Entries in category "Sunday"
"Titaaaaaaa! Gawa mo ko tulaaaaa!"
Belted my niece last night. She'll be needing to create and memorize a poem daw for their buwan ng wika thingy at school. She's 3 years old. The poem should be in line with the theme, "Filipino: Wika ng saliksik". WTF, this is supposed to be for 3 yo's???
I just got a message from our VPE asking if I can back him up for the up coming Filipino Speech contest because he will need to send the preggy wife to the final checkup then. Ambait ko, I said yes.
Truth is, I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. It took me a while to remember why.
He changed his status. I guess that confirms everything. I think this is the first time. Siguro wrong timing lang kasi I'm single right to the last fiber of my being at this very moment. Kaya siguro mejo masakit. Ok lang.
Pag alam mo kasing single pa, maiisip mo na baka pwede pa. Pero now na hindi na, maybe its gonna be easier to dust off cobwebs from the past and move on to the present. Maybe I'm just sad.
Isang tula at isang speech. Sana kasing dali lang ng pagsulat ng isang blog entry. Pwede bang i-take ko muna yung time ko para ma broken hearted for a while?
Lol. Ok lang yan.
Kung magtatayo ako ng negosyo sa twing heartbroken ako, yayaman ba ko?
Gusto ko magtayo ng garden at magbenta ng halaman.
Written by cinderellaareus at 02:45 PM.
Woke up and it's almost noon. My arms still hurt from hours of sorting files and what not. How are you? I woke up not feeling ok.
My heart is acting up. The literal thing. Feels like my left chest is being pierced with a fine long needle. The pain is bearable but it's been going for 3 days now. Do I have to see a doctor?
I don't feel emotionally ok too. I wonder if it's my literal heart's fault.
"Ba't di kayo nagpapansinan?"
... and I thought I was the only one who noticed.
This happened before only with different person. I wonder if things will work a whole lot better if we will remove all romantic thoughts and just be friends.
Bea was moving her car then and we ended up having a convo about our favorite topic-- men.
I told her about this dude I like from another club and she was like, "mahilig ka talaga sa effeminate no?" I immediately asked her if the dude is gay. Hindi naman daw.
I also told Bea about someone I recently like in our club and she was like, "crush mo si *@&#^#^#&@^ ??!!!" - repeat 10x. Lol. I swear I love this girl and all, but she always make me question my taste in men.
Iniisip ko tuloy na if within Toastmasters ako maghahanap, mukhang malabo labo ang magiging future ko ng love life ko. But I'm still hopeful. There's a lot of great men within TM, I think I just have to figure out an effective way to get them. *wink wink*
Then here goes the heart problem again. Gtg. : (
Written by cinderellaareus at 08:21 PM.
Hello Tabby! It's Sunday. Most schools will start their classes by tomorrow and I'm bracing myself for the worse traffic jam.
Our baby Kaitlyn's back. She's been away for a month. Was too sleepy to get up this morning but Mom woke me up at 6am and I was hearing our baby girl calling me. Whenever that girl is at home, there's no way she'll let me stay in my room in peace. Not really complaining.
I feel like I'm going to go back to my normal life. I don't really feel bad about. There's something I feel happy about but for a reason I couldn't even remember.
Went back to sleep after breakfast. Woke up past lunch. I don't how can I sleep tonight e kakagising ko lang.
Weird. I feel like I'm about to start a new life when there's nothing really new about my life. I actually feel excited about it for no reason. I think it's not a bad thing though.
It's June now. 1 more month and we're halfway 2018. I know the half of the year wasn't so bad, but maybe I can do so much better.
My hopes are high. I know great and even happier days are ahead.
All smiles. : )
There's this dude from another club that I'm interested with. Wala naman akong balak makipag harutan for now, I just want to take a closer look. Jeez, why can't I reconcile with my own schedule? T_T
Written by cinderellaareus at 07:32 PM.
My head. Must be the red days.
I just got home after meeting a customer. All good. Was chatting with another while in the bus on my way to home. Nakakapikon kausap si Ate. "Last price" daw, insert smileys. Ano to, Divisoria? Raaaawr!
Pero sa tingin ko, hindi lang red days ang source ng init ng ulo ko. Kinailangan ko na naman mang unfollow ng tao sa facebook.
Nakakalungkot. Feeling ko kasi ganito rin ako years ago back when it was still R. Inuulit ko lang din yung mga mali ko. Dapat talaga hindi tumatalo ng kaibigan.
Bilang damage control, promise last na to.
