Entries for February, 2015
good morning world!!
its a sunday. im suppose to go out but i stayed in the bed a little longer than i should have. i ended up messing my own sched. but its fine.
i was so happy yesterday. yang and i went to a summit held by the writer's block ph. it became my best day of the year so far.
my long time crush/super idol, vinco golangco was there. he's super amazing!! and i was able to have a picture with him!!!sooo happy!!hahaha. sh*t i sound like a teenager, but who cares.
the event was for creative entreps. its been less the a year since i last saw the wbp girls ms. anna and ms. nikka and yet i feel like they've changed a lot. ms. anna is still as awesome as ever. i love love love her talaga. I love how she’s so smart and funny and witty and sexy all at the same time. I mean, being smart, funny and witty is already amazing in itself , but add sexy to that and its just oh so awesome na. Phenomenal. Exceptional. Genius. Basta, grabe ang galing nya. I like how she can talk sexy so casually and without sounding offensive or anything. And she always does it with class.
And then, Ms. Mina Esguerra was there. I remember her because I have 2 of her books. Dahil girl scout ako, I brought those books sa summit which paid off kasi I was able to ask for her autograph. Hehe.. She’s cute and so natural. She actually reminds me of shara.
And then, vince.This was actually not the first time i’ve met him. I saw him a few years ago in an event they had when he was still a DJ at the wake up show in mellow 94.7… grabe namimiss ko na yung wake up show back then when vince was still there. He and tracy were just the best. Back then I cant last the day without hearing the wake up show. I still don’t know what happened and why vince left pero sayang talaga..
Anyway, ayun, si vince. As ive said he’s a long time crush so while ms. Nikka was reading her introduction for vince, I practically know all of those stuff already and probably even more (I wasn’t stalking him!! I was just researching. Lol!). At first glance, he looks like a normal person. Mukha pa nga syang shy type because he sort of looks down a lot and he doesn’t have that air of confidence that most people in his circle has. But when he speaks… man, he’s remarkable. impressive. Basta awesome.. Vince has this charm that can capture every audience. Smart, funny and witty din like ms. Anna –only different. Basta. Ang galing nya. And he’s sort of nice too. Charming. Seemingly easy to talk to. Naalala ko nuon yung sabi ni gian na “geek is the new sexy”. Well, vince too is a geek in his own way, but I guess as for vince’s case, “smart is the new sexy” would be more appropriate. Still not appropriate enough, I think. But that’s how far my vocabulary can get. I hate how my vocabulary is so limited to describe these people.
i wonder if id meet vince again. I hate how I seem to always meet him at my haggardest moments. i came almost late due to terrible traffic and the nkaka"eng-eng" bus systems in BGC. kaya yun, i never had the chance to retouch or anything. Sabi pa man din ni coco channel, “you never know, maybe that’s the day she (you) has (have) a date with destiny. And it’s best to be as pretty as possible for destiny. “
I don’t really believe in destiny. But I do believe that it’s best to be pretty as possible for… erm, the one? I don’t really believe in “the one” either. Basta, I think its best to be as pretty as possible just in case you’ll bump into someone cute in the street or some long time crush or whatever. I don’t know too..
speaking of haggardness. i won at the raffles. it was an item from one of the brands that was sponsoring the event. a represantative from that brand then asked to have my picture taken next to their signage while holding the prize. jahe talaga. kung kelan haggard tsaka may ganun klaseng picture taking. i wonder if they will use those photos for publication, fb page or something. i really hope they wont.
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3 days left before i get back to my cage. i decided not to be so bitter about it. or at least i just want to savor my happiness at the moment...
{ 音楽} the corrs-summer sunshine
{ 本} yeng remulla-start something
{ 気分} suppressing the temptation of eating junk
10:10 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
watched american sniper today. not really the type of movie id watch but it turned out to be good. but i do not plan watching anything similar anytime soon. i cant understand why people would watch something that will make them feel bad afterwards--even if its really a good movie and all.
--
1 day to go. ill be back to work on thurs.. ididn't know that 6 days could be that swift.
oh Mother Universe, please give me strenght to get through all these...
