Thursday. November 16, 2017

kerokeropi

i look like a frog. even makeup cannot cover the damage.

it's been a while since i last had a crying fiesta, my eyes sear. it was never for a reason as silly as this one.

Gabby sent this message to club's group chat yesterday.

minsan hindi ko alam kung sadyang mahal nya lang ba ko or may galit sya saken. lel. i actually asked.

hindi naman ako nape-pressure. natatakot lang.

alam ko namang sabaw pa yung speech ko pero nisend ko na kay ivan. tinatamad narin kasi akong ayusin tas wala narin naman talagang oras. lahat naman ng comment nya agree ako. alam ko narin naman bago ko pa pinasa, pero parang pag galing sa iba yung mali sa gawa mo parang iba yung impact e no. nanapak. ganun. lel.

ewan ko.

siguro kung kami kami lang, or someone from the club lang mag eevals saken, keri e.

ok lang naman.

kung sasabihan ako na magrepeat... well, masasaktan ako. pero makakamove on din ako. di ba humans are made to recover naman talaga.

pero kasi.. wala lang. nakakahiya kasi. nakakahiya na nag effort pa si gabby na mang imbita ng evaluators na, hello, contest champions lang naman... tapos sabaw lang pala yung idedeliver ko. yung feeling na sasayangin ko lang yung oras nila yung pinakamahirap i-handle para sakin. ayun lang naman.

last night, i asked the Heavens to help me. sabi ni Bo Sanchez, pag may hihingin sa Diyos daw, hindi dapat na nag be-beg. kasi anak ka ng Diyos e. bakit ka magbe-beg. ask and believe that you will recieve. ganun lang daw.

but it's hard to believe na ibibigay Nya nga kung minsan ka na Nyang binigo. yung huli ko kasing hiningi sa Kanya, hindi Nya naman binigay. ang hirap talaga maniwala e. kaya sabi ko nalang, "Oh sige po, give me a hug nalang." hindi ko rin alam kung binigay Nya ba.

i went to bed last night at 1030. slept at past 11 na siguro, then woke up 0130. i tried to write another speech because the one i wrote needs a total overhaul. hindi rin kinaya ng powers.

pero kaninang umaga, sinubukan ko nalang ayusin yung existing speech ko. hindi parin naman maganda. pero hindi na siguro kasing sama.

iniisip ko pa yung new members kasi baka hindi nila nakita yung mga prev speech ko na ok naman. pag nakita nila yung sabaw kong speech. nakakahiya lang. well, ok lang naman. iniisip ko kasi baka magsisi yung mga members na pinili akong mentor pag nakita nila na ganito kasabaw ako mag speech.

ok. ang praning ko no?

hindi ko pa nasisimulang mag memorize. absent si partner. ang busy sa cage feeling ko nga hindi na ko makakalabas ng buhay kanina. lel. pero naayos naman lahat.

pero nakakatuwa rin na may mga taong nag bother na kamustahin ka if buhay ka pa e no. Andre sent me a message saying goodluck sa speech ko and that nagulat daw sya sa line up ng evaluators ko. nakakatuwa rin yung batang yun na twing merong nakakapanic na pangyayari sa club, nangangamusta at nag-ooffer ng tulong. kahit loko rin yun paminsan minsan, naa appreciate ko parin na ganun sya.

sabi nila what cannot kill you will make you a better person. siguro magiging super better person na ko after this.


Written by cinderellaareus at 03:14 PM.

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