today, i came to realize that maybe, when people, in their own accord, chose to leave, then the best one could do is to cooperate.

maybe.

--

just got back to work.

mejo tinamaan na nga ng lagnat atbp.

saw a doctor yesterday and i think the travel i took from our house to the hospital made things worse. my head is still pulsating.. sana walang tumawag today.

anyhooo..

today's mom's birthday. i almost forgot. oh, i actually forgot. if it wasnt for dad, i wouldnt have remembered. i also forgot the birthday of my homestay family in japan. she had her bday last 16th.. nahihiya na kong bumati. im not being defensive or anything pero this is so unlike me to forget birthdays.. i dont know what's wrong.. or maybe, i know.

been distracted for the past few weeks. remnants of distractions are still here. im still wallowing over the confusion kahet na feeling ko nga wala naman ata talaga akong dahilan para ma-confuse.

minsan, pag feeling mo may sisingit sa buhay mo, gusto mong mag give way muna. put aside your plans and let them in. i vowed to put people first over my plans.. iniisip ko kung dapat ko bang gawin yun sparingly from this point forward or... maybe i should decide on it once my head is back from being clear again.

ive been sick for the last three days, laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to convince myself that headaches are mythical creatures that dont exist. and syempre, pag wala kang ginagawa, nakahiga lang tas hindi naman talaga natutulog ang daming tumatakbo sa isip mo. yung fears, anxiety, speculations sa mga bagay na kumo-confuse sayo and so on.

minsan siguro hindi mo naman talaga kailangan malaman lahat ng sagot. minsan siguro may mga bagay na sadyang hindi mo na malalaman yung reason. and siguro hindi mo rin naman talaga kailangang malaman pa.

narealize ko rin na ang dami ring areas sa buhay ko that requires fixing. i too requires fixing.

nandun yung feeling na hindi mo alam kung darating pa ba yung time kung saan malalaman mo nalang na, "ui, maayos na pala lahat.".. yung moment where everything seem to fall in their right place. iniisip ko kung darating pa ba yung time na yun.

sabi may power daw tayo to create the life we want for ourselves. more often than not, i feel powerless over my circumstances. kahet nga against sa sarili ko, at times, i feel powerless din. i know im wrong. i just hope i feel otherwise.

someday.. soon, maayos din lahat. i cant say these words with conviction just yet.. pero siguro someday, upon remembering this day, id smile and say, 'see, natapos din.' or something like that.

09:57 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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