Entries in category "Sunday"


Sunday. April 15, 2018

IMY

"***, hindi mo na ko pinapansin...."

Countless missed calls and "seen" messages that's been going for almost a year, I wonder when will he stop...

On most days, I feel sorry. But for someone who's hurting because the person she cares about no longer cares for her, i kinda found comfort at the thought na, 'well, at least quits lang.' 

Namimiss lang kita.

I can invent ways and find excuses to talk to you, but that I won't do. The door had always been open from the start. I never had the intention to lock you up. YOU. ARE. FREE.

And i like you better that way. I just miss you.

I don't really need you in my life. I've been fine on my own and there's no way that anyone's absence could break me.

I just miss you. Though I don't need you in my life, I think it would be nice if you can just stay. I miss you.

And I wish you will end finding someone who can bring you more peace...

And thank you for dropping by.

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In my supposed restful Sunday, my parents left for Tito Leo's birthday. With my brother out attending the mass with his family, I was left home alone to man the house, feed the dog and serve customers of our tiny sari sari store.

By the afternoon, I went out to meet a customer for this business that i started.

Sa paunti unting effort na ineexert ko, feeling ko walang nangyayari saken, pero sadyang isang araw pala, magugulat ka nalang na naipon na pala yung paunti unting changes na naging malaking change na bumago na pala sa buhay at pagkatao mo.

Mahiyain kasi akong tao. Pero kanina ko lang na pansin na I am now more comfortable in talking with people. And kaya ko naring mag sales talk! Sa tingin ko, ang best sales strategy is to genuinely care for the customers, because when you feel it in your heart, it will be reflected in your voice, words and actions, and the customers will feel it. Nakakatuwa lang.

Today, I became an inch nearer to my goal. Ang liit na progress, hindi mo nga siguro masyadong madadama. Pero pasasaan ba at mag-aaccumulate ang bawat inch na to para maging meters and miles hanggang siguro magugulat nalang ako na narating ko na pala yung gusto kong puntahan. Sana patuloy parin akong tulungan ng langit.

-------

Minsan may doubts.

Minsan may kaba.

Minsan rin, masasaktan ka. Madi-disappoint. Mapapagod.

Pero kahit ganun, sa tingin ko, maganda pa rin naman ang buhay.


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:39 PM.

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Sunday. April 9, 2018

Timelines and type

I just realized, we probably are in a totally different time line.

I'm starting to think that maybe I'm targeting the wrong guy. I'm so done with waiting for people to be ready.

Ayoko na nga...

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Para sa babaeng tulad ko na hindi marunong magluto, 100x na nakakagwapo talaga sa guy if he can cook.

Pag marunong pang mag bake, ay, 200x na yun!

E kaso sigurado akong hindi nya ko type...

Kaya yun, back to zero.

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1244. Technically Monday na. Need to wake up 330 because i have work. Putek, i cant sleep. T_T

I got the formal invitation from the University who invited me to become their resource speaker. 45 mins yung allotted time. The last time I did was only 15mins. Gumawa nalang kaya ako ng intermission number para maubos agad ang oras ko?

Pero imbis na iniisip ko kung gano kahirap to, iisipin ko nalang on how brilliant and talented i am because the Heavens made me that way. There is no way I can't do this superbly. Galing ko kaya! Whew!

Fake it till you make it. Kaya ko to!


Written by cinderellaareus at 12:53 AM.

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Sunday. March 18, 2018

Not funny

So i slept super late last night. Tipong umaga na. Mga 2AM. Tas as I slept, i woke up because I've lost the feel of the pillow under my head. Pag gising ko, i found every single pillow I have on my bed (i have 4) neatly piled up beside me.

I WAS SLEEPING ALONE. And I don't pile up my pillows that way.

This is not funny. Huhu. T_T

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"Best feeling is when you just naturally click with a person. Talking all day, every day, no forceful conversation, laughs, attention. They are worth their weight in gold, don’t lose them." —Samantha Lee Loper 

Well, I tried.


