Doctor told me not to use the phone before going to bed. He mentioned about REM and on how the eyes adjust to light.. now,here am i.  I'm sorry, doc...

Went to TM meeting kanina. missed the meeting the last time because I was sick. It was just 1 meeting and yet it feels like ages ago.

I did the evaluation and i sucked at it. It was my 3rd time to evaluate but the first 2 times, I evaluated mentor's speech. It just felt weird evaluating someone else. Feeling ko meron akong mababasag n bagay or something. tingin ko natatakot lang ako n bka may masabi ako na maging dahilan para mabawasan yung motivation ng taong ieevaluate ko. Walang ganung feeling pag speech ni mentor..

Ang dami n naming new members. Kkasimula Lang ng TM year at may 4 n kagad n bago. Dahil sa antisocial at antichange ako, Hindi ko masyadong ikinatutuwa and lahat ng Ito. In fairness nmn sa kanila, mbbait naman sila. Siguro nmimiss ko Lang ung mga una Kong naging mga kaibigan dito. Hindi n kasi sila masyado umaattend lately.

nung high school, nabanggit ni Cristina (RIP, cris) n secretly possessive daw ako sa Tao. I just realized I didn't change that much over the years. Most of the new members picked mentor to be their mentor, and u can guess too well that I'm not liking this too. Gusto ko ako lng...  hmp! I wonder if being possessive is a sign of immaturity... or insecurity kaya? Or baka both.

Speaking of insecurity.. 

Hindi ako natutuwa sa mga bagay n ginagawa ko pag Hindi ako sigurado sa sarili ko... kelan nga b ko huling nagging sigurado sa sarili ko? Ang tagal tagal na... nalulungkot...

My defenses are getting higher and higher. I need to break down my own walls, otherwise, I won't be able to let people in.

Parang ang dami daming dapat ayusin sa sarili ko. . Ang daming aayusin, di matapos tapos.

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I still like ****. He's not hard to like particularly because he's giving me a little extra attention. maybe because of his role in my life. He's probably obviously gay. Probably in a relationship with someone I know..  I can easily delete this thru NLP. Ayoko lang.. I have high respect for the man... NLP might delete that too..

Its sad, right... deleting feelings only because it just can't be.

But I won't just yet.

01:59 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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