Entries for May, 2013
i know i only have to know the cross sectional area of my ribs to find out whether my rib cage can withstand this abnormal thumping..
they thought us how to do that in school. but its the thumping that really bothers me and how to stop it. coz, see... no one ever told me how.
and come to think of it...i dont want to stop it either.
it sucks when you are used to waiting for whatever-it-is-that-you-are-feeling to subside. sometimes i wish i can do something about it. even when the odds are low and the possibilities are barely there...
but hey, at least we're living on the same planet..
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first public post after tabby's revival..
im glad to be back..i know we all are..
sana for good na to... happy posting! <3
03:39 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
alone at home feeding on junk.
mom and dad went out for their social life. daig pa ko ng parents ko. aus.
nep will be going back to ph on jun and we agreed to have this bora trip. they got it booked and on the 28th, we're off. very good.
if i hadnt said yes to this trip i wouldve been a few thousands of peso richer. but too late to back out. and on the brighter side, at least ill get to be with my friends. its been a long time since we got together. im actually excited about it. ive never been to bora. ive been wanting to go with injan to do some boy hunting(?) but we just cant find time (and money) to do it. now im gonna be with 2 of my other girl-friends and another 2 boy-friends(emphasis on the hyphen). i wish id be able to manage when that day comes, coz, pak, i need money. whatever.
back to work tom. im not looking forward to this. i wish the other co will call me again.hayst..gusto ko nalang magtayo ng sarili kong kompanya...
..sighs..
oh heavens..pengi po ng money machine/s..
02:40 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
nearly in tears. the call ive been waiting for never came and its been a week. should i just accept that im just gonna be stuck here for life..oh heavens please..
been bitchy for the last past days. i dont know. ive been training myself to keep cool especially to the people at home. i think i just want to be a good daughter and genuinely believe that im one. but im just having trouble in controlling my temper lately...
i feel like life's passing me by..its not about age..its about having reached this age and being just this.
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im yet to meet the vp still..tulog pa siguro..wait, kala ko ba im not interested? whatebs..i just want it to be done and over with.
hayyyysss...
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kahit gano pa kalalim ng buntong hininga..hindi parin naman maayos ang magulo...
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may inoorder na naman ako sa universe...at pag sinabi nya pa ulet na "no", hindi ko na talaga alam..gusto ko nalang agad mag move on kahet hindi ko pa naririnig yung sagot.
.
pambihira 
12:28 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
today's horoscope says:
Libra,
If you are looking for a new job, an opportunity you really can't miss will turn up and this won't come won't come around again for some time. You'll have heaps of energy and will be really nice to your partner. You'll highlight his or her good points and this will make things go really well in the relationship.
...oh please be true...
oh,im refering to the new job part..
...
nothing much today...
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pak...a collegue just came in front of my pc. i wonder if he read this..
..
wapakels..arrg!!
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that's it for now,,there comes our imaginary bell...jaaaa..
{ 気分} bad case of stomach ache
12:55 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i just want a talk
over a cup of coffee
with you..
..
..
and i dont even know if you drink coffee..
and i dont, by the way.
{ 気分} dreamy
09:18 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
first email from the new boss:
Numerical error nanaman? Maybe the only way that this will not happen is if there is also a numerical error in your salaries....these types of errors should have been fixed a long time ago and someone ELSE should be identifying it and not me.
i dont know why i find it funny. maybe i should postpone my resignation(again) after all..
or well, maybe not.
crying fit ds morning. i must've look stupid having my own moment at the bus. its been a while since i cried..the bad feeling didnt go away but i feel better now. i miss my old boss. weird right? hayy..
im trying to beat the clock today to apply for this other co. im still reluctant. time means money nowadays. jeez...ano bang tumbling ang gagawin ko to fix all this..1:30 sched interview. im here printing my resume..good luck cinderella.
***sighss**..
ok. this will pass..
01:08 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
today's horoscope:
Libra,
If you act prudently, you'll have excellent occasions for higher than usual income. Finally you will reap the fruits of your efforts. The Stars will look favorably down on you and will give you a lovely, positive phase, putting a spark into your relationship. You will do all you can to satisfy your loved one.
