9-

g left for a cr break and we were left on our own. i was just listening to what you were saying when you started, "ano nga yung sinasabi ko?" and then looked down laughing.

pag naiiwan tayong dalawa, bakit ba nagiging sabaw ka???

promise ang cute mo. haha!

10-

i admit i was trying to look my best. i didn't think id see you today but just to make sure, syempre nag ayos ako.

and then you saw me and blurted out, "wow! fresh na fresh!" in a very gay manner.

really, this supposed love story is starting to look more like a comedy film. sheesh..

then we were at the lagoon. it was night time. we were walking side by side, talking. may night lights, with matching bibe (as in geese? ducks? basta yung white) in  the background. it would have been a totally romantic setting... kaso.. ayun. haha!

idk. see, im the extremely jealous type and liking someone like you can be really tough because both men and women could both be considered as a competition... i wonder if i should snap out of this already...

but you know what, your kindness, your sensitivity, the way you seem to care for the welfare of the people you are with and how you held the door for me and jay... you beat a lot of straight men at that. really.

and thank you for waiting until i managed to ride a bus. only a few would do that, you know..

11-

mountain day, j-holiday, meaning, i got no work. i delivered two evaluation speeches at ma**life yesterday(wednesday) and i wasn't good. i sucked. my level of anxiety and insecurity are in no way leading downstream.

i feel sorry. i cant help but think about g and mentor.. i feel sad that i might just make all their efforts in coaching me useless by messing up at the contest. i cant help but think of our co-members who promised to extend their support on sat. or on how our after-contest bonding will be like if that happens. i feel so sorry i want to cry. i actually did. i dont like things to end this way. i really dont.

i woke up not feeling hungry despite not eating a proper dinner the night before. thought of working right away, but i remember to "sharpen the saw". i looked for something to eat. took about a cup of saluyot and 2 eggs. boiled the saluyot without any seasoning (not even salt). i love my greens tasteless. and then, fried the eggs. i didnt feel like eating but i shoved the food in my mouth. felt better. i felt energized a bit.

listened to about 5 speeches. did about 2 evaluations. reviewed the previous evaluations i've made and tried to rewrite them. i read the competent communicator's manual too. noted a few stuff about the importance of gestures and vocal variety. i chose one humorous speech that i liked most in youtube and evaluated the same speech for about 5 times until i was pleased. i recorded my voice to note the time. i listened to my voice.

G told me that my edge is my voice because i sound "malambing".. that wasn't the first time i was complimented for my voice. the x,y and z said the same thing. but then everytime i listen to my own voice recorded, i cant help but think that they were all lying. jeez, why do i sound like this?

around 3pm, mom asked me to buy bread at the bakery for merienda. at first i told her i was busy. but then i remembered my priority, so i told her, "ok". besides, maybe walking and seeing the outside world could somehow clear my mind. bought them the bread mom wants and i bought myself a tiny hopiang baboy that tasted awful, but i was satisfied. that was my first non-green carbs in about a week.

went back to listening to speeches, and evaluating the same speech until im satisfied (because i was too lazy to evaluate different speeches). took 5 minutes fb break, played with my dog from time to time until night time fell.

i wasnt eating (and sleeping) well since the week started. my wonderful mom bought pulvoron for me. ate that for dinner. my 2nd white carbs for the week.

it was way past 10 and i was still recording my evaluation for some speech when melatonin kicked in and i finally called it a night.

sabi do your best and the Heavens will do the rest. Hindi ko alam kung eto na ba yung best ko.

..

alam ko namang lilipas din to. pero malulungkot talaga ko kung hindi ako mananalo.

-------------------------------------------

PS: nakalimutan kong sabihing I've met sha when we were at ma**life last weds. She was the GE and I was the evaluator for two speakers. i knew she was once a 1st placer in the evaluation contest district level(meaning, national level), seeing how she performed as a GE, i then understand why.

because mentor and g knew about the back story on why i joined toastmasters and on how sha has to do with it, g immediately told sha about it when we were introduced. And then mentor was like, "selfie kayo.. wish ko lang moment to"--- sooooooooo embarrassing..huhu. haha.

but really, more than sha, mas gusto ko pa ngang makipag selfie kay mentor. haha!

you're really nice. pag humupa na ang pagsinta ko sayo, sana maging good friends tayo...

10:40 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

コメントを書く