weekend over.

i feel like a day was just a repeat of the last. only in different settings. different people. same questions. things hadn't been so much different from before but they were not this fierce. really.

you know what, there are just two things people often asked me that i dont particularly like being asked about.

1. baket wala ka pang bf

2. baket hindi ka na engineer

these questions were asked way too often i think ive perfected various ways on how to answer them depending on who's asking. madalas wala naman akong pakialam. but more than being asked by someone else, i think i too should ask myself the same thing. funny, because truth be told, im not really sure about my own answer.

sabi sa nabasa ko: 1) check your goal, 2)check your attitude 3) check if your attitude aligns to you goal.

as i check no. 3, i realized, it doesnt. 

FRIDAY

went out with former officemates. it was fun. the above questions were asked among with other controversial stuff. all in all, masaya naman.

SATURDAY

went out with nini to meet sha. it was fun.the above questions were asked among with other controversial stuff. all in all, masaya naman. 

SUNDAY

my niece's Christening/house blessing of our house. friends and relatives came. the above questions were asked among with other controversial stuff. all in all, masaya naman.

see the similarities? hmm..

sunday was a bit different though. wasnt as fun as i expected it to be. i wasnt able to talk with our guests as much as id like to. tita saw me and we went to discuss business. we sat in a table and my other tita's joined us. i know im a grown up too, but i cant help but feel not grown up enough for that gathering. we sat there for what seem like hours. hours that i wouldve spent happily talking and mingling with other guests about fun,  not so serious stuff.

at home, i have been labeled as someone "intelligent".  there is no evidence to that whatsoever but for some reason, they kept believing that myth up to this day. and i guess when people labeled you something-real or not-you just seem to automatically act it out.

so, tita's and i were gathered around the table, discussing business stuff and i was the one explaining "the plan", which never really existed until i spoke right there. i negotiated my terms, which i havent really thought of earlier, and even explained about some biz they said the other cousin was planning to venture with. something i only read about once. they appeared to be convinced- or maybe they dont have any other choice. 

one thing i noticed about grown ups is that, when they discuss about something, once they got it settled, the next thing they do is to impliment the plan. i know i am expected to deliver results. But instead of finding a genius way to have it done, i find myself thinking of a genius way to backout.

whatever threatens my freedom, i have the knack to escape away from. just thinking about the stuff we discussed makes me feel suffocated already. pero kung hindi ko naman gagawin to, ano nang mangayayari sa buhay ko?

sabi nila, you can achieve anything you want, but you have to pay the price. and its not even always monetary. i guess it all depends on your willingness to pay that price.

i am not so sure if i am. i have a strong feeling i am not.

--

saturday.

shara's phone rang displaying your name.

she was attending to her baby then and told me, "z, answer the phone.."

it wouldnt take so much effort to press that one button.

or to say "hello, what's up? it's been a while." or to just explain the situation as to why im the one answering the phone instead of shara.

it doesnt require so much effort. just a few seconds that wouldnt take so much of my time even if, say, im a really super busy person, though that's not really the case.

it doesnt require so much effort.. and yet i refused to do so.

i passed the phone to nini. she said your voice changed. 

i wonder what we would've talked about if i didnt refuse to answer the phone.

will you speak with your usual voice?

will you compliment my voice as how you do back then (you use to say my voice sounds good on the phone)?

will you ask how i am?

will you recount stuff you do and fill me in about the things you've been up to over the years?

will you ask for my number (since ive already change my number twice and didnt inform you the new ones i have)?

will you ask me out?

...

there are a lot of things i wish to know.

a lot of questions i yearned to ask.

sometimes i think maybe i just want to hear your voice again.

or just talk to you.

or be with you.

but i didnt answer the phone.

..

it wouldnt take so much effort to press that one button...

i know..

i just cant.

07:18 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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