gay couple in IG. Sa totoo lang, kahit hardcore BL lover ako, my love for gay stuff is exclusive for 2D men lang. Hindi naman talaga ako nagshi ship ng real-life men. I mean, if they're good, I'd rather have them for myself than to hand them over to another guy, right? But this couple if different. They look so in-love, it's heartwarming. They have this post that says, "loving you is so easy" or something. Wow. Easy. I wanna have that. Yung love na hindi mo kailangang paghirapan. Yung parang natural na nagki click. Yung kusang nagfa fall ang mga bagay bagay into place. Sure, maybe you need to nurture it along the way, and make effort, pero minsan may mga bagay talaga that feel easy, di ba?
I want to find love. The easiest one possible.
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Tomorrow, I'm gonna make a big decision that could change my life. I'm fvcking scared. I pray that the Heavens will guide me, and give me wisdom. I pray that the Heavens will keep supporting me. Na in the event na magkamali ako ng decision, nandyan parin Sya to make things work, fix my blunders, and make things better.
Big hug, Lord. Bahala ka na.
03:42 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
The last time I posted here, I was craving for palabok. The following day, nagpakain yung tita ko for may late Tita Pet's birthday. And guess what? May palabok!!!
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Man, I've been craving for ten million pesos. Wahh! GUSTO KO NG TEN MILLION PESOS!!! T_T
05:35 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
There is this anime that I actually haven't watched yet, but I kinda have an idea of the concept. Cells at Work something yung title nung anime. Naisip ko lang na it could be that inside our body is a separate world of its own, where identities (cell) are born, find job, die, fall in love, ganern. And maybe, tayo rin pala e mga cell ng iisang body. Though we have separate functions, my epekto sa atin ang health, well-being, at energies ng isa't isa keneme.
Well, the point is, kada energy na meron dito sa earth affects an individual or something.
I've been learning BaZi. Nalaman ko na ang DAY MASTER ko ay YANG EARTH at ang DAY ANIMAL ko ay Tiger. Earth people daw ay reliable, and stable, but tends to be stubborn and slow to act. I checked the charts of mom, dad and bro too. Lahat sila YANG FIRE. Kaya pala ang iinit ng ulo ng mga tao sa bahay namin. Lol.
Sa BaZi, fire creates the earth daw. Kasi di ba, when something burns, it leaves ashes, which will then becomes earth. So FIRE is benefial to an EARTH like me. Though sa sarili kong chart, I have like only 3% but I have abundant FIRE at home, so maybe it balances out. Mom has 0 water, and Dad has 0 earth. At least I have all the elements. Sabi dapat saw e balanced.
Jeez, andami kong time.
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Teka, FengShui ulet. Napanood ko sa isang reel na if maghohotel ka daw e iwasan mo yung corner room at the end of the hallway. Hindi sinabi kung bakit, but I kinda have an idea.
Just last year, nung nagpunta kami ng friend ko sa Japan, our hotel room was right at the end of a hallway. On our second to the last night, I was having a hard time sleeping (which happened in our entire stay), I dont exactly remember kung ako ba or yung friend ko yung kakabalik lang from the banyo that time, pero basta, I was lying in bed, fully awake, when the bed moved na para bang sinipa or something. Inisip ko if lindol, so I raised my head to check if my friend's bed is moving too, pero hindi gumagalaw yung bed nya. Hindi magkadikit yung bed namin, so I don't think it moved because of my friend's movement. I can only think lindol, but when I asked my friend the next day if lumindol ba, she said she didn't feel anything.
So ayun, I could be wrong, pero may bisita siguro kami dun sa room at that time. Or baka kami yung unwelcomed guests nya that he/she/they want to get rid off. Lol. Surprisingly, hindi ako masyadong natakot that time. Siguro dahil kasama ko naman kasi yung friend ko.
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Man, I've been craving for palabok. Wahh! GUSTO KO NG PALABOK!!! T_T
12:43 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I recieved a soft offer from a company na ang alam ko e malaki magpasahod. I was shocked, and it was NOT in a good way. So nag email ako to negotiate the salary.
I offer my fears, frustrations and disappointments to the Universe.
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I recieved a notification of my 2nd sale in this platform where I sell my AI prompts. Natuwa pa ko kasi naka 2 na ko this week, but when I checked the dashboard, refunded pala yung 1st sale. Takte, they already saw the prompt. It kinda felt like getting cheated. Gah.
All the money that I spend, lose, or give away are going to immediately come back to me 7 folds. And the money that was stolen from me is going to immediately come back to me a hundred folds.
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Nakuha na namin yung separated title ng lupa ni Papa. I didn't know na dito pala sa Pilipinas e kailangan mo magbayad sa bahay na tinayo mo with your own money sa sarili mong lupa. So ayun, we need nearly 30K. Dapat mabayaran before June para walang penalty.
I've used up 40% of my money in stocks. That is already a miracle in itself, considering na 13 months na akong unemployed, pero may tira pa rin.
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Kaya ko pa. Kaya pa. I am surviving, thriving, and emerging victoriously.
Payakap nga, Universe.
05:08 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Needless to say, it's not going well.
