水曜日. June 12, 2019

Prelude

I stumbled upon this old post, dated April 6, 2015.

Very timely indeed.

insides

was at the grand easter feast earlier (technically yesterday, since its 1:08 am already) that took place in MOA arena in the far-off island of Pasay. I hate how most of my weekend events will take me 2 hours or so travel before i get to the venue. though i hate the traffic jam, noise, pollution and all, still, sometimes i wish i live somewhere around metro manila instead.

The alabang feast builder, Mike Viñas proposed to his girlfriend during the worship. she said "yes" and they all proceeded to the program as usual. i remember someone asked me how i want to be proposed to. i didnt answer though i had an answer in mind all along. i guess i was expecting him to read my mind hoping he know me well enough to know what i like and dont like. now, he will never know the answer. 

oh R, we're growing old. where are you??

gawd, this is pathetic.

---

i took a leave to see the doctor by mon(technically today). kaso nakakatamad. i found that salabat tames the burning sensation due to GERD so i gave it a try and it seem to work. i think id skip seeing the doctor for now. im craving for sleep. yet im not sleeping yet. i dont know. brother said, he use to be like that, wanting to spend the day sleeping and all. pero sabi nya, iba na daw ngayon. mas gusto nya na daw laging gising. ang dami na daw nya kasing gustong gawin para sa anak nya. siguro ganun talaga ang ginagawa ng mga major changes sa buhay. binabago ka rin as a person, and from there, you will never be the same again.

sa tingin ko gusto ko rin ng ganung klaseng pagbabago.

---

was watching "a thing called tadhana" earlier and this part caught me:

Mace: Aren’t we supposed to be great by this time?
Mace (proposing a toast): To the great people we could have been.
Anthony: Parang ayaw ko naman yatang mag-cheers dyan.
Mace: To the great people we are today.
Anthony: Sinungaling.
Mace: To the great people we will be?
Anthony: To the great people we will be.

apparently, hindi lang pala ako ang may ganitong thoughts about greatness. hindi lang pala ako yung nag-wa-wonder(or nadi-disappoint) kung baket hindi pa ko great. at hindi rin lang ako yung umaasa at naniniwala na someday magiging great din ako. pati yung script writer ng movie na to ganun din. or siguro marami pa out there na nagiisip din ng ganito. kung isa ka sa kanila, CHEERS!

sighs. sa totoo lang, im a simple soul. i find joy in little things. like dining with my family. or reading a good book with my dog curled up in my lap.or when i feel the wind blowing in my face. sa mga ganitong moments ko naiisip na i have all i need. i am content with what i have.... but im not content with what i am. ewan ko kung conceited lang ba ko, pero pakiramdam ko kasi, i can be more than this. better than this. that i can do more. that i can be great. ganun. ewan ko. haist. iniisip ko kung ano bang hinihintay ko para magsimula.
---
im happy to skip monday at work. but i know i cant skip the rest of the work week. naalala ko ulet tuloy yung line sa a thing called tadhana nung sinabi ni anthony, "Pag nagkakapera ka, diba parang gusto mo na lang gumawa ng pera? Tapos mare-realize mo…Eh, 8 years na pala." know what, i think im becoming something i was so scared to become.
--
Today, i found out that the cousin who took the same course as i took will be needing to repeat another year because he had been skipping classes. i was rehearsing the things im going to tell him once i meet him so as to motivate him on doing better than this. but then again i realize, ive lost the authority to speak about this profession the moment i decided to change my path. i dont know if he'll still find me credible after what became of me now. i could recite in front of him all the things ive achieved over the past years relating to my old profession, but i no longer have them. i do not belong there anymore. ive lost the credibility to speak about it-- or am i just being hard on myself?  i think, i dont care anymore.
--
2:14am.. oh look, im drifting off...


03:10 PMにcinderellaareus によって書かれました。

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