Written by cinderellaareus at 06:14 PM.

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Sunday. February 11, 2018

Tables

You used to intentionally flirt with other girls only to ask me afterwards, "nasasaktan ka ba?" which I found rather childish. But now that you're actually hiding it from me is making me all suspicious.

Then there's this other woman too. Hearts, those reactions, her choice of words... There's no way I wouldn't notice. I'm a woman too. I know what innocent gestures look like. Jeez, nakakapikon.

Pak this. Ayoko na nga.

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Area contest yesterday. 2 of our contestants placed 1st runner up. It saddened me a bit kasi we won't be having representatives for the division contest. But on the brighter side, at least I will be able to spend my precious Saturday morning, sleeping.

I can't believe 2 years had passed since I joined our club. Sometimes it feels like I've changed a lot. Sometimes it feels like I didn't change at all.

Whenever I meet people, I always assume that that person will forget about me kung one time lang naman kami magkikita. So I don't really make pansin these people since I'm assuming they don't remember me.

I arrived at the contest venue with a girl smiling, waving at me. I tentatively waved back. It was only when she started having a little talk that I realized ako talaga yung kausap nya. Can you imagine how painful it was for me to ask her, "ano ngang pangalan mo?" Well the pain will make me remember her name for all eternity after that though.

.....

At the room where the contest was held, I was sitting at the back, wiping my sweat from climbing up the stairs, when a boy waved at me. I tentatively waved back thinking, "ako ba kinakawayan neto?" When he asked, "hindi ka sasali sa contest?" i had to point to myself to confirm if he's talking to me. He nodded and stood up from his seat and sat beside me. Then another dude from their club joined him and the 3 of us had a little chat.

What didn't change is that I still find talking to strangers stressful.

What changed is that, at least now, I'm talking.

A lot more talks and waving followed after that. I wasn't at all bad though.

.....

I remember the man, but I was too lazy to wave or anything. He instead came up to me, stretching his hand for a handshake.

"I remember you from last year's contest. I really enjoyed your presentation," he said.

If my speech was really that good, edi sana nanalo na ko. Pero kahit hindi naman talaga ako naniniwala, nakakataba parin ng puso na isang taon na ang lumipas pero may nakakaalala parin sakin at sa speech ko. Promise, muntik ko na sya i-hug after that.

Two years had passed. Totoong hindi bawat araw ay sunshines and rainbows, pero natutuwa parin ako na I found Toastmasters.

Maybe I changed. Maybe I didn't. Kung tutusin, gusto ko naman ang sarili ko before, and gusto ko parin ang sarili ko ngayon. Nagbabago lang ng konti, pero in my core, ako parin naman ako.

More than myself, yung situation ko lang naman talaga ang gusto kong baguhin.

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Will be out of the cage for the next three days. I will be back by Thursday. I was actually looking forward to this until I started not feeling well. 

Handa naman akong gumapang if I have to, pero sana naman, wala akong lagnat bukas.


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:14 PM.

2 comments


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Sunday. January 28, 2018

Treasures

Yesterday, my friend Neri accompanied me to my 1st GE stint outside our club.

This morning, i woke up from gabby's call.

I was an hour late, yet they were still there.

Mentor gave me cookies when i was hungry.

Today, I got to spend time with the people i care about.

And went home with them.

Also, Dad brought me egg pie.

The people in my life are my greatest treasures.

My love tank is full.

...

Though my wallet is screaming otherwise, I feel so rich.

Thank you, Heavens, for my wealth.


Written by cinderellaareus at 02:09 AM.

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Sunday. January 14, 2018

10:55

Woke up at past 11am today so I'm resigning to the possibility that I might not be sleeping tonight.

