Entries in category "日曜日"


日曜日. November 24, 2019

Lucky

SO, there is this dude I'm interested in. I met him at an event I went to last Sat. I checked his profile and fb and found the we've a lot of common friends who are TM's. Turned out, he's actually a Toastmaster in a club around Mandaluyong. 

Kung siniswerte ka nga naman... ^_<


04:23 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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日曜日. November 17, 2019

Sunday

She kisses him on the neck, holds his land like he's hers.

She knows.

Yet she stays despite knowing what he is, maybe hoping he'll someday change.

I've been there. I kinda understand. But I'm not going back. I want to do it right, this time around.

------

Got back home at around 8am. Slept around 9 and woke up by 12. Antok na antok ako at work kagabi. I sat next to PK, which was probably the best decision of the day. I have an officemate who seems to have loose screws. She was sitting on my usual seat and I don't know what would've happened if she ended up sitting next to me.

Got 3 calls. Marami na yun considering that I usually get just around 1 or none at all, daily. PK's shift ends at 1am. Good thing he stayed until a little past 4. It kept me awake. When he left, Wendy came shortly, so I was able to fight off my sleepiness.

Naging mabait siguro ako nung past life ko. Ang babait kasi ng mga binigay sakin ni God na katrabaho.

--------

I want to do it right, this time around.

I'm going to do it right, this time around.

But...

...

.

How?


02:59 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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日曜日. September 29, 2019

Declaration

Sunday. I just got back home. I've decided to commute to work at least for this week. 

1. To make up for the expenses this weekend

2. To have better food option

Susubukan ko na maging vegetarian. Well, I think maraming uri ng diet ang kumakain ng mostly veggies. I won't go really strict. I want to start without pork, beef and chicken, ganern. I plan to eat eggs and other animals na walang backbone (because I've read somewhere na animals without backbone don't feel pain). Ang main point ng lahat ng ito e anti-cruelty anik. IDK. Gusto ko lang subukan.

Also, gusto ko na rin talagang pumayat. Low-carbs, high-fat, moderate-protein diet is the most effective to me though. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko magagawa yun with a vegetarian diet.

By next week, mag-eenrol ako sa Curves. Syempre aalamin ko muna if meron silang branch na open 24/7.

-gusto ko rin mag-aral ng violin

-gusto ko ulet sumali sa speech contests

-gusto kong maging World Champion by 2020

-mag president kaya ko next term? *scratch that, too stressful*

-mag-aral kaya ako ng violin? (Said this twice)

-gusto ko mag take ng JLPT N2 by July

-maging masaya

-bumuo ng sarili kong pamilya

For some reason, it feels easier to plan the future these days, kahit na yung last item sa list ko, required na may isa pang taong involved. Pero, kaya ko naman yun di ba? Sakaling hindi ko na kaya, the Heavens has infinite resources to help me.

There are 3 archangels mentioned in the bible. Sabi nila may 7 daw na archangels who are seated in God's throne, pero 3 lang ang pinangalanan sa bible-- Michael, Gabriel and Rafael.

Michael means "who is like God". This is the name of my brother.

Gabriel means "the power of God". This is the name of someone close to me.

Raphael means "it is God who heals". This is how I'd probably name my child. If God will give me a son, that is.

Raphael. What a beautiful name.


04:44 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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日曜日. September 29, 2019

Lavish

Over breakfast, Brother shared about his bro-in-law who just bought an expensive drone he doesn't even need. This same dude buys expensive gadgets and changes into new ones even when the fairly newly brought item is still fully functioning. Their house is creaking old and badly needs a renovation. Having been raised by a money-wise mother, this baffles me and my brother. 

I can't call Mom stingy. We never lack food growing up. And when we eat out, we were given the liberty to choose what and how much food we want, eventhough we were poor. She spends wisely though. And she's strict about not wasting water, electricity and everything else that will incur damage to the house hold budget. She also highly discouraged taking loans and spending more than we can afford. She taught us to live simply. I think it's all thanks to Mom that I'm fairly doing fine with the money that I currently possess. 

