Evening bus and wrong-sents
土曜日: June 1, 2019



I love bus rides at night. The flow is smooth and I love the feel of the night wind of my face, how the surroundings move while I sit there still.

My late friend, Cristina, had a rough life when we were in hs. She once told me na minsan daw, sumakay sya ng train, bumaba sa pinakadulong station kahit hindi naman dun ang way nya pauwi. All because she didn't want to go home yet.

I was tempted to do the same kanina. Parang ang sarap bumaba sa kung saan man ang dulo ng pupuntahan nung bus kahit malayo yun sa inuuwian ko. Wala lang. To buy time, maybe.

I did get down to the right station though. Got past the house at nagpalipas ng oras sandali sa may Angel's burger (ang sarap ng hungarian hotdog nila, btw). Matapos kumain, inisip ko pa kung lalakad pa ba ko farther away home o uuwi na.

It's easy to give in to drama twing may problema, instead of solving it as any evolved individual would. Siguro hindi pa ko evolved. Kung tutuusin, I'm not even in a bad place.

I trained myself not to give too much premium on how I feel. I know feelings change and it can never serve as a strong foundation kung dun ko ibe-base ang pagkatao ko. 

Pero siguro, hindi rin healthy kung palagi mo nalang ini-ignore yung nararamdaman mo. 

I'm confused, I'm scared, and I don't know what to do. There. I said it.

Sinubukan ko rin namang lunurin to sa positive thinking, hindi lang umubra. Siguro may mga bagay talaga na kailangan mo munang i-acknowledge ang existence bago mo ma-conquer.

Tama ba? Di ba sinabi na God, "pag mabigat na, bigay mo sa akin, ako na ang bahala." Alam ko naman pong wala pa akong ginagawa, pero pwede bang iabot ko na lahat sa'Yo to at Ikaw na ang bahala?

---------------

"Sige anak. Magingat ka."

I sent a message to my mother telling her a supposed training was cancelled so I'm going home earlier than planned. Then this reply came, only bearing a different number.

Takte, wrong sent. Sa dinamidami ng number na masesendan ko, bat sa lalaking to pa? Gusto kong mag welga at sabihing, kay mama ko sinend yan! Nagkamali lang! Hindi ako nakikipaglandian sayo! Wahhhh!

But the more I tried to explain the more I sounded guilty, so I simply replied, "mali lang," to which the guy said, "haha palusot." Grrrrrrr!

This wasn't the first time that something like this happened, and on all occasion, sadyang wrong sent lang talaga, no hidden agenda.

I don't fake "wrong-sents" just to get a man's attention. That's very childish. Surely, I used to do that when I was younger, but not anymore. Hindi naman ako na ro wrong send sa ibang tao, feeling ko tuloy, pinagti tripan lang kami ng langit nitong taong to.

Nilalapit mo lang ba ko sa lalaking to, Universe? Or nilalayo?

Hmmp, balakajan.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 01:34 AM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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