Spent the day watching the the 2nd half of "rich man, poor woman" j- drama. I finished off the 1st half yesterday. I think I got this from Nesss 5 years ago. It's been sitting in my laptop that long pero ngayon ko lang napanood. So nice. Kdramas may be a bit better in comparison and their actors and actresses may be a whole lot cuter, pero sa tingin ko, until now, nasa Japan parin ang bias ko.

Ang gwapo ni Oguri Shun. Stalked him a bit to see how he looks like now and nag iba na sya. For one, tatay na rin kasi sya. Hindi na sya kasing sexy ng dati. His eyes are still nice though. Pero yung asawa nya, parang mas gumanda pa over the years. They still look so in love though.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ang weird ng nararamdaman ako after kong manood ng j-drama. Parang ganito rin yung na feel ko everytime na may matatapos ako na harry potter books. Yung parang masakit na hindi maintindihan. Kahit happy ending, masakit parin. Hindi ko gets. Hindi ko rin makuha yung tamang word kahit sa English or Tagalog. Pero sa Japanese siguro, ang pinaka apt e yung "kurushii".

Kurishii. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit ang sakit. Lol. Ayoko ng ganitong feeling. Sa Kdrama parang hindi ganito. And promise, sobrang feel-good drama lang ng rmpm.

Ayoko sana manood ng Korean or J-drama. Mas lalo kasing mahirap ma appreciate ang reality pag nakakita ka ng world na so much better than the real one. But what can I do? That's the only way I can have my peace...

14th day of the year and I still don't feel like talking to, hearing or seeing other people. I don't know what's wrong with me.


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:13 PM.

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Sunday. December 17, 2017

Coco, Gong Yoo, etc.

I'm trying to read. it's been a while since the last time I've been home on a weekend like this. I'm just a simple soul. I remember my definition of a perfect day was sitting on a couch or on a bed with a good book on my lap and my dog next to me. since my dog left me a year ago, I can't have that perfect day anymore. but then maybe I can invent another definition of a perfect day, right?

yesterday, brother thought of bringing kaitlyn to the cinema and have her watch a movie for the first time in big screen. The movie of choice was Coco, but when I showed her the trailer of the movie, she wasn't so thrilled. We didn't know Coco has skeletons among the characters so I ended up watching the movie by myself.

I love watching movies alone. The darkness offers freedom; to be yourself, to do as you please; without having to worry on how you would look like or if you're causing trouble to other people. Whenever I watch movies, I often pick the topmost seat at the premier section nearest the aisle. That's where the best view is kasi. But I remember whenever I watch movie with Gabby and the gang, he would always pick seats nearer the screen, in the economy section even. When I asked him why, he said something like, "para hindi tayo nadidistorbo pag may dumadaan." So yesterday, I gave it a try. I sat at a seat at the economy section, near the aisle and farthest from the screen. True enough there were very few people sat there. Very few distractions and it was very peaceful that it more the compensated the so-so view. I guess I'd consider watching at the economy section more often.

I loved Coco. I realized that maybe the reason why someone liked it too was because he kind of looks like the boy in that movie. Lel.
Masaya sana if Kaitlyn will get to watch thid movie rin. If only she is not so scared of mumu, she'll probably like this too. Maybe when she gets older. Hopefully.
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Weekend last week, ang daming ganap. Much like the other weekends before that. I was multitasking so I can barely focus on anything else, that's why when his message came, I got to see only the last too lines and i then hit the like button. It was only 3 days later that I noticed the previous messages. Puteeek, ang lamig ng sagot ko.

The boy turned 31 just recently. Unlike the previous years, he now looks happy. In a way, ok na rin even if his happiness has nothing to do with me. I wish that he'll be taken care of, that boy can be a little too sensitive at times kasi.

I still remember things. I remember, he used to text every time he had a haircut only to ask if I liked it or not. Ang mean pa ng mga sagot ko non. I never told him how I've always liked his hair.

Over the years, I think I was able to develop my maturity. Maybe I've gained wisdom too. Funny just when I feel like I am now finally capable of taking care of someone else, that "someone else" that I wish to take care of is already beyond my reach. 