I own 2 credit cards I never maxed out and always paid in full every salary cut off. With this, enjoy 1% cashback in all my spending (protip: if you're using bdo, try amex cashback!)

I rent a room I pay for only 3k a month when I can afford a condo.

My sneakers, I bought for 100 on-sale in SM kahit afford ko nag Converse or even Lacoste.

I do spend lavishly on food though. Just like Mom.

Brother is scared on getting a credit card. I told him Mom trained us well so I'm confident he would not fall into cc debt and will end up enjoying the benefits of having one instead. I wonder how Mom felt hearing us having that kind of convo about her.

If God will give me children of own in the future, I wish that they will also see me as how I see Mom- a wonderful, capable woman who raised her children to be the same.

-------

W: how about we talk over coffee or a chat?

Z: why not?

Guess, I'm back on the dating scene?


12:59 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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日曜日. September 29, 2019

Close but not quite

This explains a lot.

******

Dreaming Boy

By Sarah Kay

In most of the dreams I remember from childhood, I am a boy. Rescuing a maiden from a tower, or not rescuing anyone in particular, but definitely a boy.

For years, when the only language I had were the scraps tossed from the popular kids table, “lesbian” seemed as likely an explanation as anything. What does it mean to dream myself a gender? What does it mean to hold that secret beneath my tongue?

The first time I kissed a boy, he was so tall, his lips so soft I dreamt of the ocean for weeks, never in control of my limbs. Next to him, I seemed a convincing enough girl. At least when I was awake. At night, I was Batman. At night, a fireman. At night, a boy, with muscles in boy places, and a firm hand, and a direction to run.

The first time I kissed a girl, I did not like the way our faces melted into each other. Where was the stubble? The hard jaw, the cinnamon, I could not breathe through all her lilac. I dreamt about being lost in a forest of a terrible tidal wave. If I was not a lesbian, what possible explanation did I have? What words could I tie around this treacherous heart, this impossible hunger, this miserable mind.

The first time I saw you, someone said, “oh, he’s definitely gay”. And maybe that was the confusion I recognised.

The first time we kissed, you told me to take it slow. I placed my hand against your ribcage and you moved it away. I felt like a fourteen year old trying to get a bra strap off.

You spent the night anyway, and we lay next to each other breathing, my hands inches away from your boxer shorts twitching under the covers.

The next morning, you made the bed and folded all of my clothes while I was at class. You learnt to play the harp and sang me songs while you played.

For my birthday, you baked me a triple layer cake, woke up early to ice it. I watched your shirtless torso push icing through a tube - I have never loved a body the way I loved yours In that moment.

You picked flowers on your way to class, leave bouquets in every room. When you danced, the walls leaned closer to get closer to you.

When I finally asked you if you might want to date boys, I held my breath while you thought about it for a long, quiet moment.

“I haven’t met one I’d like to date yet,” you said. “And right now, I’m pretty in love with you, if that’s okay.”

And just like that, I did not crave language I always thought I needed. And just like that, a hand reached backwards into a faraway dream and said, “come on then, we’ve got a maiden to save.”

I guess what I am saying is you make me feel like a boy, like the boy I have always been.

At night, I climb trees and wear cargo shorts. I steal buildings and I build fires. When I wake I am curled around your back, the happiest big spoon in my drawer. You are naked and heavy breathing, the man I love. I hold your body like the gift it is, and safely sink back into dreams.


10:05 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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日曜日. September 15, 2019

Plea

It always hurts me seeing a vehicle full of pigs who are about to be slaughtered. Their skin have cut marks all over them and they're not even dead yet. Why do owners do that? Sometimes I thought maybe I can buy at least 1 pig and save his/her life...

... only to go home and eat sinigang na baboy that my dad cooked.

