Monday home. We just had Lola's interment mass, and tomorrow will be her burial. My Tita Bebe, Dad's youngest sibling, is still locking herself up in her room, occasionally going out only to feed her dogs. Dad said she saw her the last time and she went crying which made him cry too. I guess children will always be children, no matter how old they get. I feel sorry for Tita and Dad and all their sibs.

In an article that Father Bob wrote, he mentioned about a mystic na kinikilala daw ng Catholic Church. Nakita na daw ng mystic na to nag Langit. When Fr. Bob asked how would we look like in heaven, the mystic said, we'll look 33 years old daw. Same sa age ni Jesus when he died. Iniisip ko, ano kaya ang hitsura ni Lola nung 33 yo sya?

There are money matters too. Well, not something Lola's children can't manage. Still, parang ang saya siguro if a time will come na when there's money problem in the family, I can tell them, "sige ako na bahala," and save the day. 

Speaking of money... for years, I've made countless attempts in making sustainable passive income, preferably with very little effort, kaya I spend money with great caution. At sa totoo lang, ayokong nagpapautang. For one, nahihiya rin kasi ako maningil.

So when a cousin told me she and her kids can't go here to Lola's because they don't have money, hindi ko sya pinautang. Binigay ko nalang. One of her kiddos is my inaanak rin kasi, and after her binyag, wala na kong naibigay, so maybe this is a compensation for the last 12 years na wala akong regalo.

Pero iba talaga ang langit. Ayaw pakabog sa pagiging generous.

Last club's anniv, I only paid 1 peso for my Grab from Mandaluyong to San Juan. Yes, only piso. Tapos sa party, nanalo pa ko ng 500 pesos sa raffle. Tapos, pauwi, sinabay pa kami sa Grab ng isa sa mga members at hindi na pinagbayad. All in all, lahat ng nakuha + natipid ko e lagapas pa dun sa binigay ko sa pinsan ko. Lol. Thank you, Universe.

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I came home yesterday at past 12 am. Since then, once ko lang sinilip ang kabaong ni Lola, split-second pa. I don't want to remember her being inside a casket. I want to remember her just as how she was during her healthy days. My Lola was very soft and she was always mabango. She was my last grandparent. Now I don't have a grandparent anymore.

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My cards these past few months kept showing knights. There were other players in the card too, but I'm pretty sure that recurring knight was you. Always just a knight. Never a king. Very far from being an emperor. 

I'm starting to have a taste of how you live your life, so sa tingin ko, naiintindihan ko na. Iniisip ko kung aware ka ba sa galawan ng mga babaeng nasa paligid mo. Since I'm a woman, it's pretty obvious to me. Ewan ko kung nakikita rin ba yun ng mga lalaki.

It's very rare that I see a woman na outright na malandi. By 'malandi', I mean that as a compliment. Malandi rin naman ako. Mas subtle nga lang.

So, I was in awe while watching this woman, trying to learn as much as I could. Her actions were bold, her intentions scream, and yet the guy involved seemed clueless. Style ba yun to keep her coming? Or sadyang dense lang ba yung guy? I don't know. It seemed to be working though.

This guy is malandi in nature. Kahit sakin malandi sya. But I see flirting as an adult, so it's nothing that I can't handle. He still have that R-ish feel in him though, and it bothers me sometimes.

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The men in my life, my dad and my brother, are both great men. This explains my high standards. Dad put mom's welfare above his own. Pag masakit at paa ni mama, minamasahe nya. Mom was never allowed to walk alone in the dark, dad will fetch her pag ginagabi sya. Dad never let Mom carry anything heavy. Pag nag-aaway sila at nag wo-walk out si Mama, laging syang hinahanap ni papa. And when they walk, Dad always keep Mom on the safer side of the road. Pagtumatawid, Dad always position himself to where Mom will be protected.

When brother got married, he became not so far as how Dad is as a husband. Though Brother is not perfect, I can say he's quite a good one. Pag may lakad kami, sya ang may pinakamaraming bitbit. Sya rin ang humaharang sa sasakyan pag kami tumatawid. He's the last one to get in the jeep or bus, to make sure everyone is already inside. He's the first to step down para alalayan ang lahat pababa.

Iniisip ko kung may mga lalaki pa ba na katulad ng tatay at kapatid ko. Sa tingin ko meron naman. I did met a few.

I always try not to feel disappointed pag hindi masyadong gentleman yung lalaking kasama ko. Siguro kasi hindi naman lahat ng lalaki e merong tatay na gaya ng sa amin, that's why they were never trained that way. 

Pero naiisip ko rin, bakit naman si Mentor? From what I know, his dad passed away quite early, pero kahit ganun, he grew up really well. He keeps me on the safer side of the road when we're together, and he always think of everyone's welfare pag magkakasama kami. To think na hindi pa sya straight nyan, pero mas gentleman pa sya sa mga straight na lalaking kakilala ko.

Pero alam ko naman na hindi ang pagiging gentleman lang ang basehan ng pagiging mabuting lalaki, that's why I never really close my door to those who are not.

Still, I think I want to find someone who is even half as good as my dad.

09:53 AMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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