While at the dining table eating lunch, we heard shouting at the neighbor's house (actually Lola's house). Tita b and Tita e were fighting. They do fight from time to time but I guess this one was the worst so far. Tito p had to break the lock of the gate of their porch. Bro and I fight too.. but not as often anymore since we became adults. Besides, I'm actually scared of my brother. In fact more scared of my brother more than with both my parents combined. i dont think i can engage in a fight with him like that. I wonder if that's a good thing.. I think some fights can be healthy too.
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Was out of work since Thurs. Got sick. The doc told me to rest I had to skip tm meeting too. Wrong timing, there was an execom meeting for officers. That should have been my first meeting as an officer tas nagkasakit pa ko.. huhu.
Will be back to the office after the weekends. Minsan talaga nakakalimutan ko na meron akong trabaho..
Been losing my cool a lot of times lately. I haven't been in my best mood I wonder if that's the meds' side effect. I seriously considered skipping the meds, I was just interested with getting the medcert anyway. But it seemed like the doc saw thru me and warned me na Kung hindi daw ako susunod sa prescription nia masasayang Lang daw lahat. Hmp. Tas kailangan ko pa ulet bumalik on sat.. magagalit kaya sia pag nalaman niang hindi ko ininom lahat? I'm not exactly being a pain in the as* here. I'm just concerned of my liver.. he prescribed like 7meds, most of which were highly damaging to the liver.. sighs... I really don't know of I should trust doctors anymore ..
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Been pigging out nonstop since June started. I'm like 7 kilos away from my usual weight. SEVEN F*CKING KILOS! maaaan! This is depressing. Huhu! But give me two weeks I'm gonna get back to normal again.. Hindi na tama to!!
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Dreamth of cris a few nights ago. In the dream, I was sitting on an armed chair. Cristina was sitting by the arm desk of that same chair, looking pale. Then all of a sudden she fainted. In the dream, I knew she was going to die. So after catching her in my arms, I screamed.. made her lie on the floor and then let people around us attend to her. Mom then rushed to our rescue. She went to where Cristina and I were and said, "I will extend her life." Then suddenly, the limp form of Cristina on the floor became my dog, tanga's body. My dog has been sick in real life for weeks. Maybe that was the reason why my dream turned into something like that. After nun, nagising na ko..
Because of these, i'm now back to sleeping in parents' bed. Kailangan ko b ng psychiatric help? Mom was asking me why I can't let go of this, may kasalanan daw ba ako Kay Cristina? Well, nothing that I remember. Its just that her death crushed an idea that I held inside my head for a long time.. yung idea na Hindi ka mamamatay hanggat di pa naaayos any lahat. Yung idea Kasi na yun yung pinanghahawakan ko sa mga panahong magulo ang lahat. Gaya ngayon. Sabi Kasi nila lagi daw may happy ending. Pag di pa happy edi Hindi pa yung ending.. sa tingin ko natatakot ng ako na matapos ng lahat ng ganito Lang ako.... Cristina had so much potential.. she was one of the most brilliant people I know and I don't think she managed to utilize her full potential.. ano't ano pa man, I need to recover from this soon.
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Nalulungkot ako.. alam ko naman na Hindi naman mawawala to sa kakakain o sa kaka skip ko sa trabaho..or sa kakatakas Lang sa mga bagay na ayaw ko.. I need to face this somehow. Alam ko naman yon. Alam ko rin na I don't want to die a fat failure of a person that i am now. A person who is miserable, unhappy and frustrated about the life she created for herself..ayoko ng ganito Lang...Hindi pwedeng ganito nalang. Hindi talaga...
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I'm sorry, Heavens... from here, I'm gonna do better..
03:01 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。
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