she bought kilos of papaya with the thought of him. he loves atchara. so she spent the day grating papaya with her hands. she carefully peeled and cutted and grated all the other ingredients there is. she added the seasoning with care and an additional handful of love. it was all a work of love and labor...

i listened as he shouted at her. she doesnt deserve that. i heard her shouting back. he heard anger and rebellion. i heard hurt and sadness and pain and....

she doesnt deserve that.

....

i never saw my parents fight. they made it their mission never to involve us, their children, in their fight so i dont really know what to do at times like this.

i hugged my kaitlyn tight wondering if i will ever see her grow up... how long will i last not hearing her calling me tita...

------

it's a tuesday. one week more before parents will come back home from the province. my whole body hurts. i bathed the dogs last sat i didnt know bathing dogs can be that hard. promise, para kang nag gym.

im dead sleepy and im feeling a bit sad today. im suppose to write my bsp5 but i dont know where can i get the motivation to do so. nalulungkot ako.

i just came from a long weekend. i thought i can somehow have some rest but what happened was far different.

the helper that mom hired to help me out is even adding to my escalating stress level. im ok that she's deaf. im ok if she cant do much since she's old and since she cant really get near our dog(which are like wild animals, tiger levels, when dealing with strangers). ang ayoko lang e yung mga banat nya. mild lang naman. pero sa dami nag aaccumulate at nakaka irita na.

like one time she told me, "magpakain ka na ng aso, gabi na."--- wow! really sometimes i forgot who's paying who. tas pag sinabihan ko syang maghanda ng pagkain ng aso, she would go like, "mamaya na maaga pa."---nakakahiya talaga sayo, ate.

and then, one time i heard her asking brother, "bakit si (insert my name here), hindi naglalaba."--- fyi, that's what you're here for.

and then another, she said, "samen yung mga aso hindi pinapapasok sa bahay pag umuulan kasi mabaho."--- translation, "dapat hindi nio pinapapasok sa loob ang aso nio dahil ang baho."--- my response was, "pamilya po kasi tingin namin sa aso." when what i really wanted to say was, "pamilya po kasi namin yung aso, ikaw hindi. gusto mo ikaw nalang sa labas?"---sa totoo lang pag naiinvolve ang aso ko, umiinit lalo ang ulo ko.

hindi pa kasama dian yung sangkaterba niang reklamo at sa kung gaano kailangan daw ng anak nia ng tulong. pati nga si kaitlyn kino-compare nia pa sa apo nia. alam ko namang maldita talaga ang pamangkin ko, pero really, pati bata?? at least maganda si kaitlyn... sa apo mo, hindi ako sure... whatevs.

sighs.. i wish parents will come back sooner. gahibla nalang ang natitira sa sanity at patience ko...

------

it wasnt a good week. but, hey, here's another week. let's hope for the best.

crossing fingers and toes...

------

PS: i feel sorry Senator Leila de Lima. Now that they kicked her out as the cjhr chair, i wonder who else will stand up for all the killings. well, im all for the war against drugs too.. but do we have to kill them? besides, this is a flawed system. as someone who lives in SJDM where majority of the drug-related killings happened, nakakatakot kaya. i mean, it's easy to be mistaken as a drug addict or pusher or drug lord. it could be you. it could be me. or our loved ones... and once you're dead, you're dead.

the last time may dinukot sa lugar namin na isang babae at isang lalaki ng white van na walang plate number. they were both found dead. mom saw the news and she kept reminding us to watch out for that white van. i feel scared for my family. for myself. we can all become victim and we dont even know how drugs look like.

hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ang dali dali lang para sa napakaraming tao para tanggapin ito bilang tama. siguro kasi sawa narin sila sa kaguluhan. naiintindihan ko naman e. matagal nga naman na gamutin ang sugat ng lipunan. so instead of healing the sickness of our society, let's kill them instead. why bother to cure if we can eliminate them? easier. short cut. no hassle. so pag kunyari isa ka lang harmless na nunal ng lipunan tas napagkamalan kang tumor at napatay ka, e di sorry. this is all for the greater good naman e. thank you very much. erm, ganun ba yun? ewan ko. sana naiintindihan ko nalang din ang pinanggagalingan nio para pati ako, masaya rin sa mga nangyayari. ewan.

i guess our new chair will be busy not in defending human rights of the involved but in covering up the issue of extra judicial killings. dapat siguro yung buong committee nalang ang inabolish. kasi para saan pa? parang lokohan nalang rin naman e.

sighs...

and oh... that "international media destabilizing pdut's administration" sh*ts--- hindi ko gets. are they even serious?

11:12 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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