..
maybe i should keep my job.
a company called. i am still thinking whether to go or not. tama. hindi nga siguro mahirap humanap ng trabaho. ang mahirap e lang yung humanap ng trabaho na gusto mo. pero siguro hindi rin. ewan ko.
the vp met up with us kanina. the gen manager, the sales manager, the operations manager tapos ako. parang "alin alin alin ang naiba?" ang drama. out of place ang lola mo. sighs.. i remember when he addressed us as "managerial people" when he was talking to me and the gen manager.haha..had i been promoted without me knowing it?whatever. haha ulet. i dont know if id be able to live by my boss' standards. well maybe i could, i, afterall came from a company whose standards are way higher than my current company. but the thing is, its hard to spread your wings when you are new to the flock. i think trying to change this people will make them hate me. but then maybe i can think of another way to do it...pero may isa kasing malaking problema....kasi...tinatamad ako.. mahirap din kasi mag invest ng time at effort sa co na iiwanan mo rin namn pala eventually. ewan ko.
the vp speaks like rich dad. i think if id listen to him well enough , i might get the secret on how im gonna get myself rich too...pero ewan ko parin talaga..sa totoo lang, i just want to get rich because i need to. my family needs to. pero in the end of the day, i know i dont really want to build an empire creating money machines..its a home that i want to build. pathetic, i know. maybe its because im just a typical girl too, and i dont want to feel sorry about it. maybe, its alright to be normal sometimes.
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fr. mario's gonna be back in 2-weeks i guess. oh, heavens, please bring him back safe.
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election on mon. its a long weekend for me..lets all vote wisely.
or whatever..
world peace..
jaaa..
07:25 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
done with our duty!! hooray!!
too cute, the jeep service was playing the "dapat tama" e-jingle by sir gloc and protege denise..
hope everything will go well..not expecting..just hoping..
there is this really promising senatorial candidate that im hoping to win.convinced mom,dad and bro to vote for him too. now that's sure 4 votes on our side..a few thousands and million more to go.crossing fingers now..
good luck to the future of our dear rp..and to the future of my unborn kids (ano daw?) lols..basta goodluck.
hah, rare moments that i cant help but feel patriotic. i love rp!!
yeah, watever to me, but i really do..
well,,
see u around i guess,,
jaaa!! <3
02:26 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
hey.
today's kuya's gf's bday and he told us that he's gonna propose to her today (by the time that im writing this entry he might be proposing to her na..)
there.
so, i guess that's game over for you, bro. haha..bitter.
i remember a few months ago i did all i can to initiate change. it never occur to me that change will just present itself to me even without me doing anything about it.
..
pak lang.
01:00 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
the son or the dad? cast your vote..
pak.
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despite the bad news, i was all smiles yesterday. i was just amused by rich dad's attitude..pero,pak, today. eto na naman..that the "shit. i want to leave na" feeling..
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i learned from a former collegue yesterday that G also proposed to his girlfriend na.
my reaction? deadma. maybe im expecting this all along..good thing ive left early on. pak.
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i hope my endangered love life will not go extinct. pambihira naman kasi.
i asked injan to go with me sa divine ds coming sun. she said yes. im glad how things like this can give hope to people.
know what, i think my mom's not entirely happy about my kuya's engagement. i wonder if she'd feel the same if it was me. but that, i couldnt tell.
ang incoherent ng post na to. sa totoo lang ng-aalala ko..
kasi as always..
ang bleak parin ng future ko...or ako lang ba ung ganun...
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i dreamth of tita bebe kahapon. isa sa mga tita kong...you know..old maid...maybe its my subconscious voicing out my fears...pak talaga.
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if i hadnt resigned from my former job, i wouldve asked yang today to hang out with me and have some beer.. minsan may advantage din talaga pag wala kang masyadong pera..
amp.
so now...imaginary beer pa meeeen!!!
12:48 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
randomly texting friends with things like, "i dont want to work anymore" bla bla bla and like, "hey, lets just create our own company"...and so, and so..
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work is a blessing. i may feel otherwise now, but i strongly believe that it is. right now, im not really doing good. in my career, in my financial life..and well, in personal life (same old story..)..and i am again thinking of making another big change that i might end up regretting...i just wish i have more options..or at least better ones.
someday..soon..im gonna create my own company. i dont know how, i dont know when. i just know that i dont want be an employee forever. and yeah, i hate that im all talk..but still i hope that the "someday" will come.
turning 28 soon. im glad that ive kept this blog so that id be able to track my progress (or lack thereof)..been here since 22..am i ryt?22..sounds like ages ago..
life..plans.dreams..whatever. i dont even know if id live to witness all these..
....
i need to be rich.
but in the end of the day, i know that what i really want is way another story.
but i guess, i have to stick with that at the moment.
