today's thoughts
木曜日: October 1, 2015



write until the awkwardness stop.

--

took a half day leave to fix my ATM dilemma yesterday. got it all settled too early for my wednesday mass so i just strolled around mega and killed a few thousands from impulse buying. sheesh.

it was fr. mario's 60th bday yesterday. he doesnt really look 60 to me. i wish he will be blessed with good health, long life and a lot more blessings so he can continue to bless more people. will be be turning half his age in a few more days. i wonder if being 30 will feel any more different.

difference.

change.

in my life ive always had this love-hate relationship with change. one time id long for it and on another id resent it. siguro nasusukat ang maturity ng isang tao sa kung paano nya hina handle ang change. 

was chatting with injan earlier. she's gonna be having a baby 6 months from now. i havent had a child myself but judging from how my brother's life changed after having kaitlyn, i know that having a child can really turn your world around.. just like marriage, i think. know what, i feel like the changes in injan's life has been happening so swift im finding it hard to take it all in. she's one of the closest friends i have and as much as i try not to feel this way, i feel like im losing her.. believe me, im not really the possessive, clingy type of person. quite the contrary.. im not being defensive, but i think this is different. 

--

was also talking with shara thru text a few days back. i know shara is the type who's crystal clear with her priorities in life, but im glad that in her own little ways, she's still finding a way to connect with us kahet hindi naman talaga kami priority.

priorities. not my strong suit really. sometimes i wish im just as sensible as shara.

--

saw jenny after the mass yesterday. its been ages since i last saw anyone of my girls. i havent attended the feast for a long time now. i dont even know where will the next venue be.

i feel like ive wasted a lot of my time away for the months that passed since the year started. we're down to the last quarter. sabi nila, a lot can change in a year. ive wasted 3/4 of that already. i dont know what to do yet with the remaining 1/4. what can change in a quarter year? i dont know.. i will find out.

--

i want 30 to be a fresh start. claim my life back. decide what my priorities are and stick to it. work towards my dreams. work towards winning.

sabi nila, para daw malaman mo kung ano talaga yung gusto mo, kailangan mo daw tanungin ung sarili mo ng, "ano yung gagawin mo kapag alam mong hindi ka mag fe-fail?"... pero sa real life, malamang sa hindi, mag fe-fail ka naman talaga. sa tingin ko ang better na tanong eh, "ano yung gagawin mo parin kahet alam mong mag fe-fail ka?"

i mean, to be willing to do something even if you know you're gonna fail(or at least at first) is just a strong indication that you really love that thing. to be willing to lay down all your cards, your everything for that one thing even if it doesnt guarranty success... then, that must be something.

gusto ko ng ganun. yung handa mong itaya lahat. yung sobrang gusto mo talaga..

may ganun nga kaya?

oo may ganun. may ganun ako dati. tas nakuha ko na. kaya wala na.

ganun ata talaga ang sakit ng mga pangarap. pag naabot mo na, kailangan mo na naman ulet humanap ng iba.

-------

back to not-answering-your-texts-and-completely-ignoring-you mode. im finding it harder to be like that now than it was back then. nakakakonsensya na nakaka-guilty na ewan. but to ghost you or to lead you on, i guess the former is the lesser evil, so im choosing that.

ok lang yan. for sure, matatauhan ka rin naman... balang araw. or maybe, soon.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:43 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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