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Sunday, April 22, 2018

Heartbreaks and hearts

It's 0105. I'm sleepy. I'm tired. I'm thinking of you.

It's technically Sunday. I woke up Sat morning planning the day ahead, but I ended up doing completely different things.

Our pups are sick. Parvo, i suspect. Riri's litter was bloody and had that stinky smell of a wet market. Ang sakit ng puso ko. I brought one of the pups, Don Juan, my fav, because he's too weak, his mom and sisters are too hyper, they're hurting him. He's still not eating but I want to believe he'll survive. He seems to love my room. I told him that if he'll get better, if he eats well again, i will not return him to their cage and will let him stay with me in my room. I swear I saw him walked to his food bowl and pretended to eat. I was watching closely. I saw how he just touched his mouth on the food! Naintindihan ata ni Don Juan yung sinabi ko.

It was January 13 when they were born. They're just 3 months. I hope the Heavens will let them live longer.

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"Man kasi. Porket mahilig ka sa boy..." was what gabby said when the topic left for leian contained the word "girl" and I chose the word "boy" to make it apt for leian. I'm pretty sure Gabby has no idea what's going on with my life and probably didn't know he actually made a point with that.

Mahilig sa boy. Puteeek. Maybe I should get myself a real man already.

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He offered a handshake, which I took. His hands were very very cold.

"Is he a man?", I wondered. But how can I force myself to care when i still want my boy.

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I learned this lesson the hard way. That if you tell people that you want or don't want something, they might actually believe you, so you have to be careful with what you are communicating.

I'm reading your games well because I wasn't born yesterday, and i think you know that.

But I cannot let your pretense become true one day (because words and actions have an uncanny way of turning lies into truth). I'm not willing to hand you over.

That was my last card. Now, it's the Universe's turn.



Written by cinderellaareus at 01:48 AM.

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