12:53 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
hi!today's pentecost(did i spell that right?) and injan and i went to the shrine. her first. my nth time. i dont know, i just feel like the shrine has this some kind of magic or something. and yes, i went there for a very serious wish.. hayy..crossing my fingers..
nothing much, we went home after that. its been a while since i last saw injan. clearly, i need money if i really want to hang out with my friends more often. i learned from her about this "obando" thing. heard that injan's friend who's actually single went there today for prosperity dance. i thought that people would only go there to get pregnant. well, i dont know. the dancing for prosperity thing sounds like fun thou. told her that we should try that out. weird. from malls and karaoke bars, to churches and pilgrimage sites..what's gotten into us?haha..
i colored my hair yet again today. ought to be copper brown. but it didnt go well. the color's not bad, only it wasnt evenly distributed. pak. me trying to save money is causing me so much disasters. i shouldve gotten to salon instead . huhu..pano na ko magugustuhan ni crush neto.. T_T ...echos lang..haha..pero badtrip parin..huhu
sabagay, he wont be seeing me naman..pero kahit na!!!
btw work tom. amp. basta gambarimasu parin.
jaa for now.
05:16 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
bad news..
password protected na ang WIFI ng kapitbahay.. (sad face)
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good tuesday.
nothing much.
decided to sell my exword. browsing for prices. i thought id earn at least 30k.amp.anlabo pala..
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stress much,
galit si boss kahapon.
may point naman si boss na magalit.
pagalingan lahat sa blaming game,
amp. ayoko ng ganitong environment.
wala manlng gusto umisip ng solusyon. =<
iniisip ko nalang ung sabi saken ni yang. stay put lang kasi need namin magwork para may pang fund kami sa business.
kaya eto parin ako. and yes, choice ko to. whatever. pangangatawanan ko na.
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high hopes!!! im determined to create a better future for myself and those that i love. yes, i may not make it..or maybe, wala naman pala talagang future..pero basta..gusto ko parin itry..minsan masaya rin yung alam mong ginagawa mo lahat for a certain goal.
high hopes talaga..
well, jaa for now..
12:59 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
hindi na po ata talaga to madadala sa positivity...
ayoko na po talaga..T_T
..
wahhh!!!!
please send me somewhere else...please. heavens..i dont want to be here anymore..
(that was about work)
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i want to declare a world war 3 with you, only...i dont have the license to.
pak. i feel all messed up.
and please, quit flirting with other girls...wahhh!!!insane...
(now, that's about something else)
shet..i feel like i can throw this junk called life just to be with you.
but, yeah, of course, you dont have any idea..
wahh!!!gusto kong mamundok nalang =<
ftl
{ 気分} fed up and jealous(??) wahh!!
12:33 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
a friend commented on an fb pix tagged by mom.
"(insert my name here), sya ba?".
ngpanick naman agad ako.haha..tae..kapatid ko pala yung tinutukoy nya. pak..she thought boylets ko.adiks lang.
sighss,,,these people..haha..they've long been waiting for me to have a it..and yet, pag sinabi ko namang meron na hindi naman naniniwala...
i dont know what's with them. or what's with me..
naalala ko tuloy ung movie na blueberry nights.
"there's nothing wrong about the blueberry pie, its just that no one wants it."
basta ganun. whatever. but really maybe, may mali nga...issues..fears..or ako rin mismo.whatever. siguro hindi naman ganun kahirap magkaron ng ganun..parang sa trabaho lang din. madaling humanap ng trabaho, mahirap lang humanap ng trabahong gusto mo talaga..parang bus..parang...ewan. basta.
i heard somewhere about having to kiss a lot of frogs before you get to the real prince charming. whatever. siguro, ayoko lang mang kiss ng frog kaya hindi ko na ni try na hanapin ang prince. ewan. basta. paulit ulit.
hayy,,
oo nga pala..blueberry flavored oats ang breakfast ko this morning.. maybe the source of all these blueberry nights thing..whatever..
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gusto ko tuloy bigla ng blueberry pie..
{ 気分} craving..
12:58 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
may 26th.we reached our 2nd monthsary, work. i thought we'd never last a week.
things are not getting any better. the more i stay, the more i feel like wanting to leave. but i just cant resign for one obvious reason--money. im thinking of just letting the boracay trip to pass..or maybe up to october until i settle the sss and pag-ibig loan(yeah, real sh*t, i have those too)..but then october just seem so far away i dont know if i can still last that long. hayyy..very good. mom keeps on telling me that i shouldnt have left my old work. damn, im just so sick of hearing things i already know.
i met up with yang yesterday to brainstorm for a plan. weve been thinking to set up a business or something that can earn us money. we did came up with one and decided to implement it as early as next week. i dont know what will happen, but i guess that's the thing with doing something with someone you want to be with. it will never matter much whether you'd succeed or not so long as you two are going to have fun while trying...pero sana may mangyari paring maganda. best of luck talaga samen..
monday again tomorrow. it sucks to keep a job you hate, pero iniisip ko nalang na kailangan ko to in preparation for something bigger. oh, i need tons of patience.
sana kaya kong iset aside ang badtrip na feeling at gawin parin ang best ko..hayy, patience pa..bahala na.