{ 本} veronica roth-allegiant
{ 気分} praying
10:35 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
according to my ecg result, mabagal daw ang heart rate ko.
but if i am to take that ecg test again, i swear id fail it again but this time, not for a slow heart rate but the other way around. grabe sa sobrang kaba ang bilis ng puso ko.
see.. i won MM's contest!!!!
i know the setup to get the prize is thru meeting up at an agreed location in manila or cebu. so there's a CHANCE--a tiny chance that he himself would bring the prize, which means, id be able to meet him. well,pwede rin namang hindi mangyari yun. pero grabe kinakabahan pa rin ako.. feeling ko kasi..well..baka lang kasi.. baka lang naman..binibigyan nya lang ako ng chance talaga.. ang kulit ko na daw kasi.. hehe..hayst..ang hirap din siguro ng buhay ng mga taong may maraming fans like him. ewan ko.ano nang gagawin ko....
hayyst... but i know i cant allow this kinakabahan feeling to overpower me. whether he made me win intentionally or not, chance pa rin to na binigay ng universe para matupad ko yung wish ko. chance pa rin to para maexpand ko yung mundo ko. chance parin to to meet someone who made it there to where i want to be.
i need to think clear. be objective. act with a sound mind and prepare myself just in case the chance will actually present itself to me. sabi nga ni vince, "success is preparation meeting opportunity." i need to prepare. i am yet to recieve an email from him about the setup. i just saw my name in his recent post. i really need to prepare--and prepare i will...
oh dear heart, please be brave for me..
{ 気分} uber nervous
11:04 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
its been ages since i last made a decent post for our blog.
decent, meaning, non-quotes non-copy paste stuff etc.
and so, for my efforts not to get wasted....
PLEASE READ ME!!!!
http://ravenbrave.com/2015/02/05/missing-haruki-neighborhood/
OR READ US
Thank you ^_<
{ 気分} commercial commercial
03:24 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
grabe!! naiistress ako. i want to break something.. haha.
things had been fast paced recently. parang roller coaster ride. but i dont want to get all caught up with the high and i want to prepare myself for the worst. something that i dont even want to consider.
sa totoo lang handa na kong magdasal sa lahat ng santo makuha ko lang tong gusto ko this time around.
i feel like the world is giving me a chance to finally correct all the stupid things ive done for this past couple of years. Lord knows i intend to do everything in my power para lang makuha ko to..tapos aayusin ko na talaga.. magtitino na ko..promise heavens..pleaseeeeeeeeeee....
sighs..
id write about it once i get it..but for now..please pray for me....
04:06 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
i wish i have documented what i felt 7 years ago when i cried for the same reason that i did today, only for different subjects.
it sounds awful when you had your heart broken a day before the vday.
its just weird when its in no way lovelife related.
---
i had my chance.
i did my best and more.
if the Heavens decided that this is not for me (yet?)...then its not for me (yet?)..
its just so hard to start your life over again when you already build your hopes on getting it.. on the idea of having it.. on what will change after.. on how wonderful it will feel once you got it--- only to realize you wont.
a friend asked, "move on na ba?"
i wish i know the answer.
yeah, "move on na ba?"
oh, this is so heart breaking..
{ 気分} crying some more
02:03 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
a proof of my html genius. i cant even view my own entries. dang.
a lot of things.
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we watched 50shades yesterday. it was boring. not worth corrupting my innocent mind for. i wonder if its the very concept that i found lousy coz i dont find any appeal to the book either. not because im being pa-innocent or whatever. ive read and seen stuff similar to those before. there were crappy ones, but there were good ones too..--50 shades definitely dont belong to the "good" category
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i signed up for a training for servants. 2nd sunday namin yesterday. 3 sundays more.
know what, i think i need to learn not to see everyone as a prospect whenever i meet someone new. well, really, i dont..its just that.. well, he's thin..and tall..and lanky..and he wears glasses. so he sort of reminds me of.... sighs... ayun. takte lang, awkwardness overload. ang dami namin sa group 2 at lahat sila late. so we spent the 1st 15 minutes of the class na kami lang dalawa. kung nakakamatay siguro ang awkwardness na-deds na ko. sighs.. pero keri lang. tingin ko, exposure daw ang gamot sa fear. at tsaka practice makes perfect. pag paulit ulit ko sigurong gawin to eventually mawawala na rin ung awkwardness..parang torture sa sarili, oo..pero i know ako rin yung mgbebenefit dito in the long run. sabi nga ni bro JC nung day 1 namin, i-minimize daw yung awkwardness sa buhay--at yun yung ine-aim ko ngayon. next sunday, im gonna make sure ill be releasing my amazing flirting prowess.---echos. haha.
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nag email na si MM. he gave me options kung pano ko makukuha yung prize. at wala sa options ang makita sya or makilala manlang sya. hayst. he sounds no-nonsense sa email. mejo intimadating pero fascinating parin. naalala ko nga sa kanya si A... grabe, nasan na ba si A?? hayst.. ma me-meet ko pa ba si MM? ayoko na syang kulitin pa. baka maasar na sya saken. hayy, bahala na nga. sabi nya iido-drop nya daw yung item sa mega by weds. im there on weds.. i wish i can tell him "lets just meet nalang" kaso baka maasar na sya saken. hayyy.. nakakalungkot. ewan.
