Itami to negai
日曜日: June 2, 2019



Sitting by the bed, looking at the bright sky through my window. I'm starting to feel a little more hopeful. 

Been feeling down for days. Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano bang dapat kong gawin with my life. But maybe all I need to do is to take it one day at a time. Start walking, beat inertia, and keep the ball rolling. That's what I intend to do, and I'm thankful that I still have this little hope in my heart.

Magiging maayos din ang lahat.

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My brother is the reason why I involved myself in this whole insurance thing in the first place, kaya dapat lang na sya ang una kong customer. Lol.

Was discussing with him the products fit for his budget. He already made his pick, but before signing up, he asked his wife first.

My brother is so far from being scared of his wife, pero kahit ganon, he always consult her first and they always make decisions together.

They ended up picking the product with higher protection than savings, to which sis-in-law said, "baka naman porket alam mong malaki makukuha namin, magkapakamatay ka na kagad nyan." To which I laughed.

Even back when they're still bf and gf, I never doubted my sis-in-law's love for my brother. It keeps me in awe sometimes. I mean, how can it be possible to love someone so imperfect, tas hindi pa gwapo? Lol. I've seen her cry many times too, yet, she's still there.

I've witnessed how their marriage has gotten so much better this past few years. It made me think that maybe marriage, or love in general, is about endurance. Wala sa level ng kilig na nararamdaman nyo, kundi sa extent na kaya nyong i-endure at i-commit for the relationship.

Ang dami kong natututunan sa paligid ko, maiaapply ko man lang kaya ito sa buhay ko balang araw? Lol.

Years ago, I wrote a list of wish na sineal ko at binuksan ulet nung 2011. One of the wishes I wrote is for my brother to find a woman na magmamahal sa kanya ng totoo. Torpe kasi ang kapatid ko dati. Akala ko nga, hindi sya makakapag asawa. When I opened it 2011, he and his now-wife had been going steady for years already. Natupad yung wish ko.

Bad trip lang, hindi ko naisipang mag wish para sa sarili kong love life noon. Back then, I was confident that Someone and I were going to end up together forever. I did wish for our individual happiness though, na in a way, natupad naman. We were happy in 2011. Separately, that is.

Is it too late to wish again? Well, I don't know.

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Sabi nila, pag inoffer mo daw ang hurts mo sa langit, pwede ka daw makapag ligtas ng kaluluwa sa purgatoryo. Sa dami ng hurts na nai offer ko, feeling ko nga, wala nang kaluluwa sa purgatoryo.

"Masaya ka ba na alam mong may nasasaktan ng dahil sayo?" Someone used to ask me this. It took me a while to get what he meant. It was a lesson I can never unlearn.

Ikaw, masaya ka ba?



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Written by cinderellaareus at 09:42 AM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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