Entries for March, 2015



stuff
: March 3, 2015



Just finished Veronica Roth's Allegiant. what a cruel way to end a series. huhu..

--

I also just finished watching Battle Royale.it was good. it gave me nightmares, though. to think i was trying to stay away from horror stuff only to watch something that has the same effect. but i still intend to watch the other BR releases.

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been having this headache for days. our house is now a cross between a construction site and a dumpsite. plus, last night, our workers decided to have a happy happy session upstairs. on a monday!! since i now sleep right below the stairs, i have to wait for them to leave before i can finally sleep in peace. plus, the smell of the beer they were drinking was too strong for me i have to sneeze every 30 seconds. ended up sleeping late. then i woke up late. today, im 31 minutes late for work. great.

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was talking with a friend from my old company this morning. she ended up video calling me and even asked another one of our friends to at least look at the camera and wave at me..

nakakamiss din talaga. but i guess it's normal.

sure,you will miss people.. but that doesnt mean you would want to get back to them.

i guess some decisions are like irreversible doors. once you walked through it, wala nang balikan.

i wonder if same could be true for relationships.

it cant matter now, though..

{ book } Four



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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:59 AM.

3 comments





over
: March 5, 2015



i dont think i am the type who gets attached to past achievements. I actually have a short-term memory for happy stuff. and yet im feeling some things shifting recently.. clearly, one will cling to the past when there's no where else left to cling on to.

im trying to fix things. the external world looks promising and i think what really hinders me is something inside. i sure dont have the money yet to get on with my plan, but i believe that if you're really up to something, money will just show itself... just as the cliche "when you want something, the world will conspire with you.. " goes..(yeah, it somewhat became a cliche now).

brought my RCD book to the office today. im trying to familiarize myself with concrete design in case the plan that i made with my cousin will get to pass soon. been staring at one page to another and its a bit scary that i cant seem to remember anything. damn this.

they say you need 10,000 hours to be a master of something. i dont have so many 10,000 hours anymore. im scared that if i made the wrong choice as to where im gonna use my time on, i might end up wasting those precious hours that should've been spent with the right thing.. but then i know that time will not stop until i figure out what i want to do.

indecision that comes from not knowing what you really want sucks. pero sabi sa librong nabasa ko, stop asking what you wanna do. ask instead what you can do for the benefit of your family, or the society, or for your country.. or on what the Heavens wants you to do. I think, maybe, if i want to be something bigger than myself then i should start thinking more than myself--something other than myself. ive always been a bit self-centered. i know it will take a lot of me to do so.

but really now.. i know i just want to start a new chapter of my life and end this one.

 

{ music } pink-true love



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:21 PM.

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LSS
: March 5, 2015



"Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say. Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face....
....

At the same time, I wanna hug you, I wanna wrap my hands around your neck. You're an asshole but I love you. And you make me so mad I ask myself, 'Why I'm still here', or 'where could I go? You're the only love I've ever known'. But I hate you, I really hate you, so much, I think it must be true love."

---

Pink sure has a way with lyrics, i really love this one..

and indeed, it sounds like True love to me.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 12:39 PM.

1 comments





weekly report
: March 7, 2015



partner and i had a fight last thursday. it was a huge one. we were able to settle things before the day ended.

i use to think that fights are often healthy for relationships--or in this case, friendship--because it strengthens it. but now im not really sure. but i guess the good thing is, we will now both be more careful in stepping on eachother's temper.

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know what, i think im starting to like L. he seems nice. and i like how he's good with what he do. and i also like his eyes. but nothing serious, really. its been a while since i last noticed someone from the office. he just got promoted. he's sort of my boss now though.

--

boring saturday afternoon. napaka alinsangan ng earth parang ayoko nang gumalaw. i should've done something worth my time but i feel so lazy. nakakalungkot na wala nang the voice to look forward to.

tomorrow's the last day of the servants training. i really need to go. i hope this laziness will not get the better out of me.

{ mood } laZZZZZy



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:25 PM.

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wednesday's battle
: March 11, 2015



11 days of being sugar deprived and ive been reaching for a can of diet soda to keep myself sane. seems like ive been drinking a lot more than i should have i feel like i need to be back on meds again.

oh hello, GERD, its been a while.

dang.

i wonder if i would die like this, huhu. pano na ang mga pangarap ko??lol

decided to go on a diet for the whole month to salvage my deteriorating heart (the literal thing) and it seems like im trading my stomach for it.

11 days..20 days to go..parang ages away. i need to tweak this diet lest i die while on it. huhu

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days have been busier than usual at work. yesterday, akala ko hindi na ko lalabas ng buhay. dead tired everyday i dont really need sleep hormones anymore though i still keep on taking them out of habit. i wonder if this is still healthy.

--

still tired. i want my bed.

 



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:44 PM.

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rock bottom
: March 12, 2015



"someday all this pain will make sense.."

*repeat until it sink in*



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:03 PM.

2 comments





stuff
: March 14, 2015



L talked to us last thurs telling us he would be on night shift next week. alam ko naman na rotation talaga ang setup ng mga TLs. i know he will soon change shift but i didnt know this soon. mejo nakakalungkot lang. aside from my other reason i actually need him around. i came to rely on him on resolving hard issues na hindi ko maresolve. i think he's the TL that i like most so far. sabi nya nga magdadala na lang daw sya ng folding bed at matutulog sa office since he like it more here kesa sa house nya. uuwi nalang daw sya para maligo since malapit lang bahay nya sa office. i know he's just joking but part of me wishes he meant it. 

its gonna be just us on mon. made me dread going to work a tad bit more. bahala na.