--
ang dami nagbabago. my time na gusto ko naring iwanan to pero may time kasi na its hard to breathe and the only way to improve your breathing is thru writing your feelings down. gaya ngayon..ang hirap huminga.. ang hirap kumain.. hindi naman ako in love. takte. haysst.
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giving up JFE. siguro this means move on na. may mga days na hindi ako makapaniwala na hinayaan lang nila akong mawala.. i mean, ANG GOOD CATCH KO KAYA!!.. haha.. well, whatever. i know what i can offer. bro said loss daw nila yun if hindi nila ako tinanggap. siguro nga mayabang ako, pero i think he's right. pero posibleng mali rin ako. i mean JFE will still be JFE even without me in it. siguro panahon na para babaan ko ng onti ang tingin ko sa sarili ko--- pero ayoko nga, bakit ba?!sighss..(now im hoping against hope that no one here in my friend list works for JFE.haha.)
parang ang hirap lang ulet magpatuloy ulet ngayon. parang lalo akong nalost sa kung anong gagawin ko na ulet. kung tutuusin, wala naman talagang nagbago.. kaso pag nakita mo na pala ung chance na makuha mo yung pagbabago na gusto mo, tapos hindi mo nakuha, parang ang hirap na ulet bumalik dun sa dati..basta ewan.
--
will be clicking "post entry" now. hindi ko manlang mababasa ang sarili kong entry. takte, kelan ba aaus ang html na to..
sighsss..
--
alam mo ba yung feeling ng pagod na pagod kahit wala ka namang ginagawa? my feelings exactly.
sighs ulet.
11:09 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
an addition to my vocabulary.
沈黙→chinmoku→reticence. nice.
----
shared another bus ride with A today. i wonder if i need to call him kuya A. he's a neighbor/brother of cousin's wife. i got myself another free bus ride. great. he's really nice. mom said he works for the engineering dept in city hall.. cant bring myself to ask if he's single-- i know what they'd think afterwards. i am, afterall, guilty. and i know i suck at lying so i better shut up.
but know what, brushing the idea of romance aside, i just realized my parents have really good networks/connections. they dont have ways to use it and dont really need to--but i do. if only i have their PR maybe i can be more. funny ive been looking everywhere else for connection when i can find a handful around the area. pero kasi.. hayyyst..
----
MM will drop off the prize that i won in his contest at a certain stall in mega today. will be picking it up tom.. tapos tapos na. goodbye MM.
tapos goodbye JFE.
tapos.. saan pa ba? kanino pa ba? ewan.
----
i had an awesome breakfast this morning. i allowed myself a cup of coffee. it caused this brewing sensation in my stomach but its all worth it. i love coffee.
had it in a certain foodchain. while in there i notice a woman right across me. she appears to be around 50. with coffee on her table, then with headphones set on her head, she held a broadsheet in front of her with her legs crossed looking like the world owe her. nice. i think that's my ideal breakfast. plus a companion maybe. with his own coffee, same music and own broadsheet-- wouldn't it be nice?
nice.
actually, that's an understatement.
----
sighs.. i forgot what was it that i've been looking forward to. just a week ago i was on high. and now here's the low. i dont really feel sad.. just...
lost.
----
and yeah, that concludes today's post.
ciao.
03:39 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
woke up at 6 and forced myself back to bed.
woke up every hour afterwards and forced myself back to bed again. i just finally woke when it was almost 12 because my body's already aching for staying in bed too long.
they say sleeping and eating are the symptoms of the lonely.
--
i commited my next 3 sundays to some servants' training at the feast. tinatamad ako pumunta bukas. i dont feel like leaving the house. i dont feel like leaving the bed, i feel like im displaying a behavior of a broken hearted teenager and i am in no way broken hearted.. a bit broken, maybe. i know im just running away from life. i am usually more responsible than this.
ive made a mistake. sure ive learned along the way..but still, im having a hard time fixing my life back. but i dont want to be hard on myself. i just want to focus on finding a way to solve all this. skip the 'finding who to blame' part. im taking the responsibility for my own actions, but i refuse to blame myself. i decided i deserve the same amount of respect that ive been giving away. still, nandun parin yung feeling na sana hindi ko ginagawa lahat ng to ng ako lang.
i know i need to pick myself up soon. hindi naman ako hihintayin ng mundo habang 'too depressed to function' pa ko. aandar ung mundo kahit wala ako. aandar ang oras at tatangayin nito with it yung mga opportunities na dapat sana nakuha ko kung hindi lang ako nagmumukmok sa sulok at naghihimutok dahil lang sa hindi ko nakuha yung gusto ko. i need to be more grown up than this.
naalala ko lang yung sabi ni arg dati. yung "i didnt fail a thousand times, i just found out 1000 things that dont work.." or something.. sana next time na tanungin nya ko if may business na ba ko e masagot ko na sya ng "oo"...
