the mark that im no longer in contest mode is that i can now eat and sleep. in fact, i cant prevent myself from eating. ugh, damn this. also, i am feeling sleepy a lot more often than the usual, ive been spending lunch breaks in sleeping quarters for the last couple of days. for some reason, i miss being in contest mode. promise, mas madaling magdiet.

--

ive read a post from an old classmate, milen, this morning that said:

"i woke up with an idea that became a goal. a goal that wakes me up in the morning and sends me to sleep at night. it excites and scares me at the same time. it scares me at times when i think how tremendous it is that i might end up in frustration of trying and never really achieving it. it excites and drives me to push myself over my known limitations and to discover how far i would go.

my parents thought me be frugal in my spending but never be stingy in dreaming. I am.

so help me God."

read this and i was like, "wow"... idk. i can feel her every word. i remember that feeling and i want to have that feeling back. i actually think im having it back... ang sarap ng feeling nang may pangarap!!

i feel certain that milen will surely reach whatever it is that she dreams about. sana ako rin.. alam kong ako rin (naks). well, sana...

--

recieved a call. someone wants me in their cage. the cage is in the far-off island of bgc. i told them i dont want to commute very far but they said their cage is ornamented with gems and golds, with satins and linens...

my life's "cage" department is in equilibrium. all was according to plan except that the calm water is making me lazy and complacent it's taking me a long time to execute. should i disturb my water and lose balance, all to kill the complacency and force myself to act at the expense of a perfect environment? or should i cling on and impose proper discipline on myself and execute the plan. so, ano ba? nakakatamad. ang layo ng bgc. baka di worth it ang gems and golds and satins and linens. besides, baka maapektuhan ang availability ko to attend toastmasters... that would really be a deal breaker. Or maybe i can join a toastmasters club near that area... kaso parang ayoko naman lumipat ng ibang club... for some reason, i feel sorry for the representative of that cage. i told him my limitations and yet he pressed on. i guess they really need someone to occupy the cage.. i hate how im so nice i cant say no right away... chicken.

still, i wish/hope/pray that i can settle all these soon. i dont want things to remain like this. i really dont.

--

i feel like my life has been bombarded with a lot of distractions lately it's quite a challenge not to get off track. madalas nakakakalimutan ko na kung anong goal ko....

ano nga ulet ang goal ko?

takte.

--

tm meeting on fri. buwan ng wika, so the meeting will be conducted in tagalog. kung kelan naman nagpa-practice ako mag-english. nakakatamad.

on sun will be kuya rodel's bday. we'll be going to their place. we, meaning, me, mom and dad. bro will be in cavite with his family so it's just gonna be the 3 of us. my cousin dada will be there but for sure he'll be busy since he'll be bringing the gf along. ang corni. parang ayoko na pumunta. indeed one of the times when being single sucks.. punta nalang kaya ko sa feast..

sighs..

--

the past week had been action pack im finding it hard to get back to my normally boring life. char.

2 more weeks and action na ulet. will i make it? will jay and i make it? will it matter if we do? sometimes i dont know why im doing all these　anymore...

02:22 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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