PreFeb
日曜日: January 26, 2020



Some messages from a single friend. I wouldn't notice that vday is up and coming if it wasn't for this. We still don't have a venue for this Friday's meeting. My leave is not yet officially approved. NCoV swiftly spreading accross Asia, and I'm going to Taiwan with parents. No news yet as to weather my wish to have the Division contest moved to a later date after my trip. The District Convention on April. My leaves. Next month's work sched. Etc, etc. 

See, busy is good. Hindi ko namalayan ang Valentines. 

Ayoko pumasok ng Feb 14. Traffic nyan. Madaming may hawak na flowers. Ano kayang shift ko sa February? Nakakainis na wala kaming meeting sa club nyan. Gusto kong patulan yung weekedn getaway na nakita ko sa FB kaso baka wala pa kong pera nyan bilang kagagaling ko lang Taiwan by then. Mag sick leave kaya ko? Wala naman ako ivi-VL ng March. Ok lang kahit masira ang stat. Nakakatamad.

If I will step back and look at my life, ano na bang nangyari sa buhay ko? 

Gusto ko parin mag asawa. Bumuo ng pamilya. Pero wala akong pake sa mga nang pe pressure sakin na gawin ito agad agad. See, I've worked on myself all these years to become a better human being. I can't just settle sa unang goon na magkagusto sakin just because of my ticking body clock. Wala akong pake. I'm upholding my standards and I truly believe that mine are reasonable. 

As of the moment, tatlong lalaki lang ang tingin kong may interes sakin. Dalawa sa kanila, may asawa. Yung isa... ugh, never mind. Basta. Sa totoo lang, since I'm a woman who genuinely likes men, I always see something nice about every man I meet. Appreciative naman ako sa mga ginagawa nila for me. Pero, PERO, sa tingin ko, hangga't mahal ko ang nanay ko, hindi ako papatol sa may asawa. Wala akong pake kahit ilang taon na kayong hiwalay. Walang divorce sa Pilipinas. Ayokong maging kabit. Sabi nila, mahirap daw magsalita ng tapos, pero sana mapangatawanan ko to habang buhay.

Okay naman ako. I'm happy with all that I have. And even at times that I feel so stressed out with what's going on with my life, I still feel grateful. I have never felt that I'm lacking anything. Feeling ko nga, bonus nalang sakin ang pagkakaroon pa ng jowa.

But I do want to build a family. Yung family na sabay nagsisimba. Lahat ng mga natutunan ko while I've been growing myself as a single woman, ituturo ko sa mga magiging anak ko. Ang goal na ito lang naman ang basis ko sa standards ko sa lalaki. Dapat single. Dapat Catholic. Dapat may good moral character and values. May physical strength ng isang lalaki na magiging leader ng pamilya. Kahit hindi kasing laki ng sahod ko ang sahod nya, keri na, basta may maayos na trabaho. Optional lang, pero sana naman matalino rin para matatalino yung magiging anak namin. Yung hindi rin naninigarilyo because my eyes very sensitive to smoke,  and I can't stand the smoke. At syempre ayoko rin naman yung maaga syang mamamatay dahil sa lung cancer.

Reasonable naman di ba?

Pero ok lang din.

Pag hindi ko to nahanap, ie-enjoy ko nalang ang buhay ko.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 11:00 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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