04:54 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i feel sick. maybe the hormones.
the boss got angry again. which made the manager panic and which, in effect, caused me loads of work.yeah, the domino effect at work. i feel like in the past two months ive heard enough blaming to last me a lifetime. im tired. im not feeling well. it was never my thing to complain because i believe that complaints are for the incompetent, but this is just way too much. i want to go home. feeling ko secretary ako at hindi engineer. :<
if only i live by myself and for myself alone, i wouldve left right away. but i really feel sorry for my mom, i know being out of work again will kill the budget for most of our expenses and will cause our family so much trouble. plus, my brother needs money too for his upcoming wedding and all the stuff. wahh!!i dont know. gusto ko mamundok nalang. I dont know how long id be able to last like this.
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wednesday tomorrow. saw last sunday's mass vid and found out that fr. m's back. i wasnt able to watch last sun because of the NBA. amp. i wish i can escape office and go to the mass. hindi effective s office na to ang ano mang dahilan. ang lakas mang guilt trip.nakakainis..ahhh..its getting in my nerve. ok. enough. i dont want to be like this.
but, really, i wish i can make it to tomorrow's mass. oh heaven's please..
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the gloominess of the weather matches my gloomy life. i wonder when was the last time ive been this sad and troubled. i mean, ive been troubled and sad before but i rarely become both.
bat ba parang ang hirap hirap maging masaya?
emo.
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oh, btw, i need to post the horoscope of the day because it seems appropriate.
Libra,
A dull, unstimulating phase ahead; try to concentrate more and avoid wasting your energy as you'll need it to deal with hostility. This will be a very pleasant period with your beloved. You could even decide to prolong what started off as a fling.
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dang.
12:46 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
my back aches..
shet..sign of aging b to?
good day tabby!!its about to rain...looking forward..
{ 気分} wala lang..
12:38 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
"respect is indeed hard to earn, but its worth the price."
having lunch together with your officemates is really a good thing. you'll get to learn things you'll never know during office hours. this is something i dont usually do in my previous co.
know what, an officemate ask me if i resigned here na to which i answered,hindi pa. i wonder where did she got that news. but i think, i soon will.. hayyss. i wonder if decisions are ought to be this tough talaga.oh life.
the boss. i wonder, what he's really like. maybe he's not really that bad. if i get to be a boss myself, i wonder if id be able to gain the respect of those who work for me..sadyang ang hirap kasing i-please ng mga tao. i remember my old boss. he was/is hated by some of the people who temporarily worked for our team but loved by the original members. i personally love my previous boss, i mean he's not perfect, but he never made us feel like he's different from us. maybe that's the secret of being a good boss. care for your team. know them. understand them. be one with them. maybe that's what the current boss lack. but then, maybe it cant be helped. he, afterall is the owner of the company, unlike my previous boss. well, i dont know. i never owned a company. whatever.
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intuitions... a test a college prof once gave us resulted to me having high intuition rate. this, i already know. but it still never fail to amaze me..
still in shock...
because...i know its not him but..
oh my...i just realized that...
he looks like ..him..the "ex"..
well, you know. that guy who thought me things and all.jeez.. i thought i already forgot all these..
great..i think my rib cage's gonna snap.
this is bad..
12:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
it was raining. but its not raining now, which would have been better to match up with today's mood.
i love hearing other people say my name,. it makes me feel closer to them..closer..maybe its just me.
its been a couple of days since all these started. i know.. i guess, i just want to be his past, present and future and nothing else. no sidelines, no in-betweens..im starting to hate all these..selfish..yes. that, i know too.
fighting had never been my thing. i dont fight because i hate to lose. this cowardice had ran my life for my 27 years of existence. it has been here for all i can remember and it feels so comfortable that i never really bothered to do something about it..i know this is lame.
and yes, for the nth time, the cowardice had taken over and i have yet again decided to backout even before the fight starts...
love is for the brave...
maybe, i just want to work on with things that i can have control of.
and yes,
people and their hearts just cant be one of them..
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yes...
this is me sabotaging my own dreams..
12:59 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
