9:42pm. After restless days of trying, I finally accepted defeat and told people from the club that I can't deliver my speech this Friday. There's something liberating about knowing I don't have to squeeze my brains to produce a speech.. Pero kahit kailan Hindi naman magiging pleasant feeling ung nag commit ka na gagawin mo only to back out. At tsaka yung feeling na my monster inside u na Hindi mo natalo, ganun. Ewan ko. Masyado akong distracted lately, I can't write. I hate how I can concoct thought cocktails in this blog impromptu and yet it will take me at least a week to write a 5-minute speech and another week to memorize it. Feeling ko ako lang ang may ganito katagal na processing time. Seems like I won't be getting my cc by March at this rate.
Also, I feel so bad for messing the club's schedule. I want to cry.
Took a leave to evaluate my goals and plans for the year. Since multitasking has never been my forte, I put that on hold and focused on writing my speech instead. Tapos Hindi lang rin pala ako makakasulat. Tsk, nakakainis. 1day left before going back to the cage. I feel like I consumed all my energy already.
I remember the 80/20 rule that states something like 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort and time. I've been doing it all wrong for the past years so for once I want to make it right. I want to focus on that 20%.
Took the enneagram test once again, but this time, not online but from a book that someone gave me. The result is the same. I'm still number 4- The Artist (in some books/websites, they refer to out type as THE ROMANTICS) . The Melancholy, Withdrawn Type: Creative, individualistic, self-absorbed, and depressive (some books included, "suicidal"). I remember back in highschool when bff found out her type (she's number 1: The Perfectionist), she said without batting an eyelash that she thinks I'm number four. Turned out she's right.
I love the creative, individualistic side but there are a lot about being a no.4 that's just hard to deal with.
My dismay on how my life turned out is escalating. Maayos ko pa ba to? I wish that the Heavens will just fix my whole life for me. I know that He can anyway.
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Written by cinderellaareus at 10:55 PM.