My last card, that company I was aiming... well, I kinda messed it up. I was doing well. I reached the final interview. I thought it was gonna be all for formalities at that point, but I was faced with a panel interview with 2 offshore Japanese staff and 2 locals. Hindi ko na nga maintindihan, nagloko pa yung laptop. They were sharing their screen, pero my bother's laptop couldn't handle such features, so arg~ ... @!$÷%<>*/
Sino bang company ang mag ha hire with that crappy answers. Well, the interview performances I had with my 2 previous companies were just as crappy, but I managed to get in, so, who knows.
Pero pv+@. Ano bang gagawin ko?
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I remember the other guy was like that too. He soft launched the girl when he posted their picture on social media. Then the next thing I know, kinasal na sila.
Will he also be taken away?
I don't want that.
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Life is fvckng hard, but it's not like I can k!ll myself. I dont have the guts, plus, I can't just leave my cats like that. Sa totoo lang, wala naman akong ibang choice but to keep going.
I'm not giving up.
12:45 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
I want to live life with effortless ease.
EE.
I submitted a video introduction to a propective employer. Ayoko sana kasi baka kung saan nila gamitin yung video ko. When I told Mom, she said, "naku, baka gawan ka ng video na nakahubad". Lol. That doesn't scare me anymore. I mean, at this age, sa totoo lang, wapakels na. Wahaha.
Another interview tomorrow.
It's been 2 months since I started actively job hunting. Dati akala ko 2 months na yung pinakamatagal na job-hunt duration ko. Tokwa. Ang hirap hindi mag-alala, ma depress, at mag self-pity.
Pero I remember back then, pag nadedepress ako, the more painful it is, the faster I managed to get myself out of the situation. Parang yung line na nabasa ko saying, "pure hell forces action" something.
I have goofy niece and nephew, plus, I also have Mom. No matter how bad the situation is, hindi ko naman talaga mafeel yung "pure hell" since I have them. And that also brings me a diffent kind of fear.
Being unemployed gives me fear of being unable to provide.
Loving my family gives me fear that a day will come when I no longer have anyone to provide for.
Hindi ko pa rin maintindihan yung nabasa ko sa somewhere (I think, sa bible) na fear is the opposite of love daw.
I don't know why my love always comes with accompanying fear. Mali ba yung way ko of loving.
Well, idk.
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Tita sent me a message the last time. Nangungutang ng 250K. She borrowed 150K to me the last time, hindi pa bayad yung 50 + yung promise nyang interest na 20K. I told Tita na wala akong trabaho for a year now.
Hindi ako mahilig magpautang, but if I had an extra money, I think I'd help Tita out. My other Tita ran away with her money kasi. This Tita owns a school which was once thriving, until my other Tita withdrew the money from the school's account, and ran away with it.
Well, hindi ko naman alam ang full story.
Sabi ni Tita she'll pay her balance daw sakin soon as she gets the government subsidy sa school nila. Sabi ko kahit wag nya na muna bayaran at asikasuhin nya muna yung problem ng school, but she insisted. Well, wala pa naman syang bayad, so okay lang rin.
Haaaa.
Kahapon, bumili si mama ng ice cream para sa mga kids. Syempre kasama ako. I usually buy 3 tubs, total of 5-6 litters of ice cream para saming lahat. Pero kahapon, pinagkasya namin yung 1 tub parang sa aming 6.
Hindi na ako sanay sa kahirapan. Lol.
Nung bumili kami ng ice cream, humirit yung nanay ko na bilhan ko daw sya ng cornetto, which I did. Alam kong ang gusto nya e yung kitkat na ice cream cone keneme, pero dahil sa alam nyang mahal, nagsettle na sya sa cornetto. I feel sorry for Mom. I wanted to buy her that kitkat ice cream and more.
Magiging maayos din ang lahat. Malalagpasan din namin to.
04:37 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Not feeling great.
Kahapon, nag effort ako mag make up at mag outfit para sa camera-on job interview. Kaso nag hingalo yung laptop na hinirap ko sa kapatid ko, at yung walang pasensyang interviewer e nagsabi na reschedule nalang daw. Oh well.
So bukas yung bagong sched. Hindi na ko mag aayos. Will connect both sa laptop and phone para may backup sakaling maghingalo ulet yung laptop.
Speaking on hingalo. I had a dream last night. 3 of our relatives died daw. Nakalimutan ko yung iba except kay Tito Y who is very much alive pa. I told Mom this morning, pero wapakels sya. Lol. Asawa yun ng Tita ko sa side ni papa. Kaya siguro wapakels si mamabear. That Tito lives in Canada, so hindi naman kami close, but he has been kind to us though.
Well, it was just a dream anyway.
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Not it best state. I have 3 ongoing job application. Yung isa dun e mag wa 1 month nang ongoing. So, IDK. Yung other 2 e inendorse lang ng 2 different job agencies. Though I frequently check job search sites, wala naman akong maapplyan masyado dahil ang lalayo at fully onsite.
Push.
Nag-aalala ko. Pero seriously, ano bang pwede kong gawin other than to keep going and keep trying, di ba?
The one that I'll be having interview with tomorrow e fully WFH. I want to get hired there. Nag review ako today, and I've given all I can. So bukas, the rest is up to the Universe na. Nakalagay sa job posting e native level yung hinahanap, so IDK why they considered my application. Basta, I will do my best.
Let's do this.
Iniisip ko if may negative effect ba ang pag sign everytime, but just to be sure, let's avoid it.
Matatapos din to. Magiging okay din ang lahat.
06:10 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