Ok lang naman.
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Currently watching the kdrama, Goblin. I've tried to avoid Kdrama because I've seen some of my friends got eaten alive by this monster. I've been watching the series for a market research, pero putek, ang hirap palang hindi makain ng sistema ng kdrama. Ang hirap hindi mahalin si Gong Yoo!!!! To make up for my sucky love life, Universe, pwede bang saken nalang si Gong Yoo? Hahahaha!
Few episodes left. After this, awat na muna sa kdrama, Z.


Written by cinderellaareus at 11:39 AM.

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Sunday. December 10, 2017

Random thoughts

1. I saw people who changed their preferences in their adulthood and dreaded what if this will happen to me too? Not that I have issues with people like this.  I just don't want to have a life that complicated. Pero right now, puteeeek, sa landi kong to, I don't think so. 

2. I arrived not paying much attention since I was feeling sick. He flashed his signature smile and motioned me to sit beside him. Then, picture time. I couldn't fit in the frame so he grabbed me by the waist, pulling me closer to him.

Oh boy, careful on that side...

3. Yearend party over yet peace is still out of sight. Maybe in a few days. 

4. Saw that Fr. Mario is back in RP. He'll probably go back to Italy again so I've got to make the most of his days–hopefully weeks–here. I'll be reserving all my Wednesday for this. Sana nandun sya. 

5. Sa tingin ko nagegets ko na kung ano ang problema ko and why I was crying. When I was younger,  naisip ko na langing may paraan. Na pag may bagay kang gusto at kung pagsusumikapan mo talaga, makukuha mo. On rare occasions na hindi mo madaan sa effort, meron ka paring isa pang alas; ask the Heavens. Di ba wala namang imposible sa langit? As I grew older, na realize ko na hindi ata ganun. I still believe na walang imposible sa Langit. But when you're an adult,  things can be a whole lot complicated. At may mga bagay pala na kahit gusto mo, hindi mo susubukang kunin. At kahit alam mong pwede namang ibigay ng Langit, hindi mo parin hihingin. 

6. I'm missing some of my friends na bihira ko nang makita. Neri is one of my favorite friends in this lifetime. Was chatting with her about our all-time favorite topic: boys. I was sending her a picture of some boy that I thought she might find interesting. Nasa bus ako non and I was halfway through writing the caption when, so sobrang likot ng bus, I accidentally sent it to our club officer's group chat. It was a lupa-lamunin-mo-ko moment. Worst part, kilala nila yung boy. 

7. I checked my weight at a mall yesterday and found that I'm 10 kilos heavier than I was 4 years ago.

TEN. EFFING. KILOS.

PAK. 

8. Siguro, sa ideal world, makakagawa ako ng 3 speeches in 4 weeks to complete my CC and level 1 before March ends. Nasan ba yang ideal world na yan? 

9. Tinatamad akong mag BSP10 ulet. 

10. Ok,  wala na ko maisip. 

11. Ja~


Written by cinderellaareus at 07:40 PM.

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Sunday. November 5, 2017

YZY

So someone sent me a message telling how he gave my number to his friend who's in need of a speaker for their public speaking event in some University. Sabi kasi "do something that scares you." So I was like, Sure! Go! No worries. That's exciting! Blah blah blah. Pero puteeeek, nag sa summersault na yung puso ko, Bes.

Then I got the message from the "friend" and learned that the event is this Tuesday na. Tuesday!!!

Sabi ng logic, "tae ka, wala ka ng oras mag prepare. Anong petsa na?!"

Sabi ng reason, "May pasok ka. Paano?"

Sabi ng internal organs ko, "Ayoko! Kinakabahan ako! Wahhhhh!"

.

And yet, I replied, "Sure! Please send me the details. *insert smileys*"

.

.

Why am I doing this to myself?


Written by cinderellaareus at 04:31 PM.

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