You used to intentionally flirt with other girls only to ask me afterwards, "nasasaktan ka ba?" which I found rather childish. But now that you're actually hiding it from me is making me all suspicious.

Then there's this other woman too. Hearts, those reactions, her choice of words... There's no way I wouldn't notice. I'm a woman too. I know what innocent gestures look like. Jeez, nakakapikon.

Pak this. Ayoko na nga.

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Area contest yesterday. 2 of our contestants placed 1st runner up. It saddened me a bit kasi we won't be having representatives for the division contest. But on the brighter side, at least I will be able to spend my precious Saturday morning, sleeping.

I can't believe 2 years had passed since I joined our club. Sometimes it feels like I've changed a lot. Sometimes it feels like I didn't change at all.

Whenever I meet people, I always assume that that person will forget about me kung one time lang naman kami magkikita. So I don't really make pansin these people since I'm assuming they don't remember me.

I arrived at the contest venue with a girl smiling, waving at me. I tentatively waved back. It was only when she started having a little talk that I realized ako talaga yung kausap nya. Can you imagine how painful it was for me to ask her, "ano ngang pangalan mo?" Well the pain will make me remember her name for all eternity after that though.

.....

At the room where the contest was held, I was sitting at the back, wiping my sweat from climbing up the stairs, when a boy waved at me. I tentatively waved back thinking, "ako ba kinakawayan neto?" When he asked, "hindi ka sasali sa contest?" i had to point to myself to confirm if he's talking to me. He nodded and stood up from his seat and sat beside me. Then another dude from their club joined him and the 3 of us had a little chat.

What didn't change is that I still find talking to strangers stressful.

What changed is that, at least now, I'm talking.

A lot more talks and waving followed after that. I wasn't at all bad though.

.....

I remember the man, but I was too lazy to wave or anything. He instead came up to me, stretching his hand for a handshake.

"I remember you from last year's contest. I really enjoyed your presentation," he said.

If my speech was really that good, edi sana nanalo na ko. Pero kahit hindi naman talaga ako naniniwala, nakakataba parin ng puso na isang taon na ang lumipas pero may nakakaalala parin sakin at sa speech ko. Promise, muntik ko na sya i-hug after that.

Two years had passed. Totoong hindi bawat araw ay sunshines and rainbows, pero natutuwa parin ako na I found Toastmasters.

Maybe I changed. Maybe I didn't. Kung tutusin, gusto ko naman ang sarili ko before, and gusto ko parin ang sarili ko ngayon. Nagbabago lang ng konti, pero in my core, ako parin naman ako.

More than myself, yung situation ko lang naman talaga ang gusto kong baguhin.

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Will be out of the cage for the next three days. I will be back by Thursday. I was actually looking forward to this until I started not feeling well. 

Handa naman akong gumapang if I have to, pero sana naman, wala akong lagnat bukas.

11:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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