This feels so wrong. Can someone teach me how to be a vegetarian?

I hate vegetables. T_T


02:49 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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日曜日. August 25, 2019

Sunday

Woke up with chat messages that straight away pissed me off. I slept past 1 to finish club-related stuff and I didn't expect this kind of reaction. It was 7 in the morning.

----

"Wag ka na umalis."

Everyday, I ask the Heavens for guidance. I wonder if this is a part of the Divine Plan. Though he said he's still thinking and that he "might" stay, alam kong hassle sa kanya pag nag stay sya. He probably won't. Wala rin naman akong magagawa. Let's just enjoy whatever's left of the time we have.

-----

Putek, ang busy ko.

I am re-reading The Alchemist book. Sabi dun, pag madalas daw natin kasama yung tao, we start owning them. Then, we want to change them. And that everyone has a clear idea on how others should live their lives but doesn't know how to live their own.

Naiirita na ko. Partly sa sitwasyon, party, sa ilan sa mga taong involved.

But I own my feelings.

Nakakapikon na ang busy ko sa mga bagay na I don't even care about. Putakte. Can I just run off and leave these people?

Actually, I can. Lol.

Why do we want to change people? Why do I want to change people? Wait, do I?

In my over 3 decades of existence, I've learned that even wonderful relationships go sour at some point. And those that last real long are the ones who manage to endure the sour parts. E ang ikli ng pasensya ko... so, 

I don't know.

Will train a contestant on Monday. I can make up excuses on why I can't do this, but I was a contestant too. Nakakaawa rin kasi. Ok lang naman.

But I also need to attend another meeting that we could've avoided if only this person is not so meticulous. I think meticulous is good, but this is rather overboard.

I own my feelings.

Siguro ipagpapabukas ko na ang desisyon pag hindi na ko masyadong naiirita.

-------

Kung ako ang masusunod, ikaw ang gusto kong kasama, hindi sila.

Wait, ako naman ang masusunod dapat, di ba?


08:21 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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日曜日. August 11, 2019

Linggo

Good morning! 

Gumising ako na masaya today. Lagi naman akong gumigising nang masaya. Mamaya ay babalik ako sa rented place ko aa Manda at sasama daw sila Mama at Papa. Kung may pera ako at the moment, sa hotel nalang kami matutulog dahil masikip ang kwarto ko at makalat. Mom asked if meron daw bang walis dun para makapaglinis sya. Kilala talaga ako ng nanay ko.

I plan to bring them to some nice resto. Wala pang sahod, at wala na talaga akong pera... but I have credit card, so...

Sinusubukan kong wag mag alala sa lunes. Ang weird siguro ng office na wala sila PK at Per*y. Lagi kong inaabangang dumating ang 10am dahil dun ang start ng shift nila. Pag 10 na wala pa sila, nagwo-worry pa ko kung darating ba sila. Ngayon, wala nang P&P na darating ng 10am.

Nung nagpapaalam si PK last Friday I was like, "makapag paalam ka naman, parang aalis ka sa Earth. Lilipat ka lang naman ng shift." Totoo naman. Pero nakakalungkot pa rin.

Hindi ko kilala yung mga papalit sa kanila. May access na ko sa online assessment. Kanino kaya ako magtatanong pag hindi ko alam ang sagot? T_T

Nabasa ko dun sa email na for the rest of August lang to. After non, babalik na sa dati. Yung mga matataas ang stat ang mamimili ng gusto nilang shift. PK said, "see you in 2 weeks." Well, magaling naman kasi si PK.

Kanino ako magtatanong pag di ko alam ang sagot?

Siguro dapat matuto na akong maging friendly.

--------

3 years vs 3 weeks. Ano sa tingin mo?

Siguro sadyang hindi nag-eexpire ang love. Baka nagpapahinga lang. Or natutulog. Well, malay ko. Expertise ko ba to?