Just responded to a message from some dude na ages go ko nang dinededma. Nasa tatlong cathegory lang kasi madalas yung mga lalaking nagugustuhan ko. Minsan bading, minsan may asawa, minsan tropa. At least tong lalaking to, hindi nag fall sa kahit alin dito sa tatlo.
Sisimulan ko narin sigurong isa isahing i-accept ang friend requests ng nga taong hindi ko kakilala. Napanood ko kasi sa tv na yung iba, sa ganitong paraan nagkakatuluyan. Hindi naman sa gusto ko na magjowa agad agad. Kung tutuusin, yung gusto ko lang yung gusto ko. Ayoko naman talaga ng iba. Pero... sighs... sige, damage control. Para rin siguro mabaling yung atensyon ko sa iba.
Ang sakit pilitin ang sarili. Putek.
Pero ganun yata talaga. Parang bitter medicine na kailangan mong i-take.
Ayoko na nga.
Promise, huling drama ko na to tungkol sayo...
Written by cinderellaareus at 09:55 PM.
A few nights ago, I had a dream and you were there. I rarely dream about the men I care about except for R and now there's you. It's kinda eerie.
The setting was simple. Parang pajama party. We are with a friend innocently lying on a bed. Just resting. You, the friend, me. You reached out over the friend's head to hold my wrist. I just let you. We did all these daw so quietly so no one will notice. Tas may dumating atang tao so I quickly removed my wrist from your hand.
In real life, there was no bed, but you reached for my wrist. It made me wonder if we had the same dream.
Bff sent me a link of a dating site where she found her fiance. The rest of my single friends are planning to visit other divisions to expand our network.
It's not so thrilling to look for someone else when your eyes are fixed at someone you consider special.
Written by cinderellaareus at 08:56 AM.
11:01pm. Will get back to work tom, dapat natutulog na ko.
Nakakatamad matulog. Gusto ko nalang magbasa hanggang sa sumakit ang ulo ko, o kaya mag picture ng mga products na ipo-post ko sa Facebook. Ayoko pa matulog.
Was browsing fb earlier. I saw someone's post and noticed the tiny star marking on the right indicating that I set his profile on a "see first" setting. I smiled and click the 3 dots and changed the setting from "see first" into "default". He was the only human being that I followed "see first".
How long was it? 11 years. Maybe my love isn't that shallow after all.
We have a guest last Fri na nakasabay namin pauwi. She kind of reminds me of Leian. I found out though that she's still single. I told her that if she's hoping to find a love life, she came to the wrong place because as far as I know, lahat ng member na single nung nagpamember ay single pa rin to date. Totoo kaya na may sumpa sa club? Lol. Come to think of it, nagka bf lang ulit si Neri when she left the club. I wonder of I should leave the club na. Haha.
Well, idk. Lately I've been reading my Tony Robbins book and it mentions something about modelling. Pick someone whose results you want to get. Copy their mindset, beliefs and behavior and you'll get the same result.
Sa tingin ko sigurado na ko sa result na gusto kong makuha. Iniisip ko nalang kung mali ba ang mga taong sinasamahan ko. Siguro dapat magkita kami ni Neri ulet. Tsaka parang gusto ko rin maging friend si Ms. Janice. I want to actively seek out people I can model from. I don't know if this will work but I want to at least try.
Sa pagkakaalala ko, may part ng bible na nagsasabing protect your heart because everything flows through it.
I've done this so many times at alam ko namang hindi effective, pero ginawa ko pa din. Sabi nila dapat daw maging specific tayo sa ating nga prayers. A little too specific ata yung saken. Sa dami ng taong hiningi ko sa Diyos, wala Syang binigay kahit isa. Pero dahil lahat ng hindi love life related na taong hiningi ko, binigay Nya, sigurado naman akong nakikinig naman talaga Sya. Sadyang sablay lang siguro yung mga hiningi ko. Still, hinahanda ko na rin ang puso ko sakaling mapag desisyunan Nya ulit na ibigay sa iba imbis na saken yung hinihingi ko. Ibigay Nya man o hindi, in the end, alam kong ibibigay Nya yung pinakamabuti.
Sigurado na ko sa gusto ko. Hindi man yung specific na gusto ko yung makuha ko, deliberately, gagawa ako ng paraan para makuha ko to.
"Alam mo bang hiningi kita sa Langit?"
isang araw, sasabihin ko to sa taong makukuha ko.
Written by cinderellaareus at 11:34 PM.
Late April. It's still summertime, I wonder why it was raining early this morning.
