Thursday is the new Saturday
木曜日: April 30, 2020



Thursday. I just wrapped up my work week a few hours ago. Know what, akala ko pag mas malapit ang bahay ko sa office and hindi na kailangan ng long hours sa byahe, magkakaron na  ko ng mas maraming oras.

9 hrs work

8 hrs sleep

2 hrs prep before work

2 hrs prep before sleep

These leave me only 3 hours to do everything else.

Ang precious ng oras no? 

Ngayong ECQ ko na realize na ang daming oras ang nilalaan ko responding to other people's demands. Yeah, club related. Hindi konparin masustain ang pagkaumay ko sa lahat ng to. Pero in 2 months, lalaya na ko. Iniisip ko nga na wag nalang ako mag renew at all. I mean, with my current work setup, parang sayang lang rin ang bayad. Will think through this.

Allergic parin ako sa messages. Kung papatulan ko lahat ng to they'll be consuming so much of my time and energy.

May nagpapaschedule ng speech.

May nagpapaturo mag Japanese.

May naghihingi ng info.

Ignored

Ignored

Hingi ng info

Small talk

Small talk

Ignored

Blah

Iniisip ko kung mawawalan ba ko ng kaibigan sa ginagawa kong ito. Pero ayoko nang pilitin yung sarili ko. Ayokong unahin i-avoid na ma offend ang feelings ng ibang tao at the expense of my time and inconvenience. Because right now, I feel tired and anxious and I think the only way I can survive all these is to take good care of myself. This is the best self-care I have came up with.

Alam ko. Hindi patas.

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, late akong nakakapag out sa work.

Yesterday, 15 minutes before my shift ends, nag iinstall pa ko ng vpn sa user. Ang hirap, ang complex. Ang lifesaver ko nun e yung RDS namin na si Jannglenn. Kahit out nya narin ng 5, he stayed to assist me until almost 6AM na. Sabay na kami nag remote sa user para mabilis. Na install naman, pero di na resolve yung issue. Kahit ganun, sobrang thankful ako kay Jannglenn. 

Kanina rin almost 6 na rin ako ulet nakapag out kahit 5AM end ng shift ko. Online repair. Thankfully, PK was there to assist me kahit almost 6 na rin ako natapos. 5AM lang din out non.

These people are helping me out, spending their time and energy. Samantalang ako, iritang irita pag nag ooffer ng few minutes to answer messages. Lol. Pero syempre, hindi ko naman gagawin yun kila PK at Jannglenn.

Nakakatuwa lang na kahit mejo masama talaga ang ugali ko, ang daming mababait na taong nilagay ng langit sa paligid ko. I pray that the Heavens will bless them with joy, peace, monetary abundance and protection. I'm super thankful.

Sighs... iniisip ko tuloy kung kailangan ko na ring maging mabait sa iba pang mga taong nasa paligid ko. Hindi ko naman talaga intensyong magmaldita. Ayoko lang talaga silang kausap. Nakakapagod silang kausap. Hindi naman talaga nila kasalanan. That's just how I feel.

------

Ang haba ng 2020. Sahod na pero wala parin akong pera. We're living with whatever Mom is earning sa aming munting sari sari store. I do have money. Ayoko lang mag withdraw. Wala akong quarantine pass at ayaw naman ng nanay na mag withdraw para sakin. Di daw sya marunong. Siguro may way naman. Ayoko lang rin talagang lumabas.

It feels weird to not have money. But not that bad. Mejo nalungkot lang ako nung may dumaan na taho at hindi ako makabili. Pero ok lang naman.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:08 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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