52
土曜日: May 16, 2020



Past 12mn na nung bumalik ang kuryente. Humupa na ang bagyo. Balik na naman ang alinsangan ng panahon, at nagbago ang isip ng aming local government at pinromote muli kami sa mecq last minute bago ang supposed  transition namin sa gcq.

Parang walang patutunguhan ang 2020.

Got the announcement kagabi sa bagong set of officers sa club. One of my ladies was elected for the highest position and they were like ako na daw susunod. For the past 3 years I've been dodging that position like a plague. This year, I went as far as postponing my membership renewal just to make sure I won't get elected. I feel like they still don't get it.

With this, all my friends are either a past president or a current president na. Normal lang siguro na hindi nila ma gets why I don't want it. Ako nga rin, hindi ko gets. Lol.

Last night, Ivan was asking if I'll renew na, now that the new officers have been announced. I hate explaining my shit, and I feel like these people keep on making me feel like I have to explain my shit. This is making me feel all the more wanting to extract myself off their circle. Maybe they mean well. Siguro mawawala rin tong feeling na to pag humupa na yung irita feeling na nararamdaman ko.

Sighs. Parang walang dereksyon ang buhay.

Siguro ang priority lang naman talaga natin dapat sa panahon na to e keeping ourselves alive.

Ewan.

I want to find a way to feel more alive these days.

I've been on full defensive mode. Naiirita ko sa lahat ng kumakausap sakin kahit online lang. The very few times na pumatol ako sa simpleng kamustahan, nairita lang rin ako. Maybe they didn't mean it that way pero feeling ko kasi tunuturuan nila ko kung paano ako dapat mabuhay. I hate that. I really hate that. 

Pero sa kabila ng di matapos tapos na rebulusyon sa isip ko, thankful parin ako na ok kaming lahat.



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Written by cinderellaareus at 03:24 PM.

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C I N D E R E L L A A R E U S
"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep"

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私の名前はZです。

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