I went to the market todat to buy gatorade and syringe for the pups. I researched the net last night, gatorade can help daw.
Don Juan had gotten worse. He didn't even drink water and his litter too was bloody. I remeber what the vet once told us about how the dog's eyes will sink once it's about to die. Gusto kong maniwalang kaya pa.
It's frustrating when all you can do is be there when someone's dying... He's just three months old. A few minutes before typing this, we lost him...
Mahina lang naman ang ulan kanina. Pero inside my chest, parang bumabagyo. Nakakainis.
Ayoko nang mag-alaga ng aso.
Written by cinderellaareus at 04:22 PM.
It's 0105. I'm sleepy. I'm tired. I'm thinking of you.
It's technically Sunday. I woke up Sat morning planning the day ahead, but I ended up doing completely different things.
Our pups are sick. Parvo, i suspect. Riri's litter was bloody and had that stinky smell of a wet market. Ang sakit ng puso ko. I brought one of the pups, Don Juan, my fav, because he's too weak, his mom and sisters are too hyper, they're hurting him. He's still not eating but I want to believe he'll survive. He seems to love my room. I told him that if he'll get better, if he eats well again, i will not return him to their cage and will let him stay with me in my room. I swear I saw him walked to his food bowl and pretended to eat. I was watching closely. I saw how he just touched his mouth on the food! Naintindihan ata ni Don Juan yung sinabi ko.
It was January 13 when they were born. They're just 3 months. I hope the Heavens will let them live longer.
"Man kasi. Porket mahilig ka sa boy..." was what gabby said when the topic left for leian contained the word "girl" and I chose the word "boy" to make it apt for leian. I'm pretty sure Gabby has no idea what's going on with my life and probably didn't know he actually made a point with that.
Mahilig sa boy. Puteeek. Maybe I should get myself a real man already.
He offered a handshake, which I took. His hands were very very cold.
"Is he a man?", I wondered. But how can I force myself to care when i still want my boy.
I learned this lesson the hard way. That if you tell people that you want or don't want something, they might actually believe you, so you have to be careful with what you are communicating.
I'm reading your games well because I wasn't born yesterday, and i think you know that.
But I cannot let your pretense become true one day (because words and actions have an uncanny way of turning lies into truth). I'm not willing to hand you over.
That was my last card. Now, it's the Universe's turn.
Written by cinderellaareus at 01:48 AM.
"***, hindi mo na ko pinapansin...."
Countless missed calls and "seen" messages that's been going for almost a year, I wonder when will he stop...
On most days, I feel sorry. But for someone who's hurting because the person she cares about no longer cares for her, i kinda found comfort at the thought na, 'well, at least quits lang.'
Namimiss lang kita.
I can invent ways and find excuses to talk to you, but that I won't do. The door had always been open from the start. I never had the intention to lock you up. YOU. ARE. FREE.
And i like you better that way. I just miss you.
I don't really need you in my life. I've been fine on my own and there's no way that anyone's absence could break me.
I just miss you. Though I don't need you in my life, I think it would be nice if you can just stay. I miss you.
And I wish you will end finding someone who can bring you more peace...
And thank you for dropping by.
In my supposed restful Sunday, my parents left for Tito Leo's birthday. With my brother out attending the mass with his family, I was left home alone to man the house, feed the dog and serve customers of our tiny sari sari store.
By the afternoon, I went out to meet a customer for this business that i started.
Sa paunti unting effort na ineexert ko, feeling ko walang nangyayari saken, pero sadyang isang araw pala, magugulat ka nalang na naipon na pala yung paunti unting changes na naging malaking change na bumago na pala sa buhay at pagkatao mo.
Mahiyain kasi akong tao. Pero kanina ko lang na pansin na I am now more comfortable in talking with people. And kaya ko naring mag sales talk! Sa tingin ko, ang best sales strategy is to genuinely care for the customers, because when you feel it in your heart, it will be reflected in your voice, words and actions, and the customers will feel it. Nakakatuwa lang.
Today, I became an inch nearer to my goal. Ang liit na progress, hindi mo nga siguro masyadong madadama. Pero pasasaan ba at mag-aaccumulate ang bawat inch na to para maging meters and miles hanggang siguro magugulat nalang ako na narating ko na pala yung gusto kong puntahan. Sana patuloy parin akong tulungan ng langit.
Minsan may doubts.
Minsan may kaba.
Minsan rin, masasaktan ka. Madi-disappoint. Mapapagod.
Pero kahit ganun, sa tingin ko, maganda pa rin naman ang buhay.
Written by cinderellaareus at 07:39 PM.