2 days and my entry is still on top of tabby's recent activity. ako nalang ba ang sumusulat dito?

maybe the others welcomed change and moved on to other sites.

im not exactly a fan of change.. maybe that's the reason why i didnt vote for mayor. i just heard a fan raving for him at the girls' CR this morning. but im giving it a rest. she, and anyone else for that matter, has the right to rave for anyone she likes anyway so be it.

i just find it unnerving how news about killings, human rights violations and related stuff have been spreading in the news lately. ako lang ba talaga ang ayaw ng ganitong change? pero sige, bahala na nga kayo..

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nth days in sleeping in parents' bed. ive lost counting.

i realized maybe im not really that scared of seeing cristina's ghost or something. or maybe i am, but not as much. whenever i think of her, i mostly remember fond memories, or on how beautiful she was back then and not really on how creepy her corpse looked or something. i think im more scared at the thought of dying. of me dying. or of my parents dying. or my brother. or kaitlyn. there are very few people in my life, you know.. i just cant bear the thought of losing anyone.

a friend's death made dying so real. on my depressing days, i didnt really mind dying.. pero siguro pag alam mo na na it COULD happen and it WOULD happen, mag-iiba rin talaga ang tingin mo sa mga bagay bagay. hihilingin mo pa bang mamatay kung on the verge of death ka na? probably not.

sabi nila change daw ang only certain thing sa mundo.. well, di ba DEATH din naman?

wala akong snapchat. pero sa pagkakaalam ko ang snapchat ay isang apps kung saan yung mga videos at photos mo e mawawala lang rin after a few designated seconds.. naisip ko lang, parang snapchat din ang buhay... kaya dapat take lang ng take ng pics at vids kasi mawawala rin naman yun eventually. tipong ok lang..gusto mong mag 2-pc kahet flabby ka? go! gusto mong manligaw sa crush mong crush ng bayan kahet di ka masyadong gwapo? go! gusto mong sumikat kahet wala kang masyadong talent? go! walang dapat ikatakot, walang dapat ikahiya. hindi na kailangang mag praning praningan pa and so on. kasi lumilipas naman lahat. masaya, malungkot. lahat.

tinanong ko ang isang kakilala ko kung bakit pa binuhay ang tao kung mamamatay din pala. sabi niya, di ba yun yung purpose ng buhay? para mamatay? hindi ko masyadong gets. di nia rin kasi ni elaborate..

sabi sa nabasa ko dati, ang purpose daw ng buhay ay to serve.. siguro iba iba tayo ng magiging sagot dun sa tanong ko..

isa pang tanong.. kung bibigyan ka ng choice bago ka ipanganak, pipiliin mo pa bang mabuhay kung alam mong mamamatay ka rin? ako, sa tingin ko, oo. why? wala lang.. for experience.. for the same reason kung baket ako nag-aalaga parin ng aso kahet na malaki ang chance na mamamatay lang rin sya after a few years.. experience.. siguro learning din.. tas entertainment.. pero di ba experience rin lahat to?

siguro matutulog na ko mamaya sa sarili kong kwarto. hindi na naman ako takot sa multo. siguro gusto ko lang tumabi sa nanay ko para maramdaman kong humihinga sia.. natatakot ako na dumating ang araw na makita ko siyang hindi na.. pero posible rin naman na mauna pa ko sa kanya.. pero parang ayokong bigyan ng ganung klaseng sama ng loob si mama. ewan ko.. langit lang naman ang mag dedecide ng mga to di ba?

makikinig kaya ang langit kung hihiling ako ng particular way sa kung paano ako mamamatay pati yung mga loved ones ko? well, hindi ko alam, pero sinubukan ko parin.. sabi ni bo sanchez, gusto nia daw mamatay with his boots on serving the Lord.. i had a different idea and i told the Heavens about it already.. sana pakinggan Nia ang dasal ko. 

11:12 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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