Wala akong kapatid na babae, that's why I love my lady friends like I would've loved my own sister if only I had one. It's different for guy friends though.

I have a brother whom I'm very close to, so I never really needed a guy friend. I have more than enough male influence in my life. That's why mahirap sakin i-classify if nakikita ko lang ba ang guy bilang friend or something else.

Sabi ng psychologist na finafollow ko sa Facebook, ganito daw ang mga babae:

You(the guy) < Her --- she will never get attracted to you

You = Her --- she will see you as a friend

You > Her --- she will get attracted to you

Parang totoo naman. I never really liked anyone who I "perceived" to be equal or lower than me. Laging merong at least something sa kanya na alam kong mas better kesa sa meron ako. It doesn't have to be true though. Again, based sa perception lang naman. And hindi naman kailangan na sa lahat ng bagay.

For example, si "Z". I may be better than him in so many other things, but he's exceptional good at flirting kaya nagustuhan ko pa rin sya. Hmmm, ganun ba yun? Lol.

Warning to men though: don't ever try to belittle a woman just so she can perceive you as someone better than her. That will surely backfire. If she's smart and independent, she might even burn you alive. So, don't. 

Ewan ko. Ano nga point ko? Lol.

There's this person I care abt and it can get confusing sometimes. Kung single sya keri naman, kaso hindi. He's not married though, which makes things a lot harder. Especially if wala yung SO nya.

Gusto kong patunayan na I'm good. That I can be trusted. I've been struggling on this for these past few years. Naa uphold ko pa naman. Hindi madali, but I'm glad that this principle is protecting me from doing something stupid. 

Putek, ambait ko. Minsan nakakainis na.


09:04 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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日曜日. July 28, 2019

Sunday

I woke up wondering how the eff can I possibly finish the things I'm supposed to do. Ambusy ko e. Pero so far, all I did since I woke up this morning e kumain, makipaglaro sa aso, mang asar ng pamangkin, mag browse sa fb and chat with friends. Jeez, I'm so productive.

Bff flew here from Malaysia to celebrate her mom's bday. Buntis na yon, nagawa pang mag travel. Lol. She's flying back to Malaysia today at 2pm. She asked me to join their party last night, I told her andami kong ginagawa. Ano nga ulet ang nagawa ko kahapon?

Hindi ako masyadong friendly even back when I was young. Iniisip ko kung paano nga ulet nag land sa buhay ko ang taong to? We've been friends for decades. God has been good. Hindi Nya nga ako binigyan ng magandang love life, binigyan nya naman ako ng mabubuting kaibigan. Heavens, please give my bff and that little muffin growing inside her belly a super safe flight.

------

Meeting Ice on Friday. Naalala ko na sa Aug 15 pa daw ang sahod ko at wala pa nga pala akong pera. Ahahaha.

Tumawa nalang tayo. Lol.

------

Physically, I like Mr. Chill's facial features. Simple lang. Hindi flashy, pero pleasant on the eyes. Para sakin ang cute cute nya. Attitude-wise, perfect sya for me. Chill lang. Tamang mabait, sobrang makulit, never ko sya nakitaan ng bad vibes. Yung nag excel sakin about him e yung kindness na nakita ko sa kanya. Loloko loko lang yun, pero alam mong mabuti syang tao.

Si Z naman, well, type ko talaga sya physically. Nice eyes, full-of-character facial expression, tas outstandingly malandi. Talaga namang mahirap i-resist yung mga flirt, di ba? I think a lot of women will agree. Hindi ako sure kung mabait ba sya. Honestly, parang hindi. Lol. But we all know kung anong catch kay Z.

Hindi ko alam. Siguro totoong ang mga pangarap e dapat na tinutupad. Pero siguro, sa matters na gaya nito, hindi naman talaga kailangan na lahat ng gusto mo nakukuha mo. Iniisip ko nga rin if gusto ko ba talaga makuha... well, I do... pero... really? now?


12:14 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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私の名前はZです。


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