09:55 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
This carbs and sugar monster.
i need to get back to my normal self before i start acquiring diabetes or something.
--
woke up early to day as i intended to go to the servants' training but after looking at the ceiling for what feels like hours, i decided to get back to sleep.
i hate it when people cancel meetups the last minute. i hate it more when it was me.
i just feel a bit homesick. i know that's not an excuse. but whatever.
--
off to watch a movie with some people.. its been more than a week since i started this depressive episode. i know this cant go on forever.
tomorrow, depressed or not, im gonna go back to being a better person.
{ 気分} @#$%
11:25 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
its thursday.
i planned to start eating healthy again last monday pa, but here i am--ugh,damn polvoron! it must be pms that causing this monstrous appetite.
for some reason, i actually stop gaining weight after the scale hit a certain portion. but its not really that flattering when your normal weight is like 5 kilos lower. shhhhhhhhhhh*t kailangan ko na talaga mag diet!!
--
feelin' a bit better now. funny when the world seem to find its little way to cheer you up when you're feeling down. like that quote i saw in fb that says something like "someday, all this pain will make sense." or the other one that says something about the Heavens wrecking our plans if It knows that our plans are going to wreck us, or that sms that some new acquiantance sent that says something like , the Heavens will not give something uninportant nor withhold something important... or something that goes to that line.
mejo magulo parin talaga lahat. at gaya ng dati hindi ko parin alam kung pano ko yun aayusin.
pero ok lang.
kahit ano pa yan, kaya ko yan.
02:11 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
Why did Columbus travel west? Why did Marco Polo head east? Because it is that pull, that unknown, that prospect of adventure that compels humans to seek new frontiers to explore.
There are a number of reasons to travel to Mars.
The first is the realization of an amazing dream! Sending a manned mission to Mars is a fantastic adventure. Imagine living on another planet, millions of miles from the Earth; looking up into the sky with the knowledge that one of the 'stars' is actually the planet you were born on. Who can even envision the incredible feeling of being the first human in history to step out of the capsule and leave your footprint on the surface of Mars? By this we implore you to not just think of that feeling for the astronaut, but the experience for all those watching back home. Those who observed Neil Armstrong land on the Moon all those years ago still remember every detail – where they were, who they were with and how they felt. This will be our moment, in 2025.
A second reason is good, old-fashioned curiosity. Where did Mars come from? Can it teach us about Earth's history? Is there life on Mars? These are just three of the hundreds of burning questions for scientists all over the world.
Thirdly: progress. You could say that sending people to Mars is 'the next giant leap for mankind'. This mission will jumpstart massive developments in all kinds of areas, a few examples being in recycling, solar energy, food production and the advancement of medical technology.
source: http://www.mars-one.com/faq/mission-to-mars/why-should-we-go-to-mars
-----
watched the news yesterday about these 2 pinays who are candidates to be one of the astronauts to be sent to Mars-for good. walang balikan. forever. ganun. ewan ko kung baket bothered na bothered ako e hindi naman ako kasali. lol.
i may have had my share of super low days in life, pero feeling ko kahit siguro super depress pa ko hindi ako mag reresort sa pag-iwan lahat ng meron ako sa earth at mag travel sa mars one-way. so, maybe, my life is not really that bad afterall. well, alam ko naman yun.. and yeah, im not saying na yung mga super depress lang at walang pag-asa sa buhay ang pupunta sa mars. nung bata pa ko, majority ng mga bata na tinatanong kung anong gusto nilang maging paglaki nila e gustong maging astronaut. syempre, hindi ako isa sa kanila.
been reading the mars one website. parang ang astig lang ng training. feeling ko kung hindi lang one-way yung trip to mars na yun maiisipan kong sumama for the sake of training. parang ang galing kasi e.. parang hunter x hunter.. or hunger games pero walang patayang involve. basta parang... basta.
siguro kung wala akong pamilya, or wala akong mga taong pinapahalagahan sa earth, or wala akong mga alagang aso...
tingin ko pupunta ako sa mars.
was chatting with yang earlier talking about this said topic and she was like,
"haay..lagi ko sinasabi dati nasa mars siguro ang lovelife ko"-- this made me laugh.
i actually peaked at the profiles of mars 100 to see if there are anyone in there na pwede iprospect. LOL. i dont know why i keep on forgeting na hindi ako kasali. haha..
hayyy..ano nga kayang meron sa mars?
anyway, we posted something similar in www.ravenbrave.com with the following link:
http://ravenbrave.com/2015/02/25/one-way-trip-to-mars-anyone/
*commercial commercial* =D
02:32 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