L's shift ends at 12nn, but last thurs, he went home around a few minutes past 4. i was about to leave then. ngkasabay kami sa elevator and had a little talk. he's rather easy to talk to. i use to see him as someone "babaero" kasi he has that confidence that make him seem so. he has that "arrive"..yung.. alam mo yun??basta. but lately im seeing a touch of shyness in him everytime we talk. i think its rather cute. but i think men like him dont last single for long so im guessing he's not. maybe he's even married. with kids maybe.

but of course, that's none of my business...

{ music } Kanye West feat. Paul McCartney- Only One



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:24 PM.

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monday ugh!
: March 16, 2015



the email ive been dreading to come came..

now i find myself wishing i can transport myself back to the weekend. =(

---

it's a Monday and im in trouble already.

Oh, Mother Universe, help me..



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:18 AM.

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the bet and breaking even
: March 19, 2015



The young man smiled. He liked her sense of humor. “Does your manager ever praise you?” he asked.

“Sometimes he does, but he doesn’t have to do it very often because I beat him to the punch,” answered Ms. Brown. “When I do something especially good, I might even ask the One Minute Manager for a praising.”

“How would you ever have the nerve to do that?” asked the young man.

“It’s easy. Just like making a bet where I either win or I break even. If he gives me the praising, I win.”

“But if he doesn’t?” the young man broke in.

“Then I break even,” responded Ms. Brown. “I didn’t have it before I asked.”

-The One Minute Manager, Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson

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exceptionally low day. 9:35 in the morning and im already heaving a heavy heart. 

{ music } Kanye West feat Paul McCartney-Only One
{ book } Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson-The One Minute Manager
{ show } Liar game
{ mood } annoyed



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:48 AM.

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zombie
: March 21, 2015



finally weekend.

for the whole week i was longing for this day to come just so i can finally have a decent sleep and yet here i am wide awake waiting for this snail-paced internet connection to finally post my ad in olx.

1:06 am. its officially saturday. i usually have my weekends planned but ive been in a hermit mode for more than a couple of weeks now.. plus, i think i badly need sleep.

recieved a text from some ministry people. i havent come since the year started. i know i should go.. but my body's screaming against it.

all the plans i sought out since march started, failed. i dont have the time to sulk and be depressed about it and so im setting out a modified battle plan that will hopefully get results. im not as motivated about it as i was before because ive lost a favored target. im just reminding myself that every "no" is a step closer to a "yes"... so one "no" down.. i dont know how much more to go, but, bring it on!!

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bought 3 books last week, one of which is a tiny book entitled, #Hugot: Understanding the misunderstood by Cherry Camille Depano. Read it at the bus on my way home. Had it finished before the 2-hours worth bus ride was over. i mustve looked neurotic back then, laughing at one time and then crying at another. my tearducts had been exceptionally leaky recently. but i think im starting to accept the fact that as i age, i can no longer hold my tears back as efficiently as i use to. and i think, ok lang naman yun, di ba?

natuwa lang ako dun sa line sa book that went into something like, ang ibon daw, madaling hulihin pag nakatali. pero mas madaling hulihin pag may sugat. usapang rebound. its not that i can relate. mejo nabother lang ako dun sa "mas madaling hulihin pag may sugat" part.. para kasing ang dalas kong may sugat. 

another book na binili ko this week e yung tagalog translation ng isa sa mga paborito kong libro. i dint realize na it was just a translation of something i already own that's why i bought it. pero ok narin. ive read the original book a lot of times that i actually know the contents by heart pero iba parin pala yung dating pag nakasulat sya sa tagalog. i decided to work on what ive learned. its hard to silence these screaming voices in my head that says 'your effort could go futile so why waste time when you might not get it anyway' kind of thing. Minsan pinaka mahirap talagang kalaban ang sarili. goodluck naman saken.

been buying a lot more books than i often do monthly. naisip ko kasi to cut back expenses on seminars and invest on books instead since its cheaper. Jay Castillo will be having his Usapang foreclosed properties seminar tomorrow. its like the part 2 of the seminar that he had last year-and i was there. its sad that i wont be there tomorrow. sighs.. daig pa kasi ng inflation rate ang pagtataas ng presyo ng mga seminars per year. siguro jay was preparing something more comprehensive than what he had last year, pero kahet na..pass muna ko.. im not really that poor. i just want to save some more so that i can fund a business idea when it comes..or at least just in case. i want to get my hands dirty soon. masyado na akong nalulunod sa theory, i think i need real life experience this time around.. kaso minsan nakakatamad talaga.

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2:14 am.  takte, gising parin ako. workers will come by 6 i need to transfer to another house to have some place to sleep by then. parang hindi na naman ata ako matutulog.

dang, i cant wait for this construction to be over.

--

2:21. sleep, here i come..

{ music } second hand serenade - awake
{ mood } half asleep while ranting



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Written by cinderellaareus at 02:23 AM.

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monday
: March 23, 2015



i saw the picture and i tasted bile.

They say, if it hurts you still, then you still care..

...

i know a day will come that i wont anymore.

{ mood } bitter



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:29 AM.

2 comments





GodWhispers
: March 25, 2015



Dear Z,

Your story life is beautiful. And what makes it interesting are the pain and heartaches that add colorful hues to the tapestry of your life.

Believe,

God

P.S. Z, in My eyes, your life is a bestseller!

---

Dear God,

Yeah, yeah, whatever..

joke lang po.

I love you! <3

Love,

Z

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tough days.. maybe life itself is tough. but whatever.

i guess nothing else to do but fight, right?

i will.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 07:26 AM.

2 comments



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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
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