It was past bedtime and everyone was upstairs. I was looking down amused, seeing a number of cockroaches scattered on our kitchen floor. The one nearest my feet hurriedly moved away from me. I stopped walking and wondered if this cockroach had an idea that i didn't have the slightest intention to kill it. I was just walking.

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Third day of my super long weekend. It was raining earlier and i loved it. Mom cooked champorado for breakfast and adobong pusit for lunch. Two of my favorites. And yesterday, we had ice cream. Tomorrow, Tuesday, movies on cinemas around our area will be free for senior citizens. I will be joining Mom and Dad to watch a movie. I am happy.

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Someone once told me, "wag mong pilitin ang sarili mo. Siguro may panahon para sa mga bagay bagay." It's been more than a decade and I've kept these words with me. The entire week last week, I put it into practice. I ate what I wanted in the amount that i wanted. I didn't force myself to be "productive". I, in fact, just watched movies daily. I was supposed to takeover a speaking slot for our meeting last Friday and for this I allotted barely half an hour of preparation. Kasi nga, walang pilitan ng sarili. Good thing, we ended up cutting off 1 slot. I still made myself do at least 30 minutes exercise daily but only the type that I can sustain.

I usually beat myself up, you know. I've always strived to keep up to my own standards. Now, for once, I want to try that 'walang pilitan ng sarili' thingy and practice self-love. I want to see how this will work for me.

I've been trying stay away from people and activities that demand a lot from me lately. They will have to wait. I am more important than my tasks. I am more important than my responsibilities. If anyone or anything will force their way, they will have to go.

My journey in learning how to set boundaries had been long and excruciating. I just realized though that the boundaries I've set is not protective enough for my interest and wellbeing.

Now I'm set to build an even better one and I'm prepared to lose a few people for this.

I have high respect for the lives of cockroaches. Maybe I have to have an even higher one for